Veeky Forums cringe thread

>commit seppuku

nice cherry on top

nice

...

>wake up
>7:32
>fuck, I'm 30 mins late
>gf hugs me, kisses my chest and massages my cock
>always the same, always looking for an excuse to fuck all time whenever she wants
>realise I can't waste more time
>tell her I gotta workout and try to escape, she doesn't care and holds me harder, so I push her off me that she almost fells off the bed
>starts crying, now she doesn't talk to me

All women are whores

Time to go lift.

>low orbit sides launcher

>Be a week ago
>Sleeping in cousin's house, same room
>She hugs me, feels my chest and her mouth slowly to my cock
>Starts sucking
>I let her do all the work
>Gets on top of me
>Tries to fit cock inside pussy
>Too painful
>I tell her to keep trying
>She can't, hole too small
>Shes starts crying
>I say nothing
>Go to sleep

>Be some months ago
>Cousin comes to my house
>Playing a game two days after realease
>She hugs me, feels my chest and her mouth slowly to my cock
>Starts sucking me
>Best time of my life
>Cum in her mouth without warning
>Starts coughing
>She wants to get on top of me to fuck
>agree
>my cock into her pussy, fuck her for 30 mins
>cum inside
>act like nothing happened and keep playing the game

You need Christ in your life

This thread

keep posting son

have no more :(

well make something up goddamnit, or post pics of your cousin

came to ask this.

Stale pasta kiddo

dont steal it please

Put me in screencap

...

in for reddit screencap

Bump pls cap this

youtube.com/watch?v=xQr3CcHXVG8

Confirmed for never interacting with dogs; they're basically retarded but totally bro-tier. Of course they'd laugh at farts, but everyone knows dogs can't laugh so that's why you're confused I guess.

this

they probably like the smell too, those cheeky hairy bastards

>driving in car on the way to the gym
>getting pumped for workout
>listening to witchy woman by eagles
>fucking into it
>stare out the window at stoplight continue dancing and singing like an idiot in my truck
>realize qt is staring at me
>realize im wearing sunglasses
>she thinks my moronic singing and dancing has been directed towards her
>green light
>fucking floor it, screech off the cross walk

1/2 of a chortle

dogs can't laugh

This is why I love Veeky Forums.

I did the exact same thing as a kid to my cat once. I had IBS-like symptoms and used to fart ALL the time (morbidly obese child) and I just remember farting unbelievably long and hard directly onto the cat's head. My brother saw me and still tells me about it to this day, bringing it up whenever he can.

Kek

Honestly this is the most retarded thread that I have seen in months.

i fart on my dog katrina all the time.
she just gets irritated and walks away.

still funny as fuck though

>Kill yourself

Laughing like a fucking retard in the gym cuz of this thread holy shit

wat do?

upgrade now

Fucking. Moar.

Fitness for Feabie.com - let us destroy the fat little snowflakes on there. Get the site shut down and I owe thee a beer :D

i love these, i have them capped somewhere

you don't lurk much apparently

lmfao

>Be last night
>Sleeping at friends house, living room
>Friends sister wakes me up middle of the night, hugs me, feels my chest and her mouth slowly to my cock
>Starts sucking
>I let her do all the work
>Gets on top of me
>Tries to fit cock inside pussy
>Too painful
>I tell her to keep trying
>She can't, hole too small
>Shes starts crying
>I say nothing
>Go to sleep

>take one look at intro text
>where the fuck did i leave my cyanide?

>Feabie.com
thanks for the malware

I live in fear I'm going to bring a girl home and he's going to tell her. It's one of those things I remember and just want to jump off a cliff.

My brother said it sounded like I was trying to drown a duck in a half empty oil drum

dogs are god-tier bros.

can't wait to get me a house so I can rescue a dog

Dogs wouldn't laugh at farts, they have no sense of humour because they're dogs. Dogs are dogs, stop anthropomorphising.

If you fart on a dog's head, you're farting on the head of an animal that sees you as its superior in the pack - there's all the love stuff going on too because you feed it and take care of it, so it also sees you as a parent of some kind. They have no sense of humour though. If they were human they'd be totally autistic - that's why autistic people make good horse whisperers, because horses are just as autistic as they are.

That's about as far as it goes though. Dogs aren't "bro-tier", they're animals. It's ok to love animals but don't try to create some kind of weird human character for it, just appreciate the animal for what it is.

If you fart on its head, you're basically farting on the head of your autistic adopted child.

You sound like a cat owner.

Hardest part about owning a cat is telling your parents that you're a faggot isn't it?

I own a cat but only because my two dogs died and he's all I got left, I loved them very much.

I don't imagine my cat is a human though, nor is our relationship, it's based around some kind of fucked up exploitation of the "mother/baby" relationship ingrained in his head, hence why he kneads the couch when I stroke him because he's trying to get "more milk", like when he was a kitten. I know if I was small enough and behaved in a certain way he'd kill me, just like my dogs would have, and I don't hold it against them because I know they're not humans.

>Hardest part about owning a cat is telling your parents you're a faggot isn't it

No, they already know

na pham, legit cat owner here

he just sounds like a bitter kissless virgin who hasn't even felt the love of an animal in his entire life

pretty sad desu

>Love of an animal

I'm not saying it doesn't exist and I haven't felt it, I'm just saying it's not the kind of love you think it is.

>being a fucking sociopath
>talking about other people perceptions of love

jesus stfu with your cancer disgusting freak, get the fuck back to /r9k/

>No, they already know

God damn Veeky Forums, never change. I come in here all sour and grumpy, and you guys still make me laugh.

Also, don't hate cats, but the typical cat fanatic is a fucking plague upon the earth

It's not funny it's the dogs fetish user

>finish having sex with gf
>she's sitting on edge of bed putting on her slippers so she can go shower
>notice how broad and strong her back is looking
>mention to her that her back is looking broad as fuck
>oh god, what have I done
>apparently telling a woman her back looks broad constitutes saying she looks like a man
>but her back really was looking good since she got a job throwing around sacks of vegetables and other assorted goods

I used the word "manlet" in regular conversation a few times and gotten wierd stares too.

And still every dog in this world is having more emotions than you, and they're probably more humane too.

You don't have to dress your dog or have imaginary conversations with him but jesus faggot there's nothing wrong with creating a true bond with an animal, try it some time you'll find out that we are not so different from each other.

>We're not so different

Have you ever thought about the old people who die at home unnoticed, and as time goes on their pet dogs begin eating their bodies?

>he doesn't eat his pets after they've died

Lol?

as if you were to die of starvation being this much of a fucking socipath lmao, I bet you wouldn't even hesitate in killing your brother in a deserted island with no food

you fucking snowflakes are hilarious desu

make animals a favor and don't ever come close to one again

Why always the hate for cat owners?
I prefer cats but I love dogs too and certainly don't hold anything against people who like them more.

>he doesn't lurk /int/

YOU HAVE TO GO BACK

why did you say that faggot

>autism calling the dog autistic

spergburgers brah

Apparently you haven't been on fit recently. Aside from the pasta this is almost the good side of a mix between /r9k/ and Veeky Forums

Because the weird and worst dog owners just have a lot of dogs, or let their dogs do what they want.

The weird and worst cat owners don't understand that normal people don't give two fucks about their cats. They have refrigerator magnets that show different kinds of cat assholes. They fund things like pic.

The average dog owner at least has some perspective. Cat owners are notorious for completely lacking this.

You guys are just fucking weird. I prefer dogs, but I don't hate cats. I find them pretty useless for the most part sans barn cats. I'd rather have something that requires slightly more responsibility but yields a ton more benefits. Like most things in the world, I don't hate the subject matter, I just hate the rabid fans. It seems like there's a very thin line between functioning mature adult and manchild when it comes to cat owners, and the former is the minority.

Eh, in my experience there's loonies on either side, buying ludicrous shit like frilly clothes or things like your pic.

Do Americans still fumigate houses? What is wrong with you?

Ever tried to kill bed bugs? The chemicals we use are probally illegal in your country, buy some traps from the store.

the silhouette in the eye is wearing a fedora

Holy cow!

Fuuuuck.

Well fuck me right in the fucking ass.

>he's so fucking filthy his house gets bed bugs

>find guy
>he qt
>says he likes to stay fit
>ends up sending me routine
>he doesn't even do Spider-Man push-ups

I swear I'm just going to go full lesbo. Don't expect most women to put in effort

Actually, I do that for a living.

>The average dog owner at least has some perspective

>wearing a fedora
>perspective

>guaranteed replies

Scooby?

You must be semi ugly irl, i use fit memes irl all the time and put down manlets, pajeets, dyel most of the brown people i know hate the racial stuff but dont look at them sideways because i always ask what do you have to say about it. Height face frame wins again baby, yeah

...

OC

He probably killed himself kek

Are these supposed to be the new
>cousin (15)
>pecs
>abs
>solid
meme?

CONTINUEEEEEEEEEE

Top of the lel

>you're basically farting on the head of your autistic adopted child.
Fuck, almost spilled my whole milk

...

>Be last night
>Sleeping at my house, living room
>Dog wakes me up middle of the night, hugs me, feels my chest and its mouth slowly to my cock
>Starts sucking
>I fart on its head
>I let it do all the work
>Gets on top of me
>Tries to fit cock inside pussy
>Too painful
>I tell it to keep trying
>She can't, hole too small
>Shes starts crying
>I say nothing
>Go to sleep

This thread was too good

>Commit seppuku
Sides fucking gone

>still crushing for a girl who plays extremely hard to get and I used to date (but I fucked up because of muh feelings)
>cut all contact with her since she was a complete cunt to me
>last week she told me to be friends with benefits then I made out with her all night
> sent her a message asking her if she's going out of town for summer
> she replies fast, which is fucking rare and tells me she's not
> probably thought I was going to ask her to do something
>I didn't
> haven't talked to her since then
A...alpha as fuck

I'll probably see her soon though, and I kind of like the friends with benefits idea. The fucking problem is that as soon as I show some interest in her, she'll become a cunt again. Too much bullshit.