How do I stop being a sad cunt?

Thanks mate, appreciate it.

>workplace where you're bullied, or facing abusive partners/family, it'll drag you down. So you need to remove those from your life that are causing you stress, as people who won't support or tolerate your endeavors are probably not people you want around you.

Thanks for this advice bro. Not OP. Stuck in a part time job as I pursue a full time degree at university.

The people I'm around just take advantage of me and my physical prowess. Over worked for near minimum wage. Started out playing the optimistic happy nice guy always helping co workers.

Might have been a subconscious way for me to seek approval and acceptance. I ended up in a vicious cycle of constantly being expected to work harder for minimum wage, compared to the normies - 80% are overweight and unfit, the others are a healthy BMI but lazy.

I went from an optimistic bloke to a pessimist. I've already reduced my hours and need to make sure I zone out every time I"m there. At university I don't want the negative mental impact seek into other areas of my life.

Cheers all the best! Peace.

...

zyzzz....was that really him....!!?!

Yeah, he was a cool guy when he wasn't just playing the zyzz role

sort your bloody self out

yeah man, people will use others as easily as they breathe. The hardest thing for people that are used to saying yes, is to do the opposite. In your scenario, while it's easy for me to say just stand up to them, you're not a lesser man if you can't justify risking your job and friends to do it.

But I would strongly recommend trying to become assertive. Tell your boss you'd like a raise as you've been working hard. Tell the people using you, that you're not going to help them all the time, and that when you do, it's a privilege, not a right, and that you are an individual who is taking their time out to help them.

It's hard, and it's harder when you want to be the best person you can be, but as long as you're able to think about whether those people are worth your time, and confirm that they're not, you should shove them off.

But i hope the best of luck to you mate, it sounds like you've got a way out at least with university. But i warn you that you don't want to fall back into the same pattern once you've shed it. Once you go to uni, focus on yourself first, and then others that actually need your help or presence.

simple user
you just have to realized that we are ALL going to make it
no matter what, if you try, you will make it
all you have to do is work out
we will all be sick cunts

Thank you so much for the sound advice. Just had to screen shot.

>Once you go to uni, focus on yourself first, and then others that actually need your help or presence.

Sometimes I feel as though there was a deficit in the way that I was raised. Always had this odd people pleasing personality. Would fear anyone not liking me. I would always say what others wanted to hear, bend over backwards.

Honestly made me feel absolutely miserable. Even the most simplest of requests I would have a hard time turning down. Sounds stupid in hindsight but felt like my parents just raised a push over.

Hopefully I can unlearn this behavior as nothing good has come of it and it has been to my detriment.

Really appreciate your response. Thanks. Take care! :)

> tfw nothing in my room besides wardrobe filled with highschool clothes that are like 8 years old
> a mattress
> a table with rig
tfw nothing to clean up

you're in the room

clean yourself up

Vitamin D.

Do you want to cuddle a bit op?

>tfw cleaning everyday
>dust..everywhere, must clean
>everything in its place

>tfw would have gotten along with zyzz

Never be optimistic and help people just to be the nice guy. I have been down the same road as you. You just have to tell them no, it will boost your confidense and self esteem by a mile.

I'm not telling you to be a cunt but don't be the exploitable guy either.

>everything in its place

I think, rather than unlearning it, you need to learn assertiveness first, then apply it. When it comes to being helpful, being the guy that helps people, you're appreciated most of the time, even if it's not reflected. When you're missing, THAT'S when people notice and reflect.

What you need to do, is to learn that you're important, the same way that others are. But your importance, needs to be catered by you. Not other people.

What i mean by that, is that you need to treat yourself as being the most important in your life. You need to tell yourself that you mean something, and act according to this value. For the simple reason that this is the basis of being self-sufficient and ultimately learning when to be helpful.

A person who is fully capable of doing an inconvenient task at hand who's asking for help, is not worth your time unless you benefit more than that cost. Whereas someone who is physically incapable and actually needs help, should be helped if you see it as reasonable.

And that's where the distinction between narcissism and selflessness lies. In that balance of being the guy who helps those you truly think needs it, and telling those that don't that they can do it themselves. If you can become more assertive, it will help you garner the ability and courage to simply say "no" when you see this distinction.

How you were raised is a base of who you are, but like all bases, it can be rebuilt from the ground up. You need to salvage things that make you who you are, while also knowing where your faults are. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders to know that you help out too frequently, and that it's eroding your sense of happiness and self-esteem. So I think you know what you need to do now to make a better immediate future for yourself.

Just remember this though, who you are now isn't bad; it isn't broken, it's not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of, nor is it something to admonish yourself over. 1/2

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover

It's a building block of what you can be. A part of a whole, something that's malleable and workable. As long as you have direction, you can go towards it in earnest.

There's nothing wrong with helping those who need it; there's nothing wrong with helping yourself before you help others either. It's managing a balance.

What you need though, is to figure out what pieces work in tandem with each other. What we know works is assertiveness and confidence. These things are crucial to not being a "push over", and would definitely help you.

But at the same time, being reliable is something valuable in and of itself, the same way being able to place others infront of yourself when it is NEEDED, is also valuable. So these things together lead to harmony.

I would suggest, firstly getting used to saying "no" to people. Getting used to the disappointment, resentment or just downright pettiness that people bring. These people are the ones who don't have the ability of reflection, both of who they are as people and how they behave, but also the reflection of how their actions impact you. They are the ones who you want to push away.

There will be people who might be disappointed, some out of a simple reliance of which they're not used to not being there. These are salvageable people. These people are worth the time to check their intentions (assuming they exist in your current social group).

And lastly, there are people, like your boss, like your family; people that might feel all or none of these things, who it may be more risky to put yourself first with, simply due to the fact that they can jeopardize your safety. These people, good or bad, are ones you need to think critically and plan ahead and prepare for when you tell them no. Don't rush in, grit your teeth, be resilient where you can, and maintain what is needed for you to be safe.

2/3

>When she sees me walking down the street, how do I want her to see me? Strong, swole, tall and proud, or pathetic, sad, mopey and slouched?
Apply to crush or ex.

...

After this phase, after weeding out who you need out of your life. You move on to being a person, who can acknowledge themselves, and you need to work on that.

You need to find what makes you happy, what drives you, what gives you validation. If it is making others happy, then you need to figure out further as to why.

The reason for this is quite simple. We sometimes get validated out of unhealthy behavior. An example is that I used to get validation for who i was by being correct a lot. Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be right inherently, but it's how you go about it.

The same way that you might feel good for helping people, but why it feels good and how you go about helping in order to get that feeling might be unhealthy. So figuring out where it stems from might help.

It could be as simple as seeing a smile makes you feel accomplished. Maybe it's something to do with your past, that maybe helping your parents all the time when they asked made them treat you well enough that you felt loved. Who knows, that's for you to find out and hold dear.

Then, after you've got awareness into who you are as a person, and what parts of being who you are makes you happy, you can apply it.

Now, i'm by no means a miracle doctor. I can't fix lives by words on the internet, and my approach might not be the one to help. So i want to preface this by saying that this is simply my opinion. I don't have my own life together fully, nor can you ever truly ascertain a complete life before it is over. You can only try to be the best person you can be. That's all anyone should and generally will expect of you, is to try.

But when it comes to applying your values, your understanding of yourself onto these people who aren't just leeches. It's important I think, to take the ability of being helpful, of being assertive, of being the best person you can be, and trying to encourage them to do the same in an earnest, yet suggestive manner.

cont. (3/4)

I think you should ride the wave straight into suicide, my man

Sorry for this long ass response man, i'm trying to fully get my point across, because i don't want to create a misunderstanding or half-ass my explanation.

But finally, who you are, what makes you happy, whether this approach works for you, or whatever works. You need to understand that you cannot help those who don't want real help.

It's that balance again, and I only say this because that's where i've found this ideology lead me. You've got to know when being the best person you can be is becoming too much to bear, and walk away from it.

Ultimately, I'm trying to explain what could probably be summed up as being: Help all you can, while you can, but none more than yourself first.

I hope that somewhere in this ramble, that any of this was useful. It's late and your story reminds me a lot of what i used to think of myself, so i want to insist that being helpful is a precious value to have. Thanks for your time man, and i hope life treats you well.

hahaha, maybe i should. Who knows?

I know

...

Fair enough then mate, bottoms up

The abyss awaits

Ah well, i'd love to continue to banter but i'm off mate, you made me laugh. Have a good one stranger, see ya on the other side or whatever.

>Help all you can, while you can, but none more than yourself first.

Sorry for the late reply, thank the universe I left this thread open in a tab.

It seems like all the people who did put themselves first, I mean everyone, relatives, narcissistic child hood friends have all excelled in terms of establishing careers and achieving financial stability.

Me on the other hand has this mantra. It's almost as if I thought doing well for others would mean bad things wouldn't happen to me.

I'm not religious by any means however my mum was very religious when I was younger. My dad not so much but he always found faults in me. He basically wanted me to be a perfectionist. It ruined me more than anything. I don't remember a single time when my dad congratulated me on any achievement. It was always criticism. So I think by trying to please my parents all the time and being rewarded with affection, acknowledgment and a roof over my head maybe I used the same approach with dealing with other figures in my life.

I'm honestly not sure if I can make this connection but it may have some relevance. Sir I truly appreciate the advice/wisdom that you've imparted with me. Truly its amazing on an anonymous board what are the chances someone would spend time out of their life to truly give a damn.

>Thanks for your time man, and i hope life treats you well.

Thank you! I'm not religious or a believer in karma but I truly wish you all the best. In time with your advice and analysing my situation better I can stop being a dysfunctional person and find a balance between serving myself and others. Peace :)

You too, buddy

look at this reddit fag

You don't, embrace it

consider we live in a universe of scarcity im pretty sure those are symptoms of the human condition but okay /leftypol/

>everything in its place and a place for everything
>fucking psychology prof tries to tell us that rich FUCKING WHITE MALES think this way and we shouldn't imitate them because it's OCD-tier thinking

women in academia was a mistake

>all of those symptoms are more prevalent in communist societies
really breaks my rice and fries it in sewer oil

If I'm sad because of my autism diagnosis, how do i eliminate it? Do i eliminate myself?