Browse Veeky Forums after a few months off

>wife's

If your condition is genetic you might want to get your kid a tutor

>Prithee, m'Lady, might I throw my gaze upon your rumpscuttle?
>Yes, my dear, inch those court appearance trousers down to revel thy magnificent can
>Oh my indeed
>On first glimpse, mine heart leaps in rapture
>What is that over there, schnuckums?
>*Teleports behind you*
>Alas, I am closer, and with bottoms-bared you are vulnerable to my stealth attack
>*Crouches down at lightning speed*
>Why, greetings, fair arse. Might I withdraw a whiff?
>A gentleman cannot help but notice the arresting nature your curvature sports
>You are an arse that began its journey in full rosiness and pert quality
>However, blessed buttocks, like a daffodil that has been ravaged by slugs, you are now an arse that sags in a permanent frown, your crack housing a dark-grey fartdriller, permanently pungent
>The hands of the clock have not been kind, dearest arse, however you must now be ready for my hands, which I assure you.. will be... most kind...
>*Playful chortle*
>That's it, reveal yourself to me
>*Wedges buttockflaps apart, slowly, as the clagnut speckled hairs pull on each other and eventually snap apart, letting out a strong scent of rotting chicken and stale piss*
>*SNIFF*
>You did not disappoint me, my lower-class lovebug. It is a powerful aroma.. Thou hast revealed Thy favors and Thy bounties
>*SNIFF*
>Like the first guft of wind as you open a packet of sliced ham!
>Come on lass, you know what I require
>SQUEEEELDGE BOOOOOOOOOR BITOW POW POW BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP BRAP BRAP BROOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRRRRQUUUOP

...

my motivational story of april
> lost virginity finally at 18 years old, with my dance partner, who i prob gonna date soon
> started olympic weightlifting- what motivates me to go to the gym
> met a guy who did weightlifting for 10 years and coaches me for the lolls
> finished last year of school only the last tests ahead
> got 35 cannabis plants into the forest
>mfw i dont know gow to greentext

There's no way you don't have mental issues.

...

ive lost 13 lb in a month from keto. i can almost see my old human shape to my body and my energy levels are ultra consistent all day

ive also helped my autism a bit by watching some "how to be chad" youtube channel

im not fat

went to BBQ this sat, friends haven't seen me in a few months since it was winter weather said I had some beefcake going on. Wore my v-neck that I only wear to the gym, got some candids taken, gonna put it on my tinder and hopefully rope some nice 7/10's and tell them I'm going to cut in a couple months.

>winning the respect of my brother
this sounds real lame dude, i dont have a brother though i just have sisters. now that i think about it a tough cool bro that encourages me to do alpha shit would be cool
>tfw didnt have a brother to spar with as a kid
fuk bro

same thing.. 2 sisters always wished i had an older bro

You people need Jordan B Peterson.

I've never lived a more meaningful life before him.

>Dropped 30 pounds after football season
>Strength went up
>Starting to see veins and abs
>Gotten more pussy in 3 months than I have all my life
>10/10 girl asks me to prom
>Got a 4.3 GPA last semester

I'm fucking making it boys and it feels fantastic. Getting Veeky Forums was the best choice I have ever made.

Pmuch this.
Feels like leveling in a rpg.

Please please please don't buy him video games. DONT PUT HIM THROUGH THAT HELL. Get him playmates with girls and let him socially explore. Don't let him get fat and get him into a fit hobby early. But those are just things that my parents messed up on me. Good luck dadnon

You sound borderline misogynistic. But I have to admit good girls seem to be getting rare.

>done with alcohol for over a month now, longest abstaining in years
>weight loss is chugging away smoothly at 2lbs per week
>should be able to get to ~10% bodyfat this year
>can finally do a legit wide pullup
>can finally jog a 5k on a treadmill without stopping
>will do a "real" 5k in June
>waking up at 630am every morning feeling good
>2 job interviews this week

i still need to work on getting a social life after ruining almost every relationship in my life (thanks alcohol and laziness!) but i believe i've snapped out of a depression that has been going on for years now.

>tfw I now walk around my house without a shirt on not fearful of having the blinds completely closed like some sort of MLP masturbation furnace fearful of what people think of my body

It's strange, my summer cut has created some definition and my minor 8 months of lifting with shitty dumbells at home has got me some good results. I feel..... I feel like I'm making it. Fuck. I want to ride this feel train till I die.

I used to be quite unhappy with how my body looked. I was very insecure about my puffy looking face, my acne, my hairy back, bad posture and supposedly wide hips.

Puffy face and wide hips, turned out to be due to being around 25% bf ever since high school. I've been hovering around 13-16% and am way happier about how I look.

Acne was cured with accutane. I still have some deep scars that need some healing but everything in time.

Could convince my bro to remove my back hair with an epilator every 2 weeks, so that's cool. Planning on getting laser hair removal, but my dermatologist suggest to wait at least 3 months after finishing my accutane medication before starting LHR.

Lifting and Deadlifts and face pulls in particular fixed my posture and I've received occasional compliments on looking big after just a year of lifting and despite being on a cut for 3-4 months during this period.

I'm gaining wait slowly and improving my lifts and I'll be studying to get a bachelors degree in economics starting September. Everything's improved since I started lifting and paid attention to my nutrition.

I defeated anorexia for the most part and am now going to gym every other day since April 2, already seeing some improvement + ability to enjoy food without feeling bad (just struggling with getting enough, I still overestimate things out of habit...)

As a short 157 cm (5.2 in retard units I think) chick, there's nothing more magical than feeling like I could actually defend myself when needed

grats for overcoming fucking anorexia
a friend of mine had it and it was not nice looking at her, even tho I did my best to help her and she is fine again

thx user made me laugh

>survive near death car collision
>recover and back to normal after 3 months
>decide to get Veeky Forums because life is too short and always wanted to be
>go on Veeky Forums for first time ever
>despite being 5'6 manlet with disability anons help me get started

Honestly, thank you to everyone who helped me get started. If this pans out, I'll post pics in the future.

Fuckin' hell man, good shit!!

With my 26th birthday coming up, I've come to the conclusion that I'm irreparably damaged.

>have qt gf
>have awesome dog
>repped 315 on bench today
>everything else is completely and utterly broken

>Zero family
>been cutting off friends more and more and don't exactly know why
>living off gf's trust fund and feel no urge to go back to work despite having several lucrative skillsets
>world seems just as broken as I am

Feelsgoodman.

I have biotin by but haven't taken it much. Will get back on it and on Nizoral because of dandruff. I don't expect my hair to last till end of the year but it'd be nice if they did.
Thanks bro.

>have a gf
nah you're fine senpai

Right? Alpha as fuark.

>this sounds real lame dude

never wanted to make your dad proud? it is pretty much the same thing, if you have a really cool brother.

careful. unless your gf is very secure with your situation, she'll eventually resent the fact that you aren't "providing" for her. Even if she's 200% set for life in her trust fund, the average girl gets it in her head that she still needs a man that will spend his money on her.

Then, when you breakup, you have 0 family and friends to fall back on. any friendships developed that involve your girlfriend will 99% default to her side, and there's usually no sharing friends when a breakup happens.
Seek some independence from her before it uproots your entire life.

t. experience

>Got to my heaviest weight at 340 this january
>Used to lift but stopped several years ago
>change diet, start lifting, runnig again
>down 60 lbs so far
>feel better than i have in along time
>lifts are higher than they've ever been
>running my first 5k this month
>gf wants the d all the time now
>still a lot of work to do but now i know i can make it

I know it sounds like tripe, but that won't happen with her.

As for everything else you talked about: Been there, done that.

>left home at 16, supported myself entirely and worked full-time through a highly respected university
>dated a girl there, made her my surrogate family, had all the same friends
>broke up two years in, had everyone turn against me
>spent all of my time alone
>survived two suicide attempts, alone
>burnt out from mental/emotional stress, working 50 hour weeks and full time school, president of my fraternity, philanthropy work, etc
>drop out halfway through senior year
>get a good job
>get way too hard into the partying scene for a year or so
>burn out, disgusted with myself
>leave the town I was in, cut ties with everyone from that scene
>Now I'm basically alone, just with what I said.
>Not suicidal anymore. Haven't been for a couple years. Just tired.

But no, she won't leave me. I'll decay into a decently strong lump of flesh and die in bed, before that happens.

cool, sounds like you got a good one. good luck bro.

Yup

Your parents buying you vidya didn't make you an autistic faggot, user

This picture always motivates me

>this sounds real lame dude
>I don't have a brother though

Opinion discarded

im so fucking depressed lads

>Hit a 315 5x5 today on squat
>10 lb jumps from 275
>surprised I haven't stalled yet
>just happy to be making squat progress

>there is this group at my class
>that group of chads
>Most play soccer
>Most taller than me
>Still, im friends with them
>I had some mass, but always thought that they woul kill me in a fight
>Out of the blue, decide to arm wrestle with one of them, who is waaaaaay taller than me
>Surprisingly, we are tied
>No we do it from time to time, he wins sometimes and so do I

Welp thats it, feels good but nothin special

>sexual frustration
Please elaborate

>2015
>gf breaks up with me because i was a depressed pussy
>realized i was depressed because of her
>life without her is amazing
>lean out and look good
>fast forward to now
>we both live in KC
>run into her at west port
>shes married
>2 hours later shes all over me
>baited her into thinking i was interested
>start flirting with another girl at the bar that was 9/10 but dumb as fuck
>leave with that girl
>see the look on ex's face
>texts me an hour later "i was really hoping to leave with you tonight, come back"
>old me would have gone back
>new me ss'd the text and sent it to her husband

You are there bud, you made it

I have a female friend now.

She's super petty and kind of a mess. I've decided I'm going to get her to go to the gym with me and improve both our lives.

I make her work out. She teaches me how to cook. I think its a good deal.

I still don't like hearing about her hookups though

I know your struggle... feels good doesn't it?? Keep it up, bro!

Sounds like you're getting whored for attention. Absolutely not a problem if you don't mind it though

She made it very clear I was, but I don't mind as there is no real reason to care.

I'm gonna keep looking for a qt.g. but if I can help her and help myself in the process why not.

If she ever does something to truly piss me off I'll probably just drop contact, as cruel as it sounds I come first in my life. Most women are basic.

I'm looking for the small handful that have more to offer in this world

why do you care about hearing about her hook ups? just listen to her talk about them like you would listen to a male friend talk about them. everyone here will tell you its beta but honestly it will just make you seem like someone who respects her as a person and she'll probably say good things about you to her friends.

also even if you hate it and feel beta etc. its worth it if she can legit teach you how to cook. one of the best skills to have in general, more so if you're gettin fit

I fucking love those guys who are helpful enough to approach me and say something when I do something wrong. My 3rd visit was yesterday and a guy gave me some tips on loading weight. Good thing I was using light weights or I would've made the bar fly off the rack by leaving 50lbs on one side.

>fucked girl off of tinder after being gymcel for two years
>getting serious gf vibes from her now

I just wanted a chubby girl i liked talking to that I could pound every once and a while. I'm way beyond wanting a gf.

holy fuck that's autistic but fucking kek

litteraly living proof

>but honestly it will just make you seem like someone who respects her as a person and she'll probably say good things about you to her friends.
beta

>finally fuck a girl after a long dry spell
>immediately want nothing to do with her
are you me

same. lezzers are crazy and get obsessively attached to me because i eat pussy better than anyone

>My first child came last week
Daddy you're big and strong, *pant pant* much bigger *uuhh~* than all the icky little boys, I-I love you daddyyyyyyyy~!
Oh oh why is my no-no sticky daddy? *teehee*

>If she ever does something to truly piss me off I'll probably just drop contact, as cruel [CHAD] as it sounds I come first in my life. Most women are basic.
110x this
>I'm looking for the small handful that have more to offer in this world
iktf bro, the number I've come to is fewer than the fingers on one hand. Don't forget though, that could change at a moments notice.

I reacall the 26 years of treating them "equally" (when in reality I was supplicating to the pussy and sacrificing my balls to the alter of stronk-wyming), it doesn't work. Never has. Remember equality and equity to them is repression., working hard for something is sexism, and expecting and treating them like complete individuals who can have benefits that must be weighed out by responsibility, why that to them is plain old misogyny.

Actual autism

> Started a different routine
> Making some decent gains even though I'm cutting
> Graduating college
> Dat software engineering money

Life's not too bad.

What's got you down. I find writing down my thoughts helps organize them into things I can tackle head on. Try it user.

not this user but BUY HIM BOOKS

MAKE HIM READ ENCYCLOPEDIAS AND SHIT

DO NOT SUBJECT HIM TO THE INTERNET UNTIL AT LEAST 12

and you'll get a smart semiautist son

social anxiety is more easily cured than being a dumb kid

My man what's wrong. You can talk to us

Yeah im tired of all this pessimistic bullshit
>No girls will ever love you
>____lets btfo
>HEIGHT FACE FRAME
>Fuck i hate women so much

Making a guess its all newfags who overtrain and fuck their test levels. I think ss is actually too much for newbies. They should train twice a week, they'd see the same results.

Thats cool dude, dont act like a beta, be reliable and flirt a lot and she might even fool around with you. You save your heart and soul for those that deserve it mate, but your dick is just meat. Have some fun with it.

t. former puritan

>borderline misogynistic
So he's almost in touch with reality?

He just seems to be noting his observations, without too much judgement or hatred/rage. Stop using mysogynistic for any situation when people are critical of some women.

If this is an accurate representation of your personality, women probably don't want to date you because you're kind of a dick. Js.

>start working out
>see tiny progress
>get depressed and stop working out
>lose all of the minimal strength gains
>rinse repeat for 2 years

I have nothing to be happy about

Great to hear, brother. You're gonna make it.

Post pic please i need to lose some, what diet and routine family?

t. Jerry sandusky

never been to a gym before, my buddy is going to show me how to work out

This thread is making me believe in us. I think we're gonna make it everybody.

You're gonna make it, bro. I can feel it in my bones.

ayy me too bruv. Greek philosophers have always held great significance with me considering im half Greek. Shame about the economy and the fact it is now a muslim ghetto

This week I got mired by gay friend at work, 5/10 married girl, and my eye doctor

wives*

:)

All that manlet bullshit is just a meme

> Veeky Forums

> "my bros"

autismus maximus

Well done man
>You should be the face of /fitfeels/

Why did you do that

I need someone to believe in me, Veeky Forums. I just submitted this application for an entry level job at a screen printing company to try to get out of the restaurant industry. Been out of a job since February. Haven't been to the gym since last May or June, partly due to moving, partly due to getting a gf and falling for the "loves me the way I am" meme (which isn't a meme, unless its interfering with your lifts), and just flat out being lazy. I want to make it, bros. If I don't land a job by the end of this month then I'm gonna be back in the fucking restaurant business again. Every time I think about that, I think, "well when the money runs out, I can just kill myself." I really do not want to go back to restaurants but I can't make these people hire me. I just want something to go right in my shitty life. I feel so defeated. I want to make comic books and have a pretty good idea for a story but I can't do that for a living. I need cash in the meantime to help achieve my dreams. idk, I'm rambling. I need a hug or a drink or something.

/blog

I deadlifted 440lbs for the first time ever, after being stuck around 313-350 for over a year. Now I want to pull 500 lbs ASAP

What is the female version of a "brad"?

Tracey?

Don't get too chubby now. It's a slippery slope once you start enjoying food, fatty.

As if being a manlet isn't a disability in itself.

don't worry about the back hair bro, it's masculine af
we gonna make it

I'm a Brad. Brads are pre-Chads or failed Chads - not all Brads evolve into Chads. Also, not all Chads come from Brads - pureblooded Chads are born that way, unlike demi-Chads (such as Brads, Chases, Kyles, Trents, etc) who have to grow and fight to become Chads.

Demi-Chads that grow up wealthy have a greater than 85% likelihood of becoming full Chads.

The female version of the Brad is the Amber. Ambers, along with Kylies, Stephanies, Ashleys and Emilies, are all demi-Staceys.

hey bro, don't worry. just find something stable and keep your goals in mind. don't just think of the life you want, but all the intermediate steps between your life and that life. we're all gonna make it.

(please don't an hero ;__;)