Friend wanting to work out but

So I'll keep it short. I work out on a routine basis and have a decent body, and I have a room mate and friend who's a little chubby and we've talked and he wants the benefits of working out - namely, losing weight. However, I've tried to encourage him to work out and helped him get set up on a basic workout program that introduces those who have never worked out before into working out. I think for someone getting into working out you need to work out at least 3 to 5 times a week otherwise you probably won't have any substantial changes. However, despite my encouragement and whatnot his decision to workout or not relies solely on his "mood," which I understand but he just plays video games until its late and night and then gets out of working out because he's tired and so he goes to sleep. For two days I just kinda ignored it, but he promised me today he would workout after playing his games. I waited, and after his games he started to just go to bed. This was around 11:20 pm, so its late, but not that late. We got into an argument, and we talked for a while, with me preventing him from going to sleep for about 2 hours while I tried to question what his future goals are, why he feels like he can't work out, and whether or not he wanted to work out later in the day. I don't know how else to encourage him to work out except to keep pressing him on his future goals, because he has told me that he does indeed want to lose weight but in his mind he had this sort of brick wall stopping him from working out.

Its distressing me. I've been doing physical things most my life so its harder for me to empathize as to why he just can't do it, because for me thinking about a workout too long is a good way to convince myself not to do it... I don't know, does anyone have any advice on this? Sorry for writing so long and yet stating it was going to be short, Kappa. I want my friend to be able to reach what he wants to, but I don't know how to help him get there.

>We got into an argument

leave him alone for fuck sake

i bet you're describing yourself as way less pushy and cunty than you've actually been

I tried to convince a mate to work out with me, too. He just stopped after a while. I think it is the same with heroin junkies, you can't help them if they don't want to.

Yea, I was really bitchy specifically this time. But my friend wants to lose weight but doesn't have the means to do so by himself, which he himself has told me he struggles with. That makes me want to help him, but it just turns into me annoying him or bitching at him because what else can I do? I figured after tonight that I should just ask him what he wants in the future, so it makes the present more tangible in fulfilling goals, instead of trying to get him to just work out now. I made this post to get more ideas, and certainly leaving him alone is something I am considering, but I want to hear it from him himself... other friends I ask to work out with tell me clearly that they don't want to work out, whereas my friend just has this sort of cognitive dissonance and avoids working out even though he wants to lose weight. So its hard for me to just let this go easily before I care for him and if I think that he wants to lose weight then other than eating healthier working out is the only other way to do this... :(

Yee.... I just wish I could do something... Maybe just keep talking with him and trying to convince him, I don't know.

leave him alone

>But my friend wants to lose weight

99% of people want to lose weight at all times, it doesn't mean they actually will

With diabetes running in his family, and him telling me that he is happy I encourage him in working out... regardless of what others say I think I will keep talking with him, but I'll stop directly encouraging him or bitching at him to work out.

Man I fucking relate to your chub friend. I'm actually a lurker who wants to have some sort of motivation to work out but I just sleep and play video games all day. I'd say keep trying to push him. Give him some motivation. Maybe even force him a little. God knows I need it.

>But my friend wants to lose weight but doesn't have the means to do so by himself,

Please explain to us further how your friends doesn't have the means to lose weight himself.

He was raised on frozen food and kfc. His family is fat. They refill his plate and stare at him and ask why he's not eating. He works at a desk job where they put candy on the tables. They have vending machines outside with coke and he needs it to stay awake because he doesn't like coffee. He has anxiety issues preventing him from going to the gym. He can't afford $100 for good running shoes. They don't make running tops in his size. He has commitments for dungeon raids on some MMORPG. His friends are all fat. He doesn't know how to cook and can't afford to learn. He needs to unwind after work. He can't walk/cycle to work because it's too far. He doesn't have time to make breakfast so he goes to the drive thru...

He explained it to me like he had a "brick wall" in his mind. I tried to reason with him that everything is changeable, how he is so vigorous in things like video games and demonstrates such a strong will, so I asked him why he couldn't redirect it towards working out.

I think it might just be its something he's not used to and its scary... I don't know, I've been trying to figure it out and thats what I was asking him about for a lot of this night. I don't think its a phobia or anything, probably just an aversion to physical exertion given he's not used to it.

But your right on the money for the excuses, there are always excuses. I used to be like this too with some things and still struggle with some things, but when I don't do things now I don't lie and say I don't have the time, I state that I am doing other things with my time while still recognizing I could be doing the thing I am giving up.

Ok, yea I'm definitely going to still help him out. I know he probably wants to change but I just think he doesn't have the know how on how to change, and maybe I can walk him into it. Of course, at the end of helping he has to be the one to do it and take the plunge, but I can at least guide him to the pool.

I am curious, maybe you know something my friend doesn't. Do you want to workout but just can't for some reason, aversion to physical exertion or otherwise? I'm trying to see it from his perspective to try and help him better. For me its just about doing it, but for someone who's not used to doing it I can imagine it can be hard, but I'm not sure how far it goes.

He doesn't deserve an angel like you tbqh.

But he's a cool dude. He helped wake me up from regressive leftism/SJW stuff in the past so I feel like I owe him this in helping him out.

Other than not working out and being a bit chubby, he has a good personality and is interesting to talk with. He has the potential, I've seen how intense he is for what he is interested in, which is why if he could himself become interested in working out this whole thing would solve itself, but thats the issue...

I understand your situation, but you know what the truth is... Only when people get so sick of hearing your excuses and whenever you bring up you 'went to the gym' and people roll their eyes will you do something about it.

My friend is 'trying' to drop weight. I'm tempted to screenshot this conversation so he can read exactly what I wrote about him. I'd do everything OP says he's doing for his roommate for this friend... But the truth is he doesn't want to hear it. He just likes the idea of losing weight.

He bragged about losing half a stone in a week, My response at this point was, what did you just take a bath or something in which he went on to talk about his cous cous salad. When he says he lost a stone this is what he means... He weighed himself after a Chinese takeaway on Sunday and after a weekend of drinking/smoking etc... with his clothes, shoes, coat most likely on... And then after doing overtime for a week and not being able to afford to eat lunches due to it being close to payday he weight himself naked on the scales after taking a shit first thing in the morning before breakfast.

You know what he used to buy at his local takeaway. Cheesy garlic mushrooms. It's just baby mushrooms with garlic butter and melted cheese in a fucking tin. When he described it I was expecting it to be something like deep fried battered mushrooms. That was a few years back. His family aren't remotely healthy so he does have shit shoved in his face all day, but he is a grown arse man at the end of the day and despite knowing better doesn't act on it.

Here are some of the more recent things he's been doing to lose weight.
- Chicken an couscous salad for lunch. Serving was like an entire childs lunch box. Probably 1000 calories alone.
- Eating Granola for breakfast
- Punnet of Grapes and strawberries for breakfast.

I watched him stuff a whole packet of 'munchies' in his mouth the other day minute then complain how they're a rip off for £0.90.

you can't motivate another human being to do anything.

they can be forced to do things, but you can never truly motivate them. don't stress over it.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed if I work out. I don't know why seeing as my brother is fit and goes to the gym a lot. He used to be chubby, too.

I still live with my family so it's a big house and I wanna work out alone not with them cheering me on even though I know they're just trying to help me and motivate me.

When I do work out, I feel fucking great. Like a sort of like a high almost. The next day I loose that high and just go back to playing my games when I know I should work out. It's pretty frustrating.

Dunno if that helped OP

>how he is so vigorous in things like video games and demonstrates such a strong will

Have you heard yourself... There's nothing strong willed about averaging a 2.0 KDR into the 4th prestige of the new COD. Or maybe you flatmate would mock someone for the above because he's to busy mastering another character on some MOBA which us simpletons wouldn't comprehend. No one cares about your friends little computer game achievements except himself.

That sucks... so your friend doesn't have any open discussions on the issue really? For my friend he totally recognizes in one sense how working out is good and eating healthy is good, but I think he had cognitive dissonance or something because despite knowing in detail the benefits of working out he doesn't have the motivation or will to do so...

My friend's diet is relatively healthy. I eat with him almost everyday, so I know he eats a salad every dinner and gets a good mix of proteins, but he doesn't eat very many vegetables. Eats a lot of fruit, and probably too many carbs. Thats probably the biggest issue is the carbs. I don't know, I feel like maybe the only way to get my friend to change himself is to just get him to question what he wants in the future, and if he then thinks about it himself in private, its then that he might find the intrinsic will to work out and change himself for the better.

Well, Overwatch, but yea. Perhaps its not will so much as skill or talent. Either way, I see the passion he puts into the game and don't see why if he just had some personal meaning why he couldn't be just as passionate with working out as he is with games.

Yea that helped :D

Actually, I walked in on my friend as he was starting a workout and then he stopped and didn't start up again, but finished it later when I had left again... maybe he just doesn't like working out with me in the room with him. Also, he is very against going to the gym, so this would confirm the idea that he just doesn't like working out with other people around him...
If thats the case what I've been doing has been kinda counterproductive in some ways or maybe a lot of ways.

It's a brightly coloured game that plays gratifying noises in your ear when you do good. He'll get tired of it eventually or he will just go along with the new generations every 5 years. But I mean you could argue the same thing about working out if you post photos on instagram of something.

Do you compete at sport or work out to look good/health reasons. He could argue his gaming is more important if he's in a league and you're doing it for aesthetic reasons while not competing in bodybuilding or races/events.

You can't change people... Get him to commit 30 minutes once a week. And you can pester him once during the week for 2 minutes and once the day before the workout for 2 minutes. And if he doesn't want to progress you can't push him. I think this is more a problem with you accepting that you can't force people to have the same goals as you. You're going to fall out with him from the sounds of it and while your intentions are good...

How motived would you be to playing Overwatch with him 3 evenings a week for 2 hours at a time? (and I'd imagine 2 hours of overwatch is the equivalent to 30 minutes working out). 8 matches of pushing the objective 1km in cyberspace sound fun to you?

You can't expect someone to jump on from nothing to working out M W F evenings. Just to have you telling him he needs to be doing cardio on alternative days when all he wants is his obliques to show when you're going for 6 pack abs.

Yea I get you. I work out for health reasons, to look decent, and to feel better. I've stopped working out in the past for stretches of times and I feel sad and empty in a way... in that sense I think working out has become a part of who I am.

Yea, I'm realizing I've been too hard, and will definitely be less hard ass going into the near future. I think tonight was just an explosion of unspoken emotion and feelings/thoughts, but now that its out in the open I think it'll be easier moving forward.

I'm no stranger to FPS games, so to be honest I would be willing to play Overwatch with him, but I don't find FPS games super enjoyable so it would be a stretch to get me to play 6 hours every week. I would be more open to it than saying I have a brick wall preventing me from trying to play that much though. I know he likes the game, but I did ask him the question of whether he though he would really still be playing the same game in 5 years... I'm a fan of RPG games because I think they're much more timeless than a lot of games made today. I can play a classic game from the 90s or early 2000s and its still the same, waiting for me whenever. Whereas these online games live and die in the moment, so there's a pressure and incentive to play in the present.

I started him off on the "30 Days of Change" workout program which is on the workout website Darebee.com, which I use for my workouts, and each day of the program is literally like 15 minutes of working out of less (varying levels of difficult are in each workout, so like 5 minutes shortest, 15 minutes max).

For me it's the other way around. I am passionate about lifting/fitness and Overwatch is something I fire up from time to time to blast some fools in quickplay. Then again, i've lost the will to go hard in video games anyway. Except Pokemon, autism grabbed me 20 years ago and never let go. But it's more knowledge with that game, and it can be done at your own leisure.

I only play overwatch when it's free on weekends. I've binged it for 2 days twice and that's enough for me. I'll play it again on a free weekend to fill my hump of hate. It will never live up to CS, but its good

Dark souls 3 years ago on my flatmates PS3 and his copy of GTA5. And was given a handmedown ps3 last year. I've bought helldivers, DS2 and diablo for under £20 and I expect these will last me the entire 2017 if not 2018. Wipeout HD/FURY was installed and is also good. I don't even like the thought of paying £150 for a ps4 never mind £50 a year subscription not to mention the cost of games. My Unlimited internets costing me £88 for the year.

I know people taking out wonga loans to pay off their £120+ monthly phone bills for using too much data because they can't afford virgin media broadband because they financed a £1500 sofa and drive around in a lease hire car, but are 2 months behind on the rent who probably manage 4 hours of computer game escapism a night.

I played poker for years break even, minor loser from microstakes and felt I was banging my head off the wall, people asking me how much I was losing when I was maybe depositing £10 when I busted every 3 months. Now if I put the hours in when I'm bored I can cash out anywhere from £50 to few hundred every month or other month, to fund poker books/software and will play indefinitely for free for the next 30-40 years. The occasions when I play live locally I love hearing the screaming sounds of someone blowing their months wages over 5 hands or at the roulette. I think that's all I go for.

I stopped into a computer games shop while waiting for my friend to finish work. I noticed the gaming PC's didn't even have an advertised price where on the box/advertisement... Just a downpayment and a 24 monthly payment price. Like it wouldn't occur to anyone that the product was good enough someone might want to purchase the thing new for cash.

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

I was never fat but my motivation was all the times I started and gave up I noticed that I was making progress but I always fell out of it before I ever saw any real transformation. Eventually I wanted to see what my body was capable of and I also wanted to find a new distraction besides video games. So 2 years ago I started lifting every 2nd night with a home gym set up consisting of a crossfit bar with 40kgs of weight and a wobbly bench (no racks). My routine had no real structure to it but I worked out every 2nd night without fail even if it was 1am by the time I convinced myself to do it. After about 2 months it became a habit for me and the odd occasion that I missed a day made me quite unhappy. Basically just do it no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient, relish the feeling after a workout and eventually you'll have a new habit.

Why not just work out together? Sure, your workout will probably suffer a little from guiding him, but even if you make up for it later you'll be wasting less time than you're currently wasting nagging him.

>God knows I need it.

No you don't. Find the fire in you, don't wait around for someone to force you to do it, work towards doing it yourself. Or hire a fucking PT or something, just stop waiting.

He might be worried about going to the gym and not knowing what to expect. That is what I was like at least - the prospect of going to a gym full of fit people as a blob and not knowing what to do was really daunting. I felt really embarrassed only managing 5 minutes on the treadmill and lifting really light weights. I was aware of my moobs and belly sticking out from my baggy t shirt in a room full of fit guys and girls in tight vests. To be honest it just felt like I didn't belong and it was really uncomfortable. I gave up a few times due to this, until I finally thought fuck it and just ignored everyone there as best I could and got on with it. Glad I did, getting comfortable in the gym was harder than sticking to a routine and losing weight.

I tried offering this as well... I even offered to do his workout with him since its pretty easy and straightforward, at least for me.

Yea I think its easier for someone like me who's already in decent shape and figure to not give any mind to going to the gym because those there are more similar to me than not, but I can see why its hard if your heavier. Whenever I see a chubby guy or girl at the gym though I am happy though, because I know they're trying to become better and lose their weight or build muscle or whatever. Its probably harder to just ignore everyone at a gym, but I think that most people would be happy to see anyone trying to get better. At least, thats the way it is for me. I see chubby people working out and I think of how they're already much further ahead mentally than my roommate, who has not yet taken it upon himself to start working out.

So for those who are chubby and go to the gym I have respect because it shows that they've taken it upon themselves to get better and they are doing it themselves.

Show him the error of his ways.

He wants to lose weight but he doesnt have the will too or hes just saying that to justify being a lazy piece of shit. Stop worrying about him and worry about yourself.

Yea I'm going to lay off for a bit, but I still want to help him. Definitely not going to do what I did last night again though. But I think through this experience I've come to the standstill where I can tell him what he can do to start but ultimately he has to do it, because its clear I can't encourage him to do it directly.

>So I'll keep it short
>wall of text

fuck off

Kappa. Its relative. And in relation to what I could've written, this is short.

OP everyone has to want it bad enough to take action by themselves. You're not his fucking mom and you can't force him to better himself.

Fuck your roommate
Exactly why i go to the gym by myself. "Whats that friendo? U wanna go to the gym with me? Have ur shit ready and set ur alarm for 5 am cuz thats when i go." If they aint awake i aint waiting. Ive tried for years accommodating for other people only for them to flake out

I used to be a landwhale and at the start I had the same feeling of embarrasment aswell. I thinj you feel embarrased because you actively are admitting to yourself that you let yourself go and thar you aren't happy with your body. When you're just watching movies or gaming you dont think "god look at me, I look disgusting." Bit when you're working out you do, you feel embarrased because you HAVE to workout to improve yourself. You're basically admitting that you need alot of work on yourself and the truth is a hard thing to see to eyes for alot of people.

Just drop the idea. This sounds like self justification. "Hey i'll get my friend to push me into lifting and when I stop, hey atleast I made the effort to lift"

>kappa
Come back when you’re old enough