I'll give you the qt3.14 you want, but I want a return on my investment

In return for the qt I can issue you a bond that pays 8 lbs of lean gains annually payable monthly and have a maturity of 6 years where they will be worth an additional 10 lbs as final value. If the qt proves at year 5 to be wife material you may keep the bond for maturity. If however she proves faulty the bond is immediately returned and the nearest coupon is cancelled.

Finally if the coupons are not delivered the qt can be seized along with 70% of the due coupon payment.

Do we have a deal?

OH SHIT HERE WE GO

>There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh.

Im already at 230 so this is theoretically possible. Deal

i'll give you a 155 lbs ohp which is a 75% stake in my bodyweight.

I fucking love these shark tank threads. There needs to be more posted, last one I saw posted was a year ago

>As a young child I saw my Mother relentlessly beaten by my Father. I can still recall hearing her muffled screams through the walls of my bedroom as I lay trying to fall asleep. Some nights were worse than others, but I remember the mornings my Grandmother would take me to school because my Mother couldn’t be seen in public. She would wear sunglasses and long sleeve shirts for weeks while the bruising and swelling slowly healed around her eyes and arms. I never understood how something as simple as an overcooked meal or spilt glass of wine in the living room could send my Father into these inexplicable fits of rage; not until this very moment. Not until I saw your presentation. You are the stain on my fathers Afghan rug and I see no club soda nor salt to scrub you away. For an investment of 250,000 dollars I will retain 92% of your company with a lifetime of royalties and if you even for one second glance in Lori’s direction, I will personally crucify each of your children.

Do people unironically OHP 250?

/tv/ has some, unfortunately they're all the same handful of Kevin copypastas

Someone post the one about hunting kafir in South Africa

>Have you ever drank a glass of black rhinoceros blood? Of course not, I was just being colloquial to start this story with an anecdote. The first time I had a glass I was in South Africa, taking a celebratory drink in Johannesburg after completing a successful hunt. You see, in South Africa they don't hunt lion, or elephant. We hunted a more dangerous game: the kaffir, or black man. I finally had a 7 year old boy cornered in an Oingo Bongo merchandise warehouse when the thoughts passed through my mind: Should I pull the trigger? Can I ever come back to who I was before this moment? I pulled the trigger, made my first 100 million dollars. Mr. Johnson, this is something you need to ask yourself: can I pull the trigger on this deal and make thr right choice? 10% funding for 85% ownership and prima nocte rights to your daughters.

>hey, I like your stuff, I think you have the right game plan so let me get in on this
>I'll give you a home gym and upon reaching an FFMI of 25 you will get your qt 3.14
>all I ask is that I get to suck you off after every workout

>Already BNCing hard.
Reckon it's possible.

>shhh... shush shush... shhh shhh
>stop fucking talking you dyel and take my deal
>you get to workout with THE Piano man in his custom gym in heaven BUT you have to take the same amount of every supplement he's taking
>if you choose this deal you will not get your qt 3.14

YES YES YES YES YES YES GIMEMEGIMEGIME
I WANT MILKIES NOW

Hell no, that's too much. I lift to look good not to meme lift heavy

>I'll tell you what. Pledge yourself to serving in my great and terrible army of skelegates.

>My training regimen will grant you bones of steel and joints of unrivaled flexibility, massive endurance, amazing agility, and excellent cardio. You may never be big, but you will also be granted the qt3.14 of your choice in return for your service.

>Do we have a deal, Dahnald?

>In one year, you must show me that you are capable of OHPing 250lbs

OP says overhead press, not strict press. Only requirement in strongman competitions is to get the object over your head. This is very doable.

Lawyered!

I don't even DL that much. No deal.

But wait, I'd get a year of pussy even if(when) I fail? DEAL

>here's where I am
>look, you're an amazingly talented person, and you have the drive we want in a lifter
>buuuuut you haven't been keeping the books on your diet
>and I'm not in the business of turning fatties into lifters
>and for those reasons, I'm out

>I can't think of a way to sell this on QVC, and so it confuses and repulses me.
>I'm out.

I love Robert

I can already strict ohp 85 kg.
Fucking deal

I'll take the deal.

>just said be capable of, not actually do it
>all you gotta do is get to 250 on a couple rep max calculators

Still could be tough but if all I did was press and press more it could happen

>no gf
>no gains at all
Yep, we have a deal.

You'd have to be able to The Press 195 for 10 reps. Good luck buddy...

>user, these guys don't have a bloody clue what they're talking about, I'll give you a qt gf,
>a guarantee she'll stay loyal and with you for a minimum of nine (9) years, up to you after that
> all your lifts will be doubled/ your bf% will reduce and double rate, your choice.
In Return
>I have control over 90% or your food intake
> total sexual activity time is reduced by 20% on your part
So user, do we have a deal?

Fuck yeah

do I get to roid to reach it? Otherwise that shit ain't happening

deal