Cringe/Autist Stories

JUST

When I was 15 a girl gave ME her phone number and I remained a virgin until I was 20 years old.

[pic related] is what I imagine you eternally look like in that story

>be on Veeky Forums on a Friday night

>c-can i kiss you

kek alpha god damn nigga

fuck

I made this exact mistake dozens of times as a teenager

consent is sexy tho

My first kiss I asked.

>Spend all day with girl
>Be in car, nighttime
>Me: "So, do you want to kiss now?"
>She starts telling me how I don't need to ask
>Kiss her before she finishes talking
>She just smiles and we made plans to see each other the next day

Typed out that sounds a lot more cringe-worthy than it actually was. We dated for a couple months after that. I'm surprised it took her as long as it did for her to break up with me. But now I know what to do and what not do in those types of situations.

sounds cute tbqh

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has made this mistake

>on a date with a girl
>Junior year of highschool
>make her cry within 10 minutes of the dinner starting
>mentioned how cancer isnt cured because corporate fuckery
>didnt realize she just lost a friend to cancer
>end of the date
>telling a story about the wonders of ring galaxies
>she interrupts
>Can I go home?
>tfw I respond
>let me finish my story

you post on /pol?

One from this spring break

>be me
>on LSD
>girls invite friend and me to club
>friend is also on acid
>end up following crowds of people on the subway but eventually we figure out our previous objective and go to club
>i don't know how to dance but i'm also in the next dimension so i just convince everyone i do
>forget to rest
>girl grinding on me
>want to sit down
>girl also sits down
>end up telling her why LSD is a great idea (it is)
>somehow segue into a sermon on the jews and their lies
>forget why i'm in the nightclub
>she gets bored and leaves
>mind switches gears from the 4th dimension and activates the beta brainwaves
>decide to go trip in the corner
>miss the girl
>she doesn't miss me

Found a different one the following day in a different nightclub on a different tab of acid. Didn't feel the same tho

asking out my current gf

>laying in bed together watching movies and kiss for a while
>'What would you say if I asked you out?'
>'I'd say yes'
>just end up laying there for like 2 minutes
>'Do you wanna go out with me?'

It doesn't read too bad, but I feel like the biggest bitch for asking for her response before I asked. Like, if she said she'd say no I'd somehow avoid the awkwardness or something. I ended up asking her out again properly and did it right but fucking hell.

it's been 3 years and we're still together and happy, I think everything has been uphill since that point.

lol i went on a booty call date recently. didnt know if she was vibing we barely hung out for 20 mins when i just said something stupid like 'we should make out now'

she laughed but thought it was cute, same thing shoulda just but honestly she moved away every time i touched her and never gave anything back so. still smashed tho.

Another story:
>In Sophmore year HS
>in German class
>talking about the Holocaust
>in the middle of a somber moment of silence
>I blurt out for the whole class to hear
>to gay people enjoy colonoscopies?
>mfw I asked out a girl in that class 3 days later
>mfw she said yes

No

sounsd like you do

This is the only board I browse, except for /aco/ when I fap

well dont talk about politics or religion with people dip shit do you not have parents to tell you these things? especially conspiracy theories

cancer conspiracies on a date? lmfao dude come on use your brain

I haven't had too much experience so I guess this is the worst
>in highschool
>qt likes me and asks if I want to go out
>like always, I assume she's joking
>laugh it off and say no
>she says she wasn't joking
>the only thing I could think to say was "neither was I"
>never spoke to her again

Best is probably the only time I've gotten with a chick, at a club so not too good.
>My friend told her that I'd never been with a girl as a way to get her interested
>she's somehow interested
>we talk for a while, too beta to make a move
>she starts feeling my leg
>I'm still too much of a pansy so she ends up kissing me
>night goes on and I eventually leave with mate feeling accomplished.

And that's really the only experience I've actually had with women.

>neither was I
alpha as fuck if you actually meant to do that and didnt just sperg out

I sperged out

I am sorry, I am autistic
>tfw regularly get in heated political arguments with my radfem physics teacher and my stooge classmates

i know senpai

i guarantee they dislike you. stop

I used to this same thing. Then after high school I lost all interest in talking to anybody about politics. I think it's better to keep your politics and religion private just as a courtesy and for some girls it kind of gives off a layer mystery too if they're into that kind of thing. Let her ask you the deep questions, don't bring it up on your own because you will without a doubt sperg out.

NOT FIT RELATED NOW FUCK OFF

I get regular texts from people saying shit like pic related. Trust me, I know I am hated. Luckily I graduate in 2 weeks, and I can escape the hellhole

lmao you are absolutely toxic as fuck

your highschool classmates must think youre a total faggot and you call it a hellhole when youre then one being a dickhead

Your life will be so much easier if you just drop it and keep it to yourself.

>can talk to girls just fine
>but I'm shy and don't like initiating conversations

Like, I can drive the car fine, I just can't get the motor started, you know? I just hate small talk, it always feels like blurting out random information or being too intrusive. Should I just lift away the feels?

Wellp. Shit. Am I seriously supposed to just sit tight and let them just spew their leftist propoganda garbage? It doesnt feel right, but I guess if it makes me look like less of a faggot then I will do it.

yes

just completely stop caring about anything political

Yes. It's called being mature. They can believe whatever they want, they will never do anything about it. Just as you will never change their minds. Trust me, man, I used to be you not long ago.

>Girls look at me interested
>Don't do anything and avoid eye contact again

>on a date with a girl
>we hit it off pretty well
>she takes me back home
>clearly wants to make out with me
>pull out consent waiver and call the closest notary
>notary shows up
>it's Chad
You all probably know how it ended.

lmao

do you honestly think you're going to change their mind?

you're an autistic spaz, they don't respect you, so why would they listen to you?

nothing good comes from alienating yourself from people you're forced to be around. you won't get anywhere by arguing with them, it's best just to let it be

I kissed a girl on the cheek then texted about it afterwards but she didn't even seem to notice it and I totally sperged out and probably ruined my chances.

Never thought I'd be able to contribute to a thread like this, but alas, Veeky Forums, deep inside we are all just autists.

>send dick pics in high school because puberty
>chick I send them to sends them around to everyone
>pretty insecure because porn taught me that everyone rocks a 10 incher
>couple weeks later girl I had a massive crush on starts warming up to me
>acting much friendlier and always taking to me on MSN
>was pretty badly bullied so had it in the back of my mind that she might be fucking with me
>one night she brings up the picture, "so user, I saw that picture of you that you sent to my friend ;)"
>sperg the fuck out because I was convinced that she was teasing me
>"O-oh yeah, I got it off of Google images it's not really me h-haha"
>day after that she basically stops taking to me
>only realised a year later that she most likely wanted the dick

still gives me nightmares

hah

I was like that. What helped me was just figuring out a conversation starter that works thru trial and error. Tinder is good for this.

>Went on 4 dates and slept with 3 of them last week
>exact same conversation
>exact same outfit
>exact same bar
Pretty sure the bartenders realised

bartenders prolly think youre smart af

nice doubles

>Be me back in high school days
>At my buddies house party
>Getting pretty drunk
>Beautiful night out
>Buddy has a nice chill spot on top of his garage for nights like this
>decide to climb up there
>Sit down all alone and start watching the sky
>Girl I like from another school comes climbing up
>"Hey user I seen you heading up here watcha doing?"
>Just enjoying the night
>"Want some company?"
>Tell her sure and we sit down and talk and flirt a little bit
>As we are talking she scoots right into me and says "you know we are up here all alone we could do anything and wouldnt get caught hehe" and she grabs my arm
>I say yeah you are right I didnt even think about that
>I proceed to pull out my bowl packed with weed and start toking on it
>She looks at me and just says "oh"
>Pass it to her
>We both smoke the pipe down
>She started puking
>So we got down because she didnt feel good

After that day I didnt see her again for a couple weeks and when I did she had a boyfriend. Shortly after she was pregnant. Probably the most autistic shit I ever did without even realizing. but hey that sucker couldve been me because I didnt have a rubber anyway.

didn't you post this before but with more words, something about the bartender looking disgusted

that wasn't me, but that's where I got the idea

kek

>4th grade elementary school dance
>hear through a friend that this qt girl wants to dance with me
>panic
>briskly walk to the bathroom
>friend comes to look for me 15 minutes later
>tell him I'm too nervous to dance
>eventually there's half a dozen guys in there trying to drag me out of the bathroom to dance
>still refuse

I still wince thinking about it. The girl moved away after that year. I'm not sure if she ended up bring a Stacie or not, but I hope my autism didn't hurt her feelings.

...

Kek

ill take shit that never happened for 420 alex

>15 years old
>get invited to a senior party
>I have lot's of fun being token autist with the cool kids
>Playing beer pong, flipcup and broing out
>the guy who invited me has a sister who's a year older than me
>her and I are sitting in her room by ourselves with the door locked
>we make out and she turns the light off
>I get a huge boner so I lay on her bed tummy down
>she tries to flip me over but I won't budge
>pic related
>then my boner goes down and I rejoin the party

T H O T B E G O N E

my face would turn ultra red if what happened to you on the patio happened to me

Do i have any hope?

I got one

> Literal 10/10 angel from the heavens invites me out to go clubbing with her and her friends
> Get there and it's all female friends
> Tfw so beta I get invited to girls nights out
> W/e she's cool to hang out with anyway so I'll enjoy the night
> Night goes on, pretty much every club we go to she just ditches her friends to talk to me
> Buys me drinks
> Has a couple of drinking contests with me
> Pretends to be my girlfriend so I get in for free at a few clubs, cuddles up to me in line etc
> Holds my hand all through the night, making sure I never leave her side
> Leave the last club
> Asks me how I'm getting home
> "Probs just gonna drive" (Wasn't really that drunk but I was probably slightly over the legal limit)
> "NO user, YOU CAN'T, JUST COME HOME WITH ME"
> Taxi back to her place
> Decides she wants maccas after we're home
> We drive to McD's, order our beetus and post up in a secluded little area overlooking the water to eat
> Starts telling me some real deep emotional shit about her childhood
> God dam this bitch had a rough childhood
> Like, mum addicted to meth and bikers hanging around her every day type childhood
> Try to comfort her
> Try to put my arm around her and give her a little hug
> She has bucket seats in her car, arm gets stuck at an awkward angle against the seat
> Hand flops down and fingers lightly graze her shoulder
> This is not what I intended
> Over-think the situation, decide it would be too noticeable to re-position arm
> Ended up sitting in that car lightly pawing her shoulder as she softly cried for about an hour
> My arm fell asleep
> Drive back to hers
> "Do you wanna sleep on the couch or my bed user?"
> Pick the bed
> Go up to her room, we hop in bed and she throws her leg over me
> All I can think about is her rough childhood
> Too sad to make a move
> Lie there for about 3 hours before I had to get up and leave for work

did anything happen after?

he went to work

>be me
>maybe 16 at the time
>begin beta orbiting some girl
>know she's into another guy
>decide I need to make my move before they get serious
>decide to ask her out, but too nervous to do it face to face
>she plays runescape pretty seriously
>one day I go on there and meet up with her
>follow her around for an hour trying to convince her she's now my girlfriend
>does not work
>next day I return to being her orbiter

if you weren't a sperg her life wouldn't be ruined

>telling a story about the wonders of ring galaxies
>Can I go home?
>let me finish my story

Oh man

God, I hate women and stupid shit like this. If a qt asked me if she could kiss me I would think it's the cutest thing ever.

kek

>want to go see Disney's Chimpazee in theaters
>no friends to see it
>decide I'll show up to the theater in a gorilla costume so people will think I'm funny and not a weirdo or something
>go to my attic to get my old gorilla costume
>a beam of light shines upon it as if it were meant to be
>brush off the cob webs and decrepit cat turds
>go to put it on
>it's a little small only reaching to about my elbows and knees but I'm already too committed to quit now
>mom drives me to the theater
>no words are spoken just the occasion giggle from me in the passenger seat
>walk into the lobby of the theater on knuckles like a gorilla walks
>my entrance noticeably startles the qt cashier but then just turns into a blank gaze
>"one ticket for chimpanzee"
>"yeah alright anything else, sir?"
>"do you think I'll see my cousin bobo the chimp in this?"
>"Uh I don't know maybe?"
>"he he...do gorillas get in free?"
>"..."
>"Do...do you get if? Cause I'm seeing Chimpanzee."
>"But your a gorilla."
>"...that's right."
>pause
>"would you like anything else, sir?"
>"uh...do you have bananas?"
>she gives me a blank stare
>long silence
>when I get nervous I get gassy so a fart breaks the silence. I don't know if she heard it or not.
>"Enjoy your film, sir."
>didn't get one laugh must be a tough crowd
>walk into the theater in bewilderment
>sit down too embarassed to even pay attention to the film
>fat kid behind me keeps throwing swedish fish in my fur
>40 minutes in get up and throw his box of swedish fish across the theater
>run to the lobby and wait for my mom to pick me up

lol youre retarded

Yep. Seems feminists forgot that this is drilled in to us since childhood. You know, almost like 98% of males know it's not a great idea to rape or in fact hurt other people in general.
The last 2% were going to, are going to, and will always regardless of laws and societal castration.

Affirmative consent is sexy except when it's not ever.

And now me have "Survivor Groups" for fucking taking off a condom mid way through boning. But I guess when a gender thats brain literally shuts down when sufficiently aroused, who's biggest fantasy is having power taking away from them, asking them to use some self agency would be too much.

post pics

Think of yourself as a sleeper agent. Most people are egotistic and don't care about learning something, or engaging in exploratory debate. They just wanna feel right. Go read about Socrates if you want to see what happens to someone who legitimately cares about finding knowledge in this society.

What I'm saying is hold on to your beliefs but pick your battles.

Well basically after this she thought I was the best person on the planet because I went out with her all night, was her shoulder to cry on while she vented a bunch of stuff and slept (Lmao didn't sleep tho) in a bed with her all night and didn't make a move.

In her mind I was like the nicest guy ever and a true friend, reality is I am an awkward nervous person. But we started hanging out and talking a more and a couple months later we ended up crashing in the same bed again, except this time I tried making a move and we kissed for a bit.

She sent me this the next day.

Fucckk

Dude she remembers everything

brutal

"""tact"""

nice try

I'm nothing special. Here's a picture from last year during a bulk.

I'll give you another story.

>16yo
>work at a grocery store
>8/10 Stacy that works with me gets my number from another coworker
>starts flirting with me
>3 months of flirting go by and she invites me to a party at her house
>make out with her
>take her to her bedroom
>can't get hard
>try for 15 minutes
>even put a condom on when it starts to get hard at one point
>panic
>pretending got a phone call
>"it's my mom, I gotta go"
>zip my pants up and frantically walk out with the condom still on my benis
>get text messages from her for the next year telling me im not a real man
>find out a few years after that that she had been raped a few years before and I was the first guy she tried to have sex with and it crushed her self esteem

> I know

If you wanna see some real brutality you should see what my ex sent me after she dumped me.

And just so you guys can have another laugh:

The night we hooked up was my literal first night in my new flat, I had brought almost nothing over except my bed and a change of clothes for my next day at work, after we hooked up I needed to mop up downstairs and I had no utensils to do it with, no handkerchief, no towel, no tissues.

All I had was my change of clothes for the next day, decided to use my sock and just go sockless the next day at work.

I like novelty socks and all my pairs of socks have some kind of image or pattern on them, this particular pair had Muhammed Ali on them.

Get to work next day and find out Muhammed Ali had died the day before

> Tfw you had just wiped your jizz up with a picture of him

did you quit your job right after?

That would be a normal reaction. To be stone faced is autism.

You avoided crazy at least.

No, I stayed on and just never talked to her after that. She was in a different department so it was easy. I never replied back to her out of shame. She ended up with some redneck guy and has 6 kids now. I suppose I dodged a bullet. Something about people that go through that kind of trauma scares me.

kek

i meant of the fourth grader, but not bad

>got a booth call one night
>chilling at her place I'm nervous af
>talk about fishing for some reason(I like fishing)
>she just wants to fugg
>I attempt to dom up
>too nervous dono how to put dom on properly
>thisisfine.jpeg
>insert penne anyway
>bust pretty quick
>stillfine.jpeg
>pull penne out
>no condom
>wtf.exe
>condom came off inside the lady
>I stealthed myself
>''remember how we talked about fishing...... ''

Her first name was Meagan. That's all I remember, unfortunately.

bruh

this

that's a good story user thanks for sharing

what the fugg am i reading