Because you are the only alpha board, /fit

that's because you need to lift up the carpet on their face

n-no everybody walk the dinosaur? goddamn

those fagots are just jealous of your gains mate

yip, fat fucking jew cucks

Seems I got one of the good kikes then. Both of my bosses are jews, but the self-hating kind. One of them keeps joking about how I would have been the perfect Aryan in the 3rd Reich and how he wishes his sons were as tall or 'motivated' as me.
Kinda weird but I don't mind.

Those are compliments you colossal homosexual

Nice fantasy.

>can't into sarcasm

He wants you to cuck him

not really Veeky Forums related but here goes...

>high school some years
>with gf for 2 years
>turbo autist is my arch nemesis
>calls himself the shadow poet
>constantly hits on my gf but can't do shit cause he's a special
>gf just puts him down
>towards the end of senior year
>everyone signing yearbooks
>retardis signs mine "great job user, you got the girl in the end. HAGS!"
>nigger wtf? we weren't even competing I've been been fuckin this girl in the ass for 2 years
>whatever nbd, just same disabled nonsense
>gf comes up to me later
>"the shadow poet wrote me a poem."
>tfw it's 4 pages long, single spaced, front and back, in fucking pencil
>holyshit.png
>we go back to her place and read it on her bed
>pissing ourselves from laughter
>afterwards we start fooling around like we always did after school
>fucking her real good from behind
>legs spread, holding her hips down
>that's when I notice the poem
>I grab the pages and stick them user her pussy and her creaminess gets all over the front page
>I start realy railing her before I bust and I cum all over the poem
>she lays there exhausted and I smack her on the ass and tell her to go clean up
>she goes in the bathroom and I quick snap a pic of the cum stained poem
>text it to my arch nemesis with the words "fucked her on your poem. this is as close as you'll ever get. HAGS!"
>no response

Stay on the righteous path of iron brother

Take this thread back to /b/ faggot. Anyone bragging on an anime image board is not alpha. Its just kind of sad.

>le Mongolian beef board poster

you could've posted nothing at all

hey how are you holding up champ? i'm sorry that dude fucked the girl you like but at least she read your poem. now you're getting Veeky Forums so you can go after other girls now, right?

it's good you're letting this out in the form of sexual fantasy, easier to let go.

>"i hope you eat pizza"
He's not fit shaming you, he is just sayibg he expect you to be chad

teehee haters gawn hate

I almost kissed a girl a couple of days ago

Kekeroonie

Do you still write dark shadowy poems or do you pretend to be fit on Veeky Forums?

Congrats she read your poem!

can't I do both?

>6'0ft 210lb +-15%bf, not Veeky Forums
i will never make it

>this thread

>tumblr

ha ha ha... hmm
it appears you've accidentally wandered into an ALPHA thread. betas like you do not belong. allow me to show you the door.... *uppercuts you and you fall into a bunch of trash cans*

next time read the sign.

...

>work at hotel, 10pm
>chauefering guests around on golf cart
>a buzzed couple jumps in
>take them to their rooms, talking along the way
>dude hands me $2
>gf or wife gives me a kiss on the cheek and says "you're really cute"

AWWW YEEAH ALFA AS FUKK BRUHHS
the cuck gave me money AND his girl gave me some 'sugar sugar' if you know what i mean haHA!

>at home
>browsing Veeky Forums
>see alpha male thread
>make up some fake faggot story

alpha as fuck guys

>witnesses start clapping

And we see an american power fantasy here.

iktf i am 6'0 135 I wish I was 2fucking10

>be me
>not you
>me
>earn lots of money
>like a whole lot
>especially for my age
>decide to start lifting
>6 weeks into ICF 5x5 (thank you based jason)
>finish up and decide to go to grocery store still in my tank top
>got that juicy pump going on
>get chicken, eggs, veggies, and rice, and some whey protein
>qt3.14 at register
>obviously mirin
>she asks if I found everything I need today
>I say yes
>im thinking of asking her to be my gf and make sex with me but im too much of a spaghetti spillin' sperg autismo
Anyone else have any alpha stories like this?

This story is pretty much the pride of my career as a male

>buddy who is gay throws party at his house
>invites 2 female friends of his and one of them brings a gay guy
>both girls keep hinting at that I'm hot
>play some truth or dare
>fast forward, I'm sitting on he couch making
out with one and fingering the other one
>keep going back and forth between them
>one of them, is more dominant, keeps pulling me more than the other shy one
>eventually shy ones gets pissed and leaves
>ended up making the other one my gf
>it's a shame because I actually liked the shy one better but oh well
had 2 girls and 2 gay guys trying to get on me all in one night
If I wasn't such a beta I probably could have had a threesome that night

it's not much, but it still makes me feel like a king

I don't even know how happy this would make me. I actually can't even imagine it happening because it would make me so happy

why are women such whores

I totally lucked out

I can never replicate it, and believe me, I tried

I think it was just good timing as one just broke up with her bf (my former gf) and the other one apparenly had a crush on me for a while

Plus there was no other straight guys there so not like I had any competition

but yeah, I don't know if I'll ever have something that amazing happen to me ever again

>"did you find everything you need today user?"
>"not until I saw you"
>eye contact and smile while she blushes and bites lip

This is all it takes you faggots. Stop being autistic with women, especially if they're mirin. Grow a set of balls.

Start GOMAD then retard

>berlin

>gangbang

hey refugee, leave the german girls alone

>tfw you're so beaten down by your country how shitty your country is that you can't even fantasize like an American.

S-S-STUPID AMERICAN MACHO FANTASY

>be insecure manchild who missed out on athletics as a kid
>Spend all my time browsing Veeky Forums
>Have been lifting for a total of 3 weeks
>Mummy buys me all my supps and milk
>My 1rm on bench is 130lbs
>Flex intensely in gym after every exercise
>Use memes in real life conversations
>Write up fake stories in alpha threads on Veeky Forums and post fake stats
ALPHA AS FUCK

Jesus Christ that shitty ass meme almost made me punch my screen
keep that filth on 9gag

>6 weeks into ICF 5x5 (thank you based jason)

What's 9gag precious?

I didn't go on Veeky Forums yesterday. Alpha as fuck.

DELET THIS

god damn I can't wait to get swole to get sluts to do shit like that for me

money gets sluts to do shit like that for you
getting swole gets guys to do shit like that for you

money gets you to have 30 year old sluts ride in your fancy car with you while thinking about getting rammed by their PT or garden boy

you could be rich and attractive, of course

...

...

>be at a party
>be alone while friend is with his girlfriend
>tfw third wheel
>bad mood because haven't had 4 scoops
>cmon
>chain smoking and drinking alone on side of house
>2 girls approach me and start convo
>give them only 1-2 word answers
>don't give them eye contact once
>make smart ass remarks to anything they say
>mfw they walk away

Ignoring girls is probably the most alpha and self fulfilling thing you can do.

>at concert by myself, stone cold sober
>girl starts dancing next to me, bumping into me a little bit
>TFW I know proximity
>start chatting her and her friend up, play it cool
>make no moves just joke and have fun with them
>Invite me back to their hotel to smoke
>hot tub is closed, bathtub it is
>In bath tub with two babes in our underwear
>start rubbing their legs
>get out of bath and move to bed
>start giving them both a massage
>OKAY LETS DO THIS
>both suck me
>I fuck them both till they cum
>both arch their asses and ask me to cum on them, I oblige
>watch them go down on eachother for 15 min
>decide it's time to go
>I did it boys, banged two hotties at once, I CAN GET MARRIED NOW!

TLDR: ffm threesomes are more exhausting than pleasurable

ffm threesomes are like the only reason I do cardio

Oh and one more thing

TFW when I'm 5'9, you can do it bros!!!

I dont believe you

and i'm okay with that.

>leaving a restaurant
>loading my kids into their carseats
>I notice a car wanting to pull into the spot next to me
>I finish loading my kids in their car seat
>As I start to enter my door, the car basically floors it, as fast as he could and flies into the parking spot
>I look over and it's some fatass middle-aged guy with his hamplanet wife, and two tiny dogs in her lap
>The guy gets out of his car, and walks into the restaurant, and glares at me with some beta-fag look
>I get out of my car, and walk into the restaurant (my wife stays in car with kids)
>I walk up to him in the restaurant and say, "Is there a problem?"
>He turns with a shocked, "fuck what did I do?" look on his face.
>This tub of lard is probably 5'6" 240 lbs, 50% bodyfat
>I'm 6'0", 215 lbs, 14% bodyfat
>He says, "well... yeah, we were wanting to park and you took forever."
>I say, " I have two kids, can you not wait 30 seconds?"
>He says, "ok fuck off buddy"
>I say, "What are you going to do about it?"
>He pauses, and has to think about something clever to say, because he sure as fuck doesn't want to fight me. "I..i'm going to keep cursing at you until you leave"
>I say, "ok that's what I thought. Bitch. I know you and your fatass wife can't wait to stuff food in your fat faces, but maybe be a little more patient next time."
>I hear the workers behind the counter giggle quietly.
>I gently pat his cheek, smile and walk away.
>He doesn't say anything
>As I leave, his wife does everything she can do to avoid eye contact with me as I stare her down.
>I'm sure she probably wishes her cuck-old husband would let me fuck her, because he probably has a small dick.
>My wife and I laugh about it on the way home.

I don't do this often, but this little fat fuck was being a douche, and I thought I'd make him feel like the cuck-bitch that he is.

#lifegoals

this whole cuck thing is getting to your head mate, but other than good story.

I hope this is real

Yeah you're probably right. All she could think about at that moment was getting a huge greasy burger, and fries into her fat ass.

>go on tinder
>match with redhead qt3.14
>chilling with friends at the moment
>one says "yeah she's crazy"
>send this
>already going out for a second date tonight
>it's a trail run

Guess I'm going to bite the bullet and kill some gains

OP here, I assure you it's very real. It happened yesterday. His face got so red when I approached him.

File edited to remove the name :)

Because there's always a cheeky fuck on here who gets salty

>be me
>be male model
>be 200 pounds with 10% bodyfat
>hungry as fuck
>decide to call up one of my friends with benefits
>ask her if she wants to get something to eat
>go to a local pizza shop
>see a guy wearing sweat pants with grease stains on it
>he's on a laptop using the pizza place's wifi
>go inside and order my pizza
>stand out front with my QT 9/10 FWB and eat my pizza because the weather is nice
>hear the sweat pants guy mumbling to himself and typing furiously on the keyboard while making glances at me out of the corner of his eye
>hear him mumble "CHAD" and "LITERALLY EATS PIZZA" and something about "STACEY"
>finish pizza and get ready to go back to my place to smash
>hear a faint "REEEEEE" sound like a frog when I'm about a block away from the pizza place

sophia is a qt

Damn you. But yeah, way out of my league. Luckily I was drunk and was at idiot savant humor level so she thinks I'm interesting. Wish me luck user

kek

>be me pulling into restaurant with my QT wife
>some DYEL faggot (powerlifting master race) is taking forever to get in his car
>finally he does get in his car and I pull into the spot right as he is closing his door.
>gives me a look of offense as I pull in
>I realize he's a daddy's boy who has had everything given to him and once his perspective of the world revolving around him is challenged he chimps out.
>Follows me into the restaurant
>my wife (who is also on a bulk) and I try to ignore him
>he comes up and starts mumbling about 30 seconds
>my face turns red because I'm trying not to laugh
>my wife tries her best to ignore him
>everyone on the place is now laughing at him
>he leaves and I eat my meal
>my wife says to me "he probably just wanted you to fuck his wife and show her how a real man does it, what a cuckboi"
>we laugh

>walking to gym
>accidentally step in dog shit
>walk into gym
>wipe it all over asian dyel in tank top
>he's like "WHAT FUCK? WHAT MATTER WIF YOU??"
>put hands on hips, turn my head sideways and in my Steve urkel voice I shout out "uh oh, did I do that?"
>smile and walk away

>using reaction images outside of 4chunz

EZ Bruv. how else is she supposed to know about his meme skillz?

the haHA! fucking kek. its so underused.. thanks user. i needed that.

>implying it didn't work
>implying it's not completely common anyway
>implying the "gif" option you can see in the pic isn't meant for exactly that

>samedyel

Why do cute girls think I'm creepy but non cute girls think I'm handsome and funny?

Oh man, this was hilarious (OP here)

You have confidence and nothing to lost around the uggos, so you act yourself

I realized this is middle school when the hot girls didn't want me but I was making every fat bitch in a 1 mile radius cream their panties

>"i hope you eat pizza"

good luck carrying a conversation with her as you explain your ebin maymays to her irl you turboautist

hahaha LoL. she'll be into whatever I talk to her about. by the time I'm done with her she's going to tell her friends about how cool memeing is and how hard she came.

if you're gonna troll at least make it funny

>be on train
>group of 4 mudslimes also on train
>have shitty middle eastern music playing from ine of their phones
>can hear it even though i have earbuds in
>finally get fed up
>look the one with the phone in the eyes
>'you better shut that shit off'
>'w-what'
>turn that shit off before i get up
>he hurries to turn off goat raping music
>rest of pack of mudslimes is trying hard not to make eye contact

felt good

Oh fuck off, you're not me.

Proof in pic related

Went out with her Saturday. I quit using any gifs early on; turns out we had a bunch of mutual friends so it wasn't too weird for a blind date.

>turbo autist

You're not entirely wrong but it hasn't stopped me yet

> ex dumps me out of the blue about five weeks ago because I'm too stressed out from grad school
> sadfrog.jpg
> get tinder at friend's behest
> match/hit it off with grill
> taller/prettier than ex
> go out on first date, checking out an outdoor music festival
> talking easily for the past five hours
> suddenly ex appears
> doesn't say anything, staring at new grill
> telling a joke, make eye contact with ex
> finish the joke, break eye contact as new grill starts laughing
> later on new grill texts me 'how do you have such nice arms holy fuck'
> mfw the whole time

>then I fucked him without a condom

...

A-user

>cuck-old

never alone cos i got God
never alone cos i got God
never alone cos i got God