22 year old virgin

>22 year old virgin
>9/10 colombian shakira body-double at the gym hitting on me for ~2months
>tell her I'm going for my CPT
>she says "well you don't need a license if you want to train me user."


>4 hours later
>we're undressing
>grab her ass and turn her around, heart going 200 mph
>this is it, this is really it
>pull her ass cheeks apart
>room fills with the smell of rancid cheese and funk
>there's a thick yellow film over her asshole like mustard
>pause for like 10 seconds
>"I can't.. you have like.. "
>she reaches around immediately and checks what i'm talking about
>she smears it on her hand on accident
>she yells and wipes it on my wall
>apologizes frantically while getting dressed
>she jogs home (it's 20 degrees out here in seattle)

WHY ARE WOMEN SO DISGUSTING I CAN NEVER GET MY FIRST TIME BACK

Is this supposed to be a progression of the BRRRRRAAAPPP meme?

Eww

idgaf would have still FUCKED, unlike you low test beta virgin

REEEEEEEE

never spread the asscheeks of a rando, user, just go under and in. anyway didn't you have a condom? so who cares? if you didn't, you're a dumdum

>Not using mysterious ass cheese as lube

Nevergonnamakeit.

Thanks op, you just put me back on no fap track

Goddamn man you gotta account for stuff going to be around a girl's butt, they are a human. Gross stuff happens ina nd around butts. Shoulda just not sperged and put it in her vagoo no questions asked.

There's always next time.

Fucking lol, you shattered her

How are you not happy about this?

>just had my FIRST experience with a woman
>ALL WOMIN HURR DURR
fucking kys

This. Destroying an attractive woman's self-confidence is better than sex. Now hit her up and fuck her in the shower.

why, thats awfully rude of you to spread her asscheeks user, if i did that to you i would still have the common courtesy of penetrating you until you passed out from the smell of your ass cheese

she didn't 'freshen up' beforehand? don't all women usually do that? surely she would've quickly made sure she was clean before fucking you

>she yells and wipes it on my wall

On your wall? My dude... hope you painted over it lol
Still should have fucked her though. You probably humiliated the poor mujer. I feel worse for her than I do for you, OP.

>there's a thick yellow film

It's called shit

I came yesterday inside my girlfriend

I did it again today, she's on the pill but I'm still scared

am I fucked /b/ros?

>/b/ros
Yes you are fucked.

If you wouldnt have children with her you shouldnt be together

This. Now you can hit her up again and laugh about it. Call her. Take her out. Play your card right and you will have already broken down many many emotional walls and will have her wrapped around your dick.

Then you can do as you wish.

level 5 neg, nice work

now that she knows who's boss hit her up again and the pussy is yours

Oh sorry user I....BRAAAAAAAAAAAP

We need to have more threads like this. That way we can all enjoy a lastig nofap session

>being this much of a faggot
wew

Found the kissless virgin

>traditional thinking
>being a faggot
By this logic your grandfather and everyone before him were faggots

I agree but i got married at 18


Feels good not being westerner

>girl has a little bit of shit on her asshole
>better sperg about it
What exactly did you think was going to be between her asscheeks?

Traditional thinking in this time and age, yeah

I'm going to fucking vomit

sex sucks i didn't even feel it just felt numb

Sounds hot OP

You should have thanked her for her delicious ass aroma

>implying this chick is wife material
If she wants to be fucked for fun, she will find someone willing to do it, so it may as well be OP.

You should have fucked her missionary for a bit and then jumped to other stuff

Guess it makes sense. Not used to people refering to their cum bucket go-to whore as girlfriends

you fucked a girl after she worked out and you're surprised that she wasn't fresh and clean? what kind of a retard are you?

That's hot why would you stop?

It would just turn me on more.

Welcome to the gay club OP.
Now you can achieve Godhood.

>thick yellow film

What the fuck?

Poo isn't yellow..

What was it?

Really making me ponder...

>seattle
what gym? I'll take that booty. no fucks here

Doo doo butter

Doo doo ain't yellow doe.

Lel if you play your cards right she's going to come right back to you.

Bad case of swamp ass with real infections and stuff maybe?

colombian diarrhea is

Might have been that garbage supplement that keeps your intestinal tract from absorbing fat. Instead you just leak grease.

The butter is

Stfu dyel. Only fuck chicks that if by some fluke you knocked up, would prodice progidy that wouldnt be losers/manlets/dyels/ugly.

No, whatever that was, it was unacceptable
What the fuck you autist
I've slept with around 30 women and NOT A SINGLE ONE of them had disgusting shit like this, just a slightly smelly vag at most
Do you really think woman without hygiene deserve to get anywhere near guys that take care of themselves? Fuck off

Anal without lube? No problem, use butthole grease instead
Might even throw some fries in there

you accidentally mistyped. you put a 3 in your post

Take a load of this faggot

Lol my last gf I nutted all up in her snatch dozens of times and she never got preggers

lol you guys hate to admit it but this guy's right guys

All these ppl falling for this...