Gym crack addict snorted all the chalk AGAIN

>gym mime didn't show up today
>have no way of checking if my form is correct

>got pulled over while on the stationary bike again
>Just the tail light this time though

>stair machine broke down again
>have to use escalator machine

How am I supposed to make gains like this?

The gym mirrors are dirty, can't check my shadow boxing form.

>someone broke the gravity controller
>all equipment stuck in the roof
>can't look into mirror to check form

>Gym priest is on vacation
>cant do preacher curls

>Poojeet uses squat rack before me.
>Shit plastered all over the equipment.

>Asian anti-gay activist Ho-Nomo stayed home today.
>My eyes are stuck at dick height in the locker room

>gym segregates manlets and underaged to kiddie corner
>height must start with a 6 to use tall area of gym
>always dreamed to lift with the big boys
>devise a plan to wear hidden lift shoes to get in
>successfully step over manlet pit
>successfully step over barricade of medium sized hurdles
>successfully reach the key to the tall area gate, on the top shelf
>turn key and enter into blinding light to tall area
>put on my best Chad face that I'd practiced hours the mirror for
>"how do you do fellow men?"
>get a few weird looks as I virgin walk across the tall-weights area
>start doing tall-squats in the tall-rack
>ezpz
>tall-rack scoreboard isn't incrementing with each squat I do
>tall-racks starts flashing red and an alarm goes off
>tallgoers all turn their heads simultaneously to glare at me
>huge gym employee comes out from the backroom
>hes carrying a man-sized industrial protractor
>drops it next to me, ground shakes
>tells me to squat and inspects my range of motion
>notices I'm doing inferior manlet squats
>I've been found out
>make a dash for the exit, hoping they can't identify me
>two other personnel lay down a spike strip
>my elevated soles are blown, crash and burn into the medium sized hurdles
>quarantined to the manlet pit for a month

...

>The qt cardio bunny hopped away again

>eat mandatory gym cheese and gym beans
>wait mandatory 30 minutes for food to digest
>read optional national geographic south american tribe women with saggy racks gone wild, for motivation
>pop a boner
>go to squat rack and do mandatory mouth breathing excercise for 45min
>tell the squat rack robot i make stink stink caus of cheese and beans (mandatory secret password for squats)
>robot says access denied to squat rack because my secret password wasn't pronounced with emphasis on the stink stink
>tfw cheese and beans still erupt from my anus without even squats smdh

...

god dammit this thread

>Mexican janitors had a cockfight in the power rack again

>Gym philosophers debating in the squat rack
>Have to be awkwardly work out near them in order to confuse my muscles

Ok i laughed

bueno

>gym rapist got his dick caught in the cables again
>mechanic has to untangle him in the morning

>gym twink snuck home in my bag again

>Jim the Gym Tool Man says only wrenches are available today
>Can't do hammer curls

>gym crow stole my preworkout chalice

...

...

underrated

>thought gym put in a new bench press but it was a gym mimic

underrated

Is there a black person pun here or am I just being retarded

>gym archpriest cast turn undead on the cardio area and now the skellys have swarmed into the free weights section

>forgot my squat plug
>had to use the communal one

>someone forgot to chain up the water fountain crocodile again

>gym is infested with slimes overnight
>they keep multiplying no matter how many times we splatter them with pl8s
>gym wizard finally turns them all into protein-shake slimes
>We all just start eating them
>vegans get upset
And that's how the slime menace was eradicated at my gym today.
Was tons of fun though.

>gym teacher is using the chalk for a lecture
>can't get a grip on the bar

I like this one

>forgot to plug in the squat rack
>gains lost

Kek

>The fit black chick is not at gym today so all I have is white ass to stare at

>forgot to update squat rack hardware
>the component shutdown midset

>Newbie forgets to ask gym bomb squad to defuse landmine press after he's done using it
>3rd one this week to explode

>screamer at the squat rack
>have to wait 10 seconds for the gif to reset

>wore basketball shorts to the gym
>forgot to bring towel
>got hiveaidsrash all over my ass

underrated

Why didn't you join in you pussy

>samefag in the gym thread again

>quarantined to the manlet pit for a month

>Cant do OHP because I left my head at home again

>Indians shit on the power rack again

OP posted this thread AGAIN

>Romaninan deadlifts asking for change again

>the Italians that don't clean the spaghetti sauce of the bar after deadlifting

I THOUGHT TRUMP WAS GOING TO FIX THIS!!!!! REEEEEEEEEE!

>left lube at home
>want gym daddy to bless my gains with his cummies but don't want to bleed all over squat plug after
>tfw no PR today
>tfw have to succ some stranger off just to hit protien macro
>forgot to say no homo so now I'm getting married next weekend
>thanks Obama

>gym support leveled up stats instead of skills
>cant cast spot and cant activate motivate
>can outbench me and shittalks in allchat
Fucking knew i should have started maining StartingTop instead of PPLcarry. This gym matchmaking is bullshit.

>mom found out my protein levels were elevated
>killed muh gains, made a news article.
katv.com/news/local/heber-springs-mom-says-her-son-was-given-energy-supplement-by-coach
>Not allowed to be fit anymore.

>be me
>not you
>me
>get to gym, feeling good
>downloaded my workout onto my phone at home
>get to power cage, plug phone in to USB port
>gym admin hasn't updated cage firmware wtf
>do it myself, have to wait 20min while it downloads on shitty gym wifi
>w/e, I'll deadlift first
>plug phone in to barbell
>shitty bar doesn't support my gains app, have to stream it direct
>warm up, low resolution and a little buffering (probably cos cage firmware is downloading on gym wifi, don't have much data left though so w/e)
>time for work set, 3pl8 x5
>first rep, feeling good, bar about to clear knees
>disconnected
>gym wifi must have gone down
>stuck there holding the bar for an hour until the staff FINALLY notice me
>they just need to reboot the barbell but they refuse to touch it without the gym admin
>he's on leave until thursday
>mfw

>local gym brapphogg milky mommy is out of order again

m-milky

>gym is out of squat capes

>not having fullbody armor
dyel

>Gym champion laid the smackdown on me like a jabroni

>gym benchwarmer didn't show up today
>had to do bench cold

>squatting in a smith machine.
never gonna make it

>trap bar too masculine