You're participating in a feast and this guy slaps your lady's buttocks

I poison her pussy and nipples so that when he inevitably cucks me he dies.

TELL ME ABOUT HIM, WHY DOES HE WEAR THE MASK?

I stroke 'his' skirt

bane

Is that the horseman?

Cut one of his exposed limbs

A big guy

4(you)

Slap his lady's buttocks twice as hard.

Roll for initiative

I'll tell him that steroids didn't exist in ancient times.

Then he just dematerializes

>5
>he has an initiative of 4
>you attack first

2u * 2u

4 u^2 = 4w ?

Why is he holding a two-handed sword with a center-grip shield...?

Also no shoulder/elbow/knee armor... that guy gonna die in the first charge...

Laugh at latsbrah, and tell him when will manlets learn!

not sure what's more funny - your knowledge about history (>that equipment >ancient) or the fact that you think that body is not achievable natty

if somebody takes it off will he die?

that body looks like it's really not likely to be natty though

hahaha DYEL ;)

nope :^)

...

commend him on his physique and inquire as to weather he would like the missing pieces of armor to fill out his set and in return he has to represent me in the lists

That body is not achievable natty lol... Anyone who has somewhat experience in bodybuilding knows this. You cannot look like this natural.

>implying tanks are fast
>with this huge body he can't be fast
>i'll destroy him with my 2 daggers before he could break my evasion

Poison his drink. I always carry a bit of cyanide with me.

knights get drug tested

Pull out my glock

...

...

I whip out my dick and hope for the best

Ask him to join our luxurious dining, then proceed to hit on him the entire night because she friendzoned me.

relinquish him of all titles bequeathed upon him, lowering him in status to that of a peasant

DEX>STR>INT

...

I'm honestly more a jack of all trades character.
DEX≥STR
CHA≥INT

it srs depends on your character
if you are a lazy new player and do a basic fighter type, you probably want to focus on str
it also probably depends what edition your playing but i dont know, we usually do mostly made up ones because none of us currently own rulebooks or modules.
ive been meaning to join a legit group though

I've been wanting to join a legit group, too.
It's just hard in my area (I like personal interaction) as they're mostly mid to late 30 somethings who have a real creepy vibe about them.
Hell it wouldn't even have to be legit, I'd give no fucks if there's a dude playing a bear with maxed out charisma and disguise pretending to be a human.
As long as I have a group to play I'd not care.

i mean legit like play by the rules with rulebooks and modules and monster manuals and shit like that
me and my friends (who have all played legit campaigns) usually meet up, get drunk, make up our own rules based on whatever were feeling like (usually itll be based on fallout or something like that) and then whoever is the dm just makes shit up and it is basically like those create your own adventure books because none of the monsters have hp or anything the dm just decides when he feels like theyd be dead and bullshit like that
you can see how thats fun enough but can leave a person wanting more?

This is one of those FEW instances where speed actually is superior to strength. Sword fight.. if I knew how to, just cut him up.

shut up niggas, dex is a mistake, str all the way

have you ever seen a sword fight outside of hollywood?
id take strength and well made armor over speed every day. basically you have to try to get the other guy on the ground and then hes at your mercy.
youtube.com/watch?v=1S_Q3CGqZmg

The entire sword doesn't weigh that much, people were small back then. I'm sure he could use it in one hand as well as they could in two.

alternatively, hold the shield when at long range to protect from archers. drop it and murder people with big ass sword once in close range and they cant volley at your formation without hitting their own troops

Propose thee to a joust if thy refused thy shall have no honor

>thy shall have no honor
thou shall have no honor*

Oh it that's the case yeah, that'd be lacking in a lot of things.
The DM of the group I played with would take the campaign and somewhat modify it a bit by putting in creatures that wouldn't of normally been there and whatnot, but he'd still follow rules and guidelines and even set limits and whatnot.
Also
>Playing d&d drunk
Not even once. Maybe high to be relaxed and laugh at everything, but not drunk. I don't wanna say aloud what I once said playing a chaotic neutral dwarf.
>TFW suggested selling a rare moon elf cleric into slavery for extra gold
>TFW character almost left our party because of that comment
Good times.

I'd agree with you, but I'm a fucking twink.
+I like using bows alongside with a sword, so I'd keep DEX around or a bit higher level than STR.

playing D&D drunk is pretty standard a lot of people do it. you dont get shithouse blasted but like a 6 pack per person and the session lasts for several hours so

Ah makes sennse, yeah I can picture it being a lot of fun when everyone is tipsy.
I just have a low alcohol tolerance and the people around me when they drink get blasted and not tipsy.
A six pack of beer would be more than enough for me, since I get real tipsy off just two shots

im 6'3 210 pounds. a 6 pack gets me in a good place if i drink it relatively fast. but if i space it out over the course of a typical D&D session im still fully capable of functioning enough to play D&D with no impairments.
the trick is that you have to have other non alcoholic shit around to drink as well cause typically once you start drinking you just keep going so if you have non alcoholic shit around you can just keep going without having to think about it then after a bit just grab another beer

"Heh, my turn." (I'm already hard)

I jump on the table and dryjack furiously while staring deadpan into his visor (pic related) and moaning close-lipped and without expression.

my players try to get me drunk when we play D&D B/X so that I use the wrong tables when I roll for their treasure.

I love those fuckers

That's a good idea man, I'llhave to do that. Also dat size Jesus.
Would be nice if there was just one dang group around here near my age group so we could just chill and play, but it doesn't seem likely I'll find one any time soon.

Sounds like a fun group of friends mang. I'd prefer being high while playing though, I'd even incorporate it into the character, it'd be fucking glorious.

I raid his local fiefs to draw him out of his castle and then I engage him in open combat.

I'll drink from his skull.

I always wanted a sword fight to the death.

It would bring a tear to my eye knowing I can be apart of something so great.

Challenge him to a joist.
[spoiler]And when no one is looking, poison his drink[/spoiler]

I know your pain, user.
Personally I decided to grab a simple game and DM for my friends while chilling. Since I'm a lazy fuck, I use these adventure modules that have all the material for running a session.