How you holding up

is constantly being stuck in the absurdity of the moment, balancing your day and your action in reality with the midst of your constant existential crisis and realizing i'm ultimately alone with no friends at all and nothing fills me or give me any real pleasure, constantly being abused by your mind part of growing up?

Ya

Pretty much. Read some books on philosophy. I really liked a lot of the principles of Daoism though don't practice it as a religion. And go make some friends.

I'm convinced the majority of people are all severely depressed.

Nah a lot more people are filled with impotent rage and an inflated sense of self worth. Lots of depressed people too though.

fuck guys i'm only 18
i've been reading more on eastern philosophy and existentialism but still not getting really far
I dont have social media, i can't use it without getting mad because of the underlying addiction paths, the narcissism, vallidati on dinamycsand the way it manipulates people opinion
i feel like everything is null and void, i dont know why but i cant make deep bonds with anyone and almost every single relationship in my life fails after a while (a year or two)

i cant function desu
i can only feel despair

seems like a pretty natural thing to go through. This is nothing profound or earth-shattering, but you basically have to accept the general vapidity/flaws/etc. of the average person and move on. I can guarantee that you aren't the only person who feels/felt that way.

You have to change your perspective on other people. You most likely had a more privileged life than they did. Most people are just doing their best. They are rarely being malicious. Most are pretty stupid and problems that may seem simple to you take them decades to unravel. It's the reason why intelligence correlates with suicide rates. They feel disgusted by what they assume are a vast ocean of evil people and struggle to make friends. Humans mostly aren't evil. Just really fucking stupid and have a ton of childhood trauma which is extremely hard for them to work through due to said stupidity.

Its not that people flaws make me resent them or get indo The way, i know i am full of flaws. I wish i were like them though not having thus constant anxiety or mind chatter, this is what being a normie means to me..Being a normal functional person not dettaced to reality
I do suffer with what you sais though. I dont know how to form friendships and not just "hang out" acquitainces.

I think may getting fit will help me, that aura/charisma may attract more people
Maybe i need to deal with this loneliness and learn with it, immerse myself into philosophies and self improviment as a escape to to this pain. Its just a constant struggle how does one imagine sisyphus happy?

on a date with a guy rn but i totally friendzoned him

hes really nice though, and he says hell introduce me to his friends, so wverythings actually going pretty well

It's your struggle. You must own it.

Getting Veeky Forums does help. Loneliness begets restless thoughts. Concentrate on making meaningful relationship. Are you being passive with people who you'd like as friends? Real friendship takes effort so make sure you're putting in the work. Try to pinpoint the sources of your anxiety. Work one them one by one until they are under control. Your problems aren't insurmountable but the longer you think about them without actualizing solutions the worse they will get.

You know when in social settings, someone says something and no one seems to pay attention? They have poor delivery, never say/do something funny and most of its comments are just ignored or it never gets enough attention to keep the subject goin? Its kinda like that

It's a negative feedback loop to get into that mindset. You think people don't pay attention or value you so it impacts your self esteem. So then you get quieter and speak less. Focus on finding people who value your company so you can,be yourself. Try finding a new hobby like card games or board games if you're into those things. Or find a recreational sports league for tennis or basketball if those are more your speed.

I used to feel this way. But in addition to keeping myself busy, I have been on a cut for 2 weeks where I try to maintain ~1000kcal every day. With the addition of starvation late at night and in the mornings with IF, I simply do not have time to think about such things. That is until I eat my biggest meal of the day...

Look into zen buddhism and read up on stoicism and go watch some vids by Alan Watts and Eckhart Tolle to get you started.

You need to learn to let go. The constant mind chatter is what happens when you get conditioned to the idea that your thoughts are all that makes you, you.
With some learning and some practice you can learn to step back from that chatter, realise it's not who you are, realise it's just another over active organ and learn to separate yourself from it.

We're raised and conditioned to form some pretty terrible mental habits. The mind should work for you. Your thoughts should be a tool, not a burden. Your mind is supposed to be your servant, not your master.

Physically you really should spend time exercising. Lifting has been good for my self-esteem but proper cardio makes a much bigger emotional difference. If I go play a sport for a few hours and feel properly worn out by the end it will raise my mood for days.
Socialising is also really important. I really didn't realise how my solitary lifestyle was affecting me. I didn't realise how much more enjoyable life is when you have good people to share it with.
I think it's a really necessary urge that needs to be fulfilled in pretty much everyone whether they accept it or not. I used to think I hated socialising but that was just because of the drain from all the social anxiety. As I got used to just letting go and chilling out and came out of my shell socialising became great.

What do i do until i find these valuable friendships? Stay in this pit of despair? Dont really have hobbies or way to get in one besides reading
Maybe quitting weed will help me
I AM bulking and procrastinate alot

The thing is i already am looking into buddhism, Allan watts, Marcus aureliuz and this kind of stuff probably not doing my best then. Maybe forcing myself into meditation. Maybe when i look good and be more centered i will be able to be happy
>the one who is doing the improviment is the one that needs the improving

It's easy to find excuses to not start a new hobby. It's also really easy to go actually start one. I would definitely quit smoking weed. For most people it is a thief of ambition and frequently causes the kind of anxiety you describe. You also missing the point a little bit in that working to establishing these relationships and expanding your hobbies will begin the process of getting you out of your so called pit of despair. Doing nothing certainly won't alleviate it so take a more active role in the direction of your life.

chick i was let to believe had an interest in me showed literally no interest, neither did i as i would rather just drink with my buddies and shoot the shit instead of trying to get with this girl only to disappoint her and myself.

these days all i care about is my workout, sadly.

At least you have your friends right?
Thanks user. I have all the tools avaliable, just need to use them. I was trying to pursue this path of new habits yet onee joint was all it took to relapse to bad habits again. Gonna keep my head up.
Any rec on stoicism? Besides aurelius

yeah her and her friends went home again and it ended with my buddies and my just sat at table drinking and joking around, ironically she made the night better by fucking off to be a tease somewhere else

It's not Stoicism specifically but if you like that avenue of thought I'd look into Immanuel Kant "Critique of Pure Reason".

Im thinking about starting to believe in God, or at least act as if I do, if not only because otherwise I am endlessly paralyzed by reflection and ambivalence. It seems like worshipping something is necessary to live (act), and that pretty much everything else that you could worship (money, gainz, intelligence, pussy, ...) will lead to depression long term

Foolishness. You can't believe in something you know is false without strong mental gymnastics. Start believing in human progress and growth. Widen your perspective to include Africa. So much good to be done there for such tiny amounts of effort and donation.

For me it started after chronic abuse of acid and ecstasy

I feel as though it would of happened anyway, I was always different since I was a child. The depression has eased a fair bit though, now its just a pleasent numbness rather than constant agony