Alright, user! Just one more question: Are you sexually active?

I was buying condoms today for the first time. It was odd but I tried not to be an autist about it

how is masturbating not sexually activate

Does getting your load blown at the strip club count?

>y-you too

>I told my doctor no
>she thought I was lying

> Yes I have sex 5-6 times a week with my gf of 6 months

that was supposed to be so hard?

Why didn't you fuck her

Nope.

>You mean "flex a cep"?

Actually laughed food out my mouth

i jerked off 3 times today

Yep, actually that's why I'm here. I really gotta get a handle on these STIs.

No I havent had sex in 4 years. Im so incredibly alone and life isnt worth living anymore. Please prescribe me something so I can just end it all

"That depends on what you're doing tonight."

kek MARRIAGE AMIRITE?

Serious question, is this a question you get asked at the doctor's? I've literally never been to a doctor in years.

I pay aging Asian women to jerk me off once a month after a massage

No. Don't even masturbate.

Trips of truth

Y-you too

e-extremely!!

Is that an offer?

I had a doctor stare at me in disbelief and I was pretty young at the time.
People that don't know me just assume I fuck everything in sight for whatever fucking reason.

I'm asexual.

>for you

Sauce?

Yes

Queen of /pol/

i do nofap m'nurse

I did fertility tests and have a high sperm count that's extremely motile. I knocked up my wife twice. Both times it only took one instance of unprotected sex.

This would be a profoundly stupid question to ask me.

BTW - if you're thinking about having unprotected sex definitely think twice. It sometimes takes years for couples to get preg. Sometimes it's instant. Really fucking glad I wore condoms when I banged all those randos forever ago.

usually I creampie them but act like an autistic weirdo afterwards. They get that plan b as soon as they leave the place

I would love to see this miserably awkward conversation in action.

my wife is passed out beside me with a load inside her. We want more kids.

kek

...

who has time for sex? :/

Kinda

you two are most likely attractive which is why they would expect you to crush cheeks

what is sex like

like bags of salty milk

the opposite of sand

bags of salty sand

>no

kek

y'all niggas are unhelpful

SAND, PADME. I HATE IT

Disappointing, you soon learn that a penis can only feel so much orgasm.

You will never truly experience sex as it was meant to be experienced, only a hedonistic abomination of intercourse that you have convinced yourself is normal and natural.

No. Wanna activate me? ;))
*flexes a 'cep*

hey don't be like that tonight okay. i'm feeling kinda down :(

sex with a random is worse than jacking off. it's a lot less effort and you have to worry about stds and pregnancy

sex with a girl you love is awesome though

>tfw thought I had psoriasis
>went to the doctor and it turns out it was just a benis fungal infection

Everything went better than expecto : )

>No.

im free tonight, if that's your question.

>he doesn't know

>asexual
You mean you're confused and using defense mechanisms to compensate for fear of intimacy or lack of understanding of social conduct? Yeah that's what I thought.

>my wife is passed out beside me with a load
>so ugly and unattractive your wife has to be unconscious to fuck you

Yes, but 2~3 times a month. I'm with my gf for 5 yrs.

My sex like is like 2/10

Love the pic

Does penis inspection day at my gym count?

Do escorts count?

>Wow user...you're certainly healthy down there

Don't tiddies feel good?

>Well user, its time time give you the erection test. >Lest see how fast you can get hard.

oh god no..spare his sommerchild innocence

>No, Nurse Caveman! Me no want Snu-Snu!

not in over 3 years
now stick your finger up my ass so we can complete this humiliation already

why? you mirin?

Me too :(

Has this been an issue with you two?

>you mean right this very second..? y-yes

Depends. You free tonight?

>3 years ago
>be sissy fag cuck
>start lifting
>grow out beard
>put on 25lbs
>become alpha
>now I want to fuck sissies and cuck betas

How do I get off the sissy ride

YEah. I was a virgin for 23 years, now I have fucked 3 girls in the past 4 months.

Feels good, growing into chadmode.

How did you do that? I need advice, as a 19 year old hugless khv

gain more than 25 pounds