How can I be your ideal personal trainer if I was personal training you?

Jacked, friendly/personable, good motivator. Knows what he/she's doing, doesn't hesitate to correct form, accepting of criticism/input from trainee

Be a fit hot chick who laughs at my jokes and subtly rubs my dick

Put me on a circuit workout on literally every machine in the gym

Okay but why do I have to be jacked or a hot girl?

Why can't I be some skinny guy with a hint of autism?

By actually knowing novice programs and proper form.

>What Is It?

The Fucking End

Why didn't you prevent this?

Don't cost too much
Don't be more attractive than me (this one's hard)
Don't lie
Don't make me do a brosplit
Don't look at me
Don't breathe in my presence
Don't exist
Male btw

I would prefer it if I was being taught lifts by something that actually had arms and legs

>Novice programs
Ignore this faggot, and learn how to program. "Intermediate" programs are just programs that work.
If you can't teach a power clean, you have no business training males.

Usually personal trainers are teaching people from scratch and an intermediate program is what follows a novice program. Not sure what you're getting at.

Teaching someone from scratch = put them on machines, so they can be babysat for half an hour of exercise.
Actually training someone who takes the initiative is very different, and a beginner program is a waste on that person.

90% of any PTs client base is fat women trying to lose weight

So basically give them ridiculous rules about food to follow then run around after them when they inevitably fuck it up

She would encourage me by complimenting my gains, smiling to me everyday, tickle me on occasion, giggle and hug me for affections, squeeze my balls playfully when I'm squatting and giving me a handy in the shower after a session as reward.

You're a stupid fucking retard and you have no idea how to structure a program
Hint: the stronger you are the harder it gets to get strength. Novices can get strength at every session enough to make 5 lb jumps. Intermediary programs not designed to for steroid uses add 5 lbs a week. Starting someone off on an intermediary program is a waste of time because of the lack of progression
Hell, there's so many differences between novices and intermediary that it's difficult to put in words how retarded you are

That fucking spider, man.
>You want to leave? Ok, but I'm keeping your organs.

okay so i've officially lost 10lbs with dieting and strong lifts. I posted this picture on this forum the day i started to lift/track 6 months ago. It's been really slow losing, but slow progress is better than none. i'll post what i look like now as well

this is me now! my question is: If i want a bigger butt and an all around more muscular and cut body, should I continue with strong lifts or start doing strong curves? i've heard allot of good things about that program and it still incorporates the big three just for 8-12 reps instead of 5.

You shouldn't even be doing stronglifts in the first place..

why do you say this? I want to build muscle and its a fucking sick program

Listen here little baby. You're gonna get a lot of hurtful and degrading comments, but I just want to let you know I want to feed you cinnamon toast crunch after every squat session.
>mfw picturing you hurting

You can do strong lifts until you feel you aren't getting any stronger. Just add some extra sets of assmachines at the end that aids in booty production.

>Mirin birthing hips

But what in the fuck were you thinking with that tatoo. You've ruined any chance of landing a high value dude for anything more than a quick pump n dump. Seriously, wtf.

>If i want a bigger butt and an all around more muscular and cut body, should I continue with strong lifts or start doing strong curves?
Whichever you want. You lose weight by eating less calories than you spend

You gain a bigger butt by eating more calories than you spend

You gain a more muscular and bigger butt by eating more calories than you spend and working out

Stop asking retarded questions and stick to basics

that tattoo looks terrible you stupid bitch

because stronglifts is not how you build mass lol
it's a strength program lol

I think i should lose 10 more lbs before i start eating at a surplus. My body fat is too high right now

i am someone with literally no "mass" at all. i'm also eating at caloric deficit getting beginner gains. its a sick program for me

From your pic, yes. Cut while practising squat form at wherever you're comfortable then slowly bulk. Normally I recommend people bulk at 10% of their maintenance but with women they tend to go apeshit and eat more than I say so I suggest sticking as close to maintenance as still lets you gain squat numbers and hence, bigger booty.

Also don't forget hip thrusts, the number one exercise for building glutes

no you're literally being retarded lol
unless strength is your goal (sport or ego) you shouldn't be doing it

you can get "beginner gains" doing anything... that's what beginner gains means

Be an overweight sixty year old Texan.

>tattoo
G A R B A G E

sick, yeah i had a huge problem with getting my glutes to fire with those at first. i guess i am natural hamstring/quad dominant. i feel them in my glutes now but I literally don't feel them in at all in dead lifts or squats.

>i had a huge problem with getting my glutes to fire with those at first. i guess i am natural hamstring/quad dominant
>Cut while practising squat form at wherever you're comfortable then slowly bulk.

What is this garbage..

the problem was i wasn't feeling my glutes when i was hip thrusting. this is super normal? what do you recommend

girl you should be doing hip thrusts

squats are the most overrated shit for women because it gives them thunder thighs and overdeveloped hamstrings

I was the same until I hit big numbers (170kg+ squat/diddy) and focused on hips.
Now every time I deadlift I feel my glutes working hard.

Focus on where your hips are and hip drive to push your feet down and your arse will follow your lead

>Cut and bulk, the predominant way of gaining muscle for the entirety of the fitness history and industry is garbage
Top yourself

>caloric deficit/surplus is more important than training methods

A good person will train a person to not need a personal trainer

A good personal trainer is a good salesperson

have an understanding about how the body works

know what muscles do what, be capable of explaining how to stretch/ release them
what muscles oppose them, and how they function, it's not enough to make me do an exercise i want to know why i'm doing it
also have an understanding of nutrition

if i'm going to get a PT it has to be someone more knowledge about than I am, that's pretty hard since I've had a world class coach for a few years and he doesn't teach me how to lift he teaches how to move and how to fend for myself; don't just teach someone how to lift you need to teach them how the body works so that once you're gone they are capable of diagnosing for themselves

kill them with lots of information so you seem a lot smarter than you are and they'll stick around

An ideal PT for me would be an ex fat and/or ex dyel. Also he has to be male and be knowledgeable about most things related to weightlifting and nutrition.

>male
>make me angry at myself to train harder

Why would you want someone no arms to teach you how to do a handstand

maybe he lost his arms after doing hand stands or found out he liked leg stands after mastering hand stands

What are you talking about?
People can easily learn the main lifts and proper form at the start, and it's best done on a novice program.
And a novice program where you ideally progress multiple times a week is superior to an intermediate program where you ideally progress once a week, for a novice. It's a total waste to do that.

Novice:
-A person new to, or inexperienced in a field or situation.

Intermediate:
-Coming between two things in time, place, order, etc.
(Implying advanced routines, in the proper order of things)

yell in my face about how much of a pussy i am but not to the point where it makes me laugh

Bee stingers have barbs that get stuck and force the bee to rip its guts out.
It's all according to keikaku,

The main lifts is a fucking stupid modern fitness invention that is pushing more people away from lifting then bringing in

Is that fat cunt that rippletoe parading around as the ultimate proof that his bullshit works still lifting?
Hell no.
But he's still fat as fuck and still trex as a motherfucker.

Wew lad

So you're saying compound lifts aren't incredibly effective and *gasp* potentially fun?
It's not the only way to go but it's easy to understand why it's considered the best. What's wrong with an easy, well rounded LP program? SS isn't the only one that exists. If you're too intimidated by power cleans and don't like to squat 3x a week, there's GSLP and so much more.

You might want to put on one of those weight lifting gloves of yours and inspect your rectum. There seems to be something lodged deeeep inside. Maybe that's why you were never able to hit parallel.

you stay out of my way

pt's are for women, drones and people who compete

i am none of those things so the ideal PT for me is no PT

honestly when i think of gettin a personal trainer i always imagine a natty black dude who always smiles showing all his white teeth

Be knowledgeable about compound lifts. Show me proper form/technique/everything there is to know about said lifts. Then leave me alone forever.