Whats the healthy way to deal with shame, regret or guilt?

Whats the healthy way to deal with shame, regret or guilt?

Not at all related to the holiday season.

Also I guess a mental health thread go

My future self is going to look back on me as an example of what not to be like. Too weak, too slow.

I feel like allowing yourself to confide in someone you love, a good friend or a family member, especially an older family member can help. After my gf left me I became addicted to heroin and lost a lot of gains, but have since gained most back. Talking to my grandfather about it has helped, he opened up to me about a DUI incident he had decades ago, and the shame he carried with him. He genuinely looked at me like he didn't despise me as I did myself, he loved me and shared a mistake of his own.

Make amends. Do the My Name Is Earl thing. Even if you can't repair the damage you've done, you can do good in other situations.

The incident I'm talking about was more of a wrong to myself. It's more like... What's wrong with me? I should have more self respect than that!

How does this amends thing work in this case?

The secret is to just not give a fuck, it gets easier the older you get, too.

Be like the naked old man in the locker room.

The fear of remorse keeps you from doing things you really shouldn't though right?

No matter how old you get there are things you still shouldn't do.

My nudes were leaked (21yo female so it's worse than being a male) it's been three years now and I still feel shame, I feel like an item more than a human like my body is not mine anymore but everyone's. I feel like a whore, a victim, I feel shame every single day and night.

I'm finally realizing how i let it take over my life and who I am, how would I describe myself? The girl who got her nudes leaked. It's all I am. I'm seeing a therapist when I can afford it. Does it ever get better?

I'd keep your nudes safe

I'm a straight guy and I let some gays see me naked. I didn't think anything of it, but afterwards the idea that they got off on it really got to me.

I can't believe I left myself vulnerable like that, and I feel terrible that I didn't consider their motivations. So I can't imagine how you must feel femanon. I hope you can put this behind you.

Depends, killing someone? Yeah of course.

Raping someone, sure.

But committing a faux pas, breaking up with a girlfriend, screwing someone over in a business deal? It gets easier and easier.

Thanks, I hope you can too
I really hope the therapist can help me

Re

kek at all of you. I've got a motto about this. "That's future user's problem".

I don't give a fuck about that guy. I live my life by that. I screw him over all the time.

For my /christian/ bros.

thanks breh

I needed that one

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas.

shame needs to be squashed as soon as it pops up. shame is thinking that you are a bad or wrong person and you need to realize that everyone has a little bit of goodness in them, and good people can do bad things. just talk to someone you trust about how you feel and why you feel that way.

regret and guilt are positive emotions. they let you know when you've done something you shouldn't have. the only wrong way to deal with these is to ignore them. for both, start by making them right if possible. If you did something bad, apologize genuinely to the offended party and make restitution if at all possible. then learn your lesson. think about why you regret that action or feel guilty and think about how to not let it happen again or what to do differently next time.

t. lived with maximum shame, regret, and guilt for 4 years suicidal alcoholic now in recovery for 1.5 years

Use it to motivate you. I don't know what you did, but it'll haunt you, just like my guilt and shame haunt me every single day. I use it to motivate me, to become a better man and ensure I never become that person again, because that isn't who I want to be.

Use everything to motivate you. Use embarrassment to motivate you, use what makes you happy to motivate you never to lose it, use what makes you angry to fuel yourself at the gym, use what makes you frightened to become a person who can stand up to it, or to provide a better life for yourself and/or family. Use everything in the world to motivate you.

I made enemies, enemies I didn't know I'd ever have to deal with growing up. I used to think grown ass human beings can't have enemies, that they're childish and out of Bond movies. People that threaten to kill me on a daily basis, threaten my way of life, my family, my loved ones. I use that to motivate me in many ways. I use it to motivate me to be stronger at the gym. To make more money to someday move me and my parents out of this shithole. I use the fact I have to have a gun with me 24/7 because of legitimate fear that someone is going to follow me home someday to motivate me to live somewhere I don't have to. To provide a better life for my parents like they tried so hard to do for me for so many years.

It doesn't have to be real fucked up shit either. Girlfriend cheated on you? You loved her so long and this is how she thinks of you? Motivation at the gym, motivation at work, motivation at home, motivation in life. You have a family you love and want to protect? Motivation at the gym, work, home, life. You want to be a better version of yourself? Motivation for the gym, work, home, life.

Everything motivates. Our deepest darkest secrets motivate. Use it, because one day you'll look back and be glad you used it as motivation instead of picking up a bottle or picking up a gun.

Yeah, that sucks but it's not even close to the end of the world. At best all anybody can say is they've seen your tits and ass, most people who see it won't know who the fuck you are not will they ever. The ones that may have met you still won't even know who you are let alone have the chance to touch you without your consent so they really have nothing. It even works in your favour in some small way because you have a seductive flair to you, and it's up to you whether you want to ever play that card or not.

You're a morally inept human being if you think that not caring about how a business deal screwing over the other party/person is okay. You should watch The Big Short or Wolf of Wall Street you cunt. These are peoples lives and livelihoods you're fucking with, what seems minuscule to you might mean everything to them at that point in time.

That's why you're nothing more than a part of the problem and why you go to bed feeling empty all the time. You know it's true, even if you try to distract yourself from that inalienable fact.

Pretty deep.

thanks

>If I'm nice to others they won't take advantage of me ;)
Reality doesn't work that way bud.

OP here

Thanks anons. I feel better

And specifically thanks to you. What I'm dealing with was specifically of a spiritual nature. The quotes were literally exactly what I needed to hear.

You'll do well, friend. I believe in you and I'll keep you in my prayers tonight.

Merry Christmas, OP.

Idk what you mean by "seductive flair" but I was a virgin when it happened and I still am a virgin today cause it fucked me up badly that i stayed in my room for the past years. Idk how to describe it, but it's become like a nationality for me. A porn star technically.

You're going to have a great life and everything's going to be ok. I promise you.

The seductive flair is that those who have seen it who may know who you are will have a lot more curious thoughts about you. You'll seem more enigmatic and attractive to them, most likely which can heighten encounters.

Nonetheless, there is soooo much porn on the Internet you really shouldn't let it eat away at you. Most people will never see it, there's just far too much porn out there.

Ultimately you hold your own cards, no one can really hurt you unless you let them, so stop letting them honey. Merry Christmas, hope you find your spark again in 2017. And PS it's really cool actually that you still have your v card, don't throw it away to any random. Make sure it feels right when you decide to do the deed.

Thank you anons, have a merry Christmas

When its hurting another person i always find it best to bring closure with that person even if they forget or even hate your guts it'll mean something.

When its me being an autist i just shrug it off as another thing i shouldnt do in the future. Alot of people are afraid of shitting the bed so much they never do anything worth noting. i got my first date after apologizing for being a spaz.

guilt is meaningless if you recognize something is wrong and move forward and away from it.

and on top of all of that, keep your mind busy with good thoughts, fulfilling work, hobbies, people.

I know it's hard but get rid of the emotion shame. When you regret something or feel guilty you did something wrong and you can take steps to make things right and make changes to prevent you from making the same mistakes. But guilt is the most disgusting, unproductive emotion there is. If you feel ashamed you think there is somethibg inherently wrong with you that you can't change. You'll just feel bad about yourself and think you can't even change it. Try to make yourself feel guilty instead of ashamed so that you can work on it. There is literally no reason to feel ashamed about anything, nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

You shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Yes you got your nudes leaked and some people might've made a big deal about it but only you are giving power to it. Just learn from it for the future, yes you trusted the wrong person but it's that person you should be disgusted about. He/she is the scumbag abw trust me almost nobody will look at you, turn to their friend and say "isn't that the girl who got her nudes leakes?". Even if they do they are low-tier scum, no person with a fullfilling life would remember that and bring it up. And is it really that bad? The pictures probably made others happy except for you and probably your relatives. And whoever makes you feel bad about ypurself should get over themselves, it's not like you sold drugs or did anyone any harm. People have seen you in your most natural beautiful way and you did no harm to anyone.

To make a better analysis I need you to post said pics.

>mfw thinking about you hurting
The only correct answear

But now really, how many people do you think have seen a nude female ? Your naked body is nothing special, there's literally no difference. Get fucking over it, you are not the center of the world. You should really think of the incident as a stupid mistake made when young. A good thing that could help is knowing, that there is a shitton of people that have much bigger problems than you do. Their family members died, they failed at their job, they are starving, dying of dehydration much much bigger problems than you have, and they are trying to live with it. So just get fucking over yourself

Is 225 a low weight to get stuck on? I'm 6'0 200 lbs SL 5x5 and I can't compete a full set of squats it's been a week of plateauing.

I'm taking a massive shit right now, I hope my future self will look back and appreciate the relief.

Also, to answer your question oh pee, if you have a set standard of values to guide your life you can fake a sense of superiority and not worry about crap like that.

Looking at the past with a positive "I learned from my failures" attitude helps deal with shame.

Don't push shame back in your mind, openly confront your thoughts, be your own teacher.

Wrong thread

Meditation is good, basically look up how to train yourself to confront and accept your emotions - bottling them up or forgetting about them is not healthy

Meditation is absolute bullshit

The healthy way to deal with all emotions is to really feel it. It will stay with you until you've felt it. I mean really feel it. There are actual physical components you can feel to away when you're done.

They're all spooks as far as I'm concerned. You can't change the past, and dwelling on it ruins the potential for the future.

I don't know how to deal with drunk depression. If I'm alone and drunk I feel especially shit and start thinking about suicide. Feels like my life is going to crash hard soon and I've no way out. Could just be paranoia or dissassociation or something. I don't know, never went to a specialist but I know this shit can be bad enough that if I stay indoors by myself for more than one day I start getting suspicious and anxious.