I have a real existential crisis here Veeky Forums and would like your gentle advice if possible. Please go easy on me...

i have a real existential crisis here Veeky Forums and would like your gentle advice if possible. Please go easy on me, as im mentally delicate recently..

So I had this literal 9.7/10 Russian godess sexy girlfriend here in a western country. She was fucking incredible. I am by no means a ripped or built guy, maybe slightly high BMI but still leanish arms and broad shoulders, definitely not skinny fat or some ice age sid looking cuck and im 185 so ok height i suppose

Anyway i put on a massive amount of weight when i met her, going from 80kgs to 100 kgs in like 5 months, even developing stretch marks on my body. The reason? chronic drinking because i was insecure that I would lose this beauty, and I DID in the end.

ive lost basically all the weight and am almost back to as appealing as I was before I met her, but i know i'l never strike gold again like that, UNLESS i become really physically appealing.

But I feel like although i have the genetics and capacity to become physically more appealing than I have ever been (not such a high standard to obtain fitness wise) I feel that doing so will just play into the superficial whore type nature of women who would never be interested in me unless I was physically appealing to them, therefore if thats what they consider so important, couldnt they jump ship easily with a more alpha looking taller chad douchebag in the future? if thats their main superifical appeal, instead of my soul.

I also realize its basic nature to be physically attracted to someone as well as mentally, and its all a part of the healthy natural animal kingdom.
So I feel like there is this existential crisis where I want to make myself more attractive so i can find someone as great as i once had, but just feel demoralized by the fact so many hot women dont really care about YOU for who YOU are, but more for some superficial meaty shell that makes their pussies wet for a limited amount of time until finding someone else..

Insight please...

>wymen
>in MMXVII anno domini
it's time to take the gaypill.

bumppp

What happened to you sucks, but you did that you yourself so suck it up and keep living.
Also
>Considering lifting for women
>Complaining that women like hot guys
>Actively trying to get a super hot women

Fuck you, that's how the world works. If you want a long relationship you need more than looks. Probably one of the reason she left you was because u were insecure as fuck

To yourself*

yea man i'l take that.. its true.
but how can one accept that women like hot guys and not therefore try to become hotter for them? why such a strict reason to not lift to become hotter to be more attractive to women? That is after all the male equivelent of putting on makeup or wearing sexy clothes. Big buldging arms make you more confident, because you know that is associated with attraction from the opposite sex. This whole "never lift to be hot for women" meme is fucking childish I say.

And whats wrong with trying to get super hot women? like seriously, i dont even think i need to elaborate that question

Chances are, you would've lost her anyway at some point, or even grow tired of her yourself.
Women change, and women are selfish as hell. Get with the times and get a waifu.

:(
dude i honestly have two options right now.
I kill myself
or
I become physically better than ive ever been.

I wont get too much into the reasons why suicide seems more appealing, as I dont want it to have a persausive contagious effect on anyone else, but trust me i have some solid eye opening reasons not to live anymore due to devestation from losing her..

She was so incredibly beautiful, she was my best friend. I feel like ive lost a daughter. She never turned back once to see if i was ok, and just walked into the sunset surronded by new men while i was left here to shrivel up on the sidewalk without her.

I really do tihnk "success is the best form of revenge" regardless of how petty that sounds. Imagine exes you loved, knowing they are jealous seeing a transformed alpha version of you in new social media pics. Its petty, but its just the ruthles reality of nature. Women are jealous creatures just like men. But i also feel i dont want to do that because its just playing into the shitty neanderthal nature of humans and I shouldnt need a 6 pack to be recognized by someone i loved so much, who originally didnt care about me having a 6 pack anyway.
Sigh, its hard to explain via text like this.
I feel like becoming some physically macho short shirt wearing stud chad will just be selling my soul to the bitches who would easily snob me or snob a guy whos short or fat, in front of me which i see all the time, and I find disgusting and ruthless. Why should i play this sadisistc, souless game of nature?

...

How i could look if i stopped drinking hunched over my computer screen all day depressed.