Someone from my bank with my checking account, Wells Fargo...

Someone from my bank with my checking account, Wells Fargo, just called and left a voicemail saying I am required to call them back as soon as possible and left a phone number.

I have been laundering money through crypto for like 2 years. Should I call back and how fucked am I?

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Don't call back. Close your account there.

Got my phone right here. Do you guys recommend calling back or what? What do I do here?

It's my wife's account too though and she doesn't know. SHIT.

I just want to call back and see what the problem is and then hang up. Maybe....maybe it's just an advertisement? Why the fuck would my back call me though?

Close the account

Call them, sure, the cops wouldn't ask you to call them.

How are you going to explain it to the bank? If you can convince them, call back. Probably can't.

is there porn of that slut tho

I'd have to call to close the account, or visit in person. And there's 3 accounts, not just one.

What do you mean?

Explain what though?

twitter.com/hikaru06kon?lang=en

>laundering money through crypto for like 2 years

like, what exactly? you've just been buying or what?

or are you like... depositing dirty cash for the mob and sending them bitcoin for a cut

Kek enjoy the divorce and 5 years in federal pound me in the ass prison

It's..closer to the second one but I don't know where the money came from exactly.

This . What exactly have you been doing, and how retarded have you been doing it?

If its obvious you've been doing illegal shit just start looking for an exit strategy. Just call them back, they're not the cops; if anything it'll give you more of an idea on what they know. Just dont say anything incriminating

Tfw I'm on an airplane right now monitoring this thread

....so?
Well I just realized I also used a credit card that somebody posted online but which wasn't mine like a week ago.

That could be it lol. What the fuck do I say to that?

I reckon they'd freeze your account if they had suspicion of ML.
Could be a phishing attempt. Google the number. If legit - ring them and see what's up.
If in trouble, say you are crypto-enthusiast and early adopter and you were just cashing out your holdings.

Some dumbass posted his credit card number online. First thing I did was make a new Amazon account with a fake email and try to buy something with his credit card. Ended up with an email from Amazon saying that there "appears to be an error" and the order "cannot be processed without more verification at this time" so I let it go.

But would a bank call me about that or the police?

The bank wouldn't call you for that. They don't deal with credit cards and have their own department for it, so you'd know if it was for the credit card when they left you the voicemail

/worked at Bank of America.

We live in interesting times.

Alright I just called back and got a voicemail saying it's a "personal banker of Wells Fargo." 99% sure this is just a sales call now but I probably can't get a hold of them til tomorrow.

I swear Wells Fargo has the dumbest fucking sales people in the world. I tried closing a savings account with them a few weeks ago because my account was empty and the people at the bank acted like I was about to spend all my money (instead of just removing it from their fucking worthless 0.01% APY accounts), saying shit to me like "you know son it's wise to throw $10 a month or so into your savings account if you can. That can really add up when you're older so you should keep your account open with us and just try to throw a buck or two per month in on the side."

How do I fucking tell them that banks are dead, I'd rather keep my shit with fucking Coinbase (FDIC insured, despite all their shit about banning people) and make money with Bitcoin than with their jew shit ($10 a month will really make a difference when you're older goy!)

>Admitting to money laundering on a site that's regularly monitored by US Federal Agencies
I hope you're using a VPN

7 proxxies.

A man in the sky is omnisciently participating in conversation with us. We truly live in the future.

Just say you're investing in better opportunities at the moment, they won't ask or pursue the answer lol, they just want to hit their numbers - they don't give a fuck. I worked at a bank before and I certainly didn't give a shit about what ppl did with their money, as long as I was able to open more product and make my bonus hitting numbers.

Glad you're okay. Again, a bank won't call you for credit card fraud.

The bank can call you to 'fix things' if they suspected you of fucking around with your account before them forcefully fixing it themselves (like changing balances), but ultimately they won't call you for something like ML.

If they call you back tomorrow just inquire what the call is about and don't say anything about what you are doing.
They aren't cops as in they don't have the power to arrest you, so you shouldn't be freaking out about that.

So, yay or nay on the porn?

They did it in person though when I tried to close the account, which I found uncomfortable. Maybe I spent too much time on /pol/ last year but I'm genuinely bitter that banks are offering 0.01 to 1.00% APY when even I spent very little time building an arbitrage bot (that runs in USD only, not BTC) making far, far higher returns than that with the same risk (FDIC insured accounts only). All it needs is decent starting capital.

So basically all I can picture when I think of a bank is a bunch of Jews sitting around with the same arbitrage bot as me laughing as more people pour their money into it and giving them little pennies back for their contributions in return.

I appreciate the advice though. That's good to know and I'll just call them back tomorrow.

You are correct on the banks and how they exploit the market, but the guys who are literally inside the financial institution are just working hourly with exception of the manager who is salary - none of them have degrees (rare), so you can't be too mad about the employees. 90% of their work is customer servicing while 10%, maybe even less, is actually banking related.
They just want to get their bonus

Alright thanks I'll keep that in mind.

Its a phone scammer

KEK

The reason why they do that $10 shit is because they have to do "units per day" AKA helping people do stuff through verifiable means (like setting up automatic transactions)

Also yeah you probably just got a sales call. This is what I do for my job and I create a sense of urgency on purpose so they actually call back lmao.

SHUT IT DOWN

Nay

It was worth a shot. Thanks.