Tfw gym bouncer says you aren't attractive enough to lift there

>tfw it's my turn to be the gym twink this week

>Lifting in the chapter temple of iron
>Giving praise to the Emperor with every rep
>New battle bother enters
>By the Emperor, he's as large as a Custodes
>Causes average height to go up to 8'5
>Tfw 8'4
>Get sent to manlet pit with the scout marines
>Have to preform holy litanies on the chapter barbells all day
>Get sent to Eye of Terror
>Even a manlet marine can die in the name of the Emperor
>Greater Daemon of Slaanesh attempts to turn me to Chaos
>Promises greater gains and height than if I stay with The Imperium
What do brothers?

why did this make me so hard

>tfw too broke to pay premium for the Golden Chad Card

>gym bouncer

>At gym
>Guy in a hoodie does SS

I bet he even aquired mass lmao

>360 into the gym
>3 scoops are on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

You know the answer, user.

>failed the gym's sphinx riddle again
fuck, next time she will probably eat me and/or all my gains

>tfw go to health club
>there is literally a gym chef

*manlet vault

You at uni of lad?

Lmaoooo

>Bulk tank door sticks

curse? dude he gave you portable protein packs. you should scalp a manlet and leave it at the foot of his powerrack as a gift of appreciation.

Checked and kek'd

My favorite is gym shoe buffer followed closely by The Giver of Soft Towels

>gym anomaly zeta-4 (codename "invisible spotter") escapes from holding cell
>entire gym evacuated
>next day gym public relations department releases a statement
>they say the anomaly has been re-contained in a more secure off-site location
>go back to the gym to do some squats
>feel a hand on my ass
>turn around but there's nobody there

>tfw gym pet manlets managed to break out of the manlet pit

This happened in my gym too. Apparently someone threw a bunch of bees into their pit and they got turbo mad.

>At a dress up party at uni the other day
>Some chad as fuck guy comes in a toga and says he is Adonis
>Catches me mirin
>Asks "you mirin dude"
>Reply "I'm mirin as fuck dude, you have solid glutes"
>Pushes me against the wall and pins me against it
>"What the fuck did you just say you little faggot?"
>Stutter like a scared little retard skelly "y-you have nice glutes"
>He pins me against the wall more and presses his lips against mine, we start kissing for what seems like hours
>Catch an uber back to his place, bends over and spreads his legs
>"Guess you can get a feel of my glutes now hey brah?"
>Nervously respond "y-yeah dude aha"
>Slide my cock in his ass
>The whole time I'm rubbing his firm as fuck ass and massaging it, feeling his glutes
>Finish in minutes, let the whole load out directly onto his glutes, then lick it up

>tfw chad stretched out the gym twink again

I'm assuming you just forgot to type the part where you both said "no homo", right bro?

haha yeah man no homo right ?

Nothing gay about two dudes having sex together

>forgot my squat plug
>had to ask the qt gym receptionist for one
>she looks annoyed as she unlocks the cabinet and has to walk over to the rack
>she suction cups it to the ground and locks it to the rack with a chain
>ask why
>new policy so people don't walk off with the gym's plugs
>still couldn't go ATG that day

>doing my squats
>look over
>normie takes a swig of what appears to be a can of energy drink
>he spits and looks at the can confused
>it says Aerosol on the can
>"It's Aerosol" he says to no one in particular
>he takes another hit before throwing it away

He's the protagonist of a point and click adventure game

>somebody stole the kettlebells, now we can't make Veeky Forumstea

kek

because you're gay, nigga

>mosquito room unlocked again

>at the gym, squatting three plates
>guy next to me is squatting 106 plates
>ask him where he got so many of them from
>"they're right next to the silverware dude, under the wine glasses"

my sides

>tfw the gym twink hasn't been tight for weeks
>tfw no replacement for at least a couple months

>tfw Gym High Council assigned me to clean the manlet pit
>they keep asking how I got my height gains

Underrated

>tfw gym shrine was defiled by a dyel trying to use it to do sit-ups
>can't make an offering of burnt gainsbird to increase my gains by 40%

Nice digits
>TFW gym burned down because ugly kid had nothing left to lose

>The gym AI has gone rogue and tried to guillotine me for the 3rd time this month
>Sat there under the bar for an hour listening to it call me pathetic fleshbag until maintenance could restart the ethical locks

Won't this be loud as fuck whenever someone slams a weight?

You literally couldn't let niggers in or else the whole gym would be deafened

>Bench Press Betty isn't giving free HJs before my last set

>gym librarian didn't restock SS books

Thats nothing. The wizard of the gym cursed me so that my squat plug constantly falls out while squatting all because I forgot to rack a plate.

>Gym AI caught my illegal cybernetic mods and sentenced me to 30 years in the cube

Why does this give me an SCP feeling?

>walk into the gym
>gym bishop is selling indulgences for sins like powerlifting without chalk AGAIN
>some gym patron is tired of this shit and nails a chart of 95 theses to the Smith machine
>he refutes SS+gomad, claims salvation is attainable by roids alone, denied the godhood of zyzz
>gym is split in two, the heretics seeks the protection of the gym-elector of Dumbellburg
>a gym council is unable to reconcile the two opposing factions, the gym pope orders for all the etherodox lifters to be stripped of their gains
>the gym is now in the middle of the Thirthy Reps War

Hate when this happens.

Should have been ppl instead of roids

>start talking to the dumbbells
>now the squat rack is ignoring me

Did they have a falling out?

kek

>forgot to buy manlet bait after tipping the receptionist
>can't fish manlets out of the pit to be my spotter
>get fined by the gym mage of safety and the chancellor overhears us and decides to restrict my calories and forces me to do cardio to punish me

>Hit a new PR
>Headmaster calls me to their office
>congratulates me and asks me how long I've been lifting
>after I tell them I've been lifting for 2 years they laugh at me and tell me i'm not going to make it
>suspended for a week

FUCK what am I supposed to do brehs

>Failed Gym IQ test
>Now gym wont let me use the smartgongs, only the dumbbells

I'm coming for you next

THIS SILENCE OFFENDS SLAANESH

>tfw life ban from the gym for failing the penis inspection

Join Chaos. You get a qt gf and don't have to worship a corpse.

Eternal gains and the respect of the one true bro, Vulkan, shall only be had if you remain loyal to the Emperor, son. Venerate the immortal emperor and bang Sororitas freaks all day

>wake up late yesterday
>shit goddamn I hate these protein comas
>pack my workout bag, put on my gym hat and leave apartment
>it's rush hour, have trouble getting to the gym with all the Jackie Chan clones fighting in the streets
>finally make it there
>get my forehead barcode scanned
>have to re-try 3 times before realizing they installed the new scanner upside down
>too shy to talk to the receptionist so end up doing handstands to gain entry
>get in, immediately realize I left the manlet pole at home
>end up having to repel the manlet hordes with a barbell instead
>gym's commute tube access point is blocked by roiders AGAIN
Shit day, at least the weekly manlet feeding is today.

Depends if the balls didn't touch

Thanks user

>gym's commute tube access point is blocked by roiders AGAIN
had me choke on my lunch

>Be battle brother
>Go to Temple of Iron in chapter's fortress-monastery to do squats
>Can't find squat rack
>Chaplain informs me that squats no longer exist

>manlet escaped from the manletpit and got stuck on top of the powercage and wont come down the ladder

10/10

>wake up, another day to serve the Secreta
>go load up with the heaviest gear I can find
>show some filthy Jian how to squat properly
>gives me lip, wear his face as a moron party mask
>made too many waves, thrown out of gym
>Mentor is pissed
>mfw squat PR

You've got it all wrong m8, every time you lay an egg you lose however many protons it took to make that egg