How to prevent farting?

Guys I have a problem,

I was a skelly and changed my diet so I eat about a pound of oats with milk a day. This has significantly increased my gains and my progress in the gym. However, it also leads to 24/7 flatulence.

With my newfound gains I've also garnered the interest of girls, and I'm about to go on a date with a 9/10 in about a week. I need to make 100% sure I don't have ANY bowel movements that day, because last time we made out I really couldn't enjoy it because I had to keep all my farts in constantly.

Apart from refraining from eating oats that day and the day before, what can I do to make this work? Are there any drugs I can get at the pharmacy?

>dating

Eat bananas. Drink a strong cup of coffee every morning to get your bowels moving.

If I don't manage to take a bowel emptying shit in the morning before I have to go about my day I'm basically a rancid fart factory and it's hell.
If I drink a strong coffee, 20 mins later my guts let loose a torrid of heinous tut that fills the bowl but after that I'm lighter than air with nary a fart in sight all day long.

That's basically it. Time your shits so that you get yourself good and empty before you start your day.

we're going to the cinema and probably having sex afterwards

Fart to establish your dominance.

Girls go crazy over that. They just pretend they don't like.

that's some good ideas right there. I'll try to smoke a couple cigarettes and drink some coffee before the dates. Cigarettes usually make me shit like crazy. thanks a lot

Just Dutch oven her. If she tries to do it back to you in return she's a keeper.

Too much protein can actually cause constipation, and farting. So have more fibre and water.

Otherwise you might be straight up having too much protein which your body isnt taking up quick enough, so bacteria are having their way leading to gas.

So try the first, then if not reduce a bit.

dont drink milk and eat oats then? especially if you know its giving you gas and you have a date but also in general.

fiddle around with your diet. constantly play around with it to see what gives you the best results. don't just stick to the same things all the time and explore new food options.

Stick a tube in your asshole so the farts just leak out without a sound

Hope this helps

I actually thought about that. there are specialized tubes that cause the gas to silently go out.

However, first: this wouldn't eliminate the smell, second: If she wants to stick her finger up my pooper, that could lead to a very uncomfortable conversation.

you get protean farts when you eat more proteans than you are utilizing

Kefir

>If she wants to stick her finger up my pooper,
why would you want this

try it out and you'll know

Switch to oats and hot water. Just as tasty, more satisfying in Winter, no more farts!

>Cigarettes and coffee.
Your mouth will taste like a shitty truck stop cafe.

chewing gum, mate. Also I need to do this at least an hour before the date anyways, else I'll have to shit during the date.

quit oats, eat something else

done

>nary a fart in sight
Veeky Forums you gay af

Shit to establish your dominance.

Girls go crazy over that. They just pretend they don't like.