Gym physicist observed the quantum superposition states and collapsed its waveform

>gym physicist observed the quantum superposition states and collapsed its waveform
>Now I can't make twice as many gains by having it in both quantum states

>it's piñata day at the gym
>my turn to hit it
>smash that shit real good
>all the goodies fall out
>i only manage to grab a breath mint while everyone else got protein shakes and creatine
Kill me

>>gym physicist observed the quantum superposition states and collapsed its waveform
>>Now I can't make twice as many gains by having it in both quantum states
Not how it works you retard. If you make X gains in one state and Y in another, the INSTANT a qt mires you you'd collapse to either X or Y gains anyway
He just saved you the embarrasment

Newfags. Back in my day we had no quantum shmantum teories. We lifted apple trees like real men.

Does that mean if a desperate whale mires your inferior gain state of the two, you are forced into that state of being?

>gym Alice has teleported all the weight cubes to Bob so I have to use the Kettle-Bell states instead

The act of her miring will force the waveform to collapse into either gains eigenstate. The highest probability of gains eigenvalue expected can be derived from the expectation value, which is the modulus squared of the gains waveform.

>Gym warlord declares war on the barbell-tribe
>couldnt do anything besides cardio because the weightfloor was a warzone
>some Australian kid died in the war
>gyms closed until further notice

war...war never changes

>don't meet weight for a comp because a gravity wave ripples thru the scale at the instant of measurement and it is.00000000000000000001 grams over

Boy let me tel, you something
>no bridges back in the day
>had to dig up a tree with your bros
>carry it to the river and try and throw it across so you can walk across it
>usually had to bring a few trees in case you fucked up and it floated away

And the only cardio we did was cattle rustling and killing, brings a whole new meaning on working to failure

>tried to use gym hadron collider to mix my shake
>gym physicist catches me
>turns me into gold particles for the duration of my workout

It's not fair brehs

>gym mathematician changed all the weights to base 20
>Now I can only bench 105

>gym clown going around honking his nose when people are at the top of their lifts trying to hit PRs
>lot of people dropping weights
>multiple broken feet and ribs
>can't do shit until extermination crew arrives

Man I thought gain goblins were bad

>gym bully doesn't wash his plates after using them
How do I get him to stop? The staff doesn't do shit

>can no longer do Schrödinger cat box squats

>working out at gains station 13
You deserve this

>some Australian kid died in the war
lost my sides to this

>be gym mathematician
>be in charge of making barbells from sheets of paper
>accidentally glued a pair of sides with opposite orientation
>end up having to deadlift with a Klein bottle

or you could just roid you know

>Did so many reps on deadlifts that the barbell was able to quantum tunnel through the floor.
>Gym physicist was impressed

>Robert asks if I want extra butter for my crab legs
>say yes, not thinking about my lifts for the day
>barbell gets all greasy and nasty
>forget to clean it up in between sets
>swole patrol sentences me to five years in the whey tunnels

>walk into the gym ready to pr on squats
>wait in line for 2 hours until it's my turn
>forgot my change so I have to go get some and wait another 2 hours
>it's finally my fucking turn
>tip the gym bard so he plays my favorite song
>unrack the bar right as he starts
>he's playing the fucking nightcore mix of it
>try to turn to tell him to play the album version
>plates go flying off the bar
>stacy gets hit
>she starts crying and her entourage walk towards me while picking up barbells to club me with
>the gym nuclear reactor starts having a meltdown right then and there
>a plate flew into it and the pure gains have been dissolved and added to it
>everyone is hit with gains particles and grows to 7' 320lbs
>they all form a line to thank me
>gym changes the manlet cut off to 6'10"
Worth

>working out one day
>I see a skelly walk into the gym
>whatever.jpg
>continue squatting
>more skellies arrive
>ok.mp4
>groups of spooky skeletons enter the gym in droves
>dafuq
>line after line of hungry skeletons doing cardio
>the sound of the treadmills is deafening
>look to entrance door
>nonstop stream of skeletons
>spooky scary skeletons begins playing over the radio
>quickly realize that skeletons have overrun the dj booth
>skeleton hordes equivalent to category 4 chimpout
>what's this
>no
>it can't be
>what appears to be the lead skeleton pulls out a trumpet
>at the blaring of doot doot all skeletons go maximum speed on the treadmills
>skeletons still pouring into the gym
>circle forms around lead skeleton like some sort of skelemecca
>see qt receptionist trampled by horde of skeletons
>everything begins to shrink
>the gym has reached critical mass
>black holes form and transport us to the skelegate dimension
>mfw

>enter gym
>theres some dude pinned to the ground by 2 pretty big manlets
>girl crying on ground with some blood
>people huddled around
>apparently one of the cardio bunnies was harassing a barbell wizard and he rolled a 20 on hitting one of them with a barbell

yeah, new years is rough

>check gym stock ticker

>GAIN is up 2.5%
>MNLT prices stable at 5.90
>ROID has ceased trading while a securities fraud investigation is carried out
>PRTN has quadrupled in price over the course of the day

>gym twink invested all their money into SUCC
>stock crashed
>gym gloryhole got forclosed on

>try to short sell on MNLT
>last day before trader calls my short sell in
>rich manlet comes in wearing big platform shoes
>average height of the gym goes up two inch
>call over gym management but he's too busy looking at his new ferrari to declare the height invalid
>end up -5 inches in debt on height when the trade is called in
>get banished to the manlet pit

>go to gym
>Gains Obersturmbannführer is conducting parades, everyone has to be lean and in peak shape
>line up for inspection
>he slowly walks along the lines of assembled lifters
>walks up to me, slowly looks me over, continues to the next guy
>breathe a sigh of relief internally
>suddenly, he comes back, points at my shoes, yells
"WAS IST DAS"
>panic.jpg
>demands that I take off my shoes and calls over an Obersturmführer to help measure my height
>5'11"
"NIMMT DIESE MENSCHLICHE FILME AUS MEINER SICHT"
>they force me to wear a badge with a picture of a baby on it and throw me into the manleinn pit
>forced to subsist on scraps of protein powder and chalk dust that settled in the bottom of the pit
>even the gains goblins spit on me when I'm forced to go to their ghettos for menial labour

I just wanted to be a großer Typ

>all females wiped out by preventable obesity
>Lack of pussy causes fighting among men in nuclear holocaust, all porn and internet destroyed
>hold the last piece of porn on earth, a headshot of Lucy Lawless
>Excess fapping has caused the right arm of all men to grow out of proportion, no matter how hard I train left, endless FAP keeps right side swole
>MFW I jizz on and destroy the last porn on earth in a bloody battle over who gets to hot glue Xena Warrior Princess photo

>tfw next week is the start of the yearly bro competition of the gym
>have been a twink squire for 3 years now and are finally ready to compete
>have just reached 1/2/3/4 on all the big excersises
>you know the ol'lickeroo, the hanky danky, boi stretching and dick squatting
I'm really nervous guys, you think I have what it takes?

>first day at gym
>gym physicist conducting experiments
>manlet steps it particle beam, becomes irradiated
>no one notices manlet, too small
>manlet bites me
>i now have the proportionate strength of a manlet but am tall

I believe in you buddy

Just remember to manage your breathing and do your warmup stretches, and you'll be OK.

>they call him Tall Napoleon
>they say he foiled a bank robery by approaching the robbers and unleashing his manlet strength... they were immobilised with laughter until the police arrived

>take a big statisfying poop in gym
>dont wash hands
>continue my benchpress sets

>only have imagination porn left, and ancient tales of soft flesh-mounds passed down by oral retelling
>all the men who saw women firsthand have long since perished, we are the fourth generation after the coming of the age of no gf
>reproduction is harsh and bloody, but we keep our race alive... sometimes the birth-father lives, sometimes not
>in the ash-strewn wasteland that was our world, we toil in the dust to try and grow crops, or catch a rat or other large animal to feed our families
>the legends speak of a race of ash-skinned explorers from beyond the stars who will uplift us to a grand homosexual civilisation, but every day we taste the bitter air and know that it was false

i'm glad i'm homegym master race so i don't have to deal with all this bullshit anymore

>all amped up for the gym , ready to hit PRs
>attempt 185 on ohp for 8 reps
>get 7
>gym sultan smiles , leaning on the exit

>Gym shaman refuses to bless my marriage with my new gym crush
>Decide to massacre his temple
>Turns out he was a spiritual figure to the powerlifters
>Now they're pissed
>I fucked up Veeky Forums, they're massing to attack

>Lose legs fighting the manlet scourge
>Gym prosthetist is pissed because I stole his squat rack once
>Refuses to outfit me with badass robot legs
>Gives me peg legs instead
>They're a fucking foot long
>I'm now under the 6'1 manlet cutoff


I've become what I hate, Veeky Forums.

>About to use the squat rack
>Gym chef bursts through the front door
>Starts chopping vegetables, tomatoes, onions, and garlic start falling all over the floor
>Loud Italian singing commences
>I'm just trying to do my workout and go home
>Get hit in the side of the face with a spicy meatball
>2nd degree burns, have to go to the hospital
Thinking of switching gyms after this

>gym physicist creates a black hole
>it drank all of my protein shake

>build a homegym
>gains goblin shows up
I don't have the strength to banish him, he's stolen all of my gains

what the fuck? none of this shit ever happened, you're all being trolled