ITT: Describe a war or historical event badly and people try to guess

Voyage of the Damned during the Russo-Japanese War

>dude can't pay for his trip to Egypt
>burns down Rome instead

Ellis Island?

nice

Ok, new one
>Nigga scribbles his government's secrets on a note
>Gets shot
>Info turns the war around

Fall of the wewuz technocracy

>a large multicultural army
>the French charge ahead of everybody and fail miserably
>when asked why they accuse the war council of trying to steal their glory
>the French capture some prisoners most of them actually belonging not to the enemy but to a nation which is part of said multicultural army then proceed to get drunk
>they get counter attacked and slaughter the civvies because why the fuck not
>siege of a fortress of Byzantine design
>"Fuck siege engines we'll do it with ladders" say the French
>Fail miserably
>Tries to starve out the fortress
>Everyone outside the walls is drunk off his face
>Counter attack by the defenders
>The besieging force gets BTFO'd

Which one is it Veeky Forums

>A FUCKING TABLE LEG

American Civil war

>man gets pissy about his inheritance so he fucks off to Egypt for awhile before committing suicide

Dorieus?

Marc Anthony?

4th Crusade

Ancap paradise splits into eight factions ruled by seven dynasties, fourty years of civil war commence leading to the whole country being annexed by a tyrannical monarchy. nobody cares

yes

Easy mode:
>Dude accidentallys his wife and gets a boy who looks like her castrated and made into his new wife
>Guy has a fever dream which causes the deaths of 30 million people

Hard mode:
>Paranoid lunatic is seen as a hero of an oppressed minority because he happened to turn his paranoia at the current oppressive force
>Brits get asshurt they took heavy casualties to a force significantly smaller than theirs, proceed to rape and shoot everyone and everything in the vicinity including each other

>You are approaching the encircled army but there is a rock in the way
>I attempt to drive around it
>Make a navigation roll
>I rolled a one
>Everyone in the relief column falls down a cliff and dies

isn't that the 2nd Crusade?

The NOI's creation myth.

Nope, but you are close very close

>Man gets angry that his neighbors are the new hot shit on the block
>Man does something incredibly stupid and improbable
>It literally works just fine
>Gets his ass handed to him anyway
>Kills himself because he's such a colossal failure

Probably too easy, but I tried

ww2 eastern front
the bucket war
siege of alesia

july plot

Alright here's another one for you all

>Man murders a whole bunch of people
>World thinks he's a paranoid lunatic
>Turns out he was totally right

Yuna bomber?

Not quite. think bigger, grander, more deadly.

>Thanksgiving 2: Birds strike back

Is it Hitler? (If so, real original)
Emu War

And one of my own:
> Man's in island paradise on vacation
> Wants to go visit the desert
> Not allowed by his boss, because he wants the man to just chill
> Man really wants to leave, though
> Dresses up as an Arab to be able to board the plane to get to his desired destination

Bingo

Easy 1: Nero

>Madman wants to kill any remaining followers of his former rival so he forces them to plead guilty in a trial

>rampage across the battlefield to the point the enemy is retreating and you pretty much secured victory
>still lose cause the guy you were fighting for decided to go die trying to stab his brother so you are stuck in nowhereistan without any reliable allies

Sounds like the set up for the Anabasis

You are very, very close. I'm not that unorignial

>scouting party
>nearly wipes out all slavs

Stalin?

American Sniper, Chris Kyle?

That's the one

Alright, here's an easy one:

> Transvestite who likes to take it in the ass gets murdered because of his mommy issues

yes, the prelude which was the failure of Cunaxa

>>Guy has a fever dream which causes the deaths of 30 million people
Mao?

>>Paranoid lunatic is seen as a hero of an oppressed minority because he happened to turn his paranoia at the current oppressive force
Jebus?

Eilagabalus

>>Guy has a fever dream which causes the deaths of 30 million people
Taiping rebellion

Charles Manson?

We have a winner

Shaka Zulu for the hard one?

>Dude I'm your friend why not have dinner I promise my guys won't attack while we talk
>They killed a third of your men? What a bunch of douchebags, let's talk about this over dinner and get it sorted out
>They did it again? For shame. Come to my camp and we can discuss this
>They're almost all dead? What the fuck man that's not cool here go this way there's totally not an army there
MANY WEEKS LATER
>Hey Mr. Governor you'll never guess what happened
>Governor.exe has had a stroke and is shutting down
Another hint: Yakity Sax fits well with the whole ordeal

Mao but Maoer, absolutely zero fucks given and no regrets. A good place to take a holiday to.

LOCAL MAN RUINS EVERYTHING

Correct
Incorrect
Hard mode is pretty hard, guys.

>Bad editing leads to a one-sided war

>war in europe
>with it's main battle being fought in eastern europe and won by eastern europeans
>resulting in losing importance of one western power and increasing importance of one eastern power

Autarky not even once

>>Brits get asshurt they took heavy casualties to a force significantly smaller than theirs, proceed to rape and shoot everyone and everything in the vicinity including each other
That one siege in Spain during the Napoleonic wars.

Correct, I'll forgive you for not remembering the exact name

>slavs start a war that kills 8 million people by throwing some trash out of the windows

30 year war

correct

I'm not even going to dignify this one with the proper response

>pro-tip: that's not WW2 or Napoleonics

...

>a guy dies
>vikings and larping-vikings invade

An army tries to take hold of a not-so-strategically important city, is surrounded and destroyed.

>We fired our guns, and the British kept a-coming
>There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
>We fired once more and they began to running
>On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

Battle of New Orleans?

1812?

Stalingrad?

Yessir!
youtube.com/watch?v=50_iRIcxsz0

stalingrad :^)

WW2

The one time a country tested whether you can or cannot sink ships in shallow water. And, surprise, turns out you can't.

Enemy builds walls to keep you out.
You build the wall to keep him in.

Alesia

Norman invasion of England

>anglo expedition enters a whole new territory after a conflict they won somewhere in the southern hemisphere
>they take on the locals and initially win but later get repelled
>shortly after they try again only to receive boiling water from the town's windows amongst other things
>the succesful defending militia later proceeds to become the army of a whole new country butthurt that they didnt receive help when they needed it

Brunei?

>made king philip II laugh for the first time

Nope
>hint: the defenders belonged to an european empire they received nearly no help from becoming one of the reasons they rebelled afterwards

Boer republics?

Not actually WW2, its some other colossal failure from history

>there's no way those dumbasses will all march single-file through this narrow ravine

Hannibal's crossing of the alps?

Varus?

i understood that reference user

Pol Pot?

St*lin
Franco Prussian war
Mongols

Yes.

No idea, but I'd like to know.

Franco-Prussian war is of course correct

>St*lin
Correct, I'll forgive you for not giving an exact answer since mine was very broad. Was talking about the Trial of the Twenty one "Bloc of rights and Trotskyites", btw.