Join BJJ 2 years ago

>join BJJ 2 years ago
>socially awkward
>lack confidence
>but people are still friendly
>I bite my tongue and keep going
>months later, I'm still not developing socially around these people
>remain a quiet little mouse
>it's not long before people start avoiding me
>I get to class, no one says hi, and when class begins and we have to partner up, I'm always the last one to get a partner, and it's usually with a beginner newbie
>when it's time to switch partners, again, I'm always the last one to get a partner
>I see people making friends and chatting
>people who started around the same time I did start going to tournaments and win them
>People keep asking me if I'm going to do a tournament, I keep saying "Yea I'd like to"
>Never do it
>People who started around the same time I did have gotten their blue belt now
>I'm still a white belt 3 stripes
>Sometimes we wrestle in front of the class, and the winner stays on the matt and the next person in line tries to win, repeat for 30 minutes
>while I'm in line waiting for my turn I'm dreading it, anxiety and shit. Having to roll while the whole class watches
>I feel like everyone can tell by my eyes I'm nervous and have anxiety
>Eventually, I start dread going to class
>I dread being picked last for a partner
>I dread having to roll in front of the class
>I dread having to engage in awkward conversations
>I dread people asking me when I'm doing a tournament, and me saying "I don't know"
>I dread it
>I eventually start going only 1 night a week
>Then one night every other week
>Then it got to a point where I wouldn't go for a month, and then I'd show up for 2-3 classes a week thinking to myself "this is where I will make my grand return" but then all those negative thoughts and feelings filled my head again and I left again
>I eventually just stopped going
>And now I haven't trained since last September
>Still think about it everyday

Other urls found in this thread:

artofmanliness.com/2014/11/05/help-for-the-shy-guy-step-1-understand-the-nature-of-your-shyness/
artofmanliness.com/2014/11/11/help-for-the-shy-guy-step-2-identify-the-faulty-thinking-that-leads-to-your-social-awkwardness/
artofmanliness.com/2014/11/18/help-for-the-shy-guy-the-complete-guide-to-overcoming-your-shyness/
theartofcharm.com/toolbox/
thematinggrounds.com/
theartofcharm.com/challenge1/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

You need to do starting social

>talk to a stranger x5

Door Holds, Clothes Compliments, Eye Contacts, Good Mornings

What are some other starting social accessories?

>ask a Girl on a date

Maybe Thats advanced, but twice a Month couldnt hurt

i can get into 15 minute long conversations with store clerks over 'it's nice outside today'

Have you considered seeing an actual therapist. Because it sounds like you seriously should.

>>remain a quiet little mouse

stop fapping so much, you low test sack of shit

>Some Reading / Listening:

Art of Manliness series on Shyness:
Understanding Shyness -
artofmanliness.com/2014/11/05/help-for-the-shy-guy-step-1-understand-the-nature-of-your-shyness/

Identifying the Faulty Thinking that Leads to Your Social Awkwardness -
artofmanliness.com/2014/11/11/help-for-the-shy-guy-step-2-identify-the-faulty-thinking-that-leads-to-your-social-awkwardness/

The Guide to Overcoming Your Shyness -
artofmanliness.com/2014/11/18/help-for-the-shy-guy-the-complete-guide-to-overcoming-your-shyness/

Art of Charm Social Toolbox
theartofcharm.com/toolbox/

The Mating Grounds / Mating Ground Podcast
thematinggrounds.com/

>Some Homework:

Art of Charm Challenge
theartofcharm.com/challenge1/

Gotta fix this my dude. Like other anons have said, you need to start pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in social interactions. Keep doing BJJ but go out of your way at least once a week to talk to some of the other guys. It'll get easier with time.

I dont have those social ticks. Like, some people just have things to say and input into the conversation, i dont have that, and im afraid of looking stupid. I dont have "humour", Idk, fuck. its hard to explain. its also hard to just let go and be myself around new people.

Like the other user said, push yourself out of your comfort zone. Be willing to fail and weird people out, and do your best to learn and augment your behavior. Also make it a point to try make people laugh. After a week or so of constantly putting yourself out of your comfort zone, those socialization neurons in your brain will kick in and it'll get easier and become more like second nature.

There's not much to lose anyway. People already view you as a pathetic beta male weirdo, because that's how you're acting. If someone else in the class was giving off the same cues as you, you'd be able to pick up on them and know the dude was a creep, wouldn't you? So start taking risks and get used to being social. Also you should spend less time in front of a screen.

i work full time
workout after work
and take my dog for walks daily

im on the computer like 3 hours at night at the most.

but i get what youre saying besides that

get professional help

I have no idea what advice to give you here, I'm socially awkward myself, mainly round strangers, but after seeing the same person a few times I eventually become more talkative with them.

If 2 years later you are still awkward as fuck around these people then I have no idea what you can do. 2 years at what 2 hours, 3 hours a week?

You've literally spent over 200 hours with these people and you are still not comfortable enough to start a conversation with them. What the fuck mate.

I know

Maybe you have autism. Go see a doctor or something.

>tfw you will never be this autistic

I may have serious problems but at least this isn't me.

Don't be a dick.

Are you one of those people who's going to get all weird about it when I describe -- in the spirit of being helpful -- the meatiness of your mother's pussy lips?

Wow, helpful AND polite? You really are a catch.

y-y-you too

Here you go. You know what to do.

Stop wearing headphones when walking about
Asking for the time is really good if you are a complete social retard

Yeah dude, asking for the time is fucking incredible.

I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not but it legitimately helped me a fuckton to just out of the blue do that every now and then.

BJJ is full of antisocial weirdos dude. I doubt your being quiet is the problem.

I'm not being sarcastic man. Asking for the time is absolutely amazing. Earth shattering.

>life of the party when around close friends (10+ years of knowing them), hilarious af, everyone looks up to me, etc
>retarded like OP when around new people, nothing interesting to say, dread conversations, awkward af, etc
most people from my workplace probably think I'm legit autistic

anyone know this feel?

Im a real chizo and im also like you in the start of merting new people. What helps me is to just smile and laugh. Just force youself to do it.
At least for me it helps me soothen up and be more myself. Might just be because my brain is pretty fucked up

I also talk alot to my cat so i can practice

When I was still a turbo autist it took me a long time to be comfortable in new environments, what I did was build a base of a few people who you become friendly with and then use them to slowly branch out to others in conversations until I was comfortable around everyone.

For example the next time a new guy comes in try to be his partner and befriend him (without being to clingy) and use him to bring you into conversations with others.

dude BJJ is one of the nice groups of people you will meet

most of them are socially autistic too. don't worry about lack of athleticism or belts or rolling in front of the class. everyone is there to help you. just focus on yourself, that's what everyone else is doing. try new moves, it's okay to mess up, everyone looks stupid once in a while rolling. don't give it up, BJJ is awesome. I'm in my Ph.D now and goddamn I wish I had the time to do it again

If you're really worried about your ranking you can just do no-gi BJJ or no-gi grappling. it's less technical, but faster paced and more useful in MMA and stuff. I've never had a belt in my life, and I thought it was great

I used to be like you OP
When i first went to a martial arts gym i stayed out side the door for 2 hours because i was to scared to go in and missed the whole lesson.

Eventually i managed to go in started training and got my ass handed to me.

This happened for about 2 years before i got to a good level of competition.

All i can can say is embrace the defeats, don't fear them. You're not going to die. Whenever theirs an opportunity to wrestle in front of the class you go straight in. Get used to the discomfort and overcome it.

It will teach you valuable life skills and teach you something about your character.

hahahaha rip OPs social life for good if he reads such bull

fuck this, I'm getting mad when I read it. Exactly describes how I am.
The worst thing is I even realize when I am in a situation where I am supposed to contribute to conversations, but I simply don't.

>use every dating app and website on the planet
>even the fringe shit like farmersonly and seacaptaindate
>meet a cute elementary school teacher
>invite her over to my place to chill
>she brings her class' tests to grade
>help her grade them while talking about books
>she says what I'm cooking smells good
>tell her I made enough for the week if she wants to stay for dinner
>she does
>we eat chicken I had on the crock pot and steamed broccoli
>she asks if she can stay the night
>pound her all night
>never call her again

I've been doing this for years, meeting chicks, having great dates, fuggin, then never calling again. I'm so fucking scared of committing. When I start thinking about being trapped in a place without being able to instantly pick up and move I get anxiety attacks. I sometimes start feeling anxiety at FUCKING STOPLIGHTS because I hate being stuck. Have nightmares of traffic jams.

What the fuck do I do, bros?