Whale Hunting Stories

Whaling stories gents, times when you put on your captain’s hat and dove into the beast.

I'll start:
>be a lanky skinny-fat dyel
>go to barcelona with a couple of mates so we can have fun and fuck
>pressure is on, whoever doesn't fuck gets smack-talked to shit
>go to a club with the lads
>by this point I'm smashed senseless on vodka and tequila
>see 2 girls dancing, one QT 7/10 and one massive hambeast
>by massive I mean American obese, don't really see this shit in europe
>say fuck it, time to apply what I read on the internet
>start dancing near the fat girl, thinking of working myself up to the hot one
>pull some elvis-tier moves n feel good
>before I get the chance to talk with the hot girl, Chad rolls up n snatches her away
>fuckme.fag
>by this point hambeast is all over me and my drunkeness level is over the charts
>say fuck it, must feel the same under the fat rite?
>go for the hambeast, call her beautiful as I struggle not to laugh
>even she seems skeptical and replies "Really?"
>she grabs me and starts literally pushing me towards my place

Part 1/4

The whaling continues...

>get home with her
>time for some good stuff
>things get blurry from here
>remember when she took her shirt off, I felt a wave of moisture hitting me
>the fat rolls were stacked like tires
>2 late by this point
>dive in there
>wish I had a wetsuit
>remember specifically going down for ye old lickaroo
>til a whiff of something hit me
>my already precarious erection wavered in front of the stench
>I pull back up gracefully by pretending to kiss her
>OK, I can do this
>finally start fucking her
>this part is ok, vagina is vagina
>can't quite cum because of her pig-like squeals combined with the loud squeaking of the bed
>have a near transcendent experience where I can almost see myself in 3rd person
>might have been the pill I took but I digress
>finally cum after 50 minutes of humping the rock
>try to get her to leave quickly
>mates are right outside the door as im walking out
>laughingbros.jpg
>use all my remaining strength to get her into a cab
>head to bed thinking ive reached the end
>how wrong I was

Part 2/4

Go on...

This is where it gets heated up.

>next day, mates are shitting on me
>jokes on them, at least I got laid
>until suddenly I start getting messages on my phone
>fuck, my drunken self thought it was a good idea to add her on facebook
>she’s all like “let’s meet again, where do you want to go?”
>bitch please, I’ve had enough linking with my japanese ancestry
>still, don’t want to be an ass as I’m a “nice guy” and try to let her down gently
>mate tries to warn me to just unfriend and block her but no, I’m a better man
>tell her I enjoyed last night while subtly implying it was JUST last night
>she start talking gibberish about how she got locked out or some shit out of her place
>asks where my place was again
>by this point I’m sweating thinking she’ll find me
>tell her again, it was great but I just want to enjoy my holiday and she should do the same
>she goes all quiet, think it’s all ok
>NOPE.whale
>every night after that she messages asking where I am and telling me her plans
>literally had to change the club one night since she told me she’d be in the one we wanted to go to
>3 days of the trip left, i fear running into the beast again
>walk around town constantly looking over my shoulder
>ready to sprint at the first sign of danger


Part 3/4

Pic related: one of the many walls of text she sent me

>finally it’s time to leave
>go to the airport, move through security and get to the gate
>suddenly, I feel trembling through the floor
>my heart sinks and I can feel a shiver running up my spine
>turn my head around and see her
>wtf did she follow me here
>thankfully no but the gate next to mine took her home and fate had it that I would face my final challenge
>duck through the seats like a ninja, mates think I’m retarded
>can’t tell them, the risk of betrayal is too great
>find a nice spot behind a advertisement panel
>all good till I have to embark
>know I’ll be visible and vulnerable
>decide to wait till the last minute and make a dash for it
>people get on, final call on the speaker
>THIS IS MY TIME
>run for the entrance
>her whale sense must have tingled as she immediately turned towards me
>she literally raises her hands and shouts my name “ANOOON”
>I raise my speed, adrenaline coursing through my veins
>she starts running and tries to block my way
>with the dejavu song in my head I turn around and avoid her as the wheels of my luggage screech against the floor
>finally I make it to the counter
>I make eye contact with the guy manning it and can see the light of understanding as he quickly scans my boarding pass and doesn’t even check my passport
>the doors close behind me and I can hear one final screech as she comes to a halt and start screaming “YOU CAN’T BLOW ME OFF LIKE THIS”
>fly off into the sunset
>I mite be retarded
>probably broke multiple international treaties protecting large sea mammals

Part 4/4

That’s my whale adventure guys. Moral of the story: don’t add on facebook and if you’re gonna let her down do it hard and quick. After I unfriended her she continued to message me till I blocked her calling me a cunt and a faggot. Pretty kek in the end.

How big was she? Post picture

like this, ripped it off her facebook. She doesnt post shit with her body.

Forgot to mention she was also married.

That's that picture of snacks (allegedly), right? Haven't seen that shit in ages

If she was married msg the fucking whale's husband user... Don't let a bro be cucked by hambeast

>not get laid in half a year
>match fatty on tinder by liking everyone then filtering
>getting desperate by now
>she's in an open relationship, her bf lives next door
>cuck him hard while he's across the wall from us
>she starts messaging me about her not feeling the same about him
>finally dumps him
>nope the fuck out and block her
>tries to add me on fb
>NOPE.jpg

...

more pics of her.

I'll try finding the husband.

Mirin calves fuark

dodged a bullet

Fucking lmao. Had a good laugh, thanks OP

I don't remember too well, but was it confirmed he was Snacks?

OK, I found the husband. Looks normal enough, will message him now.

who the fuck is snacks?

kek'd, thanks for the story

Jezus fucking christ what were you thinking? Im no chad either but atleast I try to keep my hookups above 6/10. I'm surprised anyone could get hard from that thing.

So I'm wondering, what made you do it? Surely can't be just alcohol and peer pressure right?

Jesus OP you have no fucking standards

enjoying your summer newfriend?

...

kek, underage faggot detected

this shit will never not be good.

yup thats him fucking a whale

Yikes. user. Come on.

no prob man, pls contribute if you ever whaled.

Well desu, she kinda looked better in the club. I was really smashed and thought pussy is pussy(hadn't gotten laid in ages either) . Can't be that bad rite?

But I guess expecting basic hygiene from a whale was just too much...

>pussy is pussy

A common mistake, but usually a mistake one only makes once.

Jesus Christ. I thought whaling being a dangerous endeavor was a thing of the past. You had a narrow escape their lad. God speed.

Man I miss that guy

I dont know man, I know booze and not getting laid on the regular do weird things to your head but shit man. I can look past some fat if a girl has a pretty face but as far as I can tell, that's not the case.

Anyway, I have a somewhat relatable story, I'll type it out.

Nice teeth

Cancer

He still hasn't seen it. Keep the thread alive till then.

Go for it man, I'm still processing what I did.

kek at least you're a decent human being

Oh shit, monitoring this thread now.

Typical britshit behaviour all around desu.

yeah im not fucking 40, is it so hard to share? or is being an "oldfag" all about clinging onto old shit no one remembers

link him this thread

>talk to sloot on tinder
>one day get a message "come over today user"
>one way trip to bone town so I get on bus (poor fag)
>end up getting lost in some shitty part of town cause of shit directions from her
>end up walking for 30 minutes to her house, raining cause its scotland
>power of the boner keeps me going, getting hard thinking about cumming on that cute face
>get to hers, go to back garden due to request of secrecy
>"is that you user?"
>bitch who the fuck else is gonna be standing in your fucking garden
>dog starts barking at me from house beside
>at this rate I'm gonna get fucking done for trespassing
>been waiting 5 minutes
>for that five minutes all I hear is crashing in the house
>no idea wtf is going on, texting on phone
>door opens, look up
>it a fucking landwhale, been catfished
>I enter the lair of the beast anyway
>talk for 30 mins, I try to leave
>she grabs my hand and gets topless, I feel nauseated
>get hard eventually from handjob
>doing it doggy, I start to cry with shame, tears stream down my face
>"whats wrong user" she tries to turn to look
>I push her 200 pound fat landwhale body onto the pillow, forcing her head down onto the bed
>She tries to get up to breathe, my triceps are too strong
>I scream functional strength like an autist as I pound her with anger and shame, all the while pushing her down
>every part of her jiggles as she suffocates
>I cum inside her and leave shortly after

Got a text from her later asking what functional strength was and that it was the best sex she ever had. I blocked her and never spoke to her again.

I ended up going to McDonalds to eat comfort food and invited a friend over to drink, I've not told anyone about this. I'm so ashamed.

the idea is you lurk moar instead of shitting up the board with everyone having to answer the same questions over and over again
or just google it

That's what being old is about
>memories only you know
>a time that only exists in your head
>emotions that have mostly faded but somewhat linger
>friends and family have moved on or passed away.
>if unlucky, your S.O has passed away

feels bad man.

The suspense is killing me, like that husband is probably killing her right now

googling snacks just shows food
pic is the result for "Veeky Forums snacks"

Thanks for sharing user. This is getting therapeutic.

FINALLY!

I /r/'d this a couple weeks ago and no one know what the fuck I was talking about

ENDIT: Enjoy the reddit gold kind stranger

HE ACCEPTED IT!

more will come

monitoring

>I scream functional strength
Jfc, I'm in literal tears right now.

Lurk /f/, weirdly enough that's where I've found the most reference to him, I guess it has something to do with them preserving an old medium from his era and therefore having .swf's about him

wow, they were divorcing.

this is kinda annoying though, will I get called to court or some shit as a witness?

OH SHIT!
Good for you man, he deserves the truth about that gross (inside and out) fucking lard beast.

Nah, if he's got a good divorce lawyer she is absolutely fucked with just your convos. Civil court isn't like criminal court-- much lower burden of proof.

>one way trip to bone town so I get on bus
My sides, this was the funniest part for me

this killed my boner desu, i wanted it to end with her crying for forgiveness

>in some states there is still fault-based divorce that — when proven — can impact support or property division) an adulterous relationship can seriously reduce (or even eliminate) the obligation of one spouse to pay

husbando hit the jackpot

You just saved this man's life user, your mistake is another man's treasure

damn, what a beautiful story we're seeing unfold

...

someone (preferably a faggot that doesnt browse reddit) screencap this for future fps or Veeky Forums hummus threads

...

I've been on fit for years never heard of him

GOD'S JUSTICE BE DONE!

I muttered to myself "Ohh my god..." when I saw this pic. Completely disgusted.

Not really man, fat girls are repulsive to me. I guess I could go with a chubby one, but so far I've porked really cute girls, which suprises me since I used to be super beta nerd even some 5 years ago.

More convo with husband

Fuck man, im holding back tears.
I know this isn't a feels thread, but I need to vent. How come when I think back to good times with my pals, I feel mostly nostalgia rather than joy.

We still meet up regularly but I feel like we're slowly drifting apart since we graduated from high school. I'm a pretty social guy and have made some decent friends at uni but they're nothing like my mates, I fucking love those guys. I hang out with new friends but I have to either force myself to have fun or get shitfaced drunk. Meanwhile I feel like a fucking faggot for being such a bitch about it and that I should just enjoy the now and stop desperately clinging to the "golden days".

I haven't truly been happy since my graduation. I'm alright, not depressed or anything, but nowhere near as happy as I used to be. Only times when I do is when I hang out with my pals or when I'm working out with one of them.

I feel like I should just move on but I can't, litteraly. I should move out of my parents house but I can't because of the old life I'm clinging to and the fear of missing out a spontaneous meetup with my buds.

I also don't have a girlfriend, maybe I just crave affection?

She'll ride that dick all the way to the homeless shelter

oh the feels god how do I prepare for this

>I haven't truly been happy since my graduation
I wish I could've appreciated the time before more. Retrospectively it was the best time of my life and I didn't even enjoy it.

user,

I just want you to know that I had a shit day. I got into an argument with my superior, couldn't solve a problem I was working on that delayed my progress on something very important and I got home late and had to go to the gym tired and eat really late. I was ready to go to bed in a bad mood.

I was just browsing this thread for laughs at your expense, but the reaction you got here from the divorced husband warms my cold heart and makes me feel just a tiny bit better about the world. Sometimes there is justice, and out there there are men who look out for the interests of complete strangers - even if just out of spite for their fat adulterous wives. Thank you, a good friend of mine is going through ugly divorce; please give this man as much evidence as you can so he doesn't get double-screwed by this whore.

Today OP was OK. We are all going to make it.

my paint skills can't keep up.

He's basically just asking for all the info. Sounds like my whaling did some good in the end.

oh my this thread. don't worry friend, your secret is safe with us. godspeed

>I feel screwed too
Kek

Dayumn son. Amazing plot twist.

>I feel screwed as well
user...

>missing snacks

you know black books? maybe there are some decent people on Veeky Forums after all

>meet girl off tinder, her photos are all her face at weird angles
>She's fucking fat, I feel my car tilt when she steps in the car
>Take her to restaurant, people staring and I feel so ashamed and pretend she's my sister
>Fuck her in the car, big tits but so fucking nasty
>She keeps texting me after about how she might be pregnant

And that's how I lost my v card anons

Wew, an user I can sorta help. Same situation, (stuck to old friends, didn't enjoy new friends). Don't cut off things with your old friends, but you do need accept that your paths in life are separating. You need to move out, set up a new friend group, and realize THIS IS IT, there is nothing else - if you dont have new friends in the new city, you're gonna be lonely af.

I moved away from my old friends in uni, it took time to get a new friend group, and to stop latching onto my old friends, but now I have a healthy balance. I still love my old friends, but my new friends take up most of my free time. Make sure to go back and visit old friends, and have a good catchup with them. Nothing feels better than a good catchup with an old mate.

I fucking LOVE Black Books.

Even went to see both Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey live.

My best friend from high school ignored my request to meet up sometime, he just started ignoring me out of the blue for no reason about a year ago. Asked in April, he read it but never replied.

Tore at me bad, I must of seemed desperate but I wasn't. I made new friends since then but wanted that connection from growing up you know? Shits hard lad

Problem she porked/cheated while they filed for divorce, so her defense can be they were already separated, depends on a judge she can still get good chunk of money out of the husband, eps if he was provider the years they were living together.

I've only seen Dylan Moran live, haven't had a chance to see Bill yet, although I've seen recordings and I would love to if he ever comes to my town. He's a brilliant musician.

>Cheat on your husband on vacation, have no morals
>Man you cheat with has morals and contacts husband
This will likely come out of left field for her.
You should really block and filter out all communication with her and make sure she doesn't know your address, phone number or place of work, btw, sounds like a vengeful bitch.

HA! I've seen Bill, yet to go to Dylan's show. The tickets are always gone in seconds. Might have to visit England to see him.

"While experiencing happiness, we have difficulty in being conscious of it. Only when the happiness is past and we look back on it do we suddenly realize - sometimes with astonishment - how happy we had been."

Nikos Kazantzakis from zorba the Greek

>I feel screwed as well

>not missing how the mods in general acted in the early days compared to now

Now that we know she was cheating, I think even the waiter she mentioned here got some whaling action.

>i feel screwed as well
>autism intesifies.jpg

SOMEONE ARCHIVE THIS

Great thread OP

OK this is the final post. It looks like he's going to be just fine.

and I DID feel screwed (pun intended)

this whole thread made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. Maybe Whaling anonymous should be a thing.

Holy shit send him your greentext

desu you're right, site feels ded now

You a good man user

>You should really block and filter out all communication with her and make sure she doesn't know your address, phone number or place of work, btw, sounds like a vengeful bitch.
This, OP listen to this user. This bitch already has no scruples, create as much distance between you two as possible.

>what is functional strength?
I hope you told her to read the sticky