Help me turn my body around

Yeah it is a handhold thread desu. I'm just scared I'll fuck something up

Don't spoonfeed these fucking retards. If you want to change your body you should at least have the attention span to do a bit of online research you autistic little shit.

Yeah I should. Like I said, I'm scared shirtless I'd fuck something up or get injured and ruin my life

>I want to look like Tyler Durden

Why do DYELs think Tyler Durden is the pinnacle of fitness?

OP you should literally just eat healthy food and lift heavy weights. That's it. Don't obsess about it whatever you do, because that's the surefire way to spin your wheels.

Look up 'PPL routine reddit', google all the exercises individually and look up proper form and stuff, then when you can go to a gym do so and do that routine. In the meantime, and forever really, just fix your diet. A cheat way is to just buy and consume things that are 100% what they should be. Oats, chicken, broccoli, bananas, etc should all just have 1 ingredient. You can add things together yourself, sure, but if the thing you consume has things you can't pronounce, or stupid shit (like sugar in chicken), then stay the fuck away from it.

Finally, expect results IN TIME. Brad Pitt was in his late thirties in Fight Club with a few decades of exercise and proper nutrition behind him. He was also likely on some kind of muscle-retaining, fat-loss drug like DNP or Trenbolone or Clenbuterol. He was also dehydrated in that one shot, had perfect lighting, and was edited to look the way he does in that one scene.

By no means is it impossible to look like 'Brad Pitt in Fight Club :-D' but be aware his physique is not impressive. His leanness is, he has very low bodyfat in that movie, but overall it is not a great physique, and would be difficult to maintain considering how little you'd need to eat. More muscles = better quality of life. You get to eat more, worry less, and look better even with a higher bodyfat %.

TL;DR: Just lift heavy weights and eat proper food. Do other things in the meantime because it will take you a while, the sooner you start and stay with it the better.

Thanks bro. I don't really know why I'd like to look that way. Looks nice.

Any tips on not humiliating myself at a gym?

One more what about cardio?

The greatest tip of all: nobody gives a fuck what you do in the gym. As long as you aren't putting anyone else at risk of injury, nobody will take any notice of you.

That being said, don't be afraid to ask some of the bigger-looking guys for help or to check your form or even just for some pointers. The majority of gymcels are actually really lovely people and will be happy to give you advice. Don't forget, they all started where you are right now.

First you read this, entirely:
liamrosen.com/fitness.html

Next you have this site as a reference:
exrx.net/Exercise.html

Read. Study. Prepare yourself.

As far as programs, like I mentioned earlier; you will make progress on ANY program guaranteed.
This is because you are a newb,
Don't place too much importance on what particular program you should run.

The importance should be on understanding how to perform the exercises required, tracking your progress, and BEING CONSISTENT.

Have a question? Ask a coach at your school/trainer at the gym/friend who lifts.
Don't have those?
Literally type "How to [Insert Name of Exercise]" on youtube.

Now to answer your question:
I recommend a full body program, with compound lifts; done at least 3 times a week.
If you want a specific program, obviously Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe
You can pirate the ebook by searching for "Starting Strength", it has a lot of information,

But really you'll only need the program outline:
startingstrength.com/get-started/programs

Like I said, you'll make progress with any program you choose BUT BE CONSISTENT.
I personally recommend Starting Strength for a newb.

As a bonus, you can browse some other programs for fun:
reddit.com/r/Fitness/wiki/programs

Start reading as much as you can. But actually DOING things will get you where you want to be.
GO lift.

Thanks
Thanks very much bro

Cardio as a whole is just a way of burning off energy. It's more a peace of mind thing to be honest. Not overly important, but if you do want to then do it before breakfast. Wake up, have a cup of black coffee, and then go for a powerwalk or jog for 30-40minutes. If you feel like it then HIIT is meant to be good, but I've never really enjoyed looking like a retard running through the village. Walking or jogging is normal-looking, at least, even early in the morning.

Would I be able to look decent doing just bodyweight stuff?

Right, thanks bro

Lift and you'll be sexy

I second this guy People are more focused on their own bodies than to care about what you are doing; when you're in the gym.

You can ask the front desk if they have anyone to show you the equipment. Just tell them you're new to the gym/lifting in general and would like a tour.
You can even do this, before you have a membership.

Short answer: no
Long answer: yes but it will take a lot longer than lifting weights. We're talking years here. Natty lifting weights, assuming you're consistent with your routine and your diet, you can expect to 100% look good at 3 years. Most people get there in a year; some even less. Bodyweight routines will have you looking good in 10 years or so. They're great if you're in prison or are 12 years old, horrible for anyone else.

I know, that's one of the reasons why I want to get in shape

Will do, thanks
Thanks bro

Bump

I think show's over my dude.
Had a good run, you know what to do.
Go lift.

Yeah, I'd like to thank everyone for their help.

Fuck off retard.

Nice hips, no homo.

Lol OK you salty cunt

Thanks