RED ALERT BOIS!

RED ALERT BOIS!

After successfully evading women for 23 years on my quest to wizardhood, I met this 4'10" 100lb succubus that seems to be hell bent on fucking the life out of me.

She pretty much tried to suck my protons yesterday but thankfully my death grip prevented her stealing my life force and she was content enough to smash our mouths together to make one long tube with two assholes in the end.

It seems like my autism hasnt reared its head till now. She is coming over tomorrow night and I have armed myself with condoms to fight her off.

I know some of you estemeed fellow autists have found yourself in a position like this.

On a serious not though, any tips? Im not fretting but I dont want shit to be akward.

bump

bump 2

Stop choking your dick so much

I havent masturbated in 3+ weeks and even before I was sporadic

Probably just a mental block, try and relax more. Easier said than done I know but it's the right path.

Tell her about /dit works every time

order some cialis or viagra from an online place. I can pm you a source if you like.

I know it doesn't help this time, but honestly that shit makes it so your erection has to be dealt with and you will push your autism aside and give her a great performance.

my experience at least.

feelin dit buddy?

fuck off back to le reddit with your shitty un-funny prose

Bang her as soon as she comes over, if you try to wait for the right moment it will never come and neither will you.

Test the condoms out before she arrives, make sure they are the right size for keeping an erection. If they are too tight, you won't be able to keep a hardon. Learned that the hard way my first time. Also, so you dont fuck up during the act this will help you put it on faster so she doesn't slap your hand away and try and get pregnant as she rides your bitch ass like a pony.

When you are done practicing, toss the box out and keep the ones you have left just in bunches that you can use. Also, dont buy "thin" ones if you are worried about cumming. Regular/thicker ones like magnum hurt a woman, especially if you start plowing her like a slave does a field under the crack of a whip.

i wish you the best of the luck in this battle with this semen demon, this is all the advice I have for you.

I think you are all missing the point here. She makes my dick diamonds, i was just asking for any pointers since i dont want to disappoint myself

i have no doubt that i will giving her the dicking she needs, but give me pointers that you would have given yourself if you could go back in time

and my pointer to my 23 year old self would be to take viagra more when banging chicks. feel free to not follow it. I'm going to downvote you because I don't like you.

EDIT: Grammar and spelling

If it's been like 2 minutes and you already feel like you're going to explode, just fucking stop moving for like 15 seconds and then keep going

reported for not following the sidebar rules and being mean

If you're not going to post a picture of her, what's the point?

Personally: dont talk, look her in the eyes, have a small source of light (phone's lantern eg)

Paging u/fitnessmod69. This dude is starting to piss me off.

>Think about to explode
>Go to slow thrusts
>Say dumb shit to fill the gaps that are still kinda sexy

So much this. Your writing fucking sucks, fag.

by the way is the fucking condom supposed to choke the life out of your dick? I think im between 5.1-5.2" circumference and bought some 53mm condoms

thanks for the critique, but if you have any reading comprehension at all I never asked about my writing skills.

Hello friend. My advice to you is this. If you truely want to fight of this semen demon you need to immedeatly change your facebook picture to one of you and her. Dont worry if you dont have one with her in it, if you dont just photo shop her in. Secondly relationship her on facebook, and before she accepts you need to clarify to the world how great she is in a very clear, emotionally heavy status update.

Also to fight of her physical advances i recommoend consuming atleast two cups of black coffee before you are expected to meet her. I find it much easier to slip into an autistic resonance form that is effective in evading sexual escalation when highly caffinated.

Good luck, may your seed stay your own.

> I type like a literal autist but want to dismiss criticism while I cry about being premature.

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honest to god man, did you even read the post, i didnt even nut and you think im crying about me being premature.

I was jsut having fun, but since you are having a hard time reading my post, the gist of it is that i am 23 and never had sex. I met this qt who wants to bang me tomorrow and she blew me yesterday but didnt finish because her jaw hurt (im only 5.1" circumference).

Anyways just give me some pointers, im not a literal autist but i dont want to give away and telltale signs of inexperience since for some reason Ive always shyed away in the past due to some retarded reasoning. Anyways if you have any helpful pointer, thanks, and have a great 2017.