What's the stupidest thing you've heard somebody say, history related

Nero was still a fucking psycopath dude.

his mother was real psychopath
nero was just a neckbeard with ego issues who wanted to have entire roman elite listen to his shitty poems and host parties for population of roman capital

>Napoleon wasn't the Hitler of his day

By any modern definition of the word, or by the UN charter, that's pretty much true

Unironically blaming the kulaks for the Holodomor just the other day

lindybeige go and stay go

Monarchists need to fuck off and make way for the emperor.

Nope, no arguments here. Good job, retards.

Hitler ordered the Japanese to attack Pearl Harbor.

The French state and therefore Marechal Petain ,the hero of verdun, were axis puppets

>the pyramids were built by slaves

It was to keep the Jews out of East Germany

An emperor is a monarchist you fucking idiot.

Medieval Europeans didn't have musical instruments because they were so poor

Napoleon didnt planned on exterminate the german nor burning Berlin to the ground, tho he should had

The cognitive dissonance of this post is palpable.

Context: I was born in Kentucky and moved to Canada when I was a few months old

>"You're from Kentucky, right?"
>Ya
>"That's in Greece right?"
>Umm-
>"No wait I'm thinking of Turkey."
Then she walked away. To this day I don't know if she thought Kentucky is in Turkey or Turkey is in Greece.

Yep. You get this a LOT in military history.

They first discovered smoking was a hazard because pets were getting cancer from their owners secondhand smoke.

>Supply lines don't matter
He also claimed that he could have stopped the German invasion of Poland if he was in charge because he "wouldn't use cavalry like the idiots in command"

While annoying, I find the people who shout LOGISTICS in military discussions when clearly not understanding how they work are even more annoying.

>Stalin couldn't have made a focused counteroffensive against Heersgruppe Mitte during the winter offensive, because LOGISTICS!
>Hannibal left behind men in Gaul when marching to the Alps to provide logistical aid.
>When attacking Pearl Harbor, the Japanese should have focused on that one tanker, or the oil docks, LOGISTICS ARE KING! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT THOSE THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN EASILY REPLACED?!
>Harald couldn't bring his fyrd down from Stamford and had to raise a new one, not because of the limits of his feudal power, but something something LOGISTICS!

It's like it's some kind of magic voodoo word. You don't need to understand it, just invoke it.

>give rights to populace instead of taking them away

When I was 11 we had a history class that was held by... I can't find the right word in english, basically it was a younger woman who was going to become a history teacher so she had to hold classes as a practice for the job.
Anyway, she said this shit. I was honestly confused, said that I read it was just the peasants doing the work and that there were few slaves in Egypt but nope she just repeated it was slaves.
Fuck, 8 years later I'm still pissed off about it a bit.

Amerindians are the master race

Student-teacher is the word your looking for.

What does this even mean

>Jesus was black.
Two nogs tried everything to convince me that this was the case.
Also,
>Jewish isn't a race/ethnicity
>Jesus drank grape juice not wine
>There were Black Knights
>Zulu warriors took over half of Africa
>The Illuminati control everything

My middle school history teacher taught us several times that the Nazis would kill everyone that wasn't blonde with blue eyes, and especially singled out the few white people with those features in the class. Was beyond inappropriate and race-baiting

The only non-retarded history teacher I've ever had was in sixth grade

I've never understood trying to claim Jesus as their color/ethnicity. If you give a shit, you think he's the son of God, so why does it matter?

Why does military history tend to attract so much retardation anyways?

Really? I think one of the great joys of being a history teacher must be telling your students that the French built this massive fortification along their border to stop the Germans from crossing into France. So, the Germans went around it.

A couple of reasons.

First off, you have the inevitable nationalist dickwaving it attracts. People want their country to win, so they distort the record to make things more appealing. You get some of this in just about any field of history, but it's more direct with military history since people tend to view military endeavors as some sort of objective measuring of political worth.

Secondly, most of the real nuts and bolts of what makes militiaries work are boring. Looking over a road network's capacity or an organizational chart as to how recon intelligence is supposed to be passed around isn't what most people are looking for when they want to hear a story about a grand battle. They want to see the guns and explosions and desperate charges; and you can get a lot more of that excitement by looking at the material factors instead of the organizational ones.

Thirdly, it's relatively easy to get into. There's a lot of interest, and consequently, a lot of introductory material. You don't get the weeding out process that you get in a lot of more esoteric fields. Just about any idiot can pick up a book on a battle or a war or a general, and then spout off like they're an expert, especially on somewhere like Veeky Forums with no barriers to entry.

Lastly, military effort is a huge, horribly complicated endeavor. (Especially when talking modern war) You have millions of cogs in a machine, most of which barely understand their role and little of anything else. Soldiers memoirs are very popular, but they're often very bad if you're looking to seriously analyze military efforts. Everything is always the best ever or the worst ever, nothing in between. And they're lurid and vivid and told by a very likely honest chronicler, so why should you doubt their conclusions? Were YOU in whatever war he's talking about? Then why are you disputing the report of someone who was?

>Looking over a road network's capacity or an organizational chart as to how recon intelligence is supposed to be passed around isn't what most people are looking for when they want to hear a story about a grand battle. They want to see the guns and explosions and desperate charges; and you can get a lot more of that excitement by looking at the material factors instead of the organizational ones.
I thought military history attracted a lot of autists though; wouldn't this be appealing to them? At least for the "logistics is everything" smug and contrarianism factor.

A girl i work with is convinced Pearl Harbor is where the Halifax Explosion happened

Was Billy Bishop an airplane?

>hitler killed 6 million jews

what if he just did nothing
just because one rumor is wrong doesnt necessarily mean that theres a right one

"Unlike Europeans, the Chinese and Japanese didn't invade and imperialize weaker countries all the fucking time"

They must have been thinking of the Belgian Fort Eben Emael, which was taken in a single night by paratroopers landing on TOP of it. The rapid loss of Eben Emael was key to the subsequent chain of events culminating in the Fall of France.

You forgot the "again"

Nuh uh, he's a MONARCH, but he could be self hating

This never happened and you made it up because you thought the last part sounded funny.

Not him, but logistics is hard to discuss because it requires shitloads of data which is not easily accessible and may not exist decades or centuries later. Like, I could probably ballpark how many elephants Rome might have needed to win at Cannae, but I have no fucking idea how much hay they would need to feed those elephants per day, and how many extra wagons that means, and how much that would cost, et cetera.
You can do it, of course, especially for recent wars like WW2 where we know how many bbls of oil Rommel had and how much his panzers needed, but even so reconstructing the logistical requirements of X and Y plan requires a whole new level of expertise and in-depth research which the average autist hasn't got time to make.

From this board
>Proof doesn't exist

>America's involvement in Vietnam was a cover to put down black and women activists during the civil rights movement
>ww1 was an excuse to kill off blacks brought in from colonies
>if we removed religion from the world all violence would stop
>>austria hungary was the most effective nation in ww1 because it's multicultural status gave it a diverse group of soldiers
(I actually got in trouble because i started yelling at him about all the stupid shit Austria Hungary did and i eventually asked if he even bothered to read a fucking book)

I wish i was joking when i heard this but my professor is literally tumblr-boogyman tier bad. I don't believe they infest every nook and cranny but jesus christ I hit a very unlucky lottery with this asshole.

The only saving grace is he isn't any of my history professors just some douche who tries way to hard to make his class about his own little narrative.

My ex told me she didn't believe in dinosaurs. Incredibly hot woman though.

Today on /v/
>all the european nations knew what they were getting into in WW1, they were prepared for it and all records of how horrific war was is simply war-weariness propoganda from after

Did you fuck her?

>The Greeks defeating the Persians caused Alexander to start a campaign of genocide so the Greeks are baddies

Is that from John Green?

Yes

theres a mini cult of natives up north past Prince Rupert who tell tourists the north american natives had electricity and flying machines and other bull shit and say white people stole all those things from them. they have been preaching this shit for 40 years and its starting to make its way into the res schools out there. thats mind bending levels of stupid.

Holy shit. He does know the Persians were whiter than Greeks no? IIRC they undressed some dead Persian after Maratom and had a laff about how fucking milky the dude was.

>
Dinosaurs are a fucking hoax, grow up. Now you know why she left you

>Persians were white than Greeks
You realize that Persians are Caucasian , right? Modern Persians like pic related are proof
>Inb4 he is half Hungarian
Then just look up what pure, zoroastrian practicing Persians look like

I can't tell if you're contradicting me or not but you come off as barely literate.

My French colleague who comes from some town in the Alps mentioned the famous story of how Alexander the Great crossed the Alps with his elephants.

I've asked him who Alexander was fighting but he couldn't remember.

>I'm barely literate
No it's just that you don't know how to read. Persians are Caucasian you moron, of course they look more white than the t*rks people claim are greek

It's true that major European nations were ready for war tho

You mean everyday? I swear I see people saying that in every thread about Stalin.
> Holodomor didn't happen but it was fault of Kulaks

>turks
>maraton

I guess I was right. And you are barely literate since you tried to contradict me altho you madenthe exact same point as I did. Bravo Nolan.

A teacher once told the class that the French revolution inspired the Americans to start their own.

>Saved the thumbnail
Moor-niggers, everyone.

That's simplifying it to an insane degree, bordering on parody even.

what country?

I must put it on the list

>holocaust was fake, saudi arabia has documents on this smuggled in from yugoslavia

>bone could not become stone, fossils make no sense
>of course it's fake, it's so museums can make money
dude museums are free, we can go today
>haha I've got no time to go see fake bones, I have children to take care of

one turkish muslim and his somali friend told me this
otherwise chill as fuck dudes, friendly, polite, but ignorant as fuck

Sweden. It was Swedish class (like literature), and we had been going through the enlightenment.

My Jewish grandma was from East Germany...

I want this to be true

It's a very complex and specific field, so you need years and work to understand. Yet it's also a field that attracts a lot of attention with most pop history being political or military (often both).

I wasn't surprised

This

this >The islamic golden age's knowledge and medicine was mostly in islamic spain. The only time the middle east hasn't been a shithole of subhumans killing eachother was the Mesopotamian age.

My current teacher, IN COLLEGE, said that Cathage was in Egypt. I'm browsing Veeky Forums during her lectures so I can still learn something in the time she's talking.

Also she said that the Suez-canal is in Greece

You should call her out on her bullshit.

Same thing here, and she was a rabid SJW on top of that.

That didn't mean they were ready for the reality of it

I did, don't worry. She hates me, like really..

Yes but they expected it to be over by the first Christmas

What do you think of the theory that Hitlol's mindset in starting a war with Russia was to get the Americans who would inevitably enter the war to come to the table and work out a way of fighting fascism together, so that he could deal with the Americans later?

*fight communism

Ebin

How did she survive Shikelgruber's wild ride?

The metaphysical absolutism of Muslims is something to behold

Someone isn't work on the AQ (archeological question)

It was an act of defence to protect against west German fascists

Literally who said this?

Edgelords on a Vietcong Rice Enthusiast Bamboo Hut

Wasn't the gas just used to remove parasites? And also ticks?

>Wasn't the gas just used to remove parasites

From a certain point of view.