"Upon hearing of the defeat, the Emperor Augustus...

>"Upon hearing of the defeat, the Emperor Augustus, according to the Roman historian Suetonius in De vita Caesarum ("The Lives of the Caesars"), was so shaken that he stood butting his head against the walls of his palace, repeatedly shouting: "Quintili Vare, legiones redde!“ ('Quintilius Varus, give me back my legions!')"

Was it autism?

I really find it hard to hit my head on walls when Im angry. Punching them, yes.

>Was it autism?
no, he's lost 16,000 infantrymen to shit eating tribals in an afternoon because his general was a boneheaded faggot

*which was at the time like 20% of the entire roman army

yes but varus's autism

not only this but the legions varus threw to the vultures was augustus's favorite legions in particular

>being furious over a major defeat is somehow autism

You know, you cocksucker, words have meanings.

Pls no bully, Augustus is /ourguy/

imagine entire US contingent in Afghanistan at the height of occupation (~100,000 soldiers) just getting slaughtered out of nowhere in a week

that's pretty much the kind of situation Octavian faced back then

>a major defeat
literally only 3 legions were destroyed. Romans had deployed over 20 legions in one battle at times. It was hardly an insurmountable loss. A demoralizing, shocking defeat, but hardly something to go crazy over.

want to know how i know youre a brainlet sociopath who has never had to manage the pressures of running a state before?

octavian only owned four legions prior to the defeat

Why germanic LARP as romans?

>octavian only owned four legions prior to the defeat
fake news

Octavian was right in the middle of downsizing the military at that point. He had been standing down legions ever since Anthony's civil war was over, and had managed to go all the way down to 25 from more than 40. It was just barely enough to cover all borders and still be financially sustainable. Losing a whole three legions was a bad blow to his plans, because not only it meant he suddendly needed to scramble more men and resources, it also meant that Germany was an open theater once again, because lest we forget the reason why a dumbass like Varro (essentially a civilian governor career-wise) was in charge was due to the belief that the germs were pacified at that point, whereas they basically had played dead and went the treachery&ambush route.

>rome
>downsizing the military

fake
news

>treachery&ambush route

kek, you must be a burger to think the Germans were in the wrong here

>literally only 3 legions were destroyed
>only 10% of the whole fucking legionary force annihilated to the man
>Romans had deployed over 20 legions in one battle at times
there was 28 legions total in 9AD, 25 after teutoburg, good fucking luck with throwing 20 on one battle with that faggot
Germanicus commanded 8 legions when he led the crackdown in 14, third of Rome's army
had to pay them from his own pocket

Germans were in the wrong for not being exterminated

Varus was known as a genocidal maniac and tyrant. One of the most ruthless and unjust governors the Romans had. He deserved everything that befell him and then some

>the Germans were in the wrong
Where did I say that? It's a fact that Teutoburg consisted in "friendly" german guides from "client" tribes leading the legions into a prepared ambush.
I'm not blaming the germs for doing what was needed to defeat the invaders, but that's literal treachery and ambush.

Why did the Romans never do their own scouting? I swear every single one of their attempted Persian conquests was undermined by (((friendly locals))) leading them right into a trap, not to mention Teutoberg.

Never. Trust. Treeniggers. Of any kind.

>Why did the Romans never do their own scouting?
Because you need to know the local terrain to do a good scouting job. Only locals can be that.

Don't be a retard, it's well-established that the late Republic had a much larger army than the empire under Augustus.

Also, there was a fuckhueg rebellion going on in Illyria which was occupying their forces already. That was the reason the punitive expedition to Germania came much later than expected.

>. A demoralizing, shocking defeat

Imagine that Augustus, upon hearing of this, would react in a demoralized and shocked manner?? How curious indeed!

He literally didnt even get a haircut for months after. His reaction wasnt a normal or sane reaction

It was common for major leaders to go a little crazy from stress accumulated from their time on the job or their personal life. My guess is our boy Augustus was having a rough time in his life when the force was ambushed.

Maybe he had a gay lover in one of the legions.
MAybe he had more than one.

died 5 years later too
Octavian had a hard life

That's why you retire to a comfy palace in Croatia you built yourself prior, so you can grow melons and chill out enjoying your early retirement leaving all the petty politics behind

>losing thousands of lives isn't something to go crazy over

even when you retire youre not safe.
>ancient greece
>two advisors to antiochus the third, epigenes and i forget the other guy so he will be referred to as other guy
>epigenes is popular in the army
>other guy is powerful in politics
>some dude named molon revolts, takes a whole bunch of rich land including seleucia
>antiochus cant pay his army
>other guy is scared of epigenes, says he will fund the army out of his pocket if antiochus makes epigenes retire
>epigenes retires to his estate
>other guy is still paranoid and sends someone to assassinate him and succeeds

other guy eventually gets caesared in antiochus' garden though so he got what was coming to him.

>seleukid empire
>ancient greece

Nani??

Anyway, they were both shit and deserved to be flayed alive for moving against the king.

For that matter, Sulla:
>relinquish your powers as promised and retire
>people spit on you and jeer
He'd have likely been killed too had he not been known to be dying anyway.

>literally only 3 legions were destroyed
Now, THIS is autism

a more well known example is tsar nicholas abdicating the throne and the people still kill him and his entire family.

>chad city state of rome pumps out legions to fight carthage
>virgin empire collapses after losing a couple legions

sorry, i meant to type ancient times but typed ancient greece instead.

>a more well known example is tsar nicholas abdicating the throne
Tsar's family was killed after a year of custody when civil war was in full swing
as long as the imperial family lived there would always be a glimmer of hope for the whites for restoration (that's why foreign governments seriously spend hard fucking money looking for Nastja long after)
I'm not saying it's morally right but that was their reasoning
>and the people
I mean CHEKA consisted of people but come the fuck on

Has there ever been a more cowardly leader than Augustus? Reading his wikipedia its cringeworthy AF he literally "falls ill" and dissappears without explanation before every major battle and at every critical point in his life. Wtf was wrong with him? Was he low-test? Why did he play dead during a battle and only woke up when Agrippa had won the battle for him? Did he also need Agrippa to satisfy his wife as well, since he couldnt do any manly functions?

And to top it all off, he was poisoned by his one-itis even though he had literally named her son (his bitter enemy) his heir after she murdered all his chosen heirs. Has there ever been a bigger cuck than Augustus?

>t. Marc Antony

>Nastja
>is dimunitive of anastasia
Oh. Now all the slavic pornstars called like that make more sense. It did seem too poor a joke to be just a namification of nasty. Would have never got it without seeing it spelled with a J in a context where it can't possibly be a porn stage name.

Hey Marcus Antonius, how's the wife and kids- oh that's right.

hi marcus!

The principate was a mistake

16k losses was nothing for thr republic theyd eat right through that shit and then proceed to fuck you up in your own homeland e.g. carthage one of the most powerful empires at the time

>literally only 3 legions were destroyed. Romans had deployed over 20 legions in one battle at times.

3 legions and all of their auxiliaries out of an army of 26 legions with auxiliaries. That's like losing an eighth of the entire U.S military in a single day.

>Romans had deployed over 20 legions in one battle at times.
I'm beginning to think that earlier numbers have been exaggerated. Like supposedly the Romans raised 500,000 troops from central and southern Italy during the Second Punic War? Even though the entire empire's army in 117 AD (when it ruled easily over a dozen times as many people) was only 400,000, and the loss of 20,000 in later battles like the one being discussed were considered disastrous.

its not just that, there was literaly only legion in Roman Gaul at the time, leaving Rome completely exposed.Had the Germans been unified and disciplined, taking Gaul wouldve been a cakewalk, and then Rome was under threat. Even your analogy doesnt show the magnitude of the loss.

By all intents and purposes, Rome got lucky that the Germans were so divided and not willing to follow Arminius, otherwise Rome wouldve eventually been sacked (it was a few centuries later, but I mean it couldve happened in Augustus days as well)

AND STILL FUCKING YOUR MOTHER

We're talking about a man who it is said went back to bed for the day if he accidently put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot in the morning.

>Melons.
IT WAS FUCKING CABBAGES YOU DICKHEAD, AND YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THAT COULD COMPARE WITH THEM IN YOUR LIFE!

Well the faggot did open the floodgates for politicians-with-an-army to seize control of the state. He'd also insituted highly corrupt and unjust kill-lists which were basically a shitstorm of state sponsored jelousy-
and payback-murders of which several people, most famously Crassus, got fuck-off rich from.

(Close to) total war is a hell of a lot easier to manage if you don't have huge border-regions to protect from chronic raids and invasions.

Why did Julius Caesar leave his inheritance to Octavian? What was Octavian to Caesar?

smart

Julius knew Mark Antony better than anyone else did, Im sure he could tell Antony wasnt fit to lead Rome. Also, Julius was impressed by young Octavian crossing long swathes of enemy territory with a friend to get to Julius military camp, and took great interest in Octavians education from that point forward. Basically he saw Octavian as a worthy successor

A new legion is generally founded by a cadre of veterans from other legions. So losing 3 legions robs you of a lot of the experienced men it would take to raise new legions.

Family.

This. Caesar didn't have any legitimate sons to name as heir(s) and adoption was a common practice within the roman state. His talented, ambitious and driven great-nephew was thus the best choice he had, and what a great decision that turned out to be.

>What was Octavian to Caesar?
grandchild of his sister and literally closest julian male relative he could make into a heir
Caesar had only one daughter and married her off to Pompey
she died under very sad circumstances

It's actually not that farfetched. The Han in the same period had a similar population and fielded similar numbers. What you need to note is that peak republican army sizes were temporary supermobilizations due to civil wars, which were unsustainable to the point that Augustus started demilitarizing before he even conquered Alexandria, whereas the peak army numbers were just there. For centuries. All the fucking time.

>Had the Germans been unified and disciplined
...There wouldn't have been any way for them to take Rome by surprise. Teutoburg happened because Germania was considered pacified. Arminius unifying the germs would have meant Germanicus with 8 legions, not Varrus with 3.

>Also, there was a fuckhueg rebellion going on in Illyria which was occupying their forces already

it's a shame no one adds this angle to the story when they try to turn it into a narrative, it makes the "OH SHIT" reaction of Rome and the later pull out make sense.

It's like if 9/11 had happened while the US was still trying to pull out of Vietnam.

It’s also important to remember that permanent institutions like the legions of the day accumulate institutional knowledge and experience which gets communicated to new recruits and replacements by your veterans. They had a large body of attached specialists, engineers, etc. who were experienced professionals and had networks of contacts they had developed in the province in which they were stationed. Having the whole legion wiped out at once rather that just incurring normal losses at a normal rate in battle or on campaign means all that accumulated experience and craft is fucking gone and cannot be replaced simply by raising a fresh Levy. The legions if Augustus day were permanent bodies and many of them had histories going back decades. The wholesale loss of this was much worse than simply the loss of the soldiers.

Reincarnation of Stalin.

learn to read, dipshit, I meant had the Germans unified AFTER beating Varus

>tfw marry off your only daughter to your triumvir, colleague and maybe even friend
>tfw she dies in childbirth with her husband in her arms
>tfw start to drift apart from said triumvir
>tfw the Senate convinces him to wage war against me despite us knowing each other for a long time
>tfw beat him, order my troops to spare him but he slips away
>tfw find out later that he was killed by some douchebag sandniggers who present his head to me as a gift
>tfw just outright cry about the loss of my friend

Don't forget three eagles

>"REEEEEEEE GIB BACK MUH LEGIONS SO I CAN CONTINUE DRAW MAP OF EUROPE"

why do Veeky Forums love Augustus so much?

because there was a month named after him,and another named after his cognomen

>nobody realizes Augustus was memeing the Roman equivalent of It Aint Me and that faggot Suetonius recorded it for posterity with complete sincerity, just like Fox News reporting on Veeky Forums as hackers on steroids literally raping over 9000 lolis

You call this a history board?

>'The exasperation and fury of Buonaparte,' says the Annual Register for the year just mentioned, 'broke out into ungovernable rage at his own Court, on his public day, and in the presence ofthe diplomatic body of Europe there assembled. Thus violating every principle of hospitality—of decorum—of politeness—and the privileges of Ambassadors—ever before held sacred. On the appearance of Lord Whitworth in the circle, he approached him with equal agitation and ferocity, proceeded to descant, in the bitterest terms, on the conduct of the English Government—summoned the Ministers of some of the Foreign Courts to be witnesses to this vituperative harangue—and concluded by expressions of the most angry and menacing hostility. The English Ambassador did not think it advisable to make any answer to this brutal and ungentlemanly attack, and it terminated by the First Consul retiring to his apartments, repeating his last phrases, till he had shut himself in; leaving nearly two hundred spectators of this wanton display of arrogant impropriety, in amazement and consternation.'

Was it autism?

Before.
>Fox News claimes 4chens are hackers on steroids out to get you with yellow vans.
>Veeky Forums goes along with the trolling.
Now
>Mainstream Media calls Veeky Forums as a racist group with the Frog and Kek a symbol of hate.
>/pol/shits take it seriously.
We need to go back

Because he's a nerdy kid who was too scared to fight and was severely autistic yet became the Emperor of Rome. He's something all of us faggots have to look up to.

Yeah this is an important aspect that far too many people don't take into consideration. Losing an eagle was something akin to losing your honour and reputation. IIRC Augustus considered the retrieval of the Eagles lost by Crassus at Carrhae one of his greatest achievements.

>white army were monarchists
>even those that were, wanted to restore Niki or his sure to die in his childhood son
Nop.

That's because the now is actually accurate, and people here resent that it's being used to attack them. Discrimination and hatred are constants of political rhetorics, especially nowadays. Why single out the spergy alt-rightists?
Even worse considering that while most of Veeky Forums is definitely racist and hateful, the media act as if /pol/ is representative of the whole site, which is demeaning. /pol/'s ways of express itself are cringey as fucking shit regardless of whether you agree or not.

tfw he was a council of rome ;_;

>he was a council of rome

>most of Veeky Forums is definitely racist and hateful
Fuck off /pol/