What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Quadi...

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Quadi? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Cursus Honorum, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Alamanni, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in heavy infantry warfare and I’m the top Augustus in the entire Imperium Romanum Occidentalis. You are nothing to me but just another barbarian. I will wipe you the fuck out with brain haemorrhage-inducing fury the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over a diplomatic meeting? Think again, pagan. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Frumentarii across the S.P.Q.R and your tribe is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, barbarian. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, German. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my spatha. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Comitatus Praesentales and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable culus off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what divine retribution your little “clever” diplomatic remark was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit Palatini all over you and you will drown in them. You’re fucking dead, Quadi-AAAARRGH

do we even know if that statue represents valentinian?

we do not.

Valentinian's shitty death is one of my favourite under-the-radar memes on Veeky Forums.

That nobody has actually depicted this ludicrous death in any form of artistic medium is just a crime.

A Vandal magister with known Arian tendencies was holding a symposium in honour of Demophilus, a known schismatic.
"Before the toasts begin, you must get on your knees and worship God and accept that he was the most divine entity the ecumene has ever known, even greater than Christus whom he created!"

At this moment, a venerable Praepositus Limitis who had served on the frontiers for decades and understood the necessity of taming the Barbaricum and fully supported the creed promulgated by the great Constantinus rose from his couch and held up a crucifix.

"Who does this represent?"

The Rhenian cur smirked quite devilishly and smugly replied "the created child of an indivisible God"

"You miss the point. Jesus Christ our Dominus is of the same substance as God and thus equal to Him."

The heretic was visibly shaken, and dropped his wine krater and copy of Eusebius' Onomastikon. He stormed out of the banquet hall crying those laetus crocodile tears. The same tears Donatists and Priscillians cry for the "poor" (who today are so holy that saints vie to kiss their feet) as they flee Roman territory to the outrage-committing Bacaudae in Armorica. There is no doubt that at this point the "learned" Vandal wished he had studied the work of the Holy Apostles and become more than a ludicrous teacher of rhetoric. He wished so much that he had a spatha to disembowel himself with due to the shame but he had sold all the city's arms for Gaiseric's ransom pay!

The partygoers politely clapped and all ceased their apostasy that day and accepted Jesus as the true Son of God. An divine light suddenly shone into the room and blazed upon the bust of Augustine and the statue wept miraculously. The Nicene Creed was recited, and Jesus Monogenes himself descended and banished the barbarians to the hellish wastes beyond the limes.

The magister lost his tongue and was castrated the following day. He was exiled to Troesmis, far from from God's Light.

Praise Jesus Consubstantialis

Patrician thread

Late Antiquity truly is the best period. Republicucks and Principussies can go fuck themselves.

the top right panel makes my heart warm every time.

It's probably Leo I

Haha le funny 10 year old copypasta XD am I right my fellow hacker Veeky Forums?