NEW THREAD!

I LOVE fucking preggo chicks.

>in college
>break time
>gf sitting next to me says she needs to go to the batroom
>i slide over to her 4 friends
>we chat a bit
>out of nowhere one girl says
>"user what the hell do you do?"
>what do you mean?
>"i was watching you earlier when you stood up and you're huge, do you go to the gym or what?"
>ummm... no, but thanks
>"so what you're trying to tell me you were born this way?"
>i guess
>"you cant have arms that huge by doing nothing..."
>i work around the yard a bit
>"....okay"
>literally flex a cep as a joke
>they are in shock and awe and start comparing their arms to mind
>"you arm is like 3 times my size oh my god haha"
>we talk a bit more
>gf comes back
>tell her about the mires i got
>she finds it funny
>only told my girlfriend i lift, but that was 2 months after we started dating

all these mires i've been getting are feeding my ego so hard, being a recovering skeleton and all.

/Thread

it's good that you didn't say you visit the gym. It is common knowledge that girls believe only gays visit the gym.

Underrated post

Admitting you gymcel is social suicide.
And on top of that i absolutely hate lifting "culture" and everything it represents along with all the stupid fucking instagram gymbros and guys who talk irl about how they had a "killer workout bro XD"

Mom allowed me to suck her tit when I was 13. That's the closest I ever got to woman's breast

>work at a store
>see the store manager for the first time in a while
>"user, can I ask you a question?"
>sure
>"have you been going to the gym because you're looking fit?"

First verbal compliment I've gotten from somebody who didn't already know I've been lifting.

This

hahahaha truly underrated

only get compliments from older women or bros, but girls play with their hair and giggle all the time when talking to me so you know

>realise that's probably the equivalent of a gym bro pick up line
kek

>five ish years of lifting
>approached at work by artsy sheila asking if I had ever done life/nude modelling and if I would be interested
>gave it a shot, turns out I just stand there and drink whiskey with my benis out
>get paid buku bucks for attending gym in autistic levels
>regular gig now
>pic related i guess

kek'd

>don't like being mired
>don't like people knowing I work out
>wear baggy long sleeves
>never get mired
I know it's not a traditional mirin' story but it is mine

Pls tell me more.

>very rarely get mired
>mire self constantly

It's a sickness

I've got hit on by 4 gay guys since I started lifting 6 months ago and many before that. Only like 2 girls but autismoed out on one and didn't even realize the other was till later.

>Drop 20 lbs, still fat tho
>At door to bar, fat redguard bouncer asks for ID which is pic of fatter me
>Looks at ID then me... Repeat several times
>Ayy, u lost sum weight dawg

My only mire, but felt p good

get down with it user

>getting fitted for contacts
I didn't even know that was a thing. What's it like?

Looking good user.

use mechanical calipers on your eyes

>be good looking
>walk confidently
>most girls mire
>tfw chubby

Th-thanks Tyrone

"wow you lost weight"

that's all, but feels good nonetheless since i'm a beginner. didn't even tell them i was working out and dieting.

>>gave it a shot, turns out I just stand there and drink whiskey with my benis out
And you get paid for this? Sounds like a good deal.

>If you've lifted for less than a year, please spare us from your lies.

I take it you've lifted for less than a year then?

a girl I had a crush on in middle school told me I looked buff

w-why?

>be me hours ago
>doing some formalities because of new job
>waiting for gf in the same facility
>6/10 face 10/10 ass-thighs thicc walks by with two beta satellites
>mired the shit out of her
>mfw still not making it

and then?

>bro's birthday party
>when everyone leaves bro comes up to me
>his female friend (might be lesbian) asked him all night
>how do I get that ass!
>how do I fucking get that ass bro!
>he was also wondering cause damn

Been in art school, trust me you can do this even if you're ugly as shit, as long as you are okay with being naked, have endurance and able to strike interesting poses for the students to draw. Most of the models I had during classes were regulars, so there's money to make.

Be careful you don't drown.

>be me
>at work conference for new employees, sales and operations
>I'm operations
>play golf at indoor range for networking
>one of the girl salesreps keeps staring at me
>gives me the "do i know you from somewhere" line when we both work opposite ends of the continent
>later overhear her saying "it's just so fun to watch him in that shirt" (well fitted golf shirt) to one of the other girls
>really douchey drunk sales guy says "yeah maybe you recognize him from sports illustrated"
And career mires
>final day, having a sort of impromptu sales pitch session judged by senior sales executives
>pitch a specialized capability of my plant, rather than the hypothetical stuff other reps were selling
>"are you really in operations not sales? Maybe you should switch"
>afterwards a senior executive came up and got my contact info and sent me an email to connect about my pitch
>"congratulations, you just closed your first sale"
>qt sales rep invited me to have a beer at her room to celebrate
It's a goddamn good day. I dont think the chick wants to hookup, but ill take free beer.

The hotel workout room is a joke though.

>last night dicking around on tinder before bed
>see possible trap showing off ass while covering front with shirt and face with phone
>swipe right because bored
>match
>first thing I say "you're a trap aren't you?"
>He admits it
>start talking to him again because bored
>He asks for my number so he can send pics
>agree just because I'm so bored
>begins sending pics of his ass
>notbad.jpeg
>I send him pic with my shirt off
>calls me gorgeous
>we start roleplaying because I'm so bored
>begs me to finish in his ass
>I finish because I was bored
>go to sleep
>he immediately deletes match
>no homo

>I send him pic with my shirt off
>begs me to finish in his ass
>no homo
kek

Nigga u gay

>go for a swim with some people
>jump in water
>gas out after 3 strokes because lolnocardio
>one guy says 'what the fuck man, you look pretty fit'

>girl who used to have crush on me sees me after a year at the gym
>says i'm getting big, tells me to be careful not to become the Hulk
>I have 12 inch arms but I guess the pump made me look alright
Also I got my ass slapped by a literal 8/10 in a bar (I didn't know her but she was friends with someone in our group) but the told me to fuck off right after lmao

>be me
>autistically fit
>super into my street bike and liftan
>decide to make cutoff shorts out of corduroy pants
>cut them a wee bit short
>commuting to gym in my normal attire
>tank
>shorts
>boots
>rad street bike
>car full of latinas pulls up next to me
>AYYYYYAAYYYYYY BBY YOU SO FINE DEM LEGSSSSSS
>atustically sprint away at the light
>they follow
>BBY STOP WE JUST WANNA TALK TO YOU YOU SO FYYYNNNNEEEEEE

this went on for like three blocks, I finally lost them in the projects

Yup it's dead simple. I still chortle
>kek
when i remember the art teacher that introduced me as "Now we have this monumental figure in front of our eyes"

...

>At BurgerKing (tm) during our graduation party as it's the only place open where you can grab some food
>Sitting there, eating, talking
>Two younger dudes who help out as bartenders at the party come in with some girl
>We decide to leave because we're done
>They're in line and I grab some tissues to clean hands next to them
>On my way back out I see her eyeing me up for good 10 seconds and quickly looks away

Tbh looked pretty good in a white shirt

Thank you for doing that. I graduated from art college. Those studio drawing classes can be fun, but it sucks when you have to draw super fat and/or super old people. Drawing fit guys and girls was rare.

same exact story happened to me as well a couple weeks ago.

haven't I read this before?

>Coming home from gym
>Got a good pump in shoulders and arms
>Dad sees me
>He undoes his belt
>No dad, not now, please not now
>"Get over ere boy. Over ere now pretty boy"
>get raped

Feels good when dad mires me.

Post body OP pls

>tfw live with grandparents and pappy thinks i'm a homosexual for working out and never bringing a girl home.

>come home one day sweaty
>"you just finish taking it in the ass again boy?"
>"uh, no pappy, just lifting again like every tuesday night"
>"you better start bringing home girls because if i find out you're a you-know-what, you what's gonna happen.."
>as he says nodding in the direction of the gun cabinet

fuck guys how do i shut off my autism? i get 'mires all the time but as soon as i open my mouth girls want nothing to do with me.

routinely get honks from cars full of young women while I'm running in my short shorts. don't go to a gym so no opp for gym mires. when I run in cities and on populous streets I get lots of whistles and hollers, infrequently, but still on occasion a black woman will grab my ass while I'm on my cooldown and make some remark likening me to a choice cut of meat.

Try this to disable autism mode.

>Get a bit drunk, like 35% drunk.
>Watch a motivational video (I know it's dumb, but it'll work if you stop being so uptight)
>Join some random discord group, loosen up the talking juice
>Find a cheese grater
>Slowly rub it against the head of your penis, and the soles of your feet. Draw blood.
>You'll now have a major buzz.
>Find some socks to stop your shoes getting wet from the blood.
>Find the nearest dog sanctuary.
>Beat the dog cages with a stick, whilst barking like a dog, shouting about mortgages and interest rates.
>Ride this high all the way to the nearest library and fuck the first book bitch you see.

If this is real, great job man.

>Playing piccolo drinking game with some friends
>Me and a girl have to swap t-shirts for a round
>we do it and someone videos it
>watch back the video the next day and qt sitting next to me is mirin' the whole time I'm shirtless

Just bring a twink with a dress on home you fag, they'll never know the difference.

>get on bus to campus while holding gym bag in pseudo-curl position
>middle aged black lady bus driver goes "oo boy you got some muscle!"
>felt good man

This

i aspire to be in your position my man

t user mires

>past dyel mode
>out buying food
>looking at chicken
>qt asian stands a little too fucking close
>keeps getting FUCKING CLOSER while looking through the products
>get my brotein and GTFO
>at checkout
>get into random conversation with lady who crashes into my cart
>realize no one is talking aside from people who know each other
>and even people in groups are quiet
>shoves me in my head
>KEEP IT GOING
>keep talking to her for minutes
>gets really fucking weird and she's giving me advice about women out of nowhere
>i'm just looking for any relatable story i have to anything she says
>get to cashier
>whatever, do my thing
>she starts an unnecessary conversation with me
>fuck fuck fuck
>casually respond
>later on think about all the ways i can refer back to our conversation next time i see her
>later on at some other place getting other things
>card not working
>standard try again deal
>had long ago gone silent because i was super anxious and didn't want to start saying dumb shit
>that energy has to be released somewhere
>its my fault my card is not being read
>my focus on my anxiety made me not notice one of my fingers hitting cancel
>didshenoticedidshenoticedidshenoticedidshenoticedidshenotice
>focus and do it right
>stonefaced this whole time
>"oh, there we go" or something like that, still too focused on how i'm internally losing my shit over nothing
>standard end to interaction, smile looks completely normal
>still don't know if she noticed

cashiers check themselves first anyway so really there's no reason to think she did other than my paranoid mind thinking i find this funny

>At work
>Guy comes in who I don't recognize
>Coworker is helping him
>Coworker asks "user how much weight have you put on again?"
>Used to be 125lb twink, sitting at about 200 now
>Apparently customer dude recognized me from when I was said twink, had to double take when he saw me

A little bit later
>Another customer comes in, he's been in a couple times before
>"Bro I gotta say, you're swole as fuck bro"
>T-thanks

The on my way home
>Stop by QuikTrip for gas and a pretzel
>Attendant ringing me up
>"Just the pretzel today?"
>Yep
>"Is that your secret?"
>Secret?
>"To being swole"
>Oh haha, yeah, it's easy carbs

Today was a good day, bros

>go out with a girl from our friendgroup
>she is pretty and funny, we had great time
>later she admits that she got really turned on by my arms and how strong I looked
>month later she dies due epilepsy

Goodbye S, you were awesome. See ya in next life!

god damn it I died laughing so hard.

and then I came back to this tab hours later and laughed again. thanks user

good shit user
Was unprepared for the feels. Sorry bro.

went to a bar with my coworkers.

>Girls are spergs and say I look like some anime character
>one says im cute and will visit my office more
>laugh it off like I've never watched anime in my life even though I fap to hentai every night

why am I like this Veeky Forums

nigga she gon peg you

unrelated but DOES ANYONE HAVE HTE YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THAT BALD MANLET DOING WEIRD EXERCISES WITH CABLES AND DOING STUFF LIKE PUNCHING THE AIR WITH CABLES AND JUMPING WITH THE CABLES IN HIS HANDS AND STUFF

>be me
>40 year old single mom
>having midlife crisis
>decided to get gym membership to get back in shape and feel good
>go when no one else is around because feeling a little self conscious
>walk in to gym and see 600lb blob attempting to deadlift 135...shirtless
>accidentally let out a very audible holy shit and snicker to myself as he tries to catch his breath from standing up to approach the bar
>the fat bastard immediately turns around and attempts to flex
>apologizes for his shirtlessness
>people like him are the are the exact reason the shirt rule exists
>aintnobodywanttoseethat.gif
>starts hitting on me
>wont leave me alone until i agree to go grab drinks with him
>agree so he leaves me alone
>never plan on meeting up
>report him to the gym manager the next day

Sorry about that man. But we all should pity her brother, hes the one who had to clean her HD and witness my dickpics. Sorry about that!

On related note, whats the general thought what you should do with other persons nudes she sent you after that person has passed way? I feel A bit guilty still having them.

>12 inch arms

what up skelly bro, guess at least your trying

That sounds pretty gay bruv

Post them here so that she may live on in our hard drives.

no homo though

that was me, so how bout that drink sugah tits?

That pic
>i used to lift
Seriously dyels say that shit all the time whenever the topic comes up. Dudes that never stepped into a gym their whole life

>redgaurd
Kek

I agree with the other dude, post them here so she can be honoured.

>Be me 2 years ago
>Skinny beta
>Crushing hard on 9/10 girl
>Get rejected
>Join gym out of depression and low self esteem
>DEM GAINZ
>Girl now smiles at me and says hi every time she sees me (she didn't even care to look at me before)

you still wont get anywhere

You lucky piece of shit

>I used to lift
God damn that made me chuckle, so accurate

this

>
nothing sexual really
>be me, 13 back then
>talking with mom while she's breastfeeding my little sister
>talk turns to breastfeeding
>mom asks if I want to try it
>i agree
>start sucking
>stopped after about 10 second, not because it tasted bad (I actually liked the taste) but because it was akward as fuck
>"so how is it?"
>"haha i don't know nothing special"
>tfw actually liked it
>tfw would like to do it again but it probably wouldnt be appropriate for a 19yo guy to ask his mother to breastfeed him
>tfw stole my little sister's lunch

>homegym
>no mires
but
>quads getting joocy and vascular
>get a few people looking at them when I sit down
not mirin but fuck it, I'll take it

>nothing sexual really

user, come on...

women often stare at me and i turn heads frequently, but i think its more im a big sweaty disgusting ogre rather than handsome aesthetic god

>Meet old classmate out when i'm drunk
>He's with a couple girls
>"Hey, user? Is that you?"
>smalltalk with them
>Ask for me to flex
>"Damn user you went from a nerd to a beast!"
>another one chimes in
>"yeah you where a loser, now look at you!"
T-thanks

...

>now youre a fit loser!

i have a homegym too

nothing better than lifting in t-shirt, boxers and no shoes though amirite?

>Redguard