Leg day at the gym

I hate the gym gestapo.

I love these threads

>Implying that isn't a good workout itself.

That's why I always syphon fuel from the squat rack so you DYEL's have something to do.

>signed up at the new gym
>everyone gets a random dumbbell to work out with, no exchanges
>win a 24kg dumbbell and another free roll
>got the cable for cable pulls instead of another dumbbell

>go to planet fitness at about 1130 pm
>try to bench new pr
>load up my weights, today's gonna be the day
>unrack weight
>it gets stuck on my chest, no matter how hard I try I can't push it up
>push with all my might, I feel like I'm going to pop a blood vessel
>suddenly bar flies up and slams into ceiling
>what.jpg
>link alarm goes off
>Planet Fitness Gestaponauts drag me to the exit
>as I near the door I look at the clock above it
>1200 midnight
>big flashing light says "Mercury" above it
>mfw I started during Planet Fitness's late night Jupiter time, but it switched to early morning Mercury time and the gravity I was lifting under was drastically reduced
They should really make a smoother transition with those things

>2000+16+1
>doesn't even total 2017

>walk into gym
>rape the cleaning lady to death
>trip a ww2 veteran in the wardrobe, leaving him in seizures
>piss and shit all over the place as I walk towards the freeweight area
>brandish my knife and slash all the benches
>break the mirrors with a kids face, effectively scalping him in the process
>wrestle a conservative, virgin blonde chick to the ground and inject AIDS-ridden hobosperm into her eyeballs with a syringe
>blow up a firecracker in a puppy's mouth
>skullfuck an infant to death

But here comes the worst part

>don't tip the receptionist on my way out

M E D I O C R E I S H

>get picked to be gym executioner for the day
>do tricep pulldowns on the guillotine machine
>the manlet revolt was quelled yesterday, so spend all day beheading manlets
>triceps are tired as fuck
>finally the manlets leader is brought out, and is thrown into the manlet pit
>pit is flooded with gym rats, who proceed to eat him alive
>his pained screams make him almost seem human
>almost
>TFW that day was supposed to be leg day, too

This is the most scientific factual thing ever posted on Veeky Forums.

Take these gymcoins and a week pass from manlet pit duty.

just another day in the manlet pit

Is getting dubs enough to release you from the manlet pit?

>give receptionist card to swipe
>takes off wig, manlet stealing my access
>manlet wrangler spends whole day chasing him

Only if the dubs are above 5'5"

kek

>walk into gym
>perform no lifts

Never going to make it.

>go to use bench after another guy
>tip him for cleaning it
>try to insert quarter into the machine to release the bar
>quarter gets stuck
>only other cash deposit only accepts 100 bills
>take out a loan from the bank just to do chest day

My gym manlet wrangler broke his ankle tripping over some manlet who scurried his way into the cardio area. We're calling professional manlet control to fumigate the ventilation system to make sure we got them all.

>in showers after dirty workout
>chad wanders in
>15 inch cock swaying between his legs
>pulls the nearest manlet to scrub his giant plums
>mfw 6'1 and chads can only see those below 6

>walk into gym
>walk into jim
>he calls me an asshole

>Leg day
>Smashed it like a naughty avocado
>Gym Sushi Bar is out of crab legs

Just kill me already

Probably a good choice, it just takes one or two to ruin a gym

>goes to gym
>forgot that it was sweatpants day
>staff don't let me in
>i sneak in and started squating
>the form check cameras caught me without sweat pants
>they make me clean the manlet pit with a flanel only

kekd

>got overtaken by the cardio bunnies on the touge machine again

>be chad
>6'3"
>Have HEIGHT, FACE and FRAME
>Go to shower
>Forgot my fleshlight at home
>See a bunch of manlets
>Order them to show me pics of their wives and gfs
>Choose the prettiest and tell him to get her to me
>She's dripping wet when she arrives
>Fuck her so hard she cries while taking my 7" cock
>Cum on her
>See manlets lick their pussy clean while I finish my bath
>While leaving see her naked in her knees
>She thanks me and begs for another round
>Manlet is crying
>Get home and play factorio for hours

Such is the life of a tall man. Pack it up sub 5'11". You are the cumrag of the mankind.

>be ugly, mannish 5'4 girl
>manlet detectors go off when I enter the gym
>the manlet police drag me off to the pit
>been down here for 6 days
h-help

>>Fuck her so hard she cries while taking my 7" cock
>7'' cock
>chad
kek nice try manlet, chads have at least 8,5" anything below that and you can't be a chad

>sub 5'11
>t. 5'11 manlet
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
YOU'RE GOING TO THE PIT

>wake up in gym appointed dormitory
>gym monitor is blaring "wake up for morning exercises"
>an image of Scooby comes on, he guides me through various exercises
>the monitor also transmits my actions to the gym Division of Gains, so I must comply
>exercises are over, I must now chug my morning 6 scoops
>high pitched noise starts blaring, I'm not drinking fast enough
>chug it down, resist the urge to vomit or else the noise will come back
>a pleasant ding emits from the monitor, followed by rich piana saying "congratulations fitizen, remember you gotta eat big to get big"
>mutter to myself "I don't want to get big, I just wanna be toned"
>continue with my day
>while wiping down the gym equipment for the upper fitizens, see a THICC woman be beaten and force fed anavar
>just glad it's not happening to me
>day overall is uneventful
>when I return to my dormitory, a gym official is waiting for me
>they heard me say I don't want to get big
>they remind me that big zyzz is always watching me
>I'm escorted to the deepest level of the ministry of gains
>I suffer physical and psychological abuse for a long time, I don't actually know how long
>one day a gym official comes in, no beating or interrogation
>he puts two scoops to my left, and two to my right
>"how many scoops are there?"
>"four"
>get injected with synthol
>"five"
>get injected
>"three, six ... I don't know!"
>"that's exactly right, you don't know. It's whatever big Zyzz tells you it is."
>endure years more of detainment before I'm a completely changed person
During my detainment I saw evidence that Zyzz was actually dead and his images were just being used as propaganda, but I know this to be false. Big Zyzz is watching you, brah.

>go to gym
>workout
>forget to tip receptionist
>gainzlord materializes
>reverses time to initial lift
>same timeline
>always never tip
>never leave gym
>been stuck here for 3 weeks in actual time week now
>only gained awareness from premonition through lightheadedness

I-I'm 6' in the morning I swear. 5'11.5" by the night. I passed this manlet test.

I actually have a 7' cock. But is a pencil dick. Would have killed myself if I wasn't a kissless hugless virgin anyway.

It's worse than a 6" cock because the longer it is the thinner it looks.

It's the groundhog day gym edition. You only break the spell going ass 2 grass ® with a buttplug

my dick is 7.5'' and proportionaly thick, but i'm also 6'1 fridge mode, my wide hips makes my dick looks smaller on nudes to chicks, but when they see it live they are always impressed

London?

the fuck

why is there a speculum on the table user?

>be 5'7"
>balding, but at least I have my muscles
>go to the gym like I do everyday in my height increasing shoes
>tip the receptionist double, I'm in a good mood today
>going about my workout listening to Celine Dion when Chad walks by and rips off my headphones
>he dangles them above my head for a few seconds laughing while I try to jump and grab them
>he throws them at the wall, shattering them
>w-whatever, I didn't like those headphones anyway
>I'm in a bad mood now, so I decide to leave
>don't even tip the receptionist on the way out
>as I'm walking to my Corvette Z06 I see Chad leaving the gym and getting into a GTR Nismo
>now is my time to show him who's boss
>we drive to Willow Springs, im ready to spank his shitty V6 with my superior supercharged V8
>lose
>overheat on the way home

Today was the worst day ever. Fuck Chad.

don't worry, the receptionist already is ;)

>Only if the dubs are above 5'5"

This really made me think

...

>5'7", 115 lbs, have made monster gains recently
>Bench Wrangler seems to pay close attention to me
>Try to hit a new PR of 85 lbs on flat bench
>Can't fucking get it off
>Gym rescue Mastiff is supposed to get it off but it just ends up ripping my shorts off
>the Wrangler approaches me and hogties me to the bench and announces daily sissy time
>Manlets are literally crawling over me as that fucking mastiff watches
>They gift me a bigger squat plug

I guess I'm pretty happy, this new plug engages my core amazingly.

...

>go to the gym
>chest/tris day
>I end diping
>BP is next
>wait for the gym bus
>hours pass, my pump is lost, bus dosen't seem to appear
>I decide to walk
>I have to walk 3 hours to get there
>I loose all my gainz in the process because cardio

Godamn, I lost 5 years of progress just because the gym bus driver crashed to the squat rack building yesterday.

how the fuck do you guys have so much imagination

ICEfags BTFO

This meme is going off the rails

>flat tire on the row machine
>have to call a row truck

>Walk into gym
>Swat away manlets that keep running around
>Get ready to bench press
>Notice lifting bud walk in
>He sees me on the bench
>We both smile
>Buddy rushes towards me knocking manlets and sending them flying by just touching his glorious 6'8" body
>Buddy raises my legs as I prepare to bench 7pl8s
>Getting our timing right, bud slides his 9 inch dick inside as I bench
>I match my benching with his speed
>Manlets and fatties watch in horror
>Chads begin sweating and blush as they call us gay
>Normal people cheer us on
>Gym Coroner has dictated our bench as a 'No Homo Zone'
>Two hours go by as the sound of meat slapping meat and the clanking of weights reverberates through the entire gym
>Buddy cums liters into my ass
>Don't complain about wasted protein as the anus absorbs it better
>Gym Coroner assigns manlets to clean the bench, they comply and rub their sore necks
>Get up, whisper in his ear "No homo" and give him a kiss on the lips
>Head to the Deadlift area holding hands with buddy

Today was a good day. Can't wait to see him tomorrow at the squat rack.

At least you didn't get arrested for thotcrime

>being black

>go to gym
>work out
>leave

The fuck is wrong with you, lad?

>it's glute day
>need to hit some anal extensions
>no one in the gym has a big enough dick to spot me
>had to settle and barely even got a good set in

I guess that's the price of making it

>Not getting two of the biggest available and sticking them both in.
Your body might make it, but your brain wont.

Fantastic

I laughed so hard I choked. Why is this so fucking funny?

kekarino

>be shopping at gym grocer
>looking for chicken rice MRE
>all they have is beef
>check isle 3
>nope just beef
>go to isle 5 and wait for it to clear out
>look left and right, double check
>wait for ceiling cam to pan left
>quickly remove 10th black floor tile
>quickly grab \chicken rice MRE from my hidden stash

fuck I'm starting to run low on chicken rice, anyone know wtf is happening? Did they discontinue it or what?

Creatine

>when the creatine hits you

the manlet pit is my home now

Autism

>doing skateboard squats last Wednesday
>new guy comes up to me and tries to tell me they're pointless and don't do anything
His execution is dated for tomorrow, I'm excited lads

>about to start deadlifting
>krypteia from the next gym over comes in and kills 10 people at random
for fuck's sake, so tired of the rivalry

Coke is tight

>go to my usual gym as always
>hear some weird sounds, seems like they're coming from the ceiling
>talk to manager about it
>he promises to call an exterminator
>a week after the exterminator arrives, the gym is shut down
>text gym manager (we're pretty good buddies) about it, he says the infestation was just too much
>something seems weird about the way he says it though
>a few months later I get a call from him
>he says he's sorry for lying, and won't tell me what he means unless we meet
>invite him over to my house
>when he arrives he tells me to sit down
>tells me that the exterminator didn't find any pests
>what he found was a few open cans of food, and a stained blanket
>manager didn't call the cops because he was afraid of the reputation his business would get
>didn't make much sense to me since he closed the place anyway, but he was insistent on it
>hands me some photographs
>says they were found with the blanket
>none of them are in focus, but after flipping through a few I figured out what they were
>they were all photos of me in the gym shower
Apparently it turned a manlet had escaped the pit and was living in the ceiling

You're a sick piece of shit, you know that?

this is getting ridiculous

>timing chain snapped on brand new squat plug

>mutter to myself "I don't want to get big, I just wanna be toned"

>O boy! Time for some multi-treadmill running (dat solstice cut)!
>Both both kneecaps back from the shop, gonna hit the double treads, double cuts!
>Arrive at gym, get scanned, see some lanklet dude dressed in checkerboard tights with 2 legs but 3 shoes using all the treads, looks like cirque du brolet.
>Want to get mad, but I'm entranced, along with every other gym patron. Every tread is being used by this madman in a magical dance that makes me understand how fragile life is, and how transitory.
>Hung up my caps that very day
>Now I'm planning out a performance art piece that doesn't use treads, but makes people feel whimsy and awe, like children getting fed for the first time.

Wish me luck bros!

FUCk this gave me a boner

>accidentally lock knees
>forgotten keys at home
I spent two hours in the same position, waiting for the locksmith.

>me
>doing lunges
>some 5"3 manlet sees my gallon water jug with 6 scoops of amino x and creatine
>he steals it
>gym police cant find him

>messing around with strange puzzle box
>suddenly a bright light shines in the room
>exercise equipment bursts from the walls and the ceiling
>a pale man in leather, with thousands for roid needles sticking in his head appears before me
>"You opened the box, brah"
>stunned, I ask what he is
>"gains goblin to some, lifting buddy to others"
>he then takes me to his dimension
I'm now experiencing routines beyond this mortal coil, where bulking and cutting intertwine

They don't make em like they used to.

Wtf Veeky Forums memes on Veeky Forums?

>Supercharged
You fool. You shoulda went for a turbocharged V8!

>another day at the gym
>walk to the squat rack
>go under the bar, ready to lift it up
>can't reach it
>something ain't right
>I have to get on my toes to even feel it on my traps
>remember they increased the manlet limit again
>panic and try to act cool
>too late, I was already seen
>the Manlet Police arrives
>"sir I'm afraid you need to be at least 6'1 to lift that"
>b-but I was tall enough just yester-
>"sir I'm going to have to ask you to follow me"
>follow the MP, he takes me across the gym straight into the very jaws of the beast
>"sir, I'm assuming you know what this is"
>he points at the manlet pit
>hundreds of manlets screaming and tip-toeing
>one manlet was rocking back and forth muttering to himself "there's no frame without height, there's no frame without height" over and over again
>get pushed into the pit
>for a while, everyone stops in their tracks and gets quiet
>they all stare at me
>they slowly approach me, the sheer number of the manlets overwhelms me
>get consumed by the pit
>think you're going to die
>it continues for what feels like eternity
>suddenly, hear a scream "release the manlets!"
>the doors of the pit open, straight to a nearby alley
>the manlets ree and run, I can see moonlight
>at home mom yells at me for being late for dinner
it's not fair

What did he mean by this

traplets are the worst

hate when this happens

by far the best meme to have come out of Veeky Forums in years

>go to gym before work
>try to leave after 45 minutes
>trainer puts his arm in front of the door and says 'woah woah woah you still have a lot of work to do buddy'
>tosses me in the manlet pit
>late for work

>be between my squat sets
>see chad spitting his protein shake into the manlet pit and laughing at them with thier mouths pointing in the air like children in snow
still fap to the memory.

>go to a new gym
>go through the manlet detector
>it beeps
>it fucking beeps
>stand there sweating
>"there's no way"
>"they couldn't have increased the height limit"
>the gym receptionist gives me a weird look
>turns out it turns on the alarm when a manlet goes through
for fuck sake, I almost had a heart attack

>join local gold's gym
>first day
>squat rack is occupied even though i booked it for 7-7.30
>tell receptionist
>she tells me to call customer support
>put on hold for 15 minutes
>they ask for my squat max
>tell them i haven't squatted before
>have to create an account over the phone
>time slot's up at this point
>gym bard laughs at my misfortune and makes a song out of it
had to pay a booking fee, lost my deposit AND had to swap my restroom privileges with a pajeet to use the leg extension. thinking about applying for a home gym.

>gym bard
this is getting out of hand