Sup faggot

>sup faggot
>youre our new emperor whether you like it or not so better lead us and pay us well
>if you refuse we'll kill you
Wat do

the same that they did to the templars, arrest them in their sleep and execute on trumped up charges. the tricky part would be planning and maneuvering a separate military element in to execute the attack.

>accept
>arrange for an Auspicious Incident
>succeed and the problem is solved forever
>fail and die, but that was inevitable anyway

Why Rome put up with those cunts for so long?

Leave

*user and his family are stabbed in their sleep*

because anyone who proposed dissolving the Guard became a target of the Guard

I hate those uppity spoiled cunts so much

the Praetorians became the new Senate of sorts, unlike the Legions which were middle to low class Romans and provincials, the guard was all rich Italians, and they all had their own political ambitions and interests and wished to influence(or put a vice on the balls of) the emperor.

only they did it with swords instead of votes in an actual assembly.

*blocks your path*

...

>Yeah okay plebius
Then i set up the perfect mass assassination situation, go full school shooter mode on the guard

>Be Praetorian
>Work for some new guy on the block the last 5 years
>Expect a bigger donative than the last 30 emperors we murdered
>Turns out, we're dragged across the entire fucking mediterranean
>Emperor reunites the empire, praises some sun god or some shit
>Beloved by all the peoples of the empire, titled Restorer of the World, destined for a career as quality as Augustus and return the empire to its glory days
>Find out he may not like us very much, we don't know if this letter is for certain
>Immediately stab him to death in his tent
>Whoops, it wasn't his letter
>Shrug, wait for next emperor to give donative

FUCKING PRAETORIANS

I'm surprised nobody decided to take a couple of the legions from the frontiers and massacre them

lead my militia into the heart of rome

gather all the scientist philosphers and every single learned man i can find, either peacefully or by force,

establish a round table with this intellects and begin restoring my failing empire with these fresh ideas.

also fuck the most beautiful military hunks i can find.

Hi my name is Traitorious Maximus and I’m a member of the praetorian guard. My hobbies include eating, stabbing the emperor, drinking some wine with the bros, murdering the imperial family, chilling in the imperial gardens, illegally declaring the new emperor, bullying senators for shits and giggles, and then drinking more wine until I pass out. It’s not ideal, but it’s the system that we have.

Don't forget about dem gibs

OUTTA MY WAY PRAETORIAN FUCKING SHITS

>gather all the scientist philosphers and every single learned man i can find, either peacefully or by force,
>kill them all

Lmao

What emperor are u talking about user?

>not knowing about best boi

God, life must have been ez mode for them the majority of the time. Did they have any duties or responsibilities?

Guard/kill the emperor

Hire bodyguards who won't kill you?

I offer a shitload of grain and $$$ in exchange for the uniforms of Praetorians and a shitload of Land for the one who brings the most and wait till the Mob lynches them all. Then probably lynch me since my security will be fucked

Well thankfully Trajan was one of the good emperors.

>English Varangian
WE WERE VIKINGS AND SO FORTH

>Italians

So they were like the proto-mafia?

If the Gods demand it; I will.

May the gods and godesses give me strength when in need. I am calmness.

I like the way you think.
Eggheads are for smashin'.

Probably tell them I need to take shit from temples somewhere across the Mediterranean to pay them, then sell them to pirates along the way. Don't know what I'll use as a counter to the Senate but oh well