ITT: audacious shit you can't believe people got away with
>be Albrecht from House Hohenzollern
>third son of the Margrave of Brandenburg-Ansbach
>raised for church career
>join Teutonic Order
>become 37th Grand Master
>so far so good
>suddenly convert to Lutheranism
>literally privatize the Monastic State of the Teutonic Order
>make it your family's personalDuchy of Prussia
>get away with it
It absolutely blows my mind that this happened.
Other urls found in this thread:
en.wikipedia.org
twitter.com
was gonna say julius caesar, but he didn't really get away with it
so, Sulla
...
1453 never forget
He got buried in the Hagia Sophia too.
That's one so the main reasons why European rulers embraced Lutheranism or in the case of king Henry Anglicanism.
>gain state control over church
>dissolve monasteries and gain monastic land
>make profit from tax
Sure but how many of them were heads of a monastic orders to start with?
Yeah but when the city was recaptured he was dug up his bones crushed and thrown in the Bosphorus by the Byzantines.
...
HOW DO YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? Looking at Spain. Granted they only got away with it for ~250 years. But that just begs the question, how do you blow this fucking lead?
Literally everything Alkibiades did
decentralization aka they didnt really have as much of a lead as it seems
>Be Frederick II
>Be King of Sicily and HRE
>Parts of HRE don't want you but you force them to accept because the next best guy got his ass kicked by France
>Pinky promise the pope that you'll Crusade sometime
>Fifth Crusade gets called
>Freddy: "Nah, I'm dealing with some shit. I'll give the Teutonic Knights some territory to fuck around with in the North though, what's the worst that could happen?"
>Pope: "......."
>Get blamed for failure of the Crusade because the retards in Egypt were waiting for HRE/Sicily armies to come save them and got stomped
>Marry chick who is technically heir to Jerusalem
>Another Crusade gets called
>forfuckssake.jpg
>*cough cough* "I'm sick, I can't go"
>get excommunicated
>wtf fine I'll go
>get double excommunicated because excommunicates can't crusade
>I'm still fucking going
>Get to Holy Land
>Hear about how the other crusaders are talking shit about how they'd attack me on sight just like the muslims
>take fuckhuge army to Jerusalem
>meet with Sultan
>He's a cool guy
>come to mutually beneficial agreement to become buddies and I get Jerusalem with no blood spilled
>Other Crusaders do fuckall
>Pope eternally buttblasted at my success
>spend the rest of rule fucking with Popes
>tfw you defect to your enemies just so you could cuck their king and go back to your original side
Alcibiades is the greatest man to ever live
Lot of that land was hardly colonized and reformation didnt help them
Not much reformation in Spanish colonies to be honest.
THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN
>be outnumbered more than 2-to-1
>the enemy tries to double envelope you
>divide your forces to hold off both sides
>the enemy successfully forces the river and makes a camp
>divide your forces again and send 2/3 of your men to sneak behind enemy's flank
>route the enemy with a surprise flank attack
>send the bulk of your forces to the other end and beat the other side of the double envelope
>the enemy is beaten so much you can advance into the North unopposed
And people say ACW is boring.
>>so far so good
it wasn't random... It was a response to a crisis in the teutonic state and loss of the order's military purpose after the area had been christianized. The Livonian Order was right next door and its military collapse against Muscovy led to a war of partition of its territory between russia, sweden, denmark and poland lithuania for much of the late 16th century called the Livonian Wars. Albrecht avoided this by turning the lands under his control into a princely state.
>And people say ACW is boring.
It is.
en.wikipedia.org
>be Scottish nobleman and general in the British army
>have a long career in the Americas
>some tribal 'king' grants you 12,500 square miles of useless jungle wilderness in exchange for some rum and jewels
>go back to Britain and tell everyone that you're the 'Cazique' or leader of a beautiful and flourishing colony called 'Poyais'
>London aristocracy eats the story up and you become a celebrity
>start looking for investors and immigrants to your bullshit colony
>create a constitution, tricameral parliament, bank, currency, and uniformed military, honours system, landed titles, and a coat of arms for your non-existent colony
>nobles are literally offering up their entire estates to your non existent royal family
>King George IV sets up official diplomatic relations with your non existent colony
>your non existent government takes out massive loans with reputable London banks
>go to your native country of Scotland to recruit settlers to invest their life savings
>AYE, YE CAN TROOST ME LADDIE! I'M A FELLOW SCOT!
>hundreds of people from all walks of life sell everything they own and sail across the world to a non existent colony
>find nothing but dense jungle inhabited by a handful of natives
>sail along the coast looking for 'Poyais' but find nothing but harsh jungle
>set up camp and wait for the non-existent Poyaisian Royal Navy to pick them up, but nobody ever comes
>nearly everyone dies of malaria and exposure
no fucking way haha
Crusades were pointless then?
>do the same thing in France
>get arrested later
>get off scot-free
>go back to Londob
>start doing the same thing AGAIN
>eventually return to Venezuela, convince the government to hire him as a general with back-pay
What the fuck
>tricameral parliament
For what purpose?
He also formed his personal guard out of Muslims because they were immune to the pope telling them what to do. Despite that, he was a devout Christian, often spent time in the monastery praying and combatted heresy in the lands he controlled.
>be Timothy Dexter
>be a fucking DUMBASS
>still get more cash than 100% of Veeky Forums