Veeky Forums cringe

I hate this man with a fucking passion. He is the quintessential snake-oil salesman.

He hits all the notes like he's doing it on purpose:
1. He claims that the entire industry is wrong
2. Only he knows the REAL way to be functional
3. Classic and popular movements with a tried-and-true pedigree are actual non-functional garbage.
4. Tons and tons of mobility work to change the angle of your sub-coaxular transdominus passage by 0.02 degrees.
5. "I spent 2 years avoiding strenuous exercise to make sure I had no dysfunction"
6. He has no real results to speak for, but will make claims about training the best without actually having specific examples.
7. Develops a community that will aggressively defend his name from any criticism. Spends most of his waking hours defending himself on facebook and shitting on anyone else for not being on his level of superhuman hyperfunction.

He is a fucking fraud.

Amazing. He manages to be more elitist and culty than crossfit.

I think Bret wrote that with that little faggot in mind. Its way too accurate

>15. When showing off your methods, flow seamlessly from one exercise to the next – this will make you appear fluid and artistic, thereby increasing your appeal
>16. Make people feel guilty for training in the sagittal plane or lifting heavy weight – make them feel like inferior, nonfunctional, two dimensional rejects so they’ll hail you as the superior, top functioning, three dimensional legend
> 33.Speak in riddles and vague but quotable sound bytes – this will make you seem like an all-knowing, wise owl
>39. Conduct seminars around the world and certify trainers with your methods – this is a vital step in your transformation
> 40. Become a monster and judge the hell out of everyone else’s movement patterns, gait, posture, and exercise selection – when you’ve reached this step, congratulations, you have arrived!

lol Veeky Forums bagging out crossfit. kek you cunce are the ones i laugh at in the gym when you cant even rep 1 plate OHP

this isnt crossfit though

wat

That webm looks like the episode of American Dad where Stan was practicing to fight the future robots that had armor protecting everything above the ankle.

Who is this made for, athletes? Plyometrics look retarded but work for sports.

what he's doing is technically a workout, it's just extremely, extremely inefficient

Chad lowe rob lowe

chop low

always a classic

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I feel bad for not having this idea.
The guy on the back is racking backwards btw.

posting comments from the functional patterns video

why havent you enhanced your central nervous system yet Veeky Forums?

I love how he had to clarify that this is, in fact and without any doubts whatsoever, absolutely positively NOT CROSSFIT

>not training to punch manlets
never gonna make it

That looks a lot more fun than lifting weights.

Kinda reminds me of what my friend tells me got him swole and ready for competitions. But his Maxes after 2 years are what i do for reps in 5 months of just old school bodybuilding, so i try to avoid the subject of gym lest i hear about another Bosu ball bench press.

>Not doing 3x6 hulk smashes