Be me in 2016, relatively fit

>Be me in 2016, relatively fit
>Not been laid in months
>Match with a 5/10 on Tinder, horrible face but nice hips
>Meet up for a date
>She's boring as hell but at least she lets me smash
>Block her after that date

>Be me about 2 weeks ago
>One day I go to the gym and find my lifts are especially easy
>Decide to try adding another plate
>Manage to finally squat lmao2plate
>all my other lifts go up by at least 50lb inexplicably overnight

>Yesterday, at a party
>Minding my own business with some friends when the 5/10 from 2016 comes up to me and tells me that she had a baby and thinks I'm the father

Holy shit Veeky Forums I think dad strength is real? Has anyone else encountered something like this?

same

>being slowly crushed by huge boulder (don't ask, it was an indiana jones kinda scenario)
>at same time wife in labor at hospital
>no strength left, about to be rock bottom'd to death
>Suddenly a strength rushes through me and i heave the pesky pebble aside
>phone call from hospital
>its a boy
>mfw

Run motherfucker, they can't do a paternity test if they can't find you.

AND THIS IS WHY I DONT SMASH 5/10s AND HAVE STAYED A VIRGIN :DDDDDDDDDD

Is this actually a thing?

Sure, user. THAT'S why.

>2plate squat
>dad strength
>not mediocre high school sophomore athlete strength

>not only having sex with a tinder whore, but having sex with one raw

what a fucking cuck you are

oh wait

>havent been laid in motnhs wahhh so hard

fuck off chad

this desu

>finally hit lmao2pl8 squat
that's some babby shit

Nigga fucking run away