/urination routines/ general

ITT: Urination routines

I'll start:

> face away from the toilet with legs shoulder width apart
> pull down trousers + undies
> sit down on the toilet
> reach underneath penis and scrote to scratch the arsecrack
> sniff fingers
> check for any poo underneath fingernails
> push penis downwards
> commence urination
> shake penis to expell the last few drips
> tear off 3 squares of toilet paper
> scrunch them up
> wipe knob
> wipe any excess urine off the toilet seat with the untouched part of the scrunched up toilet paper
> stand up
> pull trousers + undies up
> walk away

Standard.

>walk up to urinal
>unzip pants and take penis out
>urinate
>put penis back in pants
>zip up
>wash hands, but not in urinal, go to sink first

i just whip out my dick and piss you autistic fuck. shake it afterwards to try to get any drops off but that's literally it

>walk to urinal
>shit m8 it's half chilly in here
>don't unzip
>pee self
>very warm and comforting
>leave

Was that horribly executed joke worthy of its own thread?

Aren't you afraid of other men looking at your willy?? I always get stage fright when i try to pee in urinals, then i have to do the walk of shame to the cubicles. It's extremely embarrassing.

Joke?

>walk up to urinal
>unzip pants and take penis out
>pee while adjusting my aim trying not to get too many pee particles splashing back at me
>check pants for any noticeable pee spots
>zip up
>walk out the door
oh wait i'm civilized
>wash hands with soap and water
>dry hands
>toss paper towels into wastebin like a basketball player

tbqh sometimes if for some reason it's colder than usual out and it's smaller than it would typically be, yes. I just lean in closer.

you should play the urinal game on albinoblacksheep
it taught me life skills

>wait until bathroom is empty
>just pretend to fix hair/wash face/wash hands, etc.
>be at sinks
>take out peenus
>urinate all over sink area with my penur
>zip up
>walk out

I do this at home sometimes when I'm brushing my teeth and busting to go to the toilet.

>take urinal right next to someone
>stare at them
>when they notice, yell
>I CAN'T GO UNTIL YOU LOOK AT ME!!!
>shit pants instead
>walk out

>take out my peepee and make lemonade on mirror
>feel rumble in my tummy
>run to stall and accidentally make chocolate funtimes in my pants
>oh no! mummy will be angry if she finds out!
>scoop out brown mushies from my undies and smear them on the stalls
>rub it in so no one will suspect anything
>put pants on inside out to cover up smell
>just as i walk out my order of 10 chicken mcnugnugs is called

>lemonade on mirror
lost

>walk into public bathroom
>have a shy bladder
>stand there pretending to pee
>pull up pants
>wash hands for 1 second
>leave

>tfw bladder shyness

It's awful. Sometimes I can pee at a urinal with a guy next to me, provided there's darn good sight blockers. Other times, especially in a busy abd loud bathroom (just after a movie or at a sports game) I can barley pee sitting down (on a nasty public toliet seat). It just won't come out at all.

At home I sit down cause I had phimosis as a kid which made aiming impossible. Besides it's nice to sit, relax and get my dose of memes.

>walk into public bathroom
>go to urinal
>unzip pants
>pull out dong
>immediately fire a high pressure stream capable of cutting through steel out of my urethra
>aim towards the little pool at the bottle in order to create the loudest fucking sound in the universe
>bathroom bros instantly miring
>finish set
>high fives all around
>bang at least three stacys that night

feels good to have a chad bladder

Had to take drug test for a military pyhsical. Forced to pee next to 6 other dudes with one guy staring at my dick. Couldn't even piss. Worst stage fright ever

>no mention of washing hands after
absolutely disgusting

>Walk into bathroom
>pull pants down to ankles
>shit in hands
>smear shit all over walls and bathroom fixtures
>blast shit off the walls with piss
>pull pants back up
>wash hands with soap and water

Why don't you just use the stalls?
I didn't use any urinal for the last 10 or so years.

I piss in the sink, much easier, perfect height, no squatting and you don't have to pull the pants down to far. No splash back and on a hot day it's great.

How can people like this possibly exist?

>walk up to urinal
>unzip pants and take penis out
>drop pants to the floor
>belt buckle makes a loud clang
>if anyone is there they will look at my glorious squat ass
>once I can feel the mires (with my 6th sense of course. looking is beta) I let loose
>begin slowly backing up until I'm standing ~4 feet away from the urinal pissing in an arc
>walk forward in sync with the stream drying up
>pull up pants
>leave without washing hands
>alpha as fuck

alpha

this is just bizarre, it's not alpha in any way shape or form

Im not scared of people seeing me pee or my dick, its just something self concious

>go into designated shitting isle.
>shart
>leave