Tfw pl8 dispenser at the gym won't take my quarter and I line is forming behind me

>forgot to register my biceps as firearms
>thanks obama
>set off lunk alarm AND weapons detecter in gym
>TFW SWAT stops your workout

>forget to bring my pl8 lube
>go to the gym locker room/petting zoo
>try to sneak a stick of butter from a guys bag when hes busy petting the baby goat
>goat gets excited and he sees me
>hot foot it out of there and hide in the planetarium for 2 hours
>have to do cardio only that day

>forget my plate silencer
>Have to set my deadlifts down carefully

>still stuck on my leaner lifting licensed
>only legally allowed to take one scoop per day unless under the supervision of a fully qualified lifter
>just finished workout
>fumbled around with shaker too long, missed the 10 second window to take my scoop for optimal gains
>no one around
>sneakily load up some creatine I got off a guy in the carpark at night, mix it with 3 scoops
>lunk alarm goes off
>riot squad comes in, tackles me to the ground
>rich piana walks in
>"OBEY THE LAW C'MON"
>creatine and whey confiscated
>leaner lifters licensed taken away indefinitely

not even once

>Not sharing a plug as you work in

What are you, a faggot?

>Locker room baby goat
Kek that would actually be awesome

>lifting permit has been expired for a month
>been lifting at homegym
>its all hus hus Im not even telling my mom
>somehow the Department of exercise get a wiff of my doings
>they bust in to my homegym while Im mid squat
>I get degained and taken to the police office
>using my one Veeky Forums post to tell you guys
>pls help me

Fuck, this thread was going great and you had to ruin it with this stupid shit.

>tfw the ass-dryer is broken
>have to dry my ass with the foot dryer instead

Guys my sc00p dealer just got busted by the police. Anyone know where I can some high quality sc00p in the Boston area

Been trying to get some hardcore shit too (I'm talking creatine). But no luck so far

>gym inspection day
>just as i start benching the Form Officials approach and observe me
>want to get set over and done with so don't touch bar to my chest on final rep
>they ask to see my lifting license
>everything checks out but they see I have already accumulated 9 penalty points
>mfw form infraction cost me two more
>mfw i have to do supervized lifts for the next two months with strict form or face a gym ban

Good thing they didn't find my contraband chalk in my gymbag

>Get sick as fuck gains
>Pay the inredibly small 27% gains tax
I love the free gym
Ameridumbs will never experience this

>He doesn't know the hottest new maymays

Brah you ever tried prw? This shit increases your lifts x3. I'm not even fucking kidding.

You gotta be careful widdit tho. You really feel the jitters with this shit and I hear people had their gains blow up in a bloody mess.

Don't get caught neither. I got a guy who got busted for using prw and they fined him 200lb of gains

...

Should have followed the law asshole

I'm tired of this gay shit

>go to the gym
>tip the receptionist as usual
>put some dimes into the plate dispenser for warmups
>pajeet starts doing curry presses next to me
>stinky boi
>fast forward into end of training
>forget to return my sweat canister to the rack
>alarm goes off
>I get caught by my foot and risen up via rope
>panting fat woman comes up to me from the infra-red sauna
>"y-y-you r-r-ready for the c-c-complimentary pizza, user?"
>"u-uh I'll eat at home"
>"it's more l-l-like a punishment than a r-r-reward
>lost my gains that night

I'm tired of you being a massive fucking faggot but here we are.

When will they make sc00p legal bros?

>forgot to bring purse
>have to suck old men off in the locker room for spare change so that I can tip the receptionist

>at gym
>squat rack merchant tells me a rack is gonna cost me $280, even though they were only worth $140 yesterday
>my last paycheck was only $560, and i already gave $130 to the barbell merchant
>qt within earshot giving me a strange look

9 points??? how the fuck are you still lifting? You are making the gym unsafe for the rest of us!

>have a home gym
>had to weld the equipment myself because i don't want to pay anually for a lifting license because fuck the feds
>invite buddy and his dad over to watch the game
>he goes into the garage to grab a beer from the fridge
>didn't know his dad was a cop, he sees my obviously homeade gym
>he comes out, asks for my lifting license, i say i lost it
>he calls bullshit, puts cuffs on me and takes me jail
>have to explain to court how long i've been lifting and how many rep taxes i've been avoiding
>they calculate 1¢ per lb. times the number of reps, then double that for avoiding it.
>get let go with only a 20k fine and no jail time.

i'm fucking broke, Texans lost, and feminism is demasculanizing America. Thanks Hillary.

>go to gym
>penis inspection day

Be happy they had you pay in money instead of gains. I got fined 50lb gains for creatine possession

Stop complaining, it only takes a second to inspect something that tiny

>list the fat I lost cutting as a decrease in gains
>Avoid paying capital gains tax.

...

Kek

>come to the gym sweating
>lock the bathroom and try to do rails of creatine on the toilet
>hands shake so much that I can't fold a dollar bill properly
>decide to snort the load scarface style
>toilet seat still warm from the previous user
>shitstains all over the porcelain
>get my shit done and get out
>whilst inserting the squat plug suddenly pass out
>rushed into hospital with an ambulance
>1400$ for 0.7 miles because no insurance

gains are becoming more and more expensive. how do you guys season your chicken by the way?

cube chicken, let sit in generous mixture of soy sauce and garlic salt while refrigerated for 3-5 hours, then fry on a pan. serve with brown rice and veggies of choice

what a shitty gym.
in my gym there are free candybars on every machine, a pizzaoven at the reception and half the gym is a smoking area.

>take my C4 preworkout and head to the gym
>bomb detector goes off and I'm held in the lobby for 15 minutes while they inspect every crevice of my body for explosives
>they check my prostate and are too rough and the C4 goes off
>barely survived and now I'm on the terrorist watch list

Makes me nervous to go to the gym :(

>no fresh sponges on the sponge shelf
>water fountain still broken
>have to wait for the fucking ice to melt

>crab legs get confiscated at the gym security checkpoint
it's 2016 people

>It's right arm day
>all the right-handed dumbbells are taken
Is it okay to use a left-handed one or will I get kicked out?

You should do that every second arm workout to maximise muscle confusion

>Gym is out of plates due to recent sale
>order some off ebay
>he seems eager to give them up
>they feel strange, no weight labels i can see either
>try to weigh them at gym
>weights are weird, 44.57lbs? >cant be right?
>hear whispering behind me
>sirens in the distance
>mfw accidentally bought illegal powerlifting plates that use KG
>SJW officers degain me for gymtimidation
>sentenced to 5 years of pizza and soda

What's the dumbest thing you've been degained for?

not join in the masturbation cycle on "share your gainz" day

>pay the County Circuit Court Curling Charge
>have back and bicep day the next day
>Curling Card doesn't come in the mail
>Get a letter saying a I have a Curling Credit in lieu of my Curling Card
>Go to gym
>Arm accessory work, doing DB curls
>Coach Commandos patrolling gym making sure everyone has their Cards
>Asks to see mine
>Show him my Curling Credit
>Says I need a minimum of two Credits
>tfw confronted by crazy Coach Commandos who confiscate me because Curling Credit Card didn't come in from the County Circuit Court Curling Committee
>mfw

>Half the gym
Wow what a shit gym, the entire block my gym is on is a smoking area

>Only one block
Wow what a shit community. My entire township is a smoking area.

>Township
My entire state is a smoking area.
Go Colorado

>One filthy hippie state
My entire country is a smoking area.

>One simple minded country
My entire continent is a smoking area.

>earth plebs at it again

My entire planet is a smoking area

>One puny plot of hardened dust
My entire orbit is a smoking area.

super kek

>Berenstein
>not Berenstain
Wait. What?

>One miniscule orbit in a ghetto galaxy
My entire galaxy cluster is a smoking area

You don't even want to go down that rabbit hole.

>sniffer dogs in the locker rooms because someone's been leaving smegma on the barbells
>didn't know
>haven't showered in a week (hot water is bad for test production and I can't stand cold showers)
>don't even need sniffer dogs as their handlers recoil as I walk past
>they take a swab and match it to the barbells
>banned for life

kek

You can never unknow this, user. The rabbit hole goes deeper than any squat plug you've ever used.

>A fart cloud in bum fuck nowhere

My entire CMB is a smoking area.

Audibly sniffed arhythmically

>Start university and within one week get a gf
>She's a solid 7, but her body is a 9 from working out
>Decide to go to the gym with her
>We're both squatting in the same rack, one set me, then her, and so forth
>"Oh, user, I just realized I don't have my trap pads for the barbell!"
>wut?.nds
>"Oh, I need them or else my shoulders will hurt a lot user!"
>Have no idea what she's talking about, but one of the trainers overhears her
>Tyrone says "Ayy, I got dem pads out back, u want it?"
>Without saying anything, she goes to the back with Tyrone to get some barbell pads
>Finish my workout without gf
>After 30 minutes she comes back with no barbell pad
>She tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about

haha, did she prank me or something? At first I was upset, but looking back now it makes me laugh. She DIDN'T need any barbell pads, but she pretended she did. Man am I lucky to have a funny gf or what!

Oh shit that a pretty good gym then. You win

Shudda stacked wit summa dis.
I use it for Pajeets

happened to my wife, spoke to my gym's Tyrone after and he said he was a motivational speaker, "a quick pep talk and she was full of spunk!" he said

Holy fuck that's a lot of security guards

Welcome to the Mandela effect

All these expired lifting permits/licenses.

Are you lads not part of your local Exercise Union? They keep you up to date on all of your paperwork,and can garuntee lifting hour opportunities. They ask deliver free gains when lifting hours are scarce. The dues are well worth the benefit.

>Get to gym
>All the good anvils are taken

>Britbong
>enjoy interrailing and lifting across Europe with my EU Massport
>Brexit happens
>Now have shitty British Massport and need a visa to even point my cock at a gym anywhere else

>

>he voted to remain in the EU
>he voted for scoop quotas and non-smoking gyms made by unelected bureaucrats

>Sc00p legal in only 3 American states
Wow, truly the Land of the free

I mean fuck, ban hardcore shit like creatine, but sc00p? C'mon!

> Being a eurofag

>leg day, going for a new squat PR
>need to take a shit first
>check gym bag
>left my poop scissors home

Fucking kek

Kek

man this thread is funny. Does anyone mind if I screencap some of the responses and post them on r/Veeky Forums?

>put dollar in plate vending machine
>plate gets stuck halfway down
>big line behind me, can feel the tension
>try to lean on machine and shake the plate down
>chad walks up
>"lemme get that for you user"
>shakes the plate down
>another plate falls with it
>he hands it to qt3.14 behind me and winks
>see them go into the hammock area later
>cry and leave the gym

first time poster, long time lurker of r/Veeky Forums here. Go ahead mate, it's all you. Better have me in the screencap though!

>chest day at gym again
>found out their 20kg plates had plate degradation
>only been lifting 18.6kg plates all this time
>why me

>tfw 3 week gym ban for shadowboxing in the sauna

>>
quality chadpost my friend

because alex is a fucking nigger

>OHP in the squat rack
>Get fined 80% of my deltoid mass

>didn't get enough sleep previous night cause I lost my pacifier
>all my gains from yesterday are gone
>fucksake
>snort some creatine powder before going to the gym that day
>feel good, regaining my gains
>approaching 7th rep
>mfw the local nerd snitches
>bobbys come and take me away at 7th rep
>see nerd get stitches
>bobbys find all the needle marks from where I inject pure protein
>tfw all gains from 2 days are gone and im being done for /fraud/ :\

Why wouldn't you inject creating

I found a quarter on the floor @ my gym the other day and thought of you guys

BUMP

Got a giggle from me.

> Used up my 100 deadlift quota last week.
> try trade my crunches for bench
> tfw the receptionist calls you a fag

>Powerlifting
>Bodybuilding
>Somehow not the same thing

>have powerlifting license
>go to gym with new friend from uni
>he wants to blast chest
>load up 3 plate and do the standard 5 reps
>he looks at me weird
>cm'on bruh lets do 4x12
>start sweating "i c-c'ant"
>"don't be a fag"
>load up 2.5pl8
>Lifting police storms the gym on my 6th rep
>asks to see my hypertrophy license
>get fined 50lb off all my lifts for 1 year
>fml