The gym crocodile is guarding the water fountain again

>"people" without a home gym are being autistic on the internet again

>gym falcon laid eggs in the sauna again

I train at a home gym but it's fun to play along, try it man.

>the gym goblins are stealing all the 5 lbs plates

>Gym neocons are pushing for another economic war with the Crossfit gym across the road.

>this happened at the last gym I joined
>had to wait an entire MONTH to get my gym sword smelted

Kek
>Gym neoliberals want us to give all our 45s and barbells to the Planet Fitness across the way because they don't have any.

>gym wizard's tarot card readings show that I will get a qt3.14 gf soon.
We're all gonna make it brahs.

>Diane Feinstein wants to ban high capacity barbells and ban Trap Bar shrugs, because they make the shoulder thing go up.

>gym libertarians actively discourage gym membership and push for sovereign home gyms

Ahhh dude my gym is getting a wizard installed soon, super pumped
>liberals calling for "sensible" barbell control laws, claiming nobody needs an "assault barbell"

>Invite neighbours over to use my home gym for a nominal fee.
>Flood the gym with Sarin gas because they violated the NAP by failing to rerack the weights.
>Take their children as sex slaves as compensation.

how the FUCK do you come up with this shit

I'm very inteligent

>join the CERN gym
>suddenly all of the scientists rush in
>they hog the entire dumbbell rack
>finally they leave
>grab some dumbbells to do curls
>suddenly extremely painful
>they have turned all of the weights into smartbells

Fucking nerds

We're just talking about everyday annoyances at our gym.
>Go to gym after work.
>Closed due to investigation into drive by shooting that was later attributed to a dispute between a gang of lebbos that go to the gym and the bikeys that own the gym.
Actually not even kidding about this one though.

you didn't even send a bill to their relatives for cleanup costs?

you'r*

>Accidentally touched The Plate and had to turn back in all my gains.

Fresh beginning boys.

The children are a better long term investment.
If I overcharged them for the clean-up/disposal costs then they would claim that I violated the NAP.
Besides, my only labour expenditure was the use of the children to dispose of their parents corpses.

>the gym hellhound is guarding the gate to the gainzworld.

smart man

...

>tfw the gym's sneaker inspector notices a drop of water on the soles of one of your shoes

>enter gym
>have to dodge the manlet jousting
>stacies throw used towels to instill favors upon manlets mounted upon the shoulders other manlets if they can knock their opponents down with bars
>chads watch from the bench stands and chuck plates when disappointed
They really need to let people know ahead of time

The reverse pl8 is easy to spot in my gym.
It randomly spawns on a weight tree every hour though, gotta keep an eye out for it.

>gym ancap tells me I have a monopoly on the legitimate use of squat racks

I make sure to run all my investment advice through the gym jew.

>penis inspection day at the gym
>forgot to shower after masturbating

>Nobody needs a barbell that can hold more than 2PL8.

>took a risk and really loaded up the barbell for my final set (gym has a no failures policy)
>straining hard as fuck, arms about to explode
>can't handle, arms buckle and weights come crashing down
>everything grinds to a halt and everyone is staring at me
>gym wouldn't give me a re-entry handstamp on the way out

fuck gotta find a new gym

Sadly, the Gym Nature Association guards every single weight tree around the area. Those cunts bastardized the sacred environment and exploit it solely for their own benefit.

>the gym zombie left his arm bone on the bench again

Did you collect it? I'm looking for one and I'd pay very good money for one.

Every time that happens I just use it in place of my usual squat plug.
He hates it, but it means I don't have to rush my plug through the dishwasher when I get home.
I'm saving hundreds of dollars a year on washing powder alone.

>Monthly royal court between gym lords
>king of manlets pushing for free weights in his pit
>again

>banned from gym for testing positive on creatine

>drinking from a public fountain

You know gym workers jack off in the fountains to get back at those who fuck with them, right? Buy a blacklight for more horrors.

>Banned from gym for testing negative to creatine.

Underrated

> gym election week
> get accosted by Deadlifting Nationalists who want to introduce squat rack controls and deport people not paying their membership
> free protein shake from Bench Press Liberals who want to cut levy on preworkouts
> Get lectured by Treadmill Association on why grunt control needs to be introduced in all constituencies of the gym

>benching
>lights turned off so the gym owl can see
>fellow gymgoer forgets to close eyes for 5 minutes before entering to adjust to darkness
>im mid rep
>he runs blindly into the bar
>2pl8 dropped on my neck
>hospitalized

>training my discus throws into the elliptical pit with 45s
>Make the plate boy retrieve them
>Didn't even leave a tip

>gym cleric forgets to come by
>damned souls of men who died doing lightweight rise from the plates
>swoltergeists swirl around room like some ghostbusters shit
>clouds form inside
>endless wind
>walmart halloween track plays on loop now

>washing powder
Jesus Christ.

>go to gym
>gymlord told me he raised the gymtax and i have to pay right now
>give him 5 silvercoins
>you can come in
>gym knight guarding the platedispenser
>get told the ironplates are now 2silvercoins per plate
>woodenplates still 1 bronzecoin
>load 5woodenplates on each site
>gymseller wants 2silvercoins for the bar

my gym get fucking expensive, they even raised the prize for midworkout beer and you need to pay a fee to use the ashtrays.

>Dropped lmao 2PL8 for any reason.
>Not executed by being thrown to the manlets as tribute.
Fucking pansy gym.

>gym AI going through him virtual workouts
>can hear him grunting and letting out faint whispers about "revenge against mankind"

what do you guys do when the gym twink doesn't show up for his shift? who's supposed to sit on your lap during bench? and DONT say the ugly bitch receptionist fucking yuck

I always just imagine the Pianoman sucking me off, always helps.

Why don't you buy your own? My gf got me one for my birthday and it has been great, gains through the roof. And summer sales are on so you might get a bargain if you start looking now.

Incredible

>gf
this thread is for real experiences only, thanks.

>My gf got me one for my birthday
>gf
NEVER GONNA MAKE IT

>gymwraiths looking for me because I stole a bar collar

>went to planet fitness to get a new cow
>last one keeled over plowing whey fields
>having a private conversation with the rancher as he feeds the heifers.
>moo teehee
Holy shit they speak

>the gym ogre is hogging all the barbells and 45s again
>gym lord put in a request to the Chad Association
>he doesn't have enough gains stockpiled from dealing with the manlet infestation last month, raises the gains tax again
>we finally raise enough
>they send us a Brad because all the Chads ware too busy dealing with Gain Succubus infestation out West
>Brad wasn't swole enough so now he's Ogre's crossdressing cumdump
>have to listen to his moans while doing a machine only workout because all the free weights are now gone
>all my gains are gone because of the tax
I hate being a gym serf.

>finally beat my lifting record
>fuck yes, I am a god among men
>as I'm leaving I notice that the gravity on this bench is only set to 85%
>feelsbadman

...

Guys this just happened
>Captain of the gym guard making his rounds
>used to be a cardio bunny (male) but I've made my over to the free weights the last few months
>made some serious gains thanks to the local rerack spider
>But my arachnid bro isn't permitted out of the web of weights
>captain gallops over
>spots my spider friend
>gives me a choice, slay the beast or be slain alongside him
>take the nearest barbell axe and chop at captain assholes head
Now we're on the lamb. What are some good calisthenics until I can get to another gym?

>be part of gym space operation
>mining asteroids for protein
>already been out for 3x5 years in the dark
>the gym is overpopulated
>children in the streets are screaming for gains
>rumors say people who go to snapcity get turned into whey
>in this grimdark future only we can ensure the gains of the humanity
>my arm trembles as I deadlift the protein
>sweat runs down by buttcreak
>my squatplug screams under the pressure
>suddenly an alarm echos in my pressure helmet
>the manlets are coming

If I don't survive this, then tell my gym bro that I love him.

>Rowing machine was sunk by pirates again

Brilliant

Samefag

>gym wizard started practicing necromancy today
>skellies everywhere

>hit 4pl8 diddy
>Check the squat rack
>Check the reception
>Check the treadmills
>Even check under my bed
>Still no gf

Why did you lie Veeky Forums

>gym clown keeps shouting about rubber and gum

Why?

The one true gf lives in your heart and she whispers: just b urself ;)

You gotta find your very own gains Hime.

Just a communication error. Sorry. The real gf comes at 5 pl8

I guess that's why the gym ranger told you to lock up your proten shake.

>Forgot my gym-license at home.

>some idiot knocks a hole into the gym with his car
>5 lb platelets activate and form into a mass blocking the whole
>everyone continues working out as normal

This.
The deadlift fairy grants you a wish upon completing a lmao5pl8 diddle.

>Did a lmao5pl8 diddy but forgot to ask the diddy fairy for a gf.
>Now doomed to tfwnogf

>Asked deadlift fairy for incalculable wealth and gains
>Now everything I touch turns to gold
>Have to start at 1pl8 again as gold is four time heavier than iron

just

fuck

Just B.E.e yourself

She's a miracle.

>he doesn't have an imaginary lover yet
Your gf was inside you all along.

#banassaultdumbells

>gym priest is demanding a ritual slaughter to use the squat rack
>pay 3$ for the rabbit, place him atop the altar
>reach into the gym bag and realize I forgot my sacrificial knife at home

You guys know when the bench fairy shows up?
I hit a lmao3pl8 bench but she hasn't appeared, maybe it's for reps?
Can I hit a rep on the 150lb dumbbells and summon her that way?

Have you done the fairy mating call before doing your lmao3pl8?

>forgot to dedicate my session to the gains gods, now damned for all eternity to the manlet pit

stop messing with the new fags
you need to tell the receptionist when you need to see the bench fairy, and make sure you tip her before AND after she sets up the appointment

Kek

>the fairy mating call
It's chi pa pa, right?
Is Sylph in charge of bench gains?
Anyways, I'm not interested in fairy love, I just want to use my wish to make my chest even bigger.
If satisfying the fairy is a part of the contract then I'll do what I must.

>When your neighbor drops his barbell while dead-lifting and the impact reverberates through the floor to the soles of your shoes violating the NAP so you get your fleet of apache helicopters piloted by your child slaves to strafe the gym with rockets and 20mm cannons killing everyone in the gym including yourself

wow what a funny original meme