Drive to gym

>drive to gym
>realize i forgot my hard hat
>drive back is 15 minutes
>mfw

are you in the Village People

You could always use one from the rental bin. They're smelly but it'll save time.

>tip toe into the gym
>realize I forgot my tokens for the plate dispenser
>mfw

>show up late
>obstacle course is closed
>have to duel the vending machine instead

>stay up all night
> go to gym at 5:00am for some sweet sleepy reps
>MFW I forget to yawn between sets

>His gym doesn't provide free elbow pads

>get into gym
>someone left preacher curl bench with some time on it
>curl for 2 minutes until machine locks
>free bicep work out

>arrive at the gym
>goto the locker room
>fail penis inspection upon entry because chad fucked the twink last and he could barely feel me inside him

>get to gym
>all barbells have been replaced with communal barbells so multiple people can workout together
>im paired up with some ss freak who squats 5pl8
>i only squat 2, so we have to load the barbell with lmao7pl8
>oh boy here we go, we both get under the bar
>way to fucking heavy for me, i collapse
>gymbro gets angry at me i almost injured him and reports me to staff

>park my excavator in the gym parking lot
>put on my hard hat, goggles, gloves and work boots
>whistle goes off as i walk into gym, whew, just made it
>punch my time card
>tip the desk clerk
>she stops me
>forgot my safety vest
>FUCK
>get back in my Cat 335L
>start digging my way home
>get to the upper mantle highway
>weigh station says my excavator has exceeded tonnage limit
>mfw i forgot to fast the night before

breh, the fuck kinda gym is that? training the inner jew

its a joke

you have to stay up until at least 6 to get yawn gains dude

>Go to gym
>Someone didn't reset the treadmill
>It's now 10 miles away

Shoulda read the sticky :(

>gym implemented new rules where to get plate dispenser tokens you have to do cardio
>run for 45 minutes to get enough tokens for my 3pl8 squat
>legs are too tired to squat at that point
What the fuck is this bullshit

Shit you gotta find a new gym, brah. it should only take 20 minutes of cardio tops for a 315 squat. You're getting robbed

>Gym closed for maintenance
>reopened today
>replaced all the anabolic light bulbs with black lights
>Gains are fucked
>didn't bring a flashlight
>MFW

yeah it's just a joke
surely no one would ever steal another man's preacher curl time

>do preacher curls
>never received my MDiv from an accredited seminary in my denomination

>go to gym
>make your own barbell day

All my Gym's preachers were replaced with Rabbis.

Am I gonna make it, brehs?

>go to gym
>forget to microwave my popcorn before arrival
>gym pigeons end up pecking at my gains since they don't like unpopped kernels

> register online for 20-min curl rack session
> arrive to find several young urban americans loitering in my rack
> pretend not to notice and hang out in the shower for the afternoon

This happened at my gym just do 3/16 curls tomorrow for John 3:16, should go back to normal

Hmmm, I'm not sure if I have authorization from the Gospel According To Mark, though. I don't want to lose all my Gentile gains.

>Go to sip from water fountain
>Fountain replaced with chicken nugget sample platter
>On a cut

Fuck.

MFW all the barbells, dumbbells, and other lifters in my entire gym get replaced with Smith Machines

>forgot it was curl day
>literally everyone in the gym standing in a huge circle curling
>I show up in my deadlift britches, forgot my curl gloves
>personal trainer holds me down and spanks me
>call mom to come bring my curl shorts and gloves
>work out with the gym family after fixing attire

>gym implements no-singles policy
>get easy dubs on Veeky Forums, present my smart phone to the front desk clerk for verification
>mfw I forget mondays the gym has a cleric instead of a clerk at the desk
>my post on Veeky Forums was an inaccurate shitpost about medieval clergymen
>mfw I'm forced to do 3x15 preacher curls and 3x15 tricep flagellations as penance for my indiscretion

> drive 45 minutes to gym
> forgot my gains license
> docked 20 fitpoints
> have to stay after class to make them up

Audible kek

...

>sneak in to the gym
>realised I've left my pl8's at home
>must now wait the the dispenser
>still no gains

>gym doesnt have any 0.0001 lb pl8s
How the fuck am I supposed to progress like this?

lmaoing @ your life famalam. In what shithole do you live where your gym doesn't even have 0.0001 lb pl8s?

>all 45 lb plates in use
>have to use 44.999... lb plates instead

really threw off my programming

...

>gym removed leg extensions
>Will no longer grow

I'll forever be a manlet :(

The fuck? Can't you borrow one from your super? Surely they have spares on hand for when the suits visit on site.

...

>gym removed squat rack
>now have to stand and put all the weights on the ground.

I remember when my gym replaced the Preacher Curl machine with Rabbi Curl machines. Took everyone forever to realize they were getting $1 charged to their credit card every rep.

>tfw my gym just removed all its rabbis
>tfw gym showers are still stained blue

>never gone to the gym a day in my life
>do alot of drugs and drink alot
>realize your all faggots

>break into gym zoo
>find barnyard cow
>suckle it's milkers like a baby for free gains
>leave after draining her like a caprisun and masturbating for a bit
>go home
>start to feel like absolute shit
>head to er after pain gets overwhelming
>doctor returns with diagnosis
>infected with gomad cow disease

>go to gym
>square pizza day
>no mushy peas, crunchy corn special
>vanilla pudding dessert square
>chocolate milk carton

>go to gym
>do some light warm up sets
>get call from bank
>account frozen due to suspicious plate purchases
>gains put on hold until I can call them

praise will the lord of gains

we wait for the holy revival of his son, jayden

my gainz liscence is almost expired but because of work i dont have time anymore to pass the renewal test. anybody know a good bootlegger until work calms down and i can get a legit one?

honestly why would you buy plates, just lift the whole dispenser. its got all the same stuff in it anyway

>finally get gym membership
>can't even lift anyone there

Using plates other people have touched, it's as if your desperate to catch the gay

holy shit when did Veeky Forums's gyms become so new-age and existential?

this is the funniest thread ive read in a while. thanks Veeky Forumsbros

Underrated

welcome reddit

GOBBUNISM!
spurdoface

REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT
REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT REDDlT

>getting ready to go to the gym
>put on my elevator shoes
>walk into gym
>start sweating profusely as I approach the "you must be this tall to enter sign"
>almost make it past the gaurd
>get pulled aside for a random inspection
>panic and start to scream that they're racist
>they don't buy it and assure me that it's completely random
>they find my shoes and force them off me, revealing my true height
>get laughed out of the gym and get milk thrown at me as i try to run away

Newfag

new

Kek

>go to gym
>it's bounce day
>gym's only bouncy castle is punctured and away for repairs

planet libertarian fitness

I'm giving in and asking. How did this meme start?

>arrive at gym
>it's stale meme day

>gomad cow disease

molto bene

I went to my gym at 4:30am once and some guy was stealing 100lb plates

>at the gym late at night
>barbell hip thrusts, nearly done
>gym guard walks in
>"What are you doing"
>try to explain but he locks my jaw gains
>Falim gum falls out
>not allowed back until they test the barbell for semen

>training the inner jew

Underrated kek

severely, severely underrated.

kek

>go to gym recently
>it's service animal companion Sunday
>all the doggos and pigs are checked out
>I get stuck with the parrot
>it keeps squawking "lower faggot" during my squats
>being a bird it's physically incapable of spotting me on my bench press
>then it has the nerve to ask for 4 scoops of birdseed after my workout and keeps saying "C'MON" for some reason

> Be britbong
>Get stopped at gym entrance by Abdul
>Mfw Sharia police come in and confiscate my gains for eating pork for protein

>cardio day
>Chad didn't rewind the treadmill after using it
>have to 2x5k backwards runs before I can even start my routine
>mfw pizza grease on fingerprint log in

>Forgot to submit my Capital Gains Tax on time

>go to gym
>it's chest day but spin the wheel of workouts
>lands on Ab-roller Derby

>not trading your protein pass for a second spin

Do you even want gains

>guy gets off treadmill after a full hour
>leaves without rewinding it back 00:00

Kek

>baka
>gotogym
>beme
>suck dick for money
>see chad and stacy
>i do a 360 and he mires HARD
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>fuck stacy marry chad kill nerd
>what

lel

Creative

just gave me a brilliant idea; manual treadmill with big cranks on either side to work your arms at the same time, and give better speed control.

I'm gonna be rich Veeky Forums

>after months of training, finally do enough squats that I can advance to the second floor of the gym
>legs are too tired from squatting to walk up the stairs
>have to awkwardly crawl
its a bad feel man

>tfw ankles too fat to fit the built in straps on the treadsmith machine

I-I guess I'll just keep lifting then

>using extensions
does your gym not even have a study hall?

Underrated ta fuck. Ded

geg'd

>you must be this high to deadlift
>6'2"
off to the manlet pit I go

>no money for the water fountain
>gym doesn't allow us to bring outside fluids

protip: go back after hours and raid the bin behind the building. most of those gains they just throw out rather than reusing because muh regulations
>britbong
they might have the gain bin locked up though

>Squatting 3pl8
>Power goes out to the block
>I'm stuck at the bottom of my squat in the dark
>Saftey rails don't engage
>See the gym helpers abandon their stations as the emergency lights flick on

2 hours later the firemen cut the plates off with the jaws of life. I moved to a gym with a generator afrer that

>Head into the Gym few weeks into January
>All the NYR's have left dumbbells and plates all over the floor unracked
>Bout to start moving them back but get caught by the plate-police
>Plead innocence but they don't buy it
>Sentenced to Crossfit for 7 months no parole
Anyone have any advice? I already know about avoiding Creatine dealers while I'm in there.

this

Save up tokens on off days.
Lift MWF do cardio STD and keep the tokens

I'm fucking dead top kek

>going for my 16pl8 squat
>forgot to tip my squat plug valet
>feeling a little dry
>go for the rep anyway
>descend and feel colon and large intestine exit my body with plug
>all gains deducted from my account to pay for medical treatment
>mfw i'd rather be dead

>finish my bench sets
>decide to max out with just the bar
> 25reps later my arms give out and I'm pinned under a pl8less 45lb bar
>do the roll of shame to get out
>gym qt watching the whole time

This actually happen.