What is the funniest moment in history that was unintentional, deadpan and never looked at as funny...

When the robberbarons lobbied to get Teddy Roosevelt to be vice president under McKinley so he couldn't attack them, and then McKinley died so Roosevelt ended up being president, and then went full-bore into busting trusts.

Everything Luigi "11th time's the charm" Cadorna did.

love this one too

When the military dictiatior of guatemala started fully exterminating the native population to get them to stop joining the communist geurillas but this just meant they all went and joined the geurillas but the geurillas didnt have enough weapons so it didnt help them at all but the guatemalan officers were so shit scared of the massive army of geurillas they overthrew their dictator and held sham democratic elections where the military candidates main policy was 'only killing 30% of the natives' and it turned out to be so popular they didnt even have to stuff the ballot boxes

So they implemented this policy and it worked completely and the insurgency ended abd no one in the international community batted an eyelid or talks about it todayand guatemala now is basically what the independent confederacy would have been but with natives instead of africans

The military history of Austria-Hungary. They spend more money on tobacco and wine than their entire armed forces, but still refused to listen to the Germans during WW1 then demanded that they be bailed out. Imagining them locked in an endless struggle with Italy, their competitor for “most useless military” would be like watching two random obese neckbeards plucked from the crowd of a local amateur MMA show fight one another.

Luigi "Bane of the Italians" Cadorna really cracks people up.

when BASED arthur harris fire bombed those fithly g*rmans

Solid 8 points above the average American.

Maybe this is too obvious, but I think Napoleon's Hundred Days were a really lulzy episode in history.

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>Napoleon: Okay so before you guys get angry at me for disobeying you when you grounded me, I promise I'll behave this time
>Europe: Fuck you!

Plus the mental image of the overweight lard Louis XVIII waddling out of his palace in Paris and fleeing like a coward while some guy marches effortlessly into your capital without having fought a battle is pretty hilarious.

>when confronted by the Royal Army, Napoleon tore his coat open and said "whichever one of you would shoot your emperor, go ahead" only for them to immediately throw down their guns and proclaim him the rightful ruler of France again
how did he get away with it lads?

that was a 'and everyone clapped' moment, but irl

After they killed the Romanovs

>The bodies of the Romanovs and their servants were loaded onto a Fiat truck equipped with a 60 HP engine,[106] with a cargo area 6 × 10 feet in size.[104] Heavily laden, the vehicle struggled for nine miles on boggy road to reach the Koptyaki forest. Yurovsky was furious when he discovered that the drunkard Ermakov had brought only one shovel for the burial.[117] About half a mile further on, near crossing no. 185 on the line serving the Verkh-Isetsk works, 25 men working for Ermakov were waiting with horses and light carts. These men were all intoxicated and they were outraged that the prisoners were not brought to them alive. They expected to be part of the lynch mob,[118] and were hoping to abuse the women before killing them.[119] Yurovsky maintained control of the situation with great difficulty, eventually getting Ermakov's men to shift some of the bodies from the truck onto the carts.[118] A few of Ermakov's men pawed the female bodies for diamonds hidden in their undergarments, two of whom fingered Alexandra's genitals.[119][118] Yurovsky ordered them at gunpoint to back off, dismissing the two who had groped the tsarina's corpse and any others he had caught looting.[119]

The entire fourth crusade

I dream of one day having a fraction of the utter chadness that this man had.

Doesn't matter in a kangaroo court

>Invited to stay as a house guest of the Marquess of Londonderry in November 1936, he was taken to a service in Durham Cathedral and the hymn Glorious Things of Thee Are Spoken was announced. As the organ played the opening bars, identical to the German national anthem, Ribbentrop gave the Nazi salute and had to be restrained by his host.[66]
>Ribbentrop did not understand the limited role in government exercised by 20th-century British monarchs; he thought that King Edward VIII could dictate British foreign policy if he wished to.[67] He convinced Hitler that he had Edward's support, but this was as much a delusion as his belief that he had impressed British society. In fact, Ribbentrop often displayed a fundamental misunderstanding of British politics and society. During the abdication crisis of December 1936, Ribbentrop reported to Berlin that it had been precipitated by an anti-German Jewish-Masonic-reactionary conspiracy to depose Edward (whom Ribbentrop represented as a staunch friend of Germany), and that civil war would soon break out in Britain between the supporters of the king and those of Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin. Ribbentrop's civil-war statements were greeted with incredulity by those British people who heard them.[68]
>Ribbentrop had a habit of summoning tailors from the best British firms, making them wait for hours, then sending them away without seeing him but with instructions to return the next day, only to repeat the process. This did immense damage to his reputation in British high society, as London's tailors retaliated by telling all their well-off clients that Ribbentrop was impossible to deal with.[28] In an interview, his secretary Reinhard Spitzy stated "He [Ribbentrop] behaved very stupidly and very pompously and the British don't like pompous people."[28] In the same interview, Spitzy called Ribbentrop "pompous, conceited and not too intelligent", and stated he was an utterly insufferable man to work for.[28]

>In addition, Ribbentrop chose to spend as little time as possible in London in order to stay close to Hitler, which irritated the British Foreign Office immensely, as Ribbentrop's frequent absences prevented the handling of many routine diplomatic matters.[69] (Punch referred to him as the "Wandering Aryan" for his frequent trips home.)[70] As Ribbentrop alienated more and more people in Britain, Göring warned Hitler that Ribbentrop was a "stupid ass".[28] Hitler dismissed Göring's concerns: "[b]ut after all, he knows quite a lot of important people in England." This remark led Göring to reply "Mein Führer, that may be right, but the bad thing is, they know him."[28]
>In February 1937, Ribbentrop committed a notable social gaffe by unexpectedly greeting King George VI with the "German greeting", a stiff-armed Nazi salute[71]: the gesture nearly knocked over the king, who was walking forward to shake Ribbentrop's hand at the time.[70] Ribbentrop further compounded the damage to his image and caused a minor crisis in Anglo-German relations by insisting that henceforward all German diplomats were to greet heads of state by giving and receiving the stiff-arm fascist salute.[70] The crisis was resolved when Neurath pointed out to Hitler that under Ribbentrop's rule, if the Soviet ambassador were to give the Communist clenched-fist salute, then Hitler would be obliged to return it.[72] On Neurath's advice, Hitler disavowed Ribbentrop's demand that King George receive and give the "German greeting".[73]

>Most of Ribbentrop's time was spent either demanding that Britain sign the Anti-Comintern Pact or that London return the former German colonies in Africa.[74] But he also devoted considerable time to courting what he called the "men of influence" as the best way to achieve an Anglo-German alliance.[75] Ribbentrop believed the British aristocracy comprised some sort of secret society that ruled from behind the scenes, and if he could befriend enough members of Britain's "secret government", he could bring about the alliance.[76] Almost all of the initially favourable reports Ribbentrop provided to Berlin about the alliance's prospects were based on friendly remarks about the "New Germany" that came from British aristocrats such as Lord Londonderry and Lord Lothian; the rather cool reception that Ribbentrop received from British Cabinet ministers and senior bureaucrats did not make much of an impression on him at first.[77]
>In February 1937, before a meeting with the Lord Privy Seal, Lord Halifax, Ribbentrop suggested to Hitler that Germany, Italy, and Japan begin a worldwide propaganda campaign with the aim of forcing Britain to return the former German colonies in Africa.[81] Hitler turned down this idea of Ribbentrop's, but nonetheless during his meeting with Lord Halifax, Ribbentrop spent much of the meeting demanding that Britain sign an alliance with Germany and return the former German colonies.[81]

>Ribbentrop's negotiating style, a mix of bullying bluster and icy coldness coupled with lengthy monologues praising Hitler, alienated many.[84] The American historian Gordon A. Craig once observed that of all the voluminous memoir literature of the diplomatic scene of 1930s Europe, there are only two positive references to Ribbentrop.[85] Of the two references, General Leo Geyr von Schweppenburg, the German military attaché in London, commented that Ribbentrop had been a brave soldier in World War I, while the wife of the Italian Ambassador to Germany, Elisabetta Cerruti, called Ribbentrop "one of the most diverting of the Nazis".[85] In both cases the praise was limited, with Cerruti going on to write that only in the Third Reich was it possible for someone as superficial as Ribbentrop to rise to be a minister of foreign affairs, while Geyr von Schweppenburg called Ribbentrop an absolute disaster as ambassador in London.[86] The British historian/television producer Laurence Rees noted for his 1997 series The Nazis: A Warning from History that every single person interviewed for the series who knew Ribbentrop expressed a passionate hatred for him. One German diplomat, Herbert Richter, called Ribbentrop "lazy and worthless", while another, Manfred von Schröder, was quoted as saying Ribbentrop was "vain and ambitious". Rees concluded that "No other Nazi was so hated by his colleagues".[28]

>In November 1937, Ribbentrop was placed in a highly embarrassing situation, when his forceful advocacy of the return of the former German colonies led the British Foreign Secretary Anthony Eden and the French Foreign Minister Yvon Delbos to offer to open talks on returning the former German colonies, in return for which the Germans would make binding commitments to respect their borders in central and eastern Europe.[87] Since Hitler was not interested in obtaining the former colonies, especially if the price was a brake on expansion into eastern Europe, Ribbentrop was forced to turn down the Anglo-French offer that he had largely brought about.[88] Immediately after turning down the Anglo-French offer on colonial restoration, Ribbentrop, for reasons of pure malice, ordered the Reichskolonialbund to increase the agitation for the former German colonies, a move that exasperated both the Foreign Office and the Quai d'Orsay.[88]
>Ribbentrop's inability to achieve the alliance that he had been sent to conclude frustrated him, as he feared it could cost him Hitler's favour, and it made him a bitter Anglophobe.[89] As the Italian Foreign Minister, Count Galeazzo Ciano, noted in his diary in late 1937, Ribbentrop had come to hate Britain with all the "fury of a woman scorned".[90] Ribbentrop (and Hitler for that matter) never understood that British foreign policy aimed at the appeasement of Germany, not an alliance.[91]
>As Count Ciano noted in his diary, the Anti-Comintern Pact was "anti-Communist in theory, but in fact unmistakably anti-British."[92] Believing himself to be in a state of disgrace with Hitler over his failure to achieve the British alliance, Ribbentrop spent December 1937 in a state of depression, and together with his wife, wrote two lengthy documents for Hitler denouncing Britain.[88] In the first of his two reports to Hitler, which was presented on 2 January 1938, Ribbentrop stated that "England is our most dangerous enemy".[93]

Literal animals

>That disastrous Russian Naval expedition to Japan that was rife with incompetence and hilarity that was almost too good to be true.

The stoppable force meets the movable object.

The execution itself was darkly funny too, just for how bad they botched it

Sic semper tyrannis

Didn't they have a negative k/d ratio by the end?

Deo Vindice

>Local inhabitants of the area called the new city Rumagan
Rum=rome not greece ffs

>that was rife with incompetence and hilarity that was almost too good to be true
if you're thinking of that screencap, its because most of it wasn't true and was just made up by a guy at the world of tanks forum

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Good shit here

>1/3 of Xerxes entire fleet while invading Greece was destroyed in storm
>The mad man did it twice
Based Poseidon

The entire Presidency of Saparyat Niyabazerov.

The adventures of the Roman navy in the first Punic war always reminded me of Monty Python and the holy grail.

> They told us it was daft for the Romans to build a navy. That was captured by the Carthaginians. So we built a second one. That one sank in a storm. We built a third one, and that one also sank in a storm. The fourth one was captured by the Carthaginians, then sank in a storm. But the fifth one - the fifth one won the war!

>>Ribbentrop's negotiating style, a mix of bullying bluster and icy coldness coupled with lengthy monologues praising Hitler, alienated many

I know that feel

*Saparmurat Niyazov

Did intelligence gathering not exist at the time? How could they not be aware of the fact of how much a shit show Russia and its military was?

The Romanians getting BTFO by the central powers in 16-17; signing a humiliating Peacetreaty in december 1917 then joining the war again on 10th of November 1918 and gaining almost double the land they had before the war

They knew Russia was a shitshow, they were scared of Russia getting their shit together or the Austrians being overrun.

>Czech legion gets caught behind enemy lines fighting Russians for the Central Powers.
> Actually want an independent Czech country
>Defect
>Russia surrenders, civil war starts
>Fight in Russian Civil War
>Tons of crazy shit
>Hijack Tsars bullion after seizing the TransSiberian rail road and ransom it
>Get to Far East
>Rescued by burgers
>Burgers take them on a rail road tour of the US to raise money for an independent Czech state
>Having circled the globe, the legion returns home to found a new nation
>Economically advanced, they spend heavily on defense

>Get sold out by allies and told to abandon their forts and military equipment
>France falls for this and their entire proud military tradition is replaced by the surrender monkey meme
>UK becomes an irrelevant US client state
>Russia lets this happen and stabs Poland, loses 28 million
> Most historians agree that fighting the Czechs and unstabbed Poles would have bled Germany so hard that WWII ends much earlier.

>The same triumphant legionaries are there to see their country sold out by the West who then get assraped until the Soviets finally get their shit together and the US comes in.
>End of the day they end up getting controlled by Soviets again when the West renegs on their soverignity.

I mean, it's such a ridiculous high to ridiculous low with so much self defeating betrayal. Being a Czech or Pole is suffering.

The entire history of Ireland under English domination is quality slapstick.

youtube.com/watch?v=c5xJpj7EmQM

>japanese pilots lying in their reports about sinking tons of american ships
>admiral yamamoto is overjoyed and flies out into the front lines to personally congratulate the men in the airfields
>USA is by this point reading enough japanese communications to be playing the war with map hacks
>sends out a few planes to shoot him down on the way

Greeks were more "Roman" than Romans in the 6th century.

When Peisistratos seized Athens. It was funny cause to do this he dressed up some woman to look like Minerva and convinced everyone it was her, and Herodotus said something like 'Athenians are the smartest in the world but this was really stupid'.

The entire assassination of Archduke Ferdinand
too lazy to explain the whole thing so here

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Archduke_Franz_Ferdinand_of_Austria

The USS O'Bannon capturing a submarine and getting them by chucking potatoes at them during WW2.

>try to ram the sub
>wait it might be laying mines don't ram it
>still close as fuck
>submarine surfaces and the heathen naps attempt to man their deck gun
>Americans start throwing potatoes at the Japanese
>Japanese, not having seen any of this in their mangas, try to submerge and get sunk with depth charges

Imagine the terrified Japanese running around the deck of the sub, throwing potatoes off of it...and not a single one realizes they aren't exploding.

pic related
When the French defense minister Charles Huntzinger had to confirm their surrender to the Germans
I find that fucking hilarious that they got the same railroad car (the one where the Germans had to sign the Treaty of Versailles. The same car played a role during the "Reichsgründung", too) that they used before.

Justice

> In 1925, there was a short war (or more like armed conflict, not a real war) between Greece and Bulgaria. The reason is that near Petrich, a greek dog entered Bulgarian teritorry. The Greek soldier who was running after it, trying to return his dog home, was shot. The dog was shot as well. This war is known as "War of the Stray Dog". After the accident, the Greek army invaded and occupied Petrich. The League of Nations got involved after a Bulgarian appeal and they forced Greece to withdraw and pay reparations equal to 45,000 GBP.

Conrad von Hotzendorf was basically retarded and a lot of the shit he did was darkly funny.

>climb a mountain in winter with an army so unprepared for winter people are wearing cardboard boots
>everyone either freezes to death or gets sick and dies
>call it off, get the survivors and more guys together and try the same fucking thing again and fail the same way
>try it a third time but this time leave the artillery behind
>finally make it up and over the mountain
>send your men into a suicide attack on Russian forces who have just been chilling watching you fuck around
>when everyone dies get butthurt and tell the austrians stuck in przemysl who are basically starved to just run out and attack the russians
>everyone dies or is captured
>don't bother to tell anyone you fucked up so disasterously so some other guy mounts a competent assault only to realize half way through the battle that the fort has been taken by the Russians so there's no point in fighting to save the now dead or captured austrians
>in the end lose millions of men trying to save 100,000 or so

or the classic

>men are getting killed in canoes trying to cross a river
>lmao let's just bring out a live band to boost moral

>What is the funniest moment in history that was unintentional, deadpan and never looked at as funny, but you think is hilarious.

When the human species destroyed and damned their souls for a nobody terrorist from the Levant because they didn't want to serve the King.

youtube.com/watch?v=-11fCgBp9QA

That time the Pope, ever-critical of the Jesuits' methods in China, wrote to the Qing Emperor and tried to get him to listen to him like a Christian king. The emperor responded by banning Christian work in China and expelling all the missionaries.

>WHAT IS A "POPE" AND WHY IS HE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO
>THAT'S IT, ALL CHRISTIANS GET OUT

>wrote to the Qing Emperor and tried to get him to listen to him like a Christian king. The emperor responded by banning Christian work in China and expelling all the missionaries.

If Clergy ever listened to anyone except their gang, they find out God would say the same thing to them - that God's been dumping their souls in hell for centuries now - where they belong.

youtube.com/watch?v=H7AvHOKFc9c

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My place is here unless some one proves to me the validity of the death warrant from King Nebuchadnezzar II of the Babylonian Empire I was handed - in which case I'll denounce the existence of the gods.

youtube.com/watch?v=lFPM4ICNy14

The germans specifically wanted to do it in that train. for obvious reason (lol karma frenchies)

Cadorna was so will respected that the Italian Navy named a cruiser after him in the 1920s.

Explain the basic thesis of your forced meme to me and I'll watch the video. At the moment it just seems like some weird "Illuminati is responsibly for Christianity" or some such and I don't give enough of a fuck about that without a basic thesis. Give it to me.

Most Westerners seem to be either confused or disturbed be this story but I find it amusing. Must be a Slav thing. Translation (by Catherine S. Leach) from "Memoirs of the Polish Baroque":

>More Frenchmen there were in Warsaw than fanned Cerberus' fires, throwing money around, carrying on intrigues - mainly nocturnal, enjoying great freedom in Warsaw and great esteem; they performed triumphal spectacles in honor of their victories, even though invented and not real; at court a Frenchman can always gain entry, while a Pole must stand nearly half the day at the door; 'tis, to be brief, a sorely exaggerated esteem.

>Among their divers privileges I must mention this one: in Warsaw they were allowed to perform in theatro publico [on the public stage] a triumphal celebration of a victory over the German [Austrian] emperor. Upon bringing the actors to the theatrum along with the music and fireworks for the celebration, a mob of people gathered to view so marvellous a spectaculum; some came on horseback, being either on their way out of Warsaw or arriving; whoever took notice, though his affair be urgent, stayed to watch this wondrous performance.

>And I too was there, for I was departing from Warsaw. Having left my lodgings, I, too stopped thus on horseback with my retainers to watch these wonders. Circa hoc spectaculum [around this spectacle] were standing people of different rank and temper. The French performed divers scenes: now armies attacked, now the foot and horse closed ranks, now one side gave up the field to another, now Germans were taken prisoner and beheaded, now a fortress was stormed and taken - in short, such things were performed at great expense and sumptuously. No sooner had the emperor's army been routed, as it were, and the enemy defeated in the field, but they bring in the emperor bound in chains, in his imperial robes but no longer wearing the imperial crown on his head, carrying it instead in his hands and surrendering it to the French king.

>We saw, of course, that the man impersonating the emperor in chains was a prominent Frenchman - he knew how to imitate his outer bearing and he stuck out his lip like the emperor. One of the Poles on horseback began to yell at the French actors: "Kill that son of a so-and-so now that you've got him; don't spare him, for if you let him go, he'll wage war after war, shed men's blood, and the world will never see peace; kill him and the French king will gain the imperium, he'll be emperor, and, God willing, he'll be king of Poland. But if you don't kill him, I'll kill him in the end."

>And if he doesn't seize his bow, insert an arrow, and now pierces Sir Emperor's side so hard that out come sthe tip on the other side; he did him in. The Poles to their bows, they take after that French mob, shooting at them, even wounding the one sitting in persona of the king; he fell from the throne under the theatrum onto his crown and then fled away with the other Frenchmen.

>Warsaw was in an uproar then. Those who had done the shooting rode off, each going his own way; I myself immediately made off lest I be somehow mistakenly suspect, I too having been part of that throng. Having ridden half a mile beyond Warsaw in the direction of Tarczyn, I left my bow with Pan Łączyński to escape suspicion, then rode on slowly, taking only my hunting piece, for I expected them to give chase. And something of the sort did happen, for Queen Ludwika, though an imperiosus mulier [imperious termagant], to whom one could safely apply the saying coined for another monarch: Rex erat Helisabeth, verum regina Jacobus, imperiosus mulier [Elizabeth, an imperious termagant, was king, but James queen], shedding her haughtiness, fell at the king's feet, begging him to pursue them, to seize them.

>The king gave the order then, for whoever could do so, to take to the highways and bring this affair to a speedy end, only sine effectu [without effect]; for whomever they overtook and asked, "From whence do you come riding? Was it not you who killed the emperor and wounded the French king?" - "Not I," and they let him be.

>The which query reached my ears too, only not until the following day. I stopped in to visit Pan Okuń; glad he was to see me; I'm telling him of this tragedy when a few dozen horse came riding into the village asking: "Was anyone riding through here from Warsaw?" They rode there, they enter the house: "Servus." - "Servus." My host asked them to be seated. And they ask me: "From whence is Your Honor riding?" Say I: "From Warsaw." - "When did Your Worship leave?" Say I: "After the death of the Christian emperor and the king of France." - "Did you see it happen?" - "I saw it." - "What sort of person was it who took the first shot at the emperor?" Say I: "Someone like Your Honor and myself."

>Says he, laughing: "Was it not yourself, Your Honor?" I answer: "Bows and arrows they were using there, while I came here without a quiver." Says he: "Even were it Your Honor who did it, or whoever else, you've the Lord's forgiveness for taking up the cudgels in such a mighty outrage; his Majesty the king expresses his sympathy only in the Queen's sight; in his heart he's amused by it." They then, having a hearty chortle over that conversation and making merry, drank up a barrel of my host's beer, and a second, and away they rode.

tl;dr: A bunch of Polish noblemen murder some French courtiers/actors in the middle of a show for the sake of banter. The person writing the memoirs, the king, and the royal force sent to investigate the matter all consider this hilarious.

>French are prancing fairies
>Polacks are violent retards

Checks out.

I dunno, I'm Polish and I've always considered this disgusting

>What is the funniest moment in history

Hands down, the Holocaust.

>Jews attempt communist takeover
>Jews get btfo
>Half of Europe gets btfo by communism after the Germans fall and suffers for the next half century
>The other half get btfo by cultural marxism and is still yet to reach its pinnacle of suffering
>The goyim still don't learn

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