Gym bard starts playing your song as you walk in

Wtf, Nurgle's entropy spread to your gym? Have you considered asking the Emperor's blessing?

>gym waiter offered me protein bars mid squat PR attempt
>distracted me so I failed the rep
getting pretty fucking sick of this

>I take my cock out and start masturbating near her head
>since I can only afford the Beta Membership and not the Chad Membership I am not allowed to participate.
>perma-banned from gym
>still required to pay lifetime of gym fees

youtu.be/N-mTb1YRzBA
They really play this there?

>roll a high strength low dex DnD character
>have no trouble role-playing this

>doing some warmup leg extensions
>look at the squat rack in the mirror, it's free
>head over
>squat rack is actually being used by a group of gym vampires
>afraid to ask to work in because I'm not undead
luckily some retards started doing crossfit and they had to retreat to the gym catacombs

kek

>that feel when you get banned from the gym for trying to do leg extensions
Being 5'7" isn't fair. Some 6'3" guy failed a bench press and vomited blood on the floor and they didn't ban him for bleeding all over the place.

>it's that one song that's in every youtube tutorial

This is my fetish

youtube.com/watch?v=r6eWhZdwUgU

>the gym twink has been hanging out in the locker room throughout my entire workout

>tfw the gym twink bullies me and gives me wedgies, even though I can OHP him for reps

>gym photographer raised the price for a progress pic yet again

kek

>be girl
>want to lease some land near the free weights to do my stretching
>land prices went up 400%

Just squat some corner

maybe you should try leasing some land in
L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N

>gym timelord keeps resetting reps

>gym Indian filled the entire free weight area with water to do some rowing
>he was doing only 2 sets of 5
why didn't he use the puddle machine?

>gym leprechaun just sitting in the squat rack
>wont leave until someone guesses his name

LONDON
O
N
D
O
N

More of this

>gym cardio bunnies won't fucking shut up about Easter and electrical appliances.

>The manlet miners accidentally dug into a skelly catacomb while mining for protein
>gym receptionist forces me to take up a quest to clear them out

This is fucking shit, I'm still only dyel level and don't have the str to properly wield my barbell spear or wear my plate armor

>get caugh tresspasing in chads vip room
>tied up and used as totem for the braphogs brap contest

heh.......just as planned....

>gym authorities find the protein shake I snuck into the gym
>apprehend me and confiscate my natty card

>be lowly curl serf
>took a 5lbs plate from a minor noble's squat rack
>sworn man and PT of the noble catches me
>crushes my hand in the lat pulldown machine as punishment

Fucking gym royalty

This is a really good thread

>>the penis inspector's gloves are ice cold and you don't have enough smegma to meet the daily quota because you ate yours for dem bonus protein gainz

>treadmill time
>gym mage casts improved haste on you

>raiders stole all the plates for their deathmobile wheels again

>first day in gym after having my float test renewed
>smile at the receptionist
>turns out she tripped the silent lunk alarm
>two minutes later, removed by sexual harassment team
>they cant prove shit in the circuit court, case moves to trial by squat
>I panic, take plea deal to have my milk license revoked
>regret it to this day

>not using the opportunity to raise your caste level by showing dominance and shitting directly on every bench
>making it
Pick one and only one

No, I meant as one doing the gangbanging

>trial by squat

Thats a good one user

>At gym
>Baron of Gainsdale
>Beloved by peasants for using tax money to improve gym conditions for everyone
>notice a lowly serf stealing weights from the nobles
>don't want to ruin the poor man's gains, but I can't appear incompetent or I'll have revolt on my hands
>decide to crush the man's hands instead of crippling him and sending him to Snapborough
>He doesn't thank me for sparing his spine
You can't win them all.

>Going for a squat PR
>Gym DJ puts on a special PR track for me
>Gym Hype Man getting everyone pumped up for my PR attempt
>Unrack strong, start my descent
>Get distracted by gym twink's feminine ass in tight shorts (no homo), lose tension, bomb out the rep
>Looked like a failure in front of the whole gym
>Gym clown follows me around making sarcastic honking noises the rest of my workout

>Gym gardener is on vacation, hasn't trimmed the plates in days
>They've all grown into irregular polygonal shapes, impossible to deadlift with
>tfw have to take 8 45s to the gym grindstone to shave them back down into circles before I can even start my workout

>At gym
>Initiative check
>roll 1
>all the squat racks are taken every round

>Warrior's shout increased everyone's strength by 10%
>PR day for everyone

don't worry, this is a low level quest. You can go through gains goblins room with a dumbbell and a plate shield. To kill their boss you need to have a skull crusher skill activated and perform it about 20 times on him. This move takes a lot of your mana so make sure to take couple of protein potions with you.

>gym Indian shits everywhere

Next time just throw him in the Manlet pit for a few days, that always straightens out plate thieves.

>not putting 'do not disturb' signs on the ends of your barbell
is this your first rodeo?

>gym raid night
>the crossfitter tries to pull
>snaps his shit up
>nobody revives him

I abolished the manlet pit in my province, it's a barbaric practice.

>be stealth class
>never lifted a weight
>just pickpocket everyone's gains
>actually the biggest dude in the gym
When did you realize rogue/thief was the most effective playstyle?

>he wants manlets to pour into his duchy
why?

>tfw you find out your gym receptionist swapped your weekly testosterone shots for estrogen as a prank
She can kiss her tips good bye

>tfw manlets always dig too deep
>they never learn

>some days climbing the stairs to the lobby to exit takes longer than it should. Much longer.
>i can't decide if my legs are tired or if im just not getting closer to the top.
>they sell protein powder at the counter, but why do the containers look like they're leaking a liquid? What kind of protein powder is red anyway
>there's lifting equipment now, that Ive never seen before. In shapes I've never seen before. Shapes that make your head hurt
>the mirrors are clouded over and filthy but i don't wipe away the dust. Id rather not see what's around me more than is necessary.
>even so I saw those weird machines moving. They clank and shift like normal workout machines. They groan too. Not like metal does when it's tensioner. Like people moan. I don't go that area anymore, I'll just use free weights now.

>manlet pits are barbaric
enjoy your height-mixed gym population faggot.

>gym alchemist ran out of strength potions
>only stamina potions left
It's cardio day I guess.

I found it was more humane simply to put them down them when they reached adulthood.

>doing deadlifts
>gym necromancer loads up double my pr and raises it with minimal effort

when will this bonebag just fuck off.

>trying to focus on squatting
>The blacksmith left his anvil in the middle of the squat rack and it's getting in the way
>keep losing track of my reps

You always do this, Sir Scooby.
Don't belittle me and cast doubt on my sexuality in front of my subjects.

>Can't go from station to station without 8 random encounters
The XP gains are great but I can't keep spending all day just to do 6 exercises.
I also hope the encounters don't scale to your level, it's enough of a pain in the ass to flatten 5 pajeets in jeans, I don't want to have to confront a Chad pack.

>talk to gym mage
>tells me he's cutting and trying keto but it's pretty hard to stick to
>see him conjure a muffin in the locker room
Never gonna make it.

>going for bench PR
>roll my lucky die
>1
>barbell breaks my wrists and bends them backwards
>bar slips down, falls on my chest and breaks all ribs
>dead

that'll teach me to roll for gains

>double XP weekend
>gym empty
>get all the gains
>later found out everyone was raiding the club
>can't get any pussy for the next couple of weeks until the thots respawn

Brethren mine, that's there for for box squats. Once your glutes are hard enough to shape steel you may remove the anvil. Your spotting squire should be putting the heated blank (known to some as a "squat plug") on the anvil and quenching it between sets.
you must have your ass-forged-sword inspected by the resident squatsmith to remove the anvil.

>Not speccing Barbarian for the natural +4 to all Strength rolls.
Fucking asking for it mate.

at least you got Quads

You need more GLP (gym lifting points) to roll high numbers. Get some noobs in your group and lift weights they can't in front of them. Easy way to gain lots of GLP and they gain some XP too.

>roll wizard
>half way through starting magic
>eat a strict diet to ensure maximum noob mental gains
>pick and choose every exercise before hand to make sure I'm making the most of my time

>new sorcerer joins the gym
>eats pizza and mead every day
>is already fucking the cardio rouge
>does whatever exercises he feels like that day
>surpasses all my progress in a week

When did you realize genetics is the only thing that matters?

That's Pumpelswoleskin, he'll spot you if you ask.

if you were a level 42 wizard like me you could just spawn your own bitches
>walk into the gym
>cast empowered bull's strength
>morph into minotaur
>get ready to deadlift the earth
>employ god-tier telekinesis for that extra umph
>LIGHT WEIGHT BABY
>lift earth about 10 feet upward

feels good bein a virgin

he's probably casting some forbidden fraud spells in the meditation room

Ask your gym administrator to have a look, it might be a smurf account.

>smurf account
I fucking hate these bastards in ranked... I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF GOLD YOU ASSHOLES

>abolished manlet pit

NIBBA YOU DID WHAT

>tfw a legendary Chad spawns at the entrance
Had to wait for the gym master to recall the main gym party and clear it.

>until the thots respawn

Found your problem, you studied the cursed tome
>lookism
It bestows you with the subclass
>sadcunt
To cure it you have to go out and interact with normal people. There's also a subclass called
>sickcunt
You can multiclass into and it'll help turn your perspective around.

>not having 200m herb and making overloads yourself
Why are you even at the gym?

A buddy of mine aggroed a Mutant [humanity level: 0] one time
They're still trying to dig him out from under all the protein powder to res him.

oh I have plenty of herb

More, I love this

>tfw can only roll Rare dumbells
Is there any way to get some Ultra Rares without paying money

>I find things around the gym now, besides dust, and spiders.
>I found a compete set of clothes laying on the floor, soaked in sweat, and filled with ashes or dust. Even the shoes.
>I made eye contact with the receptionist today and she just started screaming with a totally placid expression

kek

did i stutter?

>be 5'10 gym dwarf
>kobolds broke into the protein mines again
>take my trusty barbell spear and clear them out
>mfw

I fuckibg love this thead

Kek

They always dig their way out eventually

You can always steal them from a high level Chad who's afk between sets to recharge his mana. If you don't mind bad karma... But be careful of the random encounters with Chad avengers and summoned nigger barbarians.

Hello, brother. Have you seen my axe?