Has anyone on this board ever been to prison? How would you get swole and survive in prison?

Work in a prison-hospital. These guys just do pushups and shit all day when they're in their rooms. Literally all day exercise.

thanx for the chuckle m8

Did 3 years. I went in and on my first day in the cafeteria I went up to the biggest guy there and knocked him out which gave me a lot of respect. I joined a gang and my cellmate became my sweetbitch. Also played a lot of cards. Shit was cash.

Think about it, if your lawyer is telling you that you may or will lose you obv go to trial and hope for the best, but you have one month to get as big as you fucking can.
Can't think of a better motivation. No more Veeky Forums no more computer games, no more TV. Just 30 straight days of lifting as heavy as you can and cramming proton in you.
Personally I'd just kill myself if it was felony, but getting huge would be another option.
Also you don't really have to "win" a fight. Just make it known that you are willing to fight instead of be a bitch and most people will realize that the chance of you fucking them up and the chance of punishment from the guards is enough of a mild deterrent to make them target someone easier.

Just got out from a 2-8 year bid about 3 weeks ago. Wasn't bad. Worked out like 6 days a week because there isn't anything else to do. Kinda had too. I went in at 18 so I ended up fighting a lot. My state still has weights, so it was chill. Waiting for my workout partner to get released and we can start lifting together again.

Do you think you'll ever get a job and get back to a normal life or will you be poor / go back to crime?

So how gay was it?

Yeah I've been in the big house for a bit a while back. When I went in I was going through withdrawals and they put me in the medical center with other mentally ill criminals. Crazy people would scream in there all night. I didn't sleep until the 5th day. Being in the hole is very hard.

50/50. I have the remainder of my time hanging over me until I'm off probation. So, that's motivation to keep straight for another 4 years. I start college next month (criminal justice, oddly enough. I'd like to be a paralegal or work in prison reform) Who knows? We all do what we have to do and it's hard out here for a felon.
Kind of gay. I lived with this one gay kid named Mikey Roy who thought I was hot. I had him do my laundry and he always brought me a lot of spice (that synthetic weed), must have spent like $500 on me in the few months we lived together.

Did 4 years, in early 2000's. i'm sure it's changed but while I was there not many guys got raped, it's more or less consensual. fish that reacted quickly with violence were usually seen as scared and got messed with thereafter. A lot of people join gangs for protection and it ended up biting them in the ass because they had to "do dirt" and often got in trouble for it. I did not join a gang (altough for a period I was an intermediary between the blacks and whites, simply due to my job), stayed low and only got in 1 fight while in there. For guys trying to put on weight, peanut butter was the desired source of extra protein. Don't talk to COs EVER.

what'd you do?

Cut the tag off of a mattress.

I went in Canada.
>Got fat as fuck
>Got released
>5 years later swole and legally well off

It depends where you go. If your in a prison with lots of cultural enrichment, chances are that the free weights will be gone because they were used as a weapon or in a escape attempt. My dorm had a shitty bowflex, but doing fuck all all day really drains on a person.

Mailed my tax return after April 18th.

That reminds me of a time I was in the McDonald's drive thru and there was a huge line I was there like forever. It's crazy how your kind will start to play tricks on you after being isolated for so long.

Robbery and grand theft = 3 years

>Associating with fellow inmates outside of prison.

Fuckin idiot. I hope he doesnt know where you live.

parataxis

hypotaxis

LoL

Can you explain what those are? I looked it up and I don't get it.

> I also improvised a protein shake with milk chocolate syrup and powdered eggs...
... and what more? We know that's not all user

Parataxsis is the putting of clauses (the building blocks of sentences) directly next to each other; like "I came; I saw; I conquered", or "I didn't sleep until the 5th day. Being in the hole is very hard." Generally implies an honest down to earth feel; see Hemingway.

Hypotaxis is the joining of clauses with connectives; "I was hungry because I hadn't eaten", or "I was in the McDonald's drive thru and there was a huge line I was there like forever". It usually implies a more thought out sentence, in this case manifesting as the second user intentionally trivialising the experience of the first and being a complete dickweed.

For more, I highly recommend "Analyzing Prose", Lanham, London 2003

amazon.co.uk/Analyzing-Prose-Richard-Lanham/dp/0826461905/ref=sr_1_1/253-4304594-1833248?ie=UTF8&qid=1482977713&sr=8-1&keywords=analyzing prose

Tons of bodyweight exercise and whatever weights were afforded to me

shave my head, get in with the white gang

get me a pretty fuccboi to make up for nowomen

This is probably the most helpful post I've gotten on this board in the twenty five years I've been here

Huh. Today, Veeky Forums taught me something worthwhile.

CO here. Kind of easy to get swole when you have nothing to do but eat sleep and workout. Esp when your criminal ass gets canteen money from your he dun do nuffin family

>Also you don't really have to "win" a fight. Just make it known that you are willing to fight instead of be a bitch and most people will realize that the chance of you fucking them up and the chance of punishment from the guards is enough of a mild deterrent to make them target someone easier.

This is false.

I once got busted for punching a cop. Got probation, lol.

God, I love being White.

It happens. We understand it's a potentially violent profession ( esp. in prison ) but we always win, and always get the last lick

That shit only happens in max. I was in county and there was no raping gay shit going on.

Pro-tip: jail isn't prison dyel prag.

Love these threads
Reminds me how happy I am to not be in prison

Meh, the guy I punched actually turned out to be a bro. We met again at the trial, got to chatting, turned out if we've met somewhere other than at a political riot, we'd prolly end up as buddies. He even sent me back the money the court ordered I give him, just because.

Funny thing though, I didn't get roughed up at all. Just brought down, cuffed, put in the back of the party van, and that was it for the violence.

Well I hope that first statement taught you a little bit about yourself and your actions. Glad you got out alright. Over here it's " game on ", although my circumstances are different. You throwing a punch off is different then a guy who has a history of assault/murder

>It's crazy how your kind will start to play tricks on you after being isolated for so long.

you had to write "kind" instead of "mind" and ruin a funny post

Oh hell yeah, that was the last time I got into shit with the law. It all made cops seem more human, you know? Not just a symbol of authority to be resented. Such things aren't always clear when you're 18 and full of piss and cum.

Also, no previous convictions, so I guess that explains the white gloves treatment. I'm sure someone with previous time in the system would get fucked up much worse.

I hope you stay safe, user.

Degenerate.

>I'd like to be a paralegal
Electronic automation means that's on the way out

Ever thought of the trades?

no you didnt
he was probably big because he had down syndrome

He was probably big because that poster is lying, dummy

I don't know man. If I saw two 6'5 240lb culturally enriched gentlemen go at it in a 5 minute full force closed fist death brawl, and one lost, I wouldn't automatically think "yeah ima make him my bitch."

Corrections officer here, I was motivated to bulk up by getting picked for a county corrections slot. Can't be in corrections and be 140lbs.

>bond
>2 million dollar bail

Pick one

> gets out of prison and immediately starts posting on Veeky Forums

Under fucking rated.

>turned out if we've met somewhere other than at a political riot,
>God, I love being White
You punch cops at protests, you may be white but you're a fucking nigger.

I did 3 months in County. I worked in laundry and the inmates I worked with filled strong garbage bags with water and put them in bedsheets and tied the water bags to a thick broom handle. Also people mainly do body weight exercises.

i will probalby get on probation next month for almost killing a man in road accident. My first thought after "is that real life?" was i got to prepare for jail and take some boxing while i can. I will sill get boxing classes because its a very, very important life skill...

What the fuck, no they're not. Paralegals run my office, they do things a machine can't

I would.

That's only a 1 star fellony though?

hi jason

got caught with creatine

They were chasing after me for a while and it went up to 2.

KEK

>doesn't know what a paralegal is

spent 6 years in there

you need to learn karate before you go in, not boxing or mma, Karate
i knocked out guys with 60lbs on me by throwing them well into the air with my karate skills, dont both lifting weights just do push ups and sit ups

>people think people get big in prison.

Its a spooky attorney

topkek user
>paralegal

>people think people get big in prison.
They do if you have the Mexican mafia connect
youtu.be/EBIt0rMBVqU

Come the fuck on, the dude was roided to the gills outside of the clink

prison could get a skinny guy lean and muscular but nothing more

Fucking Veeky Forums never change

He missed being in a 99.9% male environment

Twenty five years gave me a good solid laugh.