Haven't pooped in six days

Place two lubed fingers in your asshole and pull like you're starting a chainsaw.

>dad always did this to me

...

eat a bowl of oatmeal with flax seeds and drink a cup of black coffee

you'll get the shits while you're eating
trust me

...

Are you on opiates, or have some sort of GI disease? Damn dude I shit 2-3 times a day. Just off yourself, you do realize that after the 7th day, the fecal mass in your rectum breaks the Chandrasekhar limit and you create a poop singularity and you cease to have ever existed.

take a dump then

I went a week without pooping when I first tried keto. Vegetables didn't help, fiber supps didn't help.

When I finally said fuck it and went off of it I went to the movie theater with some friends later in the day and took the second most massive, rancid shit of my life. Cleared out the bathrooms.

Get off the 80mg oxys and or herion.

Miralax plus lots of water. Dried fruit is also a good idea.

Pray and beg for a quick death...

stop taking opiates

take a laxative

Enema or stool softener, you might blow an o ring if you try to pass it naturally at this point.

I have been stopped up for 3 days before and it felt like I was laying an egg. Can't imagine what 6 would be like.

I was constipated for over 3 weeks over this winter break. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I tried to poop and developed hemroids.Could barely walk.
Here is how i fixed it:
>6 dates and 6 dried plumbs at morning, then repat at night. so 12 of each. Which is about 13g of fiber
>drink atleast 3 litters of water
>take a laxative after about a day of my above diet. And your stomach should start moving now.
>continue taking high fiber breakfast and dinner but dont use anymore laxatives.
Im pooping every morning. Try to poop every morning to avoid this in the future

get a big cup of warm water and squirt a bit of dish soap into it, dont mix it. then chug it

First off try the spoon thing and post pics.
Fix your diet you filthy animal.
Coffee, prune juice, laxatives, apples, and plenty of water.

Anal

Am I the only one who cant poop in other peoples houses? I can't even go my gfs house for extended times without feeling like a septic tank

>you might blow an o ring if you try to pass it naturally
takes me back to the time I went GOMAD with zero dietary fiber. RIP my bunghole

Fleet enema. It is like fishing with dynamite. You won't have any more problems. Use Vaseline to your hole to help the bottle fit in there (unless you're queer and have an open back door already). Then get doggy style and squeeze the bottle. Don't be a bitch - it doesn't hurt. Use the really big bottle. Hold for 10 mins if you can, but when you need to go - you'll know it.

An enema will end your constipation like a 12 gauge will end a squirrel who is looking down the barrel for a treat. DRINK MORE WATER. An enema will dehydrate you. Don't fuck with your water intake. at least 2 liters a day for an inactive person.

Just NEVER try to fight though constipation. That is the path to hemorrhoids.

order some indian food

You should probably poop

Did he called it "cave explorer" play?

You should probably see a therapist for that bud

how can you even fit 21 days of eating into your colon?

>you do realize that after the 7th day, the fecal mass in your rectum breaks the Chandrasekhar limit and you create a poop singularity and you cease to have ever existed.
I like you

Miralax is the most mild laxative. Take it and drink lots of water. Instead of giving you violent diarrhea like dulcolax, it brings more water into the bowel, making it softer. It takes a day or two though.

>Tfw developed hemmorhoids so severely your underwear and pants are stained with blood

I also had to clean my bedsheets lads.

Lately I've been doing ENORMOUS shits. Absolutely gigantic. So big they clog the toilet and I have to break them apart with a large screwdriver and flush them piece by piece.

But it doesn't hurt at all, in fact I thought I'd just done a regular shit until I noticed it wasn't going down.

What the fuck? Do I need to eat more fiber? Less? What do?

You've changed something in your life. What did you change?

I don't know. My diet might be a little worse, like for a few days I was only eating two meals a day. But I've been drinking the same amount (of usually sugar free soda) and eating at least some fruit. My diet has never been very good. I've spent a lot more time lying down as opposed to sitting??

I'll try drinking more water and eating more fruit I guess

chug 3 bottles of magnesium citrate and it should do the trick. one of each flavor just because

Chia seeds in your protein shakes through out the day (make sure to soak the chia seeds in water for 10 minutes first) and coffee in the morning = monster shit

OP, if you're serious about how many days this hasn't happened than you may need medical attention lest you shit out your mouth or rupture your colon en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_impaction

I was on keto and ate a lot less. Didn't realize how long I hadn't pooped. When I did shit hurt like a my boipussy and it stung and burned a bit. I was worried that I had a hemriod. Just an anal fissure but still. Ate the same but I "cheated" and got some carbs and ate above what I normally eat. Shit a bit more frequently.

I once took half a cup of milk of magnesia and half a cup of molasses but still plugged up.
Had to push out as much as I could then scrape out what was exposed with my fingers.
A lot of blood and shit but once the plug was out, it was like dynamite to a dam.