Tfw lifting wont get me a gf like this

>tfw lifting wont get me a gf like this
why live?

It's a fake profile.

What a boring cunt. I would definitely domestically abuse her if she was my wife. Come home everyday and fucking beat her up. Get drunk and fucking kick her head in. Fucking beat her up for cooking a shitty dinner. If my beloved arsenal lost I would drag her by the hair and throw her down the stairs. The works.

that doesn't help

>Riding my horse

Stay away OP. Do not stick your dick in crazy

>religious horse girl

n o p e

cool

...

>much less thrifty

how much more of a red flag do you need? she's gonna spend all your money on bullshit and her fucking horse

and probably get fucked by her horse

horse girls are literally insane

>not wanting to go on a comfy horse ride with a qt in the early morning

>Christian

No thank you. I don't want my kids to be cucks

horse chicks always have numb, weird cunts. i got in one, don't ask how because even i don't fully fuckin understand it, i'm a BMX boy to the core, but this horse chick was there at the skate park i was seshin at, just sitting on top of her... arabian? clydesdale? whatever the fuck, it was a horse, a brown fuckin horse. well, after awhile i got a little cheesed off at this stupid bitch and her fuckin judgy-eyed daddy surrogate, and threw an apple from my lunch at them which the horse caught in its mouth and devoured. i'm like "jesus fuckin christ can it do that again" and i'm walking over to her with a banana and a ham sandwich and 2 chocolate pudding cups ready to give this cocksucker diabetes but because of the 2 pudding cups she must have thought i was offering her some lunch and i guess we hit it off from there. and i got to eat half a fucking banana, which is the shittiest amount you could possibly eat in a lunch.

but anyways i go in, in her pussy, and everything feels/looks normal (so no, they probably don't do bestiality, its just a spiritual connection with a powerful, mysterious, intelligent animal and people are quick to sexualize and sex everything up because that's what sells. the public definitely craves a lot of bestiality, it moves units). but anyways i'm fucking the horse girl that i somehow met and charmed, and shit's going okay except like... she's not "fucking back". so i say let's switch to doggystyle, because if you are doggystylin on a bitch and she doesn't give you at least a little back and forth motion in return, either you're raping her or there's a medical issue there. thankfully it was the latter in this case. also as soon as i said doggystyle she was on all fours, which meant this wasn't her first "rodeo", which, like.... it kinda blew my mind that these chicks didn't spend all their non-horse time in mega-churches talking about their plans for their next horse time.

>26
>still single
>all that shit
somethings off

but anyways i'm like "is everything okay? you're not... thinkin about horses while i'm back here operatin at goddamn superhuman power levels are you? cuz if you are then so help me god..." but she's like "nah this is how regular sex is. i sit here, you do whatever it is you need to back there, and then we hang out." (ugh, "hang out" translation: i fake diarrhea and flee this fuckin crime scene on my BMX) i grilled her some more, and she said she actually can't feel any kind of penetration. spending all that time on her horse gave her Nerve Damage of the Raspberry Underpass evidently. i asked her if that wasn't boring and guess what the fuck she told me? "nah, i usually just think about my horse while you're doing your thing."

If this isn't already pasta it needs to be

i was fuckin enraged but i wanted to make it seem playful so i could still get one off, so i smacked the more front part of her pussy, her clit area basically, like a dozen times real quick and i'm all "HELLO TEST TEST IS THIS THING ON". it would have been some pretty good x-rated slapstick if her clit had no sensation. well, her clit still had full sensation. REALLY full sensation. she's rolling around on the bed grabbin her cooch and cussin at me like a broken bayesian george carlin routine generator. i'm like "okay calm the fuck down it's alright blah blah blah" and we're basically back to square one, when she was surveying me from her literal high horse (don't ever use that expression around one of these chicks btw) and i was seshin bowls and pulling sick double peg grinds. BUT i manage to get in her pants AGAIN, kinda easier this time since she never put them back on because i sneakily kicked all of her clothes under the bed. and this time i was like "hey, let me eat you out before we fuck" and she goes "eat me what?" nobody had ever oralled this girl before. so i do my thing, write a letter to grandma in cursive with the tip of my tongue, whatever, and she's like god DAMN. apparently the first orgasm in her entire life she's ever had with someone other than a horse (like i said, they don't fuck the horses, they're just up there bouncing their crotches around on em, and then they have like special routines they run em through that make them cum, but it's better with a man she said, because you don't have to be on a stupid fucking horse.)

so yeah, horse chicks are fucked up

This.
I'm surprised people unironically fall for this

...

Nice pasta, subscribed

Saved. Not sure if/when i will ever use it. But nice job user.

pure pottery

>pottery

Learn to spell, dipshit.

>inb4 its a meme to misspell poetry

Yeah, if you are a faggot.

> wanting horse chicks
You're in for some shit bro

>tries to make herself seem as "pure" as possible
>exposed shoulders
>low v-neck

That backwater hick slut probably gets spitroasted by Bert and Cletus on the reg.

...

>bayesian george carlin routine generator
this amuses me greatly

>mfw OP has no idea what horse chicks are like
You poor poor bastard

I know a horse chick, she's hot and speaks Norwegian for some fucking reason. All her friends are certified buffalo babes, fucking uggos. She married this fag and now they're trying to have a baby and can't. Weak sperm man must ride horses too or something.

Rofl.

pure gold

i love you

The purest form of pottery.

>Horse girl
Enjoy that one. Your dick most certainly won't be cut off in your sleep. No siree.

>Houston
Ayyyyy

>5'2"

>Arts degree
Dropped

>horse
>dogs
lol someone is gonna learn the hard way

She's getting her cunt and asshole destroyed by Jamal and or Chad even as we speak.

Hope you're packing bruh, cause she's had the best her little town has had to offer.

Consider the case where this profile is not fake.

Why would an 11/10 like that need to take to autistic dating venues?

BoP she has some issue that has yet to reveal itself.

...