vice.com/read/the-incredible-falsehood-of-the-muscle-man >There are unexpected, ineffable consequences of pursuing a body that's more, um, eff-able than functional. "I hear the worst things from girls about those guys in bed—sex with a statue, basically," Aaron Copeland, 27, a trainer in Houston and cofounder of SwoleSquad Apparel, told VICE. "I've been that guy," admitted Sanders Omoshebi, 29, a trainer in Miami who has worked as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's body double. "Sex for me was over in ten minutes," he recalled, "You're doing shitty cardio. Your hip muscles are too tight. You can't thrust. I felt sorry for the girls."
>These men are known colloquially as facade-bods. They are second-generation Schwarzeneggers, contemporary iterations of the chicken-legged meatheads of yesteryear. Despite the current talk about centeredness, health, fitness, self-respect, their main goal is, as one gym's slogan puts it, to #lookbetternaked.
>"I never live up to the expectations people have of my body," he told VICE. "I'm constantly disappointing people. It's more embarrassing than anything else. I'm not as fast as people expect. Not as strong. Not as anything. I'm basically average. Secretly average."
>hurry during I'm a meat head who has nothing else in life other than lifting for upper body so everyone else who lifts is the same >vice >trash made to appeal to fat tumblrettes and beta cucks They can bitch and moan all they want but given the chance to bang one of those 'meatheads' they'd bend over and spread their asshole in an instant Not going to bother giving them the click.
Ayden Scott
Thats right now chug down that pepsi
Nathan Bennett
>"haha you look great but you are bad at sex, my lazy personality and doughy body are excused!"
William Harris
>lifting for aesthetics
yes, you do deserve to be laughed at by skinnyfat normies if you do this
Chase Baker
yes, the guys they're talking about in the article are faggots, but it's presented as all guys that are ripped are like that.
Jordan Fisher
people say the same thing about stereotypical really hot girls they fuck like dead fish
Asher Long
Why is this making you guys mad? It should be fucking hilarous. It's a grown man writing an entire article in an attempt to smear shit on people who achieve what he can't achieve a fraction of. Take pride in the knowledge that we are among the top of the male population just by sticking to a lifting routine every week, and we are overwhelmingly superior to millions of crybabies like this guy.
Henry Ward
Im in disbelief that this article suggests proficient rock climbers often cant do pullups, but it doesnt matter because pullups are a useless exercise...
Like WTF senpai? Every rock climbing gym Ive been in has someone training pullups off to the side at any given time - and if you cant do a pull up how are you going to be able to do a dyno? Or if you have to go without a foothold for a second youre SOL.
Not only that but it also assumes no meatheads ever train back or legs. Im constantly getting asked to lift things for people, whether its a keg or a big ass pot at work or moving a washer and dryer Im first on the list. Im 6ft1 192lbs 9% so very close to their example guy who says hes secretely as average and weak as any DYEL
Tyler Ward
>25 pushups like it's nothing
kek he must be real strong
Dominic Perry
>By contrast, John Baranik, 22, is a senior at the University of Pennsylvania who regularly runs a mile in under five minutes, works out with the Penn cycling team, does 25 pushups like it's nothing, and pops high-rep bench presses of his own weight (at 5'8", he's 150 pounds). He can do sit-ups "until the cows come home," he told VICE. The only thing here of any note whatsoever is his mile time.
Isaiah Miller
Is this article a troll?
>Having six-pack abs can make you as vulnerable to spine injury as having a gut
Brody Hernandez
This is accurate for people who only train for aesthetics though.
A real athlete can haul his own ass around and touch his toes. I promise that professional rugby players can fuck the shit out of the girls they're talking about being disappointed in manchild bodybuilders.
Nolan Anderson
Now I'm mad.
Nolan Taylor
Same. It's kinda the reason I don't actually outright help people in the gym if I see them with bad form unless they ask me for help...just more competition in my eyes if they know what they are doing.
If people want to cry and act like having a aesthetic body is bad then let them, their whore gfs will still lust after it while they make weird lists on how my body is somehow "inferior."
Noah Rodriguez
>does 25 pushups like it's nothing Holy shit we've got a demigod here
Liam Campbell
lol SO happy not to be a helpless liberal "victim"
Connor Sanders
There is NOTHING girls like more than you throwing them around and roughing them up. Try getting your average skinnyfat faggot to do that.
William Murphy
Like I said, it's a pathetic article to the point of being funny. And there are many, many obese and skinny faggots who will read it and justify their own failure of a body. This should be hilarous, not rage-inducing for superior specimens like us.
Gavin Peterson
Man, that nigga is close to the world record
Logan Lewis
>the fact that many skilled rock climbers often can't do pull-ups
I am EXTREMELY sceptical of that.
Sebastian White
This
but this article is a load of shit in itself
>fast-twitch muscles that don't pop when you build them
LMAO
Justin Turner
Normies will stop at nothing to try and not lift
Nathaniel Rogers
>does 25 pushups like it's nothing lol I just checked with my 13 year old brother his whole bbbal team can do this
Landon Long
I love how they go the whole article trashing aesthetics, then at the end quote pic related, whose body is everything the article is against
Easton Green
>this is what an unskilled rock climber looks like
Same here No one ever helped me when I first started out and I will do the same
Life's tough, buddy
Easton Cook
Wat
Jason Johnson
Bodybuilders BTFO T B H
Jaxon Watson
God in Heaven. That's beyond incredible.
Hunter Cook
Underrated post right here
Benjamin Hughes
>having muscle makes you less functional
Angel Mitchell
i don't think of it as competition, i just think that if someone can't even be bothered to put the effort into learning what good form is i've got no reason to waste my time teaching them how to do it
Chase Morales
The gap between a 5 minute mile and a 4 minute mile is almost as big as the gap between 5'11" and 6'
Ian Johnson
I mean i'm a manlet who has been doing strictly BW stuff but at least i'm fucking sticking to it and trying. This fucking guy in the article is ridiculous, how can anyone live with that lack of motivation?
Christian Jones
>These were military guys. And I'd be forcing fruit snacks down their throats to get them through it. >They just had no idea how their bodies worked outside of a gym." Their giveaways, he said, are their protein bars and shakes, their endless peacocking about "chest days" and "leg days," >and their disbelief at the fact that many skilled rock climbers often can't do pull-ups, a gym favorite that has surprisingly little real-world application.
Ian Green
The salt is strong with this article
Owen Miller
>Their giveaways, he said, are their protein bars and shakes, their endless peacocking about "chest days" and "leg days,"
>you will never get salty enough about fitness that you make up complete bullshit to put in some whiny article.
Luke Wright
If you don't do mobility work and cardio it will do exactly that. Muscle is heavy and sucks up oxygen and energy when you use it for anything, so man who's got a ton of muscle is going to have a hard time getting to the same level of cardio performance as a skellington, have a harder time doing pullups or climbing, and will have to work much harder to be as flexible.
Look at actual pro athletes for once. They don't look like Ronnie Coleman for a reason.
David Lee
I love betas and nu-males. Their crab in the bucket mentality ensures my victories.
John Adams
Not sure if crabs in a bucket or sour grapes. Anyhow, keep lifting, boys.
Ryder Watson
>150 bench >impressive
Connor Moore
>pullups are a useless exercise earned yourself a (you)
Christian Flores
>2025 >nu cucks are the norm >fit privilege tax is instated >it's acceptable to openly discriminate again fit people in jobs and such, especially if white and male This is the future you chose
Anthony Price
that statment itself reveals a crap in the bukit mental titlty
Lincoln Taylor
this
why is every DYEL trying to discredit lifters these days
Liam Rivera
Well maybe don't lift to the point that you look the fucking rock.
Adam Fisher
>some anecdotal evidence of some ripped dudes who were shit in bed >all guys who work out are now shit in bed
It's ok to say it about us though, since we're evil muscle men.
Isaiah Foster
> tfw that's my height and weight > tfw even I have no delusions that benching bodyweight at 150 is unimpressive
Owen Myers
Did this guy just say that rock climbers can't do pullups? That might be the dumbest fucking thing I've read in weeks.
Also on functional strength. I can pick washers and dryers up and throw them in trucks by myself. And I'm very weak compared to people who lift here. If something needs to be moved I can move it. If something needs to be lifted I can lift it. That's generally a pretty fucking handy skill to have.
Not to mention simply being able to lift things doesn't limit other skills like a job or intelligence. Being strong is literally only an upside that a lot of people don't have.
But if people want to be pussies than that just makes me better by proxy so no sweat off my back
Bentley Russell
As long as you stay natty, lean and do cardio your performance will be far better than the average joe.
Caleb Martinez
>many skilled rock climbers can't do pullups KEK If you're not doing chinups and pullups as a climber, I hope you're not planning on competing.
Levi Adams
I can easily lift a girl up and impale her on my cock. It's very arousing for women to be manhandled.
David Johnson
>rock climbers often can't do pull-ups
they can but I'm sure Vice would just find some reason to say that pull-ups actually mean you're weak and bad at sex
Connor Rodriguez
>fat weak "men" are better at sex than fit ones
Parker Gutierrez
>contemporary iterations of the chicken-legged meatheads of yesteryear
inflammatory comments to increase traffic: check
Matthew Martinez
>I'll cut my wrists and flop on the floor as long as you put it in the paper!
These fucking faggots disgust me, I don't know why you'd self-deprecate like that.
Camden Martinez
>does 25 pushups like its nothing >Like its nothing Maybe because pretty much anybody with any upper body strength can do that
Colton Collins
this
Parker Jenkins
>two finger front lever > and then >two pinky front lever
How does someone only last 10 minutes? I literally have had 6 hour sex sessions before. Came twice.
Nigga needs to understand he's got more than a dick he can use.
Andrew Thompson
and that he can still fuck after he happens to cum too fast
Easton Sullivan
Reading comprehension goes quite a ways m8.
Adam Hill
Should've done squats and deadlift >dem glutes for thrusting power
Kayden Hernandez
>6 hour sex sessions
lol, why would you do that?
Jordan White
K dude
Jacob Kelly
>"I never live up to the expectations people have of my body," he told VICE. "I'm constantly disappointing people. It's more embarrassing than anything else. I'm not as fast as people expect. Not as strong. Not as anything. I'm basically average. Secretly average." Should have done SS+GOMAD,faggot.
Noah Reed
> lying in a Cambodian silk trade board
Juan Bell
this.
I've had fucking 8 hour sex sessions, came 16 times
Jaxon King
>"Having six-pack abs can make you as vulnerable to spine injury as having a gut,"
> "I keep it real. I don't talk about aesthetics. I talk about emotional benefits," he told VICE. "That way you never get frustrated because you're leaving every exercise feeling good. And, honestly, the six-pack will come quicker and stronger if you feel good. It's a tougher road when you're focused on looks. Feeling good is wealth. Looking good is new money. It gets real stupid real quick."
But I thought having six-pack abs was bad for you?
Aiden Moore
>implying girls don't want the seed of a god
Henry Jones
Rich pls go
Blake Gutierrez
>people who don't lift for sports performance suck at sports performance
Gee, who would have guessed
Justin Martinez
I think the whole point is that looking athletic actually being athletic is silly. The article is just so loaded with idiocy that nobody cares about it.
Michael Ramirez
Proper strength training and cardio makes you better at everything though, even sports.
Jason Garcia
...
Camden Johnson
because they grow dumpy and fat in their blogger chairs while lifters lift and, at times, get girls.
It's just nerd jealousy. Like if you're somehow good at sports and athletic you're doomed to bag the groceries of some twiggy neuro-physicist nerd.
Zachary Lopez
>"I keep it real. I don't talk about aesthetics. I talk about emotional benefits," he told VICE. "That way you never get frustrated because you're leaving every exercise feeling good. And, honestly, the six-pack will come quicker and stronger if you feel good.
Colton Peterson
whats wrong with your pic?
dude is supper shredded and jacked
Christian Garcia
Learn to fucking read.
Matthew Stewart
>25 push ups like its nothing
Matthew Young
Lmao its so fucking true.
Top kek. Well meme'd my friend.
Ayden Torres
we have to remember that vice caters to the average overweight bernie sanders SJW
