Detox without dying

so, how the fuck do i detox?
5'7 182lb
i work every day from 7 to 10 as a cook 6 days a week, smoke a lot, drink once a week and sleep about 5 hours a day.
i know my habits are shit, i dont exercise much, barely can do 20 push-ups, i skate quite often, once twice a week.
the thing is i want to detox and start to fix my body doing cardio n shit, not looking to get ripped, just be healthy :)
>just do it
how do i start?

>detox

i need to detox first right? i mean, implying i have to take all that shit i have in my body. im talking about all the fucking cheese, craft crap, fukken hawaiian pizza and cigarrets that i consume every day. i know i hjave to start a diet and stop being a fucking munchfuck but i dont want to stress myself doing it, how do i star smooth? im actually asking for a progressive routine to get fix

>detox

>detox

>detox

Drink a lot of water.
Like a lot.
Enough to make Oro-chan proud.

Haha, this faggot came to fit for advice.

Seriously, if you aren't a troll, detoxing is bullshit. Eat less to lose weight. The healthiest way is to look up your TDEE and subtract 500 from that number. It's slow, but it'll prevent things like lose skin as best you can. When you are down to 10%ish bf% start lifting and eating at a small surplus (300 calories or so).

Find a better place for advice. Most the people here are social rejects desperately searching for even the most pathetic meaning in life.

OP bro, I don't think you know what detoxing is. It's a short term diet that puts you in ketosis for a couple weeks, and you shut out stinky black shit that makes you nauseous. That's how my first detox ever went. I did a couple more once every 3 years, it wasn't a quarter as bad.

Just smoke weed desu

detoxing is a meme, you're a retard.

DUDE WEED LMAO

Ginger Tea (boil ginger- drink it) Once a month
Garlic Milk (crush up raw garlic, stir it into milk, drink it) Once a week

Other stuff? Dunno lol. Try herbs, stay hydrated, cut out junk food, start doing cardio. FGI
Cardio helps to remove junk from your body.

>stop smoking
>get treadmill
>use treadmill daily
>drink lots of water

>detox

>works from 7-10

you are literally alive but dead

Hey man, I'm gonna reach out here because I used to be an unhealthy restaurant fag too. I'm gonna be honest, you really don't sound that bad compared to most, and it's great you want to get healthier!

I will say that most likely this is some shit your new catch some major flak from your work buddies on but if it's important enough to you, you will do it, I did.

The biggest bang for your buck here is gona be meal prep and jogging after work. If your always eating like shit prep big batches of healthy food, like boiled eggs, some lunch meat wraps, chili, etc. I have alot of healthy meals if you want some ideas. shit even bring it to work to eat fast instead of pizza and mozzarella Stix.

Second, jog. Great because your not drinking beer, and it increases mood. Also great for sex gains. I smoke and I also jog 20+miles a week so the cigarettes are no excuse!

My biggest advice if you truly want to change your lifestyle for the better: do everything you can to get out of restaurants. You work with scum of the earth, and no one wants to see you better yourself. Everyone is such a irresponsible alcoholic they just will try and drag you to their level.

I've been out a year now and it's the best decision I've ever made.

>When you are down to 10%ish bf% start lifting
you're an idiot
if you want to know why, just ask

Drink water nigger

Sauna obviously. Any way to sweat out toxins.

>how the fuck do i detox?
>Smokes

Why even bother?

>detox