Bitch coming over to "have me cook for her"

This.
If you don't even know how to cook eggs any style, it's a bad sign.

i know how to cook you'r mom's eggs

with my DICK

just text her and tell her that you love her

she might come back

Don't forget to be polite and say please come back

>Learn how to make pizza
This.

The ingredients are cheap, even if you spend extra on nice ingredients. You can actually pick up ready made dough for really cheap. Once you learn how to roll the crust, everything is as easy as tossing in the ingredients.

You'll never buy a pizza from the Hut or Dominos.

user could maybe say "please return"

If you don't make your own dough then its not really making pizza to me.

>If you don't make your own dough then its not really making pizza to me
*grabs by throat*

Back the fuck off!?

>tupperware dinner for a date

This is why I go on Veeky Forums, I feel a little down about my spergyness and get a pick me up

You're supposed to spill your drink on her, then offer her on of your xl stringers as a temporary replacment.

Veeky Forums: Where the guys are great chefs, lift tons, have tons of friends, all have tons of sex or steady girlfriends, and are all engineers/programmers making 100k a year

Just teleport behind me. Maybe you'll learn how to mix sugar flour salt yeast and oil

Hahahaha holy shit. I just bacon wrapped and slow cooked a deer heart last weekend for a date and it went great. Got called a "real man"
Pic related is the deer

...

You're looking at this the wrong way

you saw a post by a great chef, another by a guy who is strong as fuck, another buy a charismatic dude with lots of friends, another posted by a creepy PUA who regularly slays, and found a post by a programmer who makes 100k a year, then you somehow arrived at the conclusion that these are all the same person

nothing personal, kid

*smirks and flicks cigarette*

Heh, I don't have time for this shit

Got a light?

*turns on laser and points it at your face*

yeah. right here

*shoots laser through your head*

heh.

I turn opaque

It's called anecdotal evidence. If you want to see that type of bullshit taken to the extreme, visit /pol/. If you find you agree with the prevailing opinions on /pol/, then boom--you're looking at a great opportunity to reconsider your worldview.

Totes magotes broski

There is plenty of anecdotal evidence here to suggest that your average Veeky Forumsizen is a short, bald, virgin who lifts 60 lbs. and lives with his mom, as well

>bacon wrapped

I want this meme to die, but it sounds like you had fun on a weekend I spent by myself so we'll call it a draw.

That's the thing about anecdotal evidence, baby. It's everywhere you look.

Really? I find it helps enhance game meat flavors and keeps some moisture in when baking and slow cooking. Ive never gone to a culinary school but ive been cooking for myself since i was about 13

Also sweet quads and sorry you spent it alone user

Why would you agree to this if you don't know how to cook

This man speaks da tru tru
Can't tell you how many times bitches get juicy when I offer to cook them something fancy.

Good lul OP. I want to believe.

something fancy like what?

This is a great quote and I hope I remember it to use it in conversation teebeeh fAm

Me except I can actually cook and get the girls

You realize that bacon wrapping is a common practice for pieces of meat that don't have much flavor and/or much fat to keep it moist, right?
>pic related

I'm sure the amount of salt that most bacon has simply from the curing process make a bit of difference too

You went hot when you should have went cold. Suggest a movie, throw a blanket on, tell her to get close, and then go from there hombre.

Or use the same thing again but warn she shouldn't leave because of the implication...

>>I don't actually know how to cook
>>Heat up my plastic tupperware with chicken rice and broccoli and dump it on a plate

All you had to do was cook the chicken broccoli and rice in front of her you sperg. Also, like 76 degrees will get her down to a tanktop. What is she going to think if she sees the thermostat and its set to 88?

*holds up immaculately polished katana reflecting the laser beam into your eyes, blinding you*

*teleports behind*

>heh... nothing personnel... kid

*performs the hidden katana art of boku san ryu which has no known counter*

>another day another victim

its a hologram

>pssh... you think i was aiming for the hologram?

*ceiling above you collapses burying you alive*

Is that dog ok?

She will know you're not actually cooking.

No its dead, didnt do enough cardio so i put it down

Why didn't you have sex with her?

A girl comes over shes given herself over to you symboliclly.

All you gotta do is take whats yours.

After a greeting and small chat look her in the eye, grab the back of her head and pull your faces to gether.

Or push her up against a wall or whatever.

Probably because you're an autistic virgin

I'd say as soon as she walked in the door he should have forced her down on her knees and slapped his cock all over her face to establish dominance

>heating up plastic

>she comes over
>invite her to sit down
>have table made in advance
>whip out dick on her plate and say "tonight's big sausage night"

Works every time

Spoken like a true cuck

...

>20161127

Thanks for the laugh

Shut up loser

oh shit another bullshit post on 4chin, how can we recover from this ?!?!?

Hey I am a programmer making over 100k with a gf and a bunch of friends. Can't cook for shit though. I don't understand foodies, why not just drink a protein shake and then do anything more interesting than eating?

why didnt you even make an effort to buy stuff to cook or look up a recipe? you literally served her leftovers.

But those are all me.

*moves so fast that my aferimage becomes sentient and fights u*

"Heh, not that easy"

*Shoots schools*

"Nothing personnel, kids."

Mac and cheese with julienned hotdogs and a garnish of Tostitos.

how do i learn to cook? plz respond

everything takes me forever and having a fridge with fresh ingredients is hard

Just use Blue Apron.

I fucking love these references

ask your mom for recipes and make her show it to you

how does it compare to chef's plate?

not fucking Veeky Forums related, fuck off

She meant
>she's wanted you to have cock for her

You stupid autist - I feel for ya brah,

Don't cook fucking pasta for a date lmao

What if you make the pasta from scratch

you're making jerky right?

why does everyone's filet mignon over an inch thick?

this desu Tbh

Dad?

>not knowing what a freezer is
LMAO'ing at your life rn

Kek

What...IS that?

He obviously tried to

I think turning the heat up to africa level had something to do with it too

This. If you can't cook for yourself, you can't take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself how can you take care of her?

this is thread of the year so far

why did you stick the deer to your roof? that isn't how you are meant to leave it to hang

>this thing is allowed to roam freely among us

that's w weird looking doggo

Too hot.
Should have made anything.

Fish in the oven is the easiest ticket. Just slap some sourcream and greens on it and put it in there.

Heat on 78-80

Youtube.

im dying of laughter

And cum in her mouth because he didn't prepare an appetizer

>make mashed potatoes for staff Christmas party potluck
>the next potluck we had they signed me u to make mashed potatoes again without asking me because they liked mine so much

Is this what making it feels like?

Chill out, Digiorgno

Please, my sides.

Fettuccine Alfredo, shrimp scampi, pasta Primavera and many more pasta options confirmed to make bitches salivate at both ends.

It's upside down