The gym falcon laid eggs in the squat rack

>The gym falcon laid eggs in the squat rack

>gym trebuchet out of order
>have to launch manlets at the gym castle to gain entry

>Fail gym metallurgy apprenticeship
>kicked out of the smith machine

>ride bike to the gym
>do a spin class for 30 minutes
>ride bike back home
>cardio quota for the month achieved
Good thing I found out the cardio-stacking glitch.

>Gym milkmaid took the day off
>Go to gym general store and buy 27 buckets
>Milk gym dairy cow 27 times
>"Add scoop to bucket of milk" 27 fucking times
They get mad at you for using macros, luckily the gym mods haven't caught on

>ran out of barbell-butter
>have to awkwardly jerk the plates into position
Free me from this hell!

>priesthood of the squatrack launched a crusade to retake the lost freeweight area from the manlets
>many paladins of steel lost in the sea of the benches during a kettlebell-storm
>corpses and broken barbells lie scattered throughout the gym
>cleaning company currently on strike
Well fuck

>The gym falcon laid eggs in the squat rack
I should be so lucky!
At my gym, the goddamned gym yak took a gigantic steaming dump in the goddamned squat rack! They had to close it for a week! MY GAINS, GONE! Goddamn you, yak!

>lol poop xD

>gym floods, overnight looters take most of the free weights and some large machines
>of what's left of the equipment half of everything is rusted
>ask gym owner to make this month free since half the gym is missing
>he shrugs his shoulders and says a contract is a contract

fucking
>
3

i better not get tetanus or some shit

>gym dragon has awoken from its hibernation

really gotta find a better gym

>gym ran out of crablegs

>gym plate dispensers ate my quarters again

>skellington tried to squat without the safety catches
>gym necromancer had the day off so we couldn't even resurrect him

>gym has no singles policy
>have to ask bro's at the entrance if they can act like they know me

>gym scribe is some fucking Albanian who doesn't speak a word of english and gets off by writing calligraphic half-gibberish
>supposed to have an appointment with gym therapist today
>it was Jim the town rapist instead

>Not tossing manlets straight into the manlet pit

No wonder your trebuchet is out of order. May as well just set the thing on fire

>gym trap is taken

>front desk ran out of manlet meat
>were all forced to listen to manlets in heat

>gym night king burns down gym wall

Underrated

>gym trap commits suicide
>tfw drafted as new gym trap
this wasn't in the contract wtf

>be 5'7"
>gathering up stray plates that fall into the pit to sell back to the above-men
>overhear an argument from above
>something about female males
>the language of the longmen is as strange as their ways
>hear a scuffle and a shout, and right before my eyes a longman appears at the edge and falls in
>The Management just re-greased the sides of the pit yesterday
>he can't escape
>a crowd of my brothers surrounds him but he gets up and towers above us
>starts spewing empty rhetoric about the rightful place of those born to the pit
>soon a small circle of my family forms, sitting beneath him and listening to him speak
>sneak behind him with the 2.5lb plate I scrounged
>spring up and wield the plate, screaming
>"Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!"
>strike the back of his neck with the edge of the plate again and again
>he falls over limp
>keep striking until
>hauled up by longmen and taken to the place of judgment where I will surely be executed
Witness me, longmen tyrants! The Pit shall overflow and consume you!

I like this

Are they still doing benis inspections?

>The gym goyim forgot to deload the squat rack for me.

>falcon

The pickle bird?

>tfw the hurricane floods the gym and all the manlets float to the top of the manlet pit and swim away

fuck. it took me months to catch that many. i even had them trained to reenact half the oompa-loompa song before i lowered down their first meal

Only good one in a while

Oh hey Kaspar

>drafted as gym trap
>have to take loads in my boipucci
>always have someone to spot me on leg day
a mixed bag

just eat them like i always do

> he can't into bent press

>go to check out new gym that just opened in my city
>as I walk in they instantly grab me and handcuff me
>they say it's a women-only gym
>the fine for being male on the premises is $100k (WTF right???)
>I can't pay it so I have to work for them to pay my debt
>forced to clean the sweat off cardio bunnies with my tongue
>have to help their clients de-stress my giving massages and going down on them
>clients start complaining about me making them uncomfortable since I'm male
>management forces me to wear a dress and makeup
please send help I've been a slave here for 4 months now

Tales from the pit

>The gym falcons lost a 28-3 lead in the squat rack

>not eating them after workout for extra protons
OP, do you even wanna make it?

I feel sorry for their children

>some retard took his kid on the fly machine and took it too close to the sun, melting it

There is always one who has to ruin it.

You are not a funny person

>get chosen as the gym DJ for the day
>cardio bunnies constantly ask me to play Despacito

atleast they are talking to me I guess...

>the squat racks have begun to gather cobwebs
>even then, they rattle and shake during night's dead hours
>humans lift together in silence during the day, for one must not let the eldritch horrors hear
>when night falls, they pray in silence, for hope should not be heard