Is it possible to train your "social muscles"?
I'm okay at talking to people, but I get fucking exhausted after being social too much
Meeting new people alot drains me and it's difficult to make friends
What reps or lifts does Veeky Forums recommend to train social skills?
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Socialising isn't for you man embrace it, lifting is a better way of spending time anyway and you can still get bitches
it means you're not being yourself. takes a shit ton of effort and should be reserved for very special occasions.
just be yourself and let other people adjust, reward others with your attention for being frank and straightforward with you so you can recalibrate the parts of yourself that rub people the wrong way.
being genuine will always get your the furthest, and lets you save your energy for when you really need to impress.
Oslo?
Yeah social skills are a SKILL if you never practice of course you will suck. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People for a start and practice talking to people IRL. Talk to as many people as you can, don't be a cynic and be interested in them.
It probably drains you because you don't do it enough and get fatigued trying to think of stuff to say and over analyzing everything that was said. Once you get better through practice it will be less exhausting.
>I get fucking exhausted after being social too much
It means you're introverted. There's nothing you can do about that except make regular alone time to recharge.
If you are asking this question unironically - no, not for you, anyways.
Just face it
If you haven't learned social skills by high school you're fucked for life
Just keep practicing. It got a lot better for me since i stopped being fat fuck. Im still far away but just gotta start the convo from time to time and it gets better over time
I was neet a few years ago then landed a job where I was forced into social sitiations with complete strangers daily or forced to talk to people.
If all else fails alcohol is your friend, most people tend to not give a shit if you are akward
no fap + alcohol
wrong
if he gets exhausted from socializing he's an introvert, how he behaves will not matter
just drink plenty of coffee OP
Yes
You develop a belief system that makes you crush pussy everywhere
Bullshit. There is no section of your brain that is switched to either 'introvert' or 'extrovert' at birth. You may have an inclination one way or another but the rest is all learned/acquired. I used to experience mental fatigue even from fun social situations because I was 1) trying hard to think of what to say and do, 2) repressing the anxiety that would sometimes try and bubble up. However after having a lot of practice I find I can usually speak without even thinking about it - like I've built up a big enough store of prepackaged stories and responses that those can constitute the bulk of my conversation. That's what practice is good for. The anxiety is also less, often none, also thanks to practice. I no longer get tired and even look forward to going out among strangers.
>le introvert extrovert meme
What is that belief system?
Alright autistic fucking explanation in coming.
Where majority of the fucking people on the planet fuck up is with this: Being self-conscience. In that all your doing is empathizing with yourself as well as others at the same time. Your playing a comparison game rather than going at and being with people. You need to learn to be self-conscience in your own time and only when you need it to figure out your own shit. That and once you 'get' this, you will recognize the haze most people have in their own eyes while they are playing the comparison game. It's a waste of time and energy. And gives you an advantage in your daily life in overall energy reserves in comparison to other people stuck in their heads.
So once you get past that, you practice socialization like any other skill. Treat it like a game, because that's all it is.
>muh annecdote
If you're buttfuck ugly, make a fake Tinder. That way you learn how to talk to people. If they ever want to meet up (they will, I used Babo for my pics kek) just ghost.
>I'm a total fucking ignorant but I try to "help" people anyway
>don't be a cynic and be interested in them
Can't stress enough the importance of this. Also the social fatigue will go away, just push yourself through it and don't go back to avoidance of socialization.
Being introverted isn't an anxiety disorder you fuck.
it's also not an excuse to refrain from going out an doin shit
this is gonna sound dumb but trust me. Read/audiobook How to gain friends and influence people. Book sounds memey but IRL is just about keeping other peoples interests in mind during interaction.
Look at girls as friends first before gf's.
OP this is the LAST thing you should do
Don't put that much pressure on yourself, take it easy, but steadily socialize more, just try it.
Just wait 'till you have to judge if you have enough intimacy with people to show physical affection, toughest social skill to develop imo
>I'm an introvert but I think that introverted means social anxiety
improve yourself and get hobbies you love to do alone like playing with guns and what not then go and do those things at expo's or something to meet similar people.
this will be LESS draining for you and you will make friends easier.
you CAN practice communication which will make new relationships easier BUT you WILL ALWAYS need more time to yourself because you get over stimulated in social situations (introversion), you can't just shut off all of your senses in public, but when you're in private there's less input and you're less likely to become over stimulated.
EXTROVERTS tend to be under stimulated and seek to fix this through surrounding themselves with stimulus, or being in a social setting.
Nobody was suggesting that.
wrong
even introverts can be around other people as long as they don't need to accommodate themselves to them, because that costs energy.
still agree with the plenty of coffee part though
I'm introverted as hell (INTJ) and social gatherings just drain my energy so fuck all that noise. Totally fine with only going out every now and then, everyone else can fuck right off otherwise
It's tiring because you're self-concious
Learn to give less of a fuck
I'm defintely "openness to expierence" but I cannot deeply relate do people (I have no problems with approach and small talk tho) How does that equate?
If interacting with people is only tiresome for you, then you're probably okay at it, keep pushing yourself and you'll be fine.
If you have a more complex issue like I do, there might just not be any cure and you might as well embrace it and live with it, because doing otherwise is pure hell.
First you need to explain how you feel in a more descriptive matter.
Sorry I should have posted just the part about the Extraversion trait, the rest doesn't matter. The point is that Extroversion/Introversion is very well documented and not pseudo science which was insinuated earlier on.
Do any of you have experience with caffeine and l-theanine?
I enjoy caffeine regularly.
this might be because you think people deeply relate in the first place
they don't. most people don't give a shit about other people, and don't even know this themselves (because they have internalized society's view of "deeply relating" as a virtue and applied it to themselves to feel better).
what you need to understand is that other people need to deserve the time you invest into "deeply relating to them." if they have nothing to give you that is of interest TO YOU, then you don't owe them shit.
and if they possess something that is of interest TO YOU (such as a shared hobby, interest, knowledge, wisdom, stories, utility, gripes with the world, same struggles, woes, joys, and so on), then CONGRATULATIONS, you have something to deeply relate to them over.
but deeply relating always requires this medium of something you share. if they are boring normies with normie interests and normie problems and normie ideals and normie thoughts, then you don't owe them shit. you might as well not recognize they exist (bar being polite)
I hope this provides some perspective, I really had to learn this the hard way.
Shitty belief system:
>Women only care about face
>Women only care about dick
>Women only care about height,frame,money,etc
>She's a black friend. She's a whore
>By looking better women will like me
>People think I'm awkward.I have to look cool
>I need to drink to fit in the group
>Talking to a girl just from nowhere is weird
>Saying "Hi, my name is user" is the dumbest thing you can say. Has to be something cool.
>pick up lines work, I saw one of my buddies bang 10s with them
Literally everyone who thinks this, will never NEVER gonna make it. Doesn't matter how they try to argument or reframe or if they thinks it's bait
I've given what you're saying a though numerous times already.
I guess I'm too honest and I need to put up a better front
I am the same way user. Get tired easily when I'm being social too much. I have no idea on how to battle it. Get lonely too and it sucks bc I want to be by myself but then also want to socialize.
honestly this is the average sort of girl i wish i had been having one night stands with in college
nothing really noteworthy about her but it would be a good night of feeling like you're normal. i'd almost rather bang her than someone objectively prettier because at that point you're like "ok you're banging me but you're out of my league, what's your angle"
with this girl you're like "ok shes just horny like me, we're both average. cool"
anyway whats this thread about?
you're tired of people's shits, not of being social
>tfw youll never have the social personality
>like I've built up a big enough store of prepackaged stories and responses that those can constitute the bulk of my conversation
Imagine living a life so vapid that you walk around telling prepackaged stories and responses.
I honestly no longer fear death
Anyone else get almost nauseous and feel terrible when somewhere unfamiliar and surrounded by a lot of people?
Is this anxiety?
To an extent yes. Don't buy into the "just be yourself" bullshit, people need to change and improve all the time.
The key to this is being comfortable with taking small steps and taking things slowly. Doing the small things makes them not so scary, and suddenly you will find yourself having no problems.
Failure is a massive part of this though, be prepared to say some dumb shit and move on from it. Everyone does.
The largest factor in talking to people for me was realizing that you should talk to new people the same way you talk to kids. Super general questions like "where are you from?", "What's the weather like around here", and "have you ever been to X place", will take the conversation in almost any direction. Honestly in many conversations I have I do not even know the person's name until the conversation ends.
Confidence is a muscle, sometimes you have to take it to failure.
good luck. just be proud of being yourself, in the end it's all you got in this life (srsly)
>don't be a cynic and be interested in them.
This is true, it's funny how I got more interested in people now I want to be more social.
Still, I don't know how to initiate conversations with strangers. Any tips?
This guy gets it.
>Talk to as many people as you can, don't be a cynic and be interested in them.
where do i meet these people? and why would they spend time talking to me?
dont give a fuck and try to get out at least once a week if not more, also look people in the eyes, and be kind
>and try to get out at least once a week
get out where?
>tfw no friends to invite me places or do things with
>>>Talking to a girl just from nowhere is weird
I don't believe this but my body does, how do I change it?
Remove your inhibitors. Reveal your power level. It will be extremely painful.
just listen to some Patrice O'Neal on YouTube and grow a spine.
Go to a bar and sit at the actual bar.
Make sure to sit by someone and ask if the seat is taken (easy excuse to open dialogue and is polite).
Be friendly, smile, ask the bartender what is on tap and if you haven't heard of something ask about it, the bartender will most likely give you a sample to try.
Either get another sample of something else or pretend you like it and buy it.
I don't really drink but once a week it doesn't hurt you to drink like 3 beers.
Drink water too, maybe get some bar food.
People are far more likely to be social there than any other place because they are buzzed and in an environment where you are supposed to talk, don't be anxious if you aren't talking to others (it's not weird) but others will often talk if you are near don't look pissy.
I'm an autist and I've had talks about sports, science, law, shit like that with randoms because they brought stuff up.
The other day a redneck was shitting on trump because he wasn't bombing enough countries.
People like to talk, let them.
You don't even have to get drunk in this scenario.
What to do when your brain locks up during conversation? Every time i get into a conversation i know i cannot tell a story etc because my brain will lock up and i will stutter or not get the word out of my mouth.
Your emotions work as anchors to a state of comfort
Not talking to girls is your zone of comfort ( and almost everyone's), when you get out of it , your emotions try to pull you to your initial comfort state.
Once you get use to doing uncomfortable actions like this, your emotions realign and don't pull you anymore.
At this point, you won't feel scared of talking to girls and they are gonna sense that too. At this point, attraction can take place
Can vouch for the book, it's a decent guide for talking to people without coming off like a dickhead.
In general, a good conversation is usually one where you listen, instead of speak. Reflect others, and they'll like you. Reflect only yourself, and your reflection is all you'll have.
That's because your not use to do that.Try it, you won't feel comfortable,and don't expect to do it perfect the first time. Do it with a different girl , with the same story, and you'll feel better
Always with a smile, not and insecure smile,not a virgin smile,a friendly smile
what if there is no one to sit next to?
or what if the person next to me doesn't say anything to me?
if no one is talking to me what should i do, other than browse Veeky Forums on my phone?
Thanks m8
>what if there is no one to sit next to?
Bar is probably empty so go to another one, bars are never that empty in the evening.
>or what if the person next to me doesn't say anything to me?
Then reroll, go to another bar or get up for a while, go to the bathroom and maybe play darts or something by yourself. People will come.
>if no one is talking to me what should i do, other than browse Veeky Forums on my phone?
Sip every once in a while on the beer (or water, make sure to not order two waters in a row) and watch the tv they have on, if there is live music watch them. Make eye contact with people sitting near you, turnover rate can be pretty fast so you might have up to 10 opportunities by just sitting at a bar for a couple of hours.
Don't browse your phone too much, if you get too nervous switch bars so there are fresh people.
This is coming from an autist that has panic attacks in public frequently, I'm exhausted if I'm around people for short instances but this has been helping me.
I swear if you live close to me I'll go do something with you.
I do this all the time, my pacing goes wrong and I stutter or completely forget everyday words, I've even forgotten the ends of my stories sometimes.
I just roll with it, if I'm enjoying the story telling the people around me shouldn't be too traumatized, sometimes I just say fuck it and move on and they seem amused.
You would think this would cause less nervousness but it doesn't, but at least I don't hate myself afterwards for it.
Being passsionate about life. When you are passionate, you genuinely want to share your passion for life with others. No skills, just all natural. I don't blame you though. Society today makes socializing to hard and weird like it used to be.
Highschool NEET to college normie here
I got friends senior year, started hanging out with them all the time. Mix of nerds and normies, some girls.
Always be reaching out to people for hangout ideas and things to do together, like hiking or partying. Try to increase social status by being cool and going to cool get togethers, and gravitate towards groups that will let you talk to and hang around women. Just be friends with them and hang out. If you like one of them, you'll want to be around them and talk to them, so do so. learn to flirt a bit. Safe stuff.
Learn to be comfortable with physical touch. It will go a long way. You autist fucks can't be super stiff, if you want a female friends attention tap her on the shoulder, hug on greetings. Appropriately touch people. Get drunk with girls, do something silly like offer a palm reading and bullshit it all with funny stuff, now you're basically hand holding. If you make her laugh reach your arm around her and grab her shoulder for a moment.
Be a bright, happy individual. Smile. Act well adjusted. Don't say weird shit. Stand up for yourself. When you meet new people say yo I'm user. learn to do situational handshakes. Go on hikes with your friends. Be outgoing and make small chat everywhere you go with random people.
It's hard, I know. I'm still a bit of a stiff but people love me. So many years wasted in my room on the computer.
This. Very true, play to your strengths not your weaknesses. Everyone has their strengths and its a lot easier to play to those than to drain yourself by trying to be something youre not.
These "comedy" political shill shows are cancer
>oh I'm introverted/shy so I don't need good social skills
Why the fuck does everyone (and this thread) always say bs like this? There is literally nothing more that will help you in life than great social skills.. Learn them like you'd learn any subject in school: practice, some theory, looking at what other social butterflies do, and not being a pussy
Being able to make small talk, then deep convos, and knowing when to have silence is important. If you can lead conversations people and not be autistic/annoying you will always make friends, and hence a GIRL friend
PRACTICE
YOU
DUMB
FUCK
fuck off normie
watch your sharp fucking tongue faggot before it cuts you
>be an only child to two forever alone type asshole parents
>also have ADD and weird as fuck
>fucked from the start socially due to this
>also ugly as fuck
>lose friends in middle school
>spend high school alone, no friends, personality just gets worse
>lack of social development continues into college, friendless autist there too
>life over
>move into real world
>complete fucking social retard
>can't have any real conversations with anyone because of how pathetic and humiliating my life is, i don't want anyone to know anything about me or what my pathetic worthless life consists of
>isolate myself there too
How do you get social gains? OHP? Deadlift? GOMAD? Sips?
Mods confirmed DYEL for leaving this not Veeky Forums related thread up.
S A G E
A
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You guys want advice on how to be a normie, but you don't want that advice from normies.
They're just pussies who know there are actionable steps to take that will make you a better person and more attractive mating choice. They don't want anyone to make it because then they have no excuse.
Dude consume 1sip before socializing. I do it at parties gets me hyped nibba
>advice from this post
>increase status by being cool
>go to cool stuff
>just hang out
>creepy pathetically touching girls
>obsession over girls
>talk to girls
>get drunk with girls and hold their hand like a fucking creep
yeah you surely know everything about being a social god
people on this board actually believe that touching girls on the shoulder is creepy?
Touching people isn't creepy unless you are a total sperg. In which case you will always think it's creepy cause people confuse you. Then you will blame them for your shortcomings and say they are not as smart as you are some shit to make you feel better for being shit at life.
trying to explain normal social interaction robots is like describing how to draw an elephant over the phone to someone who's never seen an elephant
This is what I'm saying. I mentioned the concept of touch specifically because it's a concept that Veeky Forums dwellers would have trouble adapting to.
Fellas, if you are flirting with a girl, and you make her laugh, and the vibes are good, she WILL reach out and touch your arm. This is body language.
Do not go touching people, or planning out ways to touch people, just do it in the moment in a friendly not creepy way. It doesn't have to be sexual. Pat your guy friends on the back or something.
That's why you have to get off the board and put the work in to find some elephants
see, I'd say a good tip to get used to touching is shaking hands and sort of touching the person's elbow or shaking with two hands, but then I think of some unblinking, chinless, cargo short wearing sperg with long greasy hair who can't even make eye contact and how they're going to completely fuck it up and make it weird. You really need to explain face to face and demonstrate. Somebody could make some serious bank if they just made a youtube channel that showed how to deal with normal everyday interactions
coworkers, its not hard to make friends if ur in school
produce good positive energy and be kind and polite and look people in the eyes
cmon dood dont look at whats holding u back look at what is gonna help u
Does anyones routine contain volunteering?
There's a neat animal shelter near me and I'm thinking about volunteering there to pet doggos and qts.
Where are you guys volunteering?