Hey meathead how much can you lift?

>implying this skelly could cut through me

I'd grab the blade out of the air as he swung it, rip his trachea out with my free hand. Super fucking easy. Strength>steel in combat. Guns are another story

I lift FOR MY SWORD

Fufufufu....you think I won't use your precious strength against you?
*my fingers dance across each other as I active my Rekkanooreganomoogaipan jutsu*
*suddenly you can't move*
All that muscle...
*my dagger flashes in the moonlight*
BUT NO POWER!
*i strategically slash your throat, kidneys and testicles*
Heh...never mess with the devil...

*you feel a force choking you and a distant laughter*
Heehehe.. my intellectuallity has granted me telepathic powers... not that I need to use it in order to win against simpletons such as you..
*jumps 3 meters into the air and flies towards you as a whirlwind of steel*

*swoosh*
*taps your shoulder*
Meet your end brute
*obliterates you with the shot of a thousand dying stars*

who are the autists that keep posting stupid shit like these threads and replies
they're more autistic than the people who in the photos

Cause it's funny

*my hologram dissipates with your final slash*
*you feel the tap of my blade upon your clavicle*
"All that power, yet, no cunning. Your youth and inexperience shows with every strike. You've not the wizard's patience."
*I back flip away and you feel the brush of my spike studded trench coat*
*NIN's Hurt plays louder in the distance*

*you phase through my afterimage*
Too slow swine!
*lightning streaks appears in the air*
I got some powers of my own..
*adjusts glasses*
My heart is just and my soul is vigilant.. you will be dust...
*swings sword unleashing a shockwave of pure destruction towards you*

>hey meathead how fast can you run?
>*draws shooters*
>hope its fast enough to outrun a bullet
>YEEEEEHHHAW PARDNER

>*teleport in front of you, for the mixup*
>*flex a 'cep*
>*catch your dull blade with 'cep and forearm*
>*break your butter knife in twain*

Feelin' fit, buddy?

*a faint motorized sound can be heard in the distant*
OY!
*a mobility scooter appears in the horizon*
Gid over er' and imma fookin slice you!
*parks scooter and wobbles off*
Skill fookin *inhales* triumph over speed.. *exhales*
*unsheathes my bane of doom*

*AND YOU COULD HAVE IT ALL..."
Do you really think you can defeat both of us?
Your skill is no match for our combined cunning and vigilance.
*MY EMPIRE OF DIRT
I scoff at your naivete. May your hubris be your downfall.
*I WILL LET YOU DOWN*
*The music begins to come into sync*
"I WILL MAKE YOU HURT"

Okay I died.

Greetings!
*rests godslayer sword on shoulder*
Mind if I join this little charade of yours?
*enters battlestance of the trillion headed dragon*
I am assured you haven't fought a half demon demigod before...
*black angel wings spouts from my back*
Let me demonstrate true power... TREMBLE MORTALS!
*O fortuna starts playing*

What the actual fuck am I reading

*emerges from the shadows*
Well, well, well~
*holds tip of fedora*
What do we have here?
A battle between warriors?
Or a squabbling of unenlightened plebeians?
Either way~
*fedora tip raised, revealing glasses with light shining on them menacingly*
*let the bodies hit the floor plays in the background*
*enters stance*
YOU NEED TO BE PUT IN YOUR PLACE!
*launches waves of compressed-air slashes*

wtf is going on here Veeky Forums?

*You hear dress shoes impacting the pavement behind you*
It is I, Godslayer the englightened
I have come to put an end to your mortal struggles and ascend you all to the higher planes.
*Unsheaths 1.5 quintillion folded japanese asteroid steel blade*
THIS! This is my wife demondender!
She has ended the lives of millions of plebeians It should be wise for you to flee.
Ah, you are either stupid or brave, neither matters as you shall be nothing soon!
*sounds of war drums start playing from the sky*

> caring what other people think of your hobbies

never gonna make it

>NIN's Hurt

*jumps down from a nearby tree*
Aisatsu^~~ fellow senshis I have been watching your battle...
*leaves start to float from the ground*
Who am I to not partake in a grand duel of the ages?
*unsheathes two blades of unknown origins*
Kakugowokimeru~~^! Death by a thousand cuts!
*hair turns white*

Nerds

cancer

not even is this autistic

>warriors
Nigga that's Albert weskers

this thread is gold

What the hell is happening in this thread.

>mfw this thread

*warps into the middle of the battle*
Hmpf...
*glances around*
Pfft...
*unsheathes Namasu, the legendary blade forged of devils blood in the middle of an exploding super nova*
Mhmm...
*the ground starts to crackle and lava spews forth*

god, this shit makes me laugh too much

*blocks barrage of attacks in stance similar to pic related*
Heh, not bad. However, what you have in strength, is undermined, by INEXPEIRENCE!
*disappears from field of vision*
*muffled "早い!(hayai!)" in the background*
*reappears behind you*
This technique has been passed down to me by my ancient European sensei,
Tremble!
MAOU!
GENROU KEEEEEEEEEEN~!!!
*shoots homing energy beams that burn at a billion degrees*

*ninja dashes and nimbly jumps from rock to rock*
*lands behind you*
YOU DARE FIGHT AGAINST THE THE GODSLAYER?
*unsheaths demonender*
HYYYAH!
*The gleaming blade swings down with the speed of a thousand cheetahs and splits open the earth sending you flying*
Heh who's next

>*Muffled hayai in the background*

God bless everything about this thread

"It's starting to look more like a battle."
"... Don't mind if I do."
*I unsheathe my twin blades, forged in smoke and tinted black, as dark as my sense of humor*
"Prepare to meet Eric and Dylan"
*shing, wwwwshhhhhh*
*My twin blades slice through your Namasu*

*Two Steps From Hell - Strenght of a Thousand Men plays loudly in the background while the eternal war rages on....*

youtube.com/watch?v=qwJj2EpC8vg

>NIN's Hurt
>*eats pizza*
>*fucks stacy*
>sup betas? let me handle this from here, go play with your figurines and computers before one of you gets hurt
>*unsheathes blessed sword of krom to demonstrates his brawn and bravery

Aye hol up crackas!
*unsheathes Kool Aidius made by the skin of a billion kang ancestors*
U tryna have some kinna battle without me?!
*steals your weapons in a flash*
*smack lips* TYRONISHASHAJOHNSON SPECIAL ATTACK!
*it begins to rain as I unsheathe my second weapon, the fleshy Nine Incher if the void*

>oh so you really didn't die in resident evil whatever?
>prepare for battle Albert weskers
>*opens trench coat revealing spear tipped barbell
>I've seen you in this gym before weskers
>do you even lift?
>*picks up 100lb dumbbell with his penis
>throws it into weskers chest, pushing him into the mirror which shadders
>falling mirror slices weskers head off
>keks and says "can I get a spot teehee"
>nothing personal dyel

European Sensei you say? Pathetic!~
*assumes familiar ancient European martial stance*
Recognize this stance? Heh, I thought so.
*Gravity starts to warp as my stance widens*
This is your precious Sensei Hitchens stance, is it not? Of course I would know, since I'm the one who took it from his last. Dying. Breath.
*Air and space continue to delude as you inch forward, revealing Sensei's Belt*
I wish you could've seen the look on his face, knowing his pupil was not there to save him!
*Distorts time to reveal that is in front of you, grabbing your throat.*
KNEEL, KNAVE!

*shadowy figure observes the carnage from afar*
Those sheep...look at them frothing at the mouth like animals.
This is not an honorable battle, it's a slaughterhouse!
In the name of Odin, I shall put an end to this madness...
*spits cigar*
*jumps into the air, the moon glistening behind*

You've made your final mistake
*takes off trench coat*
you see the my blades are not meant for destruction
*adjusts glass so they catch the sun*
They are to limit my power
*teleports behind you*
nothing personal kid
*punches you 1000 times a second*

*flexes throat*
"I kneel... for no... MAN or GOD!"
*The air quakes and your fingers explode off of my thoat*
*One Step Closer begins play*
"I am going to destroy your world."
*lightning crashes*
*I teleport with each strike*
*Swinging with each strike*
*SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU*
*I'M ABOUT TO BREAK!!!*

*hand slips through my afterimage*
You bastard, I knew there was something suspicious about your fighting techniques, they made me a bit....nostalgic.
So...it was you who killed him...
*tail of trench coat rises mysteriously*
I...have been looking for my master's assassin ever since I was born...
Fool...you shouldn't have revealed your identity, now you REALLY. ACTIVATED. MY. ALMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONDS~!!!!
*explosive aura emerges*
*space-time begins to warp*
*muffled exposition about the asspull power in the background*
YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!
RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
*dashes*

*the clash of battle ripples through the multiverse continuum catching the attention of a powerful being*
Squibble my squittlidoodle! What have we here!
*licks lips and purrs*
'Tis of great interest to me!
*opens a portal above the battlefield and jumps in*
TEEEHEEE HELLOOO!
*phases in and out of existence while delivering blows and giggling*

Is this thing even a human bean?

You've fucking lost it guys

*A woman has joined this battle*
"I hope you boys have enough fight for me."
"I like fighting. I'm not like other girls."
"Please, no sexist remarks."
*Unsheathes the Fames Blade of Ovaria*
"Prepare yourselves, boys ;)"
*Heart begins to play*

>tfw I will use Kickstarter to make a movie including all this shit

>kool aidius
Holy fucking Kekington I was not ready for that

>*you hear a loud CAWCAW in the distance*
>*slams into the ground leaving a crater*
>it is I, leader of the crows, my blade folded 15 million times by the one with the cutting board
>as muscular as you are i don't believe you'll pose a challenge
>*flies up into the air at mach 1 while spinning beautifully*
>飛行カラス創傷ストライク!!!!
>all those years training and you've been undone by a lowly crow
>CAWcaw nothin berdsonnel kid

*a dark mist surrounds you*
*whispers* what a foolish idea to come here...
*slits your throat*
My heart is filled with darkness, whore, you have to empathy from me..
*touches your boob before sliding forever into the stream of shadows that looms the field of war*

*Uses ability to pause time*
*Removes Guy Fawkes mask to reveal my subtly masculine face*
"Hello, m'lady. First off, I'd like to say cool it is to see a woman joining this battle. Now, you might feel a lot of hurtful strikes, but I'm not like those other guys."

You think you can escape?
>*builds a wall behind you*
Sad!
>*shoots Tomahawk missiles at you*
YOU'RE...
>*drops MOAB on you*
FIRED!

>nothin berdsonnel kid
my fucking sides

*Eyes begin to widen, teeth gnash, seething with anger*
ALMONDS?! YOU THINK YOUR PRECIOUS ALMONDS WILL SAVE YOU?!
*Abandons Sensei's stance*
I thought this would be a challenge, Hmph~~!
It looks like I don't even need to use half my power storage for someone so weak as to pull their trump card so recklessly.
*Throws Sensei's belt in the dirt, abandoning any stance altogether*
Your precious almonds, Vegan imbecile!
That is why you and your master will never be able to defeat a Martial Master of my caliber, you have no complete source of leucin!
*Clasps hands together, slowly pulls them apart revealing amino acid chains of leucine and other BCAA's*
Please, send this message to Sensei Hitchens in the afterlife.
*Essential amino acids chain together to form the most complete Broadsword*
GOMAD or Genocide!

*smite you with sheer power of will and righteousness*
Fear no more m'lady.
*heals throat wound*
It is I, high commander of the phoenix paladin order
*pulls forth the mighty blade Sunfire Soulburner*
You dark beings are nought to be!
*lightning strike of pure light flows into the blade*
EN GARDE!

if hell is real, it must look something like this thread

*blindsided by attack and collapses*
Hahahahahaha
*bone chilling cackle reverberates through the air*
You thought that was enough to kill me?
*reassembles*
You can't kill what's already dead C R O W B O I!!
But that's some nice technique you have there, I bet you have some really nice bones to pull it off, I think I'll take them for myself

C A L C I U M S T E A L!!!!!

*steals bone mass*
Mmmmmmmmmm~ I think bonegasmed just there...
Thanks for the meal, birdy....
*shuffles away*

"We meet again Crow."
"You may not remember me, but when I was a young chick, I saw you kill my mother."
"I've spent six winters and six springs training for this day."
"Prepare to taste the steel of Raven's Wood. You'll breathe, NEVERMORE."
*KRUMMAVISUR PLAYS LOUDLY IN THE CLOUDS*

>this entire thread

Please continue

...

wtf is going on

... screamed the adult virgin villager from upon the hillside.

>telekinetic not telepathic
whole thread ruined

*a sinister figure is watching the battle from a distance on his Ipad*
Hyahyahya... the mightiest warriors... gathered in one place.... perhaps I shall send my mightiest servant to kill them...
*looks to the cage in the cave of evil*
Yes... you will do quite well........................ my son
*screeching from the cage*
HYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYA!

*thoughts of my friends go through my head as my clash with the ultimate adversary approaches*
*time conveniently slows down for inner monologue*
Dawkinsu, Hitchensu, Harrisu, Amisu, Choamsky-san...you have taught me so much....you into'd me into euphoria, enlightened me with your wisdom, lifted me from sheepdom, I owe you too much...but..this victory...this triumph..will be the fulfillment of my promise to you!
Now....
IKUUUUZEEEEEEEE~!!!
*lunges toward arch-nemesis*
THIS!
IS THE WEIGHT OF MY SORROW!
MY ANGER!!!!
APOLOGIZE TO SENSEI IN THE AFTER-LIFE!!!
DIE YOU LACTO-ESTROGEN GULPING BETA!!!!
INAZUMA ALMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOND!!!

*CLANG*
*explosion covers the surface of the planet*

...

A creative new take on tfwnogf posts.

I can't handle reading through this thread.
I'm at a birthday and people think I'm a madman for laughing to tears, fucking hell Veeky Forums.

ssssshhhhhh, just let it happen...

Our way of life makes it hard to have a girlfriend... the constant drive to perfecting our fighting skills and the danger of battle around every corner... you dont understand

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK

"I look across this battlefield and weep for the dead. Some died for their honor, some died for magical sky wizards. I live to fight another day."
*I re-position my razor blade brimmed Trilby upon my head and swing my duster around to follow me.*
"So many lives lost in the pursuit of vanity. So many lives wasted."
*I take a long swig from my Mountain Dew flask.*
This will be my burden to carry. I'll tell a tale of foolish men and their foolish pursuits.
With a tear in my eye, I'll look up at my wife's son and say, "don't be like them."

>mfw

I like how his sword is so oversized he can't actually hold it without propping his elbow against his side

THIS FUCKIN THREAD

*teleports behind you*
such a foolish berd...
*transforms into a scarecrow*
*tips silk hat*
Well well well, what do we have here?

>I'll look up at my wife's son and say, "don't be like them."
My sides

...

>KRUMMAVISUR
nice
youtube.com/watch?v=tq4seuBFxIM

>Sword arts don't get pussies wet
HEMA dude here.
Kinda obvious bruv, why did you EVER think it would?

>heh, not bad. You made me use 10% of my power

>"Now, i´m gonna fight serious!"

This thread needs to be immortalised.

Dodge and let his shit-tier fleamarket blade break on the side walk, then push him to the ground and drop an elbow on him

If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

>implying i wont destroy his essence from beyond the grave

...

>when you've been copying every *teleports behind u* post for years so you could unleash them all in a single thread

this thread is golden