"Why aren't you eating any cake, user?"

I have those shoes

Veeky Forums

pls b my gf

>I didn't realize everyone else grabbed a slice already! Would you mind grabbing me a small slice if you're headed up there?

>Thanks honey, you're the best

I'm allergic to gluten and eggs.

It's disgusting how much that guy looks like my dad.

Worst part is I haven't seen him in 7 years so it could even be him.

because I don't want to look like you honey

Damn that guy could slay if he lost 300 pounds

At least go for chocolate chip you piece of shit

Because I already finished my piece.
Are you offering me yours?

Your son spit all over it when he was blowing out the candles.

>spit all over it when he was blowing out the candles

this is literally why i usually don't eat birthday cake.

...

I am keeping some space for dat delicious pussy

I'll eat your cake

ANAL CAKE!

what a qt

y-yeah I guess a piece won't hurt too much, he he

>Implying I have girls to talk to

And then you leave the room when she goes to get your slice, right?

Coincidentally, I'm sitting next to a cake in our break room and a fat chick just had to move away from it to avoid having a second piece.

Because sugar is the food of plebs, darling.

Credit to her for having at least a modicum of self restraint. I've met plenty of fatties that would wreck the entire cake themselves, fuck anyone else who wanted some.

>b-back the fuck up?! c-can't you see I'm c-cutting?!

>oh right, no idea there was cake. thanks. i'll have one bite

The sugar crash hinder my productivity. See girl, I'm a real man, constantly improving, reading, lifting, earning. I find satisfaction in achieving long term goals, as opposed to instant gratification. I knw you meat a lot of real d-bags in your life and the thought of you hurting tears me apart inside, but I carry that weight and the weight of life as I move through life. I'm here for you if you ever need anything

huh, she might be literally perfect imo

This is the funniest post I've seen all day

>Because I savin room for that pie later on

I don't require the sustenance - neither do you judging by those arms. How about a cheeky workout instead?

LOL this is fucking hjilarious.

LOL nice epic nice

LOL FUCKING FUNNY

LOL pretettttaaaaaay pretty good

LOL GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO THIS GUY

LOL THIS GUY FOR PRESIDENT LOL

LOL WE WANT MORE JOKES LOL

This is one poster.

I try my hand at humor on this board quite often, 99/100 times I just get called a faggot...

At least you're not desperate.

saving room for pussy

I'll eat it if you let me put my penis in your vagina, since that's the only point to any of this shit anyway.

> You don't need all those muscles, user.

FUCK THE HATERS, POST MORE JOKES, YOU'RE HILARIOUS

I don't know if you're telling the truth, but real or not, that made laugh pretty fucking hard.

I know, but I like to get pounded hard in the gym.

no homo

10% body fat takes a lot of will power to maintain it is on the verge of starving yourself.

>I'd rather be eating your pie, if you know what I mean ;) haha

>work in an office
>last week
>some HR stacies are handing out christmas chocolate hollow Santa Claus to people
>know I am going to have to refuse
>everyone else eagerly snapping them up
>I know I am going to have to refuse
>finall they get to me
>manage to pluck up the courage
>'n-no I am OK thank you'
>they start to pressure me
>'are you sure user? we bought one for everyone in the office'
>keep refusing
>eventually they ask why I don't want one
>I try to think of a Santa related joke
>wink at the HR stacies
>'no you see..... last night I left a bit of man juice under the chimney and I think these santas drank it'
>wink again
>they seem confused, luckily don't get I am joking I came on the santas
>apologise, take one and eat it in front of them

i am weak

>being this autistic
holy shit man
>they ask why I don't want one
>"I didn't get these fucking abs from eating chocolate santas, fatso"

Has science gone too far?

Is it normal that I want to hit women I don't know? Have I been traumatized so much by pretty faces?

>brown eyes
dropped

It's normal to want to (i hope..?), It's not normal if you start actually doing it.

>gril that likes babymetal

>made a ganache today
>going to turn it into truffles
>taking it to a party
>wont eat a single one because its 70/30 chocolate and cream
>'h-hope it taste good guys, y-yeah im not having any because i had a lot at home'

Because I don't like cake.

i really like blue eyes but goddamn man for a qt3.14 like that i'd gladly have children with inferior eye color

Well time to make it a trend then

>i'm saving my appetite if you know what i mean ;) haha

>Has science gone too far?

>made sex joke to HR
>Punishment is to eat 500 extra cals
You got off light bro.

>they're nice enough to offer
>instead of taking it and just throwing it away later you aspergers
Next time stop trying to make it obvious you care about yourself. Take the fatty food, if they ask why aren't you eating it right there just insist that you would like to save it for your imaginary niece/nephew if that's ok

Girls don't often talk to me like that because I'm not too good looking

Meh it's a shit feel

Well I tell you one thing, your dad ain't o Chad but he wouldn't be half bad if he lost his fat pad

Legit

>t. Hannibal

>You're all the sweetness I need.

Kek

"S-Sure, I'll take a s-slice..."
*get nervous and accidentally vomit banana protein shake onto cake*
"Oops, that went bananas!"

Holy shit veruca salt had a sex change

Hello me

Since when does she look like a mother?

Legit desu boyo

>mfw thinking about you hurting

New favorite meme +10 user

oh i didnt notice, sure ill have some because im a well rounded normie who works out but still can eat junk while maintain a proportional physique

coworkers birthday
brings cake
I figure iifym Ill take a slice
gives everyone a slice
gets to me and says "Haha user youre too good for this"
Fucking skips me and gives it to the diabetic next to me
>:[

Because I'm a disgusting wide body that needs to get back to a human weight. Now go get me water and saltines. I feel like treating myself.

>cake
youtube.com/watch?v=bbgf5BC_s-4

kek, underrated meme

Oh I already ate a piece! It was good, nice job.

is this a jaded attempt to force all the memes before new years eve so that SIR has something to work with?

Is that Weird Al's stunt double for "Fat?"

i actually did laugh

Nice one user

>I'm saving my appetite if you know what i meme ;) haha

Delicious but small guy (6 1)like me cant eat so much sweetie.

>tfw no gf to cook for u

That's not even that bad.

>tall amazon siberian woman who is crushing on me buys a big bag of chocolate
>she offers me some
>no I'm okay, thanks though
>she takes my hand, dumps a fucking pound of chocolate into it
>she smiles and says "you must eat, my dear"

what the fuck

>take off your panties and I will baby

...

obelix?

>implying girls talk to me