How long would an average Veeky Forums basement dweller survive, if teleported to the European Middle Ages?

If i were lucky and teleported into the Hussite era, id try to join one of their peasant armies. Good thing is that medieval Czech is almost identical to modern one.

This, communication would be impossible due to changes in the language.

Also, diseases would be an even bigger issue. You would be exposed to "new" kinds of viruses or bacteria that you have no immunity for (the same way when you travel to a far away country without vaccination, but there would be no modern medicine).

Even if your immune system is strong enough you would probably bring in some modern pathogen, buffed by exposure to antibiotics which could cause another fucking plague. So you would kill half of the town you pop up, but not before getting blamed for the plague (who else they would blame but the weird foreigner with strange clothes and gadgets that look like tools of witchcraft) and get burned on the stake for cursing them or poisoning the wells or something.

People who studied applicable sciences, like engineering, chemistry, medicine, probably could prove their worth to the local lords and live a comfy life.

Yeah I've read most of the New Testament and a large portion of the Old Testament. I understand the portions of the Latin mass and gregorian chants.

>he thinks medieval Latin or Ecclesiastical Latin are the same he learned at school

>engineering, chemistry, medicine,
no. If you are not into paleo-science those skills would be useless. No tools.

Assuming I don't loot to eat?

>rock up to local lord
>start talking in gibberish to the nobility while making strange scribbles on a piece of paper
>get killed by the manor guards for trespassing or subject to the church's trials

>IF YOU WENT TO THE MIDDLE AGES THE PEOPLE WOULD JUST FUCKING KILL YOU LOL xD THE DARK AGES AMIRITE
Just go to a peasant farm/village and start working as a farmhand.

My language was intelligeble with the modern variant at the time, I can probably communicate and I know latin, so what you said wouldn't apply to me

Someone used to a comfy office job wouldn't put up for long with the 80h workweeks, poor sanitary conditions, horrible food

I saw this in a recent isekai I think, if I get to keep my keitai I ought to do pretty well.

They actually didn't work as much as we do now, they had a lot of downtime

>80h workweeks
meme. Peasants in the middle ages worked far less than you do today (hours wise) and had much more time off.
>poor sanitary conditions
If there isn't any other option, then I would put up with it
>horrible food
The food wasn't as bad as you make it out to be, but again: if there wasn't any other option, then I would put up with it.

Depending on what time specifically you could probably do some real good by simply telling them that diseases like the plague and typhus are carried by rats and lice respectively.

If you were fat enough I wonder if you could bullshit some people into thinking you were incredibly wealthy and run from there with it.

Either way the most likely case is that you'd die relatively quickly due to a lack of resources and a general inability to communicate with others.

Would you have died later on if you cut your finger cutting, for example carrots?
Would you need to get it amputated?

Not if you didn't use a rusty knife like a tard

If you're old enough to have known any/many people who were alive pre WWII you'll realise that you would have a very short existence in their society, let alone a Middle Ages one.

so whats the best bet for an average user who only speaks a handful of Latin words and would be unintelligible anyway?

head to a monastery? I know they provided food and shelter to the destitute.Would they accept someone willing to work who only speaks in tongues?

I would have been a trained templar so no one would dare bully me and I would remove infidels everywhere sounds pretty good

But without readily available stainless steel how isn't every single knife not in some level of rusting?

>all these people thinking they'd last in a monastery
Good luck never fapping

Would be killed within a few hours because "I don't need religion"

>spend all day indoors
>have pale white skin
>immediately recognized as royalty
>treated like a prince
>pledge fealty to a King
>own a fiefdom
>be master of the realm
pretty well

>dies of easily preventable disease without modern medicine

>not becoming a saint thanks to your vacinnes

>invent soap
>become rich

I'm an applied physicist so i'm basically the guy that theoretical physicists and engineers come to when they actually need to put things together, so I would be able to bring any medieval society up to the level of pre-digital 20th century within my lifetime. The only things I'd have trouble with is pharmacological which is probably too important.

modern plumbing/hygiene, airplanes, helicopters, tubes, transistors, atomic bombs, cameras, telephones/analog electronics, firearms, cars .. i could make all of it or at least explain in detail how a group of scientists and engineers would do so. i'd be treated like a god and highly protected and treasured for my entire life by whatever country I agreed to live in and share my ideas with.

not to mention the art. i'd be able to basically copy the past several hundred years of music and visual art and be treated like some artistic savant.

this is all assuming i can actually communicate before being killed(i know german/french/italian/russian but they probably don't speak the same kind so i'd sound like some retard or completely unintelligible), don't immediately die of the black plague or killed by some bandits or army before i can construct my own defenses like bombs and such. swords and arrows wouldn't really be a problem for me as long as I wasn't caught with my pants down. they had """bombs""" back then, but they were firebombs, or basically molotov cocktails. I'd be able to easily create genuine conventional explosives that would make them too scared to even come near me. they'd think I was a god, once again.

fuck this would be really cool if it happened

>attempt to bring plumbing to medieval europe
>shit harvesting guild murders you for putting them out of business
Yeah great idea mister physicist.

i'll blow them up no big deal. the shit harvesting guild better fuck off to another profession.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_Who_Came_Early

>human waste is now sent down the local river
>fisherman guild can't fish downstream no more
>upstream part of river belongs to neighboring kingdom
>fisherman guild has no money and no one has fish
WOW GOOD JOB MY DUDE, WHAT YOU'LL BLOW UP THE RIVER NOW?

the shit harvesting guild will rage war with the fisherman guild for access to the river.

>causing wars between guilds just because you want medieval europeans to poo in the loo

i will not support them if they do not poop in the loop. that'd be unacceptable. i know Veeky Forums would make fun of me after i died.
>"he invented all of this stuff and was worshiped but didn't think of a toilet and shit in the woods hahahhahah!"

>should I amputate a finger and create a giant, festering wound to prevent a small cut from getting infected
No you fucking mong

Humans can go some three weeks without food.

He invents the internet with Leonardo Da Vinci.

(sorry Al Gore and Bill Gates).

We would be more advanced, imagine we're living in a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lay_brother
Also goddamn, why is the English introduction of this article stuffed with bullshit about "historical inequality" and the "inappropriate" use of the term?

>Didn't learn a practical skill
>Never learned Latin or Greek
>No clue about nothing that could be useful
>Too weak for extensive manual labor
>Probably a massive cultural divide on top of the language barrier

Honestly I don't think most people would last very long without any relationships with any people, even ignoring language barriers.

Assuming I'm one of the people who is going to die miserably extremely quickly, what would be the best thing to do to enjoy my last days(or maybe hours)?

Rape the least disgusting bitch around and then run the fuck away. Just donthat until you finally kick the bucket somehow

>tfw no matter the age we have shit genetics
it was over before it even started

>implying they wouldn't train a young man who's a head taller and a few stone heavier than everyone else
It doesn't take that long to train someone to march and use a spear. I'm not saying that they'd be knights riding into battle, but putting a pointy stick and a shield into someone's hands isn't out of the realm of possibility.

Thanks for this. If you have any similar recommendations I would be thankful.

>"not to mention the art. i'd be able to basically copy the past several hundred years of music and visual art and be treated like some artistic savant."

>go up to random villagers
>start rapping jay z or some shit about getting high

>poop in the loop

German tribes already had soap during the Roman era

i said music user. i play the guitar very well so that'd be a good start, although they didn't have six stringed guitars back then so I'd have to make one. i'd just get some carpenter guys to make them for me after giving them the designs. literally another invention by me that i'd be praised for. i wouldn't even care about patents or any of that. i'd already have 5000 other things that i'd be praised for inventing.

>who else they would blame but the weird foreigner with strange clothes and gadgets that look like tools of witchcraft) and get burned on the stake for cursing them or poisoning the wells or something.

JAJ this would happen for sure. thes eidiots think they would become the master inventor of the time when they dont know how to make shit.

what about spanish ? has it changed too much since medival spanish ??
i am asuming that i would be on the place of my ancestors rather than a random place on the globe for this thought experiment

Is pic supposed to be related? That's not a European sword.....

Cunt nothing you have said makes and sense, there are historical examples of people living in fucking trees and getting supplemented by the locals.
>teleported back to middle ages
>stumble around
>can't make sense of anything
>pass out from hunger
>peasants find you
>peasants save you
>peasants feed you
>peasants teach you
>you work on peasants farm

Literally your only threat is a biological one. You people do not understand how good hearted peoples were from this time, maybe because you don't read any books.

Old French is actually reasonably intelligible, at most it sounds like a weird accent.

The Middles Ages are almost a millennia long. Depending on the time and place, survival chances vary wildly. Early Middle Ages and early Late Middle Ages are pretty bad, while High Middle Ages are pretty comfy in Western Europe, but not in Eastern Europe.

In general, though, survival chances are decent. It certainly isn't the bleak period people like to imagine, and you shouldn't underestimate the human capacity for adaptability. Unless you're caught in an epidemic or a war, of course. Best bet for anyone is probably to walk to the nearest church, and try to communicate that you need help there, that you lost your memory. After that, it really depends on where you are. In a big city, you'll probably be on your own, but in a village you might get more support. Some guy talking in a weird way showing up out of nowhere is sure to attract some attention. Local authorities might get involved, too.

It would be possible to make penicillin or some other simple antibiotic back then, wouldn't it, if you knew how? It seems to me like that alone would make you extremely useful, assuming you could survive long enough to put the skill into practice.

>>>/reddit/

Very shortly, because I'm a Jew. If I do live long it's either because I'd go Crypto, or move in Muslim Spain.

>Furthermore, they'd be familiar with vernacular written conventions now obsolete, like thorn and yogh.

It gets waaaay worse than that. Medieval scriptorial shorthand can get excessively obscure. Its not just about special characters like thorn; scribes used different abbreviations for latin phrases that we just dont use anymore.

>Some guy talking in a weird way showing up out of nowhere

Great, theyll think youre a gyppo.

European middle ages where?In our own country or a specific place?

>Humans

late middle age scandinavia, I would do pretty well. Can understand 90% of what people say and can most likely make some nice coin importing needed materials like wool from England or clay.

The murder rate in medieval England was estimated to be 3 times the murder rate of Detroit. Most of us would be dead in days.

where do you have that info from?

nytimes.com/1994/10/23/us/historical-study-of-homicide-and-cities-surprises-the-experts.html

could be one of those false reports as ive seen plenty of them.
the professor himself seems to deal with a lot of middle ages related stuff and mostly focuses on modern urban areas.
worldnewsdailyreport.com/australia-archaeologists-unearth-ruins-of-viking-trade-center/
this is example of a typical fake claim made to seem real.

>You people do not understand how good hearted peoples were from this time

lel

>maybe because you don't read any books

Perhaps you read to much high fantasy.

if im lucky i would injure myself outside some abbey or church and maybe the priests would help me? Ubi caritas et amor, deus ibi est. As they say

No gypsies in Europe before the 14th century, and even later for Western Europe. They might think you're a crazy beggar, but you'd be in at the very least decent health, you know how read and write: that would more people curious about you, or at least not dismiss you outright. And you don't have passports, or anything that might identify you as a pilgrim, or a merchant. Depending on the time and place, you might even be brought to the local lord/whoever is in charge of enforcing the law to know what the hell to do with you.

No need to injure yourself for that. They'd help you regardless, providing care and help to the poor and pilgrims was/is the church's job, so you can just walk inside and ask for help. You can still do that nowadays, btw, I've backpacked across Southern France and Northern/Central Italy for almost three months only staying in monasteries or presbyteries, usually doing a bit of work/attending service in exchange for meals, somewhere to sleep, and a shower.

Medievalnorwegian is pretty close to modern, except things like soft T sounds instead of hard.
I would become a playwright. Can you I shine Star Wars on the 16th century stage?

Don't be uncreative dude. You just find a priest and go " pater! I wish to renounce my wicked Jewish ways and turn to Christ! Save me from damnation!"
Boom. Safe.

>Medievalnorwegian is pretty close to modern, except things like soft T sounds instead of hard.

Ehm.... Well now...

youtube.com/watch?v=A7-JOog5Q08

That shit was pretty cool. I'd love more stories about people out of time

Well this is a particular dialect, but I can understand it well enough

Well you also got to remember that that text is also 500 years old, and sung by someone who lives today. Nobody really knows how it was truly pronounced, people just guess based on how Old Norse was, and how Norwegian is today.

I think you would have an easier time reading the language than listening to people speak if you were teleported back to that time.

I mean, yeah, but then I'd be lying to myself. I dunno, mate. Shit's hard. =[

He'd miss out on this kind of cool hats, though. But yeah, if he ends up in one of gazillion places that banned Jews in Europe at the time, best bet is converting. People back then loved a good conversion story.

Even if certain innotations are different, if a native Norwegian can read it, he can probably understand it when he hears it

It actually did, a example of this is the original Don Quijote

noice

>if a native Norwegian can read it, he can probably understand it when he hears it

Well I am a native Norwegian, and even today there are several dialects in rural Norway that are hard as fuck to understand.

I mean, do you really think that you would understand random people who spoke like this in England 600 years ago?

youtube.com/watch?v=e0ybnLRf3gU

There were glasses in the middle ages. And also a 4channer would likely be better off as an inventor or scientist than a copywriter.

One 4channer could probably start the industrial revolution 800 years early with highschool science knowledge.

>all these people ITT assuming that you can't quickly find a way to communicate

Have you basement dwellers never travelled or interacted with foreigners? When you're fully immersed and have no choice but to adapt, you'll learn how to get yourself understood in no time, especially if the language you have to learn is similar to yours.

>people in the past were incapable of rational thought lol XD
>muh burning at the stake
>I'm a ressourcless failure of a man so everyone must be too

>implying detroiters only last about two weeks before dying

People seem to believe people in the past were stupid. They were as smart as we are. We just have a greater collective knowledge.

A high school student 100 years from now will think Stephen Hawking was stupid for not understanding the basic of Cold Fusion which is now taught in every science high school textbook.

Knowledge doesn\t exist.